Wedding invitation snub

[Pacolovestacos]

I always feel like I've dodged a bullet when I don't have to lose one of my Saturdays to someone else's plans.

This x 1000. Saves me the trouble of having to find an excuse to give someone as to why I can't go.

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

It's funny when you think you are very close to someone and then when it's time for the wedding invitations to go out, it turns out you are not. Do you get your feelings hurt when you aren't invited to something when you thought you would be?

I'm not much into big shindigs, so I'd be grateful.


That said, reading the specifics, I understand where you're coming from. Every family seems to have s certain amount of dysfunction. I've experienced some doozies in my family. In the end, for me it has come down to just letting it go. Not everything gets worked out with a heart-to-heart chat -- sometimes that just isn't feasible.

to you on all of this, your sense of perspective, and extra for the issues with your home!!

Well, everyone, we had a major catastrophe at our home this evevning, so I won't be around tomorrow to chat. Thank you for all for the advice. It is amazing how everything falls into perspective when your worry shifts from an invitation snub to worrying that the second floor of your home is going to collapse into the first floor before the workers arrive in the morning. Thanks for the kind words and the strong pushes. I appreciate all of them. I'll check back in probably tomorrow evening.

 

[Nancyg56]

Well, everyone, we had a major catastrophe at our home this evevning, so I won't be around tomorrow to chat. Thank you for all for the advice. It is amazing how everything falls into perspective when your worry shifts from an invitation snub to worrying that the second floor of your home is going to collapse into the first floor before the workers arrive in the morning. Thanks for the kind words and the strong pushes. I appreciate all of them. I'll check back in probably tomorrow evening.

I hope it all works out!

I said you have to draw the line somewhere (that you were replying to) on page one. I am sure that you also had to draw the line of who to invite somewhere. One does not invite everyone they remotely know to a wedding.

In our case, we had 100 people to invite (family, friends, etc.), DS and his bride each had 50 including the wedding party to invite, and the bride's parents had 100 people they could invite. For the bride's parents and us, this included our close relatives (all of my siblings and their children, all of dh's siblings and most of their children-there are some grown cousins to ds that live 1000 miles away that we knew could not afford to come and that DS sees rarely-they were not invited so it would not look like a gift grab and the same for the bride's side of the family) friends who were a part of our children's lives growing up and some work contacts that we each had to invite. We had to draw the line at inviting my aunts and uncle who live 1500 miles away and have never met ds. My uncle (the brother to these aunts and uncle) who lives in town and has been a part of Ds's growing up was invited. All those very close to DS and his wife were included and invited. Had we really needed to invite 5 or 10 more people that would have been okay, too.

Everyone has a line that they have to use to invite people. That line is a little different for every family. Not right or wrong, just different.

Bride's family paid for a very nice affair and the 300 closest friends and family were invited and there. We paid for a very nice formal rehearsal dinner for 50 people. Do many people have more than 300 close friends and family to invite to a wedding?

Oh my, you should have seen my DH list! LOL! My Sweetie knows everyone...Not joking, we have never gone nywhere that he does not run into someone who knows him. It's crazy! Our Aurba vacation was hysterical because in 38 years, this was the first time we did not run into folks from home who he was friends with, however, within 2 days he could not walk anywhere on the resort without someone calling to him. He also has a family that never ends, and since he wanted to invite them all, including all the cousins and their kids, the list was long. I had less than 40 people (my choice, and one that my extended family still has something to say over 25 years later) and the rest was his family and friends. The Hall only held 400, so that was our cap. We had a blast, had our wedding run from Mass at 10 AM through the end of the reception at midnight. 2 bands, 2 meals, and dancing and kids. We remained within our budget, followed our own instincts in regards to the invitations and how we could accomodate everyone. IT worked for us.

 

[AustinTink]

Update: Thank heavens we are just going have to replace some sheetrock and have the stairs repaired. The load-bearing wall we were afraid had damage is fine.

I think I shall have a cocktail and call it a day. I'm ready for some relaxation!

 

[Marchand63]

Update: Thank heavens we are just going have to replace some sheetrock and have the stairs repaired. The load-bearing wall we were afraid had damage is fine.

I think I shall have a cocktail and call it a day. I'm ready for some relaxation!

Thankful goodness! We have been dealing with snow damage & also thankfully not huge. I know the relief.

As far as the family thing, I walked on eggshells for years with my brother but no more. It was exhausting, sooner or later you have to decide what is right for you & your children. Just do it & if it means cut ties so be it. You live your life being afraid to offend a pretty much narcissistic person.

 

[mummabear]

I said you have to draw the line somewhere (that you were replying to) on page one. I am sure that you also had to draw the line of who to invite somewhere. One does not invite everyone they remotely know to a wedding

I agree you don’t need to invite everyone you know, we had under 100 at ours.
What I am saying is I don’t buy the excuse if I wanted to invite so and so but couldn’t because of the venue.
You look at who you want to be there and pick a venue to suit.
Your budget starts with what can afford to do with 150 people not how many people can I afford to invite.
And if you would rather x venue or expensive style of wedding and that means cutting people out-then you didn’t really want them to attend.

 

[mummabear]

We had to draw the line at inviting my aunts and uncle who live 1500 miles away and have never met ds.

But I just don’t see that having to draw a line. Someone the groom has never met shouldn’t even be making the 1st draft of a list.

 

[Southernmiss]

I agree you don’t need to invite everyone you know, we had under 100 at ours.
What I am saying is I don’t buy the excuse if I wanted to invite so and so but couldn’t because of the venue.
You look at who you want to be there and pick a venue to suit.
Your budget starts with what can afford to do with 150 people not how many people can I afford to invite.
And if you would rather x venue or expensive style of wedding and that means cutting people out-then you didn’t really want them to attend.

Completely agree on all accounts and never in my initial post implied otherwise.

Your post completely sums up my thought process 30 years ago for our wedding. We had abt 200 people for our 1 pm wedding and a simple finger foods buffet-in fact, the food ran out before dh and I got to eat. But I didn't really mind as we were visiting with all the guests and had no time to eat. That was more important to me.

We went out to eat later that night with some of the extended family and
we delayed our honeymoon to spend more time with our out of town guests.

 

[Southernmiss]

But I just don’t see that having to draw a line. Someone the groom has never met shouldn’t even be making the 1st draft of a list.

And that is why they weren't invited, but I did have to explain why when asked.

 

[Marchand63]

I don't see this as an invitation issue but a family issue. You can ignore the issues with your sister as long as you want but it will just make you miserable.

 

[arminnie]

I don't see this as an invitation issue but a family issue. You can ignore the issues with your sister as long as you want but it will just make you miserable.

Will it make her any less miserable if they just tell her that they don’t want her there or that they don’t like her?

 

[Marchand63]

Will it make her any less miserable if they just tell her that they don’t want her there or that they don’t like her?

No, but at least she will have an actual answer. It seems with her nephew dodging her something is going on. So better to not be wondering than having an actual answer. Sorry I don't believe being an ostrich with my head in the sand get an answer.

She may be still miserable and incredibly hurt but at least she will have the truth.

 

[AustinTink]

Honestly, I have had a few days for it to sink in and if I found out tomorrow that they don't like me and really didn't want me there I would just shrug and let it go. I know how I have always treated them and am certain it was with love and respect. So, if they don't want to be part of my life anymore it will just make more room for people who will reciprocate my feelings toward them.

These stages of grief are such a real thing. I feel like I'm at the acceptance stage now.

 

[disykat]

But I just don’t see that having to draw a line. Someone the groom has never met shouldn’t even be making the 1st draft of a list.

Yikes. I agree that's a perfectly reasonable standard, but using that standard, my husband's sister wouldn't even have been invited. I literally met her, BIL, and my new niece and nephew for the first time at the wedding rehearsal. They lived 3000 miles away and hadn't been to visit in the year and a half we'd been together. Not everyone lives near all the people they love. We didn't have a huge wedding (125 people) but had a few other people there one or the other of us hadn't met yet too.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

Goodness, 600 people? What kind of bridezillas do y’all know? Anything more than 100 isn’t a wedding, it’s a coronation...

 

[gotomu212]

Honestly, I have had a few days for it to sink in and if I found out tomorrow that they don't like me and really didn't want me there I would just shrug and let it go. I know how I have always treated them and am certain it was with love and respect. So, if they don't want to be part of my life anymore it will just make more room for people who will reciprocate my feelings toward them.

These stages of grief are such a real thing. I feel like I'm at the acceptance stage now.

I would only add that I wouldn’t let one event or day define the entire relationship you have with a person. Emotions get overhyped with special occasions. For whatever reason you don’t want to have a discussion with the nephew- but if everything else was fine in your relationship than I wouldn’t let a small wedding and lack of being involved there translate to the assumption they don’t want to be part of their life on the future. The wedding is t the sum total of their feelings for you.

 

[mummabear]

Yikes. I agree that's a perfectly reasonable standard, but using that standard, my husband's sister wouldn't even have been invited. I literally met her, BIL, and my new niece and nephew for the first time at the wedding rehearsal. They lived 3000 miles away and hadn't been to visit in the year and a half we'd been together. Not everyone lives near all the people they love. We didn't have a huge wedding (125 people) but had a few other people there one or the other of us hadn't met yet too.

In the case I was referring to neither the bride or groom had met the uncle.

 

[mummabear]

Will it make her any less miserable if they just tell her that they don’t want her there or that they don’t like her?

Honestly I do think t would be less hurtful overall.
Have you ever heard of people being ghosted (instead of just having the balls to break up with someone). A good friend had it happen and it was much worse than just being told.

 

[SteveH]

Ho, if they don't want to be part of my life anymore it will just make more room for people who will reciprocate my feelings toward them.

Great attitude to have. I've walked way from a very close friendship that lasted from high school, college and beyond and I walked away from my brother. I just don't need that type of negative personality in my life or infecting my family. While I do miss my brother, I can't say I've lost any sleep over it, he used my parents for years, and I wasn't about to be used or manipulated like he had done with them.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Will it make her any less miserable if they just tell her that they don’t want her there or that they don’t like her?

Actually yes. Then there is a finality and I get to move on without wasting any of my time. Back when I was dating I'd much prefer the other person to tell me she is not interested any more or wants to break up than for her not to return calls or call m and hope I take some sort of hint and then have me find out through the grapevine or see her with another guy or something having wasted three weeks more of my time not going out with others.