Would You Have Taken Back The TV from Grandma?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Thread title sounds so harsh ha. Anyway, my 15 year old son has a very nice TV in his room (he won it in a raffle about a year ago). No problems with it at all, he's a good kid. The other day I came home and the TV was gone and he told me that his grandmother came over with a couple helpers and took it. Apparently hers had stopped working and she remembered he had one so she came to get it. Her reasons she gave him were:

- he doesn't need a TV in his room at his age
- he won it in a raffle so he isn't really out any money
- she can't afford to buy a new one

My son uses the TV a lot (Netflix, gaming, etc.) and was pretty sad about it but didn't want to argue with her because he felt bad. I went over to my mother-in-law's and took it back. I mean, I was perfectly nice about it and all, and I also very clearly told her if she could not afford one, we could talk about helping her out with that, but just taking my son's was not the option.

I guess it bothered me the most that she waited until "the adults" were not home and maybe hoped we wouldn't notice lol.

I felt like if she walked into my living room and made off with my TV it would be wrong, so it was just as wrong that she did it with my son's.

Would you have done the same thing or let Grandma keep the TV? (I debated letting her keep it and buying my son a new one, but that just didn't sit right with me - I wanted her to know what she did was not okay by me)

(And no even though this post feels really long, this really is not taking up a lot of time in my life lol, just was wondering for the sake of discussion.)

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she entered your home,I'm assuming without your permission, went up to your son's room, also I'm assuming without your permission, and took it upon herself to take something, doesn't matter what, out of your house. Talk about boundary issues and disrespectful.

Two weeks ago my husband needed to mend dress pants and I knew my mom had a sewing kit. Instead of driving to her house, going in and up into her bedroom and taking her sewing kit, I called and asked if I could borrow it and we would arrange where I could get it back to her in a couple of days. She was like "of course, I believe it's still in my bedroom". I knew my mom wouldn't have an issue if I had just come over but I'm still operating on respect here. I wouldn't want her to just show up and get into my house to get x,y,z without my permission and nor would I do that to her. We do the same thing for my husband's mom and step-dad. They don't mind at all if we stop over to borrow x,y,z but we'll always ask first.

I just feel like this is basic learning 101: don't take something that doesn't belong to you and that you don't have permission to take.

ETA: I'm glad you took the TV back and that it wasn't a big huge dramatic moment to get it back either...still leaves me over the whole thing to begin with though.

 

[Poohforyou]

Honestly, if it were my MIL I would have asked my husband to handle the situation. It's his mother. I have one of my own to manage (although she'd never do something like that).

 

[cabanafrau]

Agreed - it's his mother and he should have handled it

As a general rule, I agree that each spouse takes responsibility for issues relating to the circus they grew up traveling with. In this case, this person came into OP's house with helpers to confront OP's son and help themselves to his property. I'd have no problem confronting my husband's birth circus on this one. No doubt in my mind that however I chose to address the issue my husband would back me up. This is so far beyond the pale.

 

[cabanafrau]

So, somebody in your DH's family would come into your home, while you all were away, and steal something, from you or your son, worth some pretty good cash...
And, if he were okay with that... you would not say anything.... there would be no 'effect', no discussion.

Not me.
But, hey, different strokes for different folks!

Where did you get the idea that because someone said it was in the DH's realm to deal with it would be swept under the rug and that's that?

 

[perditax]

Change house locks, and if this is unusual behavior for grandma, see if it's possible for her to be evaluated by a doctor.

 

[wenrob]

Agreed - it's his mother and he should have handled it

Meh, I had my own relationship with my MIL there would have been no reason for my DH to intercede with something like this. He has his own relationship with my folks as well. A lot of times he's had conversations with them or been by their house and I will have no idea about it until one or the other mentions it.

I realize this is the most common dynamic, but honestly, it's not always reality that "I deal with My family, You deal with Yours" -- WE are family, and WE have been family for 18 years. I have my own relationship with my mother-in-law, and I do not need my DH to intercede anytime something comes up. I'm perfectly capable of handing it myself. I'm actually way more likely to be diplomatic and not cause issues if I'm the one who deals with MIL instead of DH. :lol

Obviously, if I were going to do/say something to my MIL that I thought my DH would take issue with, we'd discuss it first -- but a situation like the one the OP describes would not require I consult him first, or let him handle it. I'd be fully capable of dealing with my MIL on something like this myself.

Yeah, this.

 

[mom2rtk]

I was thinking the same thing. I am wondering how much she may have done things like this in her life. OP never said what the grandmother said when she picked it up.

Yes. Inquiring minds want to know.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Sorry guys I am at work so can't really respond till later but thanks for everyone's input on this thread!

Quick version, there is no dementia, and no marital issues. Oh but there is smallish drama a-brewing lol. At least so i heard from my cousin, the head winemaker on the family Grapevine! Ha ha.

Ha! Ok. Just be careful, because the earliest stages of dementia can be hard to spot, and sometimes, as others have said here, start with bizarre-type behaviors that you find yourself scratching your head over. It happened in our family and nobody recognized it for what it was for quite a while.

 

[scrapquitler]

Thread title sounds so harsh ha. Anyway, my 15 year old son has a very nice TV in his room (he won it in a raffle about a year ago). No problems with it at all, he's a good kid. The other day I came home and the TV was gone and he told me that his grandmother came over with a couple helpers and took it. Apparently hers had stopped working and she remembered he had one so she came to get it. Her reasons she gave him were:

- he doesn't need a TV in his room at his age
- he won it in a raffle so he isn't really out any money
- she can't afford to buy a new one

My son uses the TV a lot (Netflix, gaming, etc.) and was pretty sad about it but didn't want to argue with her because he felt bad. I went over to my mother-in-law's and took it back. I mean, I was perfectly nice about it and all, and I also very clearly told her if she could not afford one, we could talk about helping her out with that, but just taking my son's was not the option.

I guess it bothered me the most that she waited until "the adults" were not home and maybe hoped we wouldn't notice lol.

I felt like if she walked into my living room and made off with my TV it would be wrong, so it was just as wrong that she did it with my son's.

Would you have done the same thing or let Grandma keep the TV? (I debated letting her keep it and buying my son a new one, but that just didn't sit right with me - I wanted her to know what she did was not okay by me)

(And no even though this post feels really long, this really is not taking up a lot of time in my life lol, just was wondering for the sake of discussion.)

I would have gone and gotten my son's tv back, just like you did!

I

 

[Lilacs4Me]

My MIl used to steal things from me all the time when she would come over and babysit the kids after school (we paid her same as we would have paid anyone else). It was "little" things, like a stack of ziplock baggies, or a rubbermaid container full of laundry soap, or toilet paper rolls...basically if I bought anything in a qty that she felt was "enough" she would take what she felt was extra.

We never said anything to her, but I did start to hide everything. I would leave one roll of toilet paper on the roll and one under the sink, then hide the rest in my closet. I like to have different sized baggies for different things, but during that time, I bought the smallest box I could find, then restocked it with a few at a time as it was depleted and hide the big box. She would never have taken anything that she felt we needed, just stuff that she thought was extra and excess. Well, I have three kids and we were (and still aren't) even CLOSE to being well-off lady, so everything I have in my house is stuff I NEED!

IF she were to take something from my kids like a TV out of their room, I wouldn't wait one second for DH's input. I'd be on the phone and on her front porch before she knew what was going on. I would never feel bad about it...she is a grown woman. My kids certainly would NOT be responsible for her having or not having something, and she has absolutely NO RIGHT to decide what my kids need or don't need.

(My MIL is relatively young - 64 - and does not have dementia in any way, shape, or form. She has survived by hustling her family and kids through life. I wouldn't feel sorry for her in the least.)

 

[tvguy]

I'm not flaming you, but that's not really fair. Maybe she lives on disability or social security. I've been poor before and there is often no $70 to spare on anything but food.

Certainly can be other issues, or choices made earlier in life that impact a financial situation.
Social Security is kind of a flash point for me. I'm 3 years from retirement, and my Social Security is going to be about $200 a month less than I make working. The benefits are pretty generous give that Social Security is supposed to be a supplement to your retirement savings, not your entire retirement.

 

[Nettester]

If she's been like this always, that's a shame. If this isn't what you'd expect from her, see if your DH will have a heart to heart with her to see if he can convince her to go to the doctor. It's pretty extreme behavior, it could be dementia. Hopefully he can also get him mom to realize she was wrong and understand that she owe's her grandson an apology. In either case, change your locks and instruct your son and/or other children not to let Grandma come in any longer if you or DH are not home.

 

[Nancyg56]

Haha. That is so funny. That is like the time my brother in law came over to "borrow" my vitamix blender for a party no one was home since I was traveling and wife was out. He has a key for emergencies. I come back to find out he broke it and cannot afford to buy a new one. At least granny didn't break the tv while moving it.

Your Vitamix???????? That would put me over the edge.

I disagree.

I can certainly have a disagreement with someone in DH's family with no effect on us at all...

It's been happening regularly since January 20

LOL! That is the case in our family as well. My DH and I have a solid relationship that certainly withstands issues any one of his family may have with me. Honestly, they get mad at just about eveyone, and I am the one who lasted the longest. DH gave up on them years ago, and finally put his foot down in regards to what I put up with and told me "no more." I cannot see any circumstance that he woud have interfered in any disagreement between any of his family members and me.

Honestly, if it were my MIL I would have asked my husband to handle the situation. It's his mother. I have one of my own to manage (although she'd never do something like that).

My husband would have handled this, but truthfully, I would be better able to handle it diplomatically. Or worse, he would not handle it. He would buy the child a new TV, but his mother would need to be satisfied with having that TV instead of her son. He would not forgive this easily.

 

[indimom]

I had to share this story with my husband.
His response was...

Go over to Grandma's house. Take the keys to her car.
Tell her the reason you took the car and keys are:
1. That at her age she shouldn't be driving anyway.
2. Your son will need a car since he'll be getting his permit soon.
3. Your son cannot afford to buy a nice car like hers.

Added bonus, she won't have a car to come over and take things from you anymore.

 

[smokeyblue]

I would tell grandma to deliver the TV back with a personal apology to the grandson and if she didn't that I would be contacting the sheriff (even if it were an empty threat). It is totally messed up to manipulate a kid like that.

 

[disykat]

I totally would have gone and gotten it back too. I agree with smokeyblue about the treatment of your son. Even more concerning to me than the outright stealing is that my guess is she doesn't feel it was stealing, but rather it was simply okay to manipulate your son into "letting" her take it.

I would also wonder about your DH. Is this the kind of thing his mother has always pulled? How does he react? Poor guy, because his mom is seriously messed up.

If this is new behavior, I would also be worried about dementia.

 

[mom2rtk]

OK, fess up. Who voted that they would let her keep it?

 

[cleverclovers]

Take it back. Theft is theft. She had no right to come into your house and take property that clearly does NOT belong to her. And to come in with two strangers to help take it? - Seriously?

 

[melanielll]

OK, fess up. Who voted that they would let her keep it?

The thief! Grandma is on the boards!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Do you think she had ever taken anything else from your house that you don't know about??