Ugh the terrible 20s

[luvsJack]

I don't think you understood what I was saying. There is still information that cannot be legally shared. You can't call up the school's health center for example and say "I saw this bill for this what was my student there for", etc; something to that effect even if not that exact same scenario.

I'm not saying the University can't share what information they've been given permission to. I'm just saying the Access the student gives is not for everything under the sun.

My alma mater, the Delegate form is for the following information:

Schedule only: view enrollment and course schedules for the current term.

Grades & Course History: view past semester course enrollment and officially posted grades for those courses.

Student Financials: includes access to the account balance, summary of current charges/payments, review of past activity, and view/print current and prior bills.

Student Financials 1098-T: grants access to current and prior year 1098-Ts. Students must grant consent to receive the 1098-T online before delegates are able to access this information in their delegate account.

Financial Aid: includes financial aid awards summary, satisfactory academic progress, scheduled disbursement dates, expected family contribution, cost of attendance, shopping sheet, and to-do lists.

Students may revoke access at any time.

Each of those things listed in bold are categories the student can give access to. I could totally see a student thinking it would be much easier to give their parent access to the 1098-T form for tax purposes but not want their parent access to their grades. Same with the Financial Aid aspect. Expected Family Contribution can be important information from FAFSA. Or it can be as simple as giving the parent the knowledge of their class schedule so if something comes up they know they *should* be in English 101 from 9-10am MWF. I'm just saying I knew no one who did that unless they weren't actually telling the truth. But to your point times change so it could be the case that now there's a higher percentage of students who give at least some form of access.

IF the student gives full permission to give that information, then yes, they can give it. The health center isn't going to fall under just FERPA but HIPPA as well, so their rules are going to be different. There isn't any information that can't be given if the student gives permission for it unless it would be that one example.

Students can pick and chose what parents can see or can give permission to all of it. I am one of the many offices that have to check for this when speaking to a parent so see it every day, several times a day. Most give blanket permission.

I have no clue why things have changed over the last 10 years, just know that it has. But your statement that the schools cannot give all information isn't exactly correct but then most of what you have listed is all pertinent information. Unless a student gets in serious trouble in the dorm or something. But if that results in fines, access to the account is going to tell them that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

IF the student gives full permission to give that information, then yes, they can give it. The health center isn't going to fall under just FERPA but HIPPA as well, so their rules are going to be different. There isn't any information that can't be given if the student gives permission for it unless it would be that one example.

Students can pick and chose what parents can see or can give permission to all of it. I am one of the many offices that have to check for this when speaking to a parent so see it every day, several times a day. Most give blanket permission.

I have no clue why things have changed over the last 10 years, just know that it has. But your statement that the schools cannot give all information isn't exactly correct but then most of what you have listed is all pertinent information. Unless a student gets in serious trouble in the dorm or something. But if that results in fines, access to the account is going to tell them that.

I'm sorry I'm trying to figure out what you're countering about. I feel like we're in agreement. I feel like I've already stated a few times now that there are specific categories a student can give access to, even gave the examples from my alma mater, and that they can give no access at all or some access or all access to what's listed on the form.

*sigh* And yes I'm well aware that medical falls under a different category; I was using that as an example. I made the comment "Legally there is only so much universities can share with parents." Another poster chimed in stating "There is a waiver the student can sign that allows parents to get information." and my comment was it's not for everything under the sun. A student doesn't give access to whoever to everything about their student life. It is specific under the form just what information they are giving access to. My statement is correct. The authorization form is only for the specified information on the form not just any information.

 

[okeydokey]

At my University, delegated access lets you see final grades, schedules and financial information, it does not grant access to the student’s canvas site nor does it apply to health care or mental health care. So the information is limited.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm sorry I'm trying to figure out what you're countering about. I feel like we're in agreement. I feel like I've already stated a few times now that there are specific categories a student can give access to, even gave the examples from my alma mater, and that they can give no access at all or some access or all access to what's listed on the form.

*sigh* And yes I'm well aware that medical falls under a different category; I was using that as an example. I made the comment "Legally there is only so much universities can share with parents." Another poster chimed in stating "There is a waiver the student can sign that allows parents to get information." and my comment was it's not for everything under the sun. A student doesn't give access to whoever to everything about their student life. It is specific under the form just what information they are giving access to. My statement is correct. The authorization form is only for the specified information on the form not just any information.

But what I am telling you is the student can make it for any information if they want to. Except any kind of health care which would take a different form.

They can give their parent or guardian or neighbor access to whatever they want in their records. If they want them to know everything under the sun, they can make sure they have access to it. You statement is correct IF you are saying the student is in control. If you are saying the student cannot give them access to certai things then it is not.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

They can give their parent or guardian or neighbor access to whatever they want in their records. If they want them to know everything under the sun, they can make sure they have access to it. You statement is correct IF you are saying the student is in control. If you are saying the student cannot give them access to certai things then it is not.

But what I am telling you is the student can make it for any information if they want to.

Please tell me how the below constitutes the Authorization form allows for everything under the sun and any information the student wants to in accordance with the Authorization form?

My alma mater, the Delegate form is for the following information:

Schedule only: view enrollment and course schedules for the current term.

Grades & Course History: view past semester course enrollment and officially posted grades for those courses.

Student Financials: includes access to the account balance, summary of current charges/payments, review of past activity, and view/print current and prior bills.

Student Financials 1098-T: grants access to current and prior year 1098-Ts. Students must grant consent to receive the 1098-T online before delegates are able to access this information in their delegate account.

Financial Aid: includes financial aid awards summary, satisfactory academic progress, scheduled disbursement dates, expected family contribution, cost of attendance, shopping sheet, and to-do lists.

Students may revoke access at any time.

Each of those things listed in bold are categories the student can give access to.

Those are very specific categories with very specific information listed above. It's not a "gives access to whatever question you want to ask".

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sigh.......
Some people just thrive on trying to use any thread or topic to create a debate... Even off-topic.

 

[LovesTimone]

What about 30 year olds living at home, my dear friend is going crazy with not one but two 30 year old's kid, that moved back in for a couple of month that has turned into 2 years for one and 10 months for the other... and the fight like they were in middle school... Both have good jobs... and are finding themselves... pish posh on that...

She finally gave them a written bill last month for what it is going to cost them to stay there, plus a list of what they are expected to do while living there... she gave them each a reminder notice... one of them laughed... until she said... I will pack up your things, and put them outside, and change the locks on the house... He stopped laughing... Now both of them are going to get a apartment together...now she is laughing...

 

[cabanafrau]

Is it worse than 12 year olds? Is there no light at the end of the tunnel???

There is. I know it's hard to believe when at that age they can practically smack you in the face with their eyelids doing the eyeroll, but they do come out of the tunnel likeable human beings you'll really enjoy hanging out with!

Hopefully OP's situation eases up. It's never easy to watch your kids go through a rough patch, no matter how old they are.

 

[dish rag]

What about 30 year olds living at home, my dear friend is going crazy with not one but two 30 year old's kid, that moved back in for a couple of month that has turned into 2 years for one and 10 months for the other... and the fight like they were in middle school... Both have good jobs... and are finding themselves... pish posh on that...

She finally gave them a written bill last month for what it is going to cost them to stay there, plus a list of what they are expected to do while living there... she gave them each a reminder notice... one of them laughed... until she said... I will pack up your things, and put them outside, and change the locks on the house... He stopped laughing... Now both of them are going to get a apartment together...now she is laughing...

Smart woman.

 

[sk!mom]

I’m not sure how much parenting twenty-somethings need. At this point they should be raised and out on their own. I have two daughters 23, 25. They both attended college and one has moved out and is currently teaching out of state. The other is in her first year of teaching and is living at home until this summer when the expectation is she will move out. (We saved diligently and paid for college for both girls so they wouldn’t have student debt. We have told them since they were young that after college they could stay at home (if they wanted) for one year and save money, but then they were expected to move out.
If you have clear and direct conversations with your children early on they will know what they need to do. After the age of 18 children do not need us to “parent” them. They are adults and need to act as such. They will never grow up if we don’t let them.

In a perfect world...

Realistically and sometimes sadly, things don't always go as planned. Or maybe the rest of us aren't up to your standard of parenting.

 

[mousefan73]

My Mom was saying today how crazy it is to have her oldest DD (me) turning 65 next week as she's telling me not to leave the house with the dryer running. Yes, Ma, I know.....but you know what, at my age I guess I'm fortunate to have a Mom still around let alone thinking she still has to "parent" me sometimes. Love ya, Ma!

I almost spit out my coffee as this could totally be my mom. I’m in my mid 40s and when my mother stays at our house overnight before we all go to bed she’ll ask me 100 times if I turned either the dryer or the washer machine off in the basement. Or her favorite line is “is the oven off.”

 

[mousefan73]

IMO the whole adult kid living at home or moving back home says nothing about parenting or if said adult child is a free loading or not. Or if parents failed.

Each situation is unique and different. Sure there are cases were many adult children are free loading. And there are many cases where they are not. A good friend of mine was married and moved back into her parents house with her husband. Did not have to pay rent or anything for two years. Sure they pay their own phone bills and contributed food etc. but no her parents and did not give them a monthly bill for utilities or rent. Her parents offered this from their side as they knew they wanted to save for a home. They were able to save capital a lot faster by not having to pay rent in an expensive city. My friend told me they were able to save almost 50 grand within those two years. It was very generous from her parents to do that they had the space. Empty nesters, huge house with empty bedrooms so why not.

For me living back at home in my 20s would not have worked. I was simply out and about too much. I do not want to have to deal with dirty looks or questions if I brought a guy home or did not come home at night.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Sigh.......
Some people just thrive on trying to use any thread or topic to create a debate... Even off-topic.

 

[North of Mouse]

My Mom was saying today how crazy it is to have her oldest DD (me) turning 65 next week as she's telling me not to leave the house with the dryer running. Yes, Ma, I know.....but you know what, at my age I guess I'm fortunate to have a Mom still around let alone thinking she still has to "parent" me sometimes. Love ya, Ma!

Love this! Yes, you are fortunate, and also to to realize it!

My dear Mom has been gone 33 years today, and I miss her more than ever. What has really been extra hard this year is I am exactly the same age as she was when she passed (our birthdays are a day apart). I'm older than you but I don't think we ever reach the age when we do not need or love our mothers.

 

[cabanafrau]

As the mother of a DS24 and DD19, I can tell you I have never received ANY information from their universities. DS went to a state university and DD attends a religion-based out-of-state private university. I did ask them to sign up so I could see financial and grade information, but that is all. (My rule has always been, if you are living inside my check-book, I get to know your grades). Even though I believe I have "access" to DD's info, it is not sent to me. I always have to ask her when tuition is due, etc. The only reason we knew graduation date for DS, was that his University holds it on the 2nd Saturday of May (every year). As it is a fairly large school in a small-town, I had to know the date to be able to book hotel rooms.

I am also, NOT, a helicopter mom. My mantra has always been that "God gave me babies, and it is our job to turn them into functioning adults." So far, I think we have done a good job. Do they still call looking for advice? Of course they do. We give our best advice and then leave it up to them to make the decision. Is it exasperating sometimes if they don't listen? Of course it is, but don't we all do that at times?

All in all, I love being a mom to kids of this age. It sure beats the "thrilling threes" and the "troublesome teens."

I believe your first statement is slightly misleading, in that it's not actually anything at all to do with parenting style.

I have a 24 year old and a 20 year old, one graduated, one currently attending college. We haven't ever gotten any specific information about our daughters from their universities either. I know we could/can log into the financials and I know we were listed in the emergency notifications broadcasts because I have occasionally gotten texts or emails of the testing of the emergency system and updates when there has been some type of qualifying emergency on campus. Colleges simply aren't sending out information to parents these days, even if you are authorized for any and all information possible. If you're authorized you have to log in somewhere and find the information yourself. The only information colleges are interested in making outreach for are things that generate revenue like donations or peddling merchandise through agreements they have lined up with vendors for which the university gets a kickback -- like exam week snack baskets and specialty furnishings and bedding they tend to peddle to the freshman parents.

I guess I qualify as a lazy mom because I don't even bother to go looking for info about tuition, I've always expected my daughters to let us know what, when and how. I have no idea if we're authorized to look at grades because I've always just asked, how's your classes, how's your semester and they've talked about what they're working on or how they did. It seems to work for us, the eldest got her degrees just fine and the youngest seems to be a student in good standing thus far.

I do agree, I love being a parent to children these ages. It's finally appropriate to kick back and approach it, and enjoy it, as a great friendship.

 

[luvsJack]

Please tell me how the below constitutes the Authorization form allows for everything under the sun and any information the student wants to in accordance with the Authorization form?



Those are very specific categories with very specific information listed above. It's not a "gives access to whatever question you want to ask".

I am done with this. I don't think you are understanding what I am saying and I am done trying to explain it. Just know that every student is in control of their information and what they wish to do with it. If they want their parent to know their grades, their account balance, how much financial aid their are getting, what their refund (if any) will be and where that refund is going; they can give them access to it. If they don't want them to know any part of that or any of it at all, they can stop that. If they don't give permission, the school cannot discuss disciplinary actions with the parent but if they give full access, they can. If they want the health centers to discuss whatever with their parent they can give permission. If they don't they don't have to.

What other information do you believe the school has on a student?

Don't answer that. I am truly done with this conversation.

I simply commented on something you said and you have spent two days trying to prove me wrong about something I deal with on a daily basis. Won't happen again.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am done with this. I don't think you are understanding what I am saying and I am done trying to explain it. Just know that every student is in control of their information and what they wish to do with it. If they want their parent to know their grades, their account balance, how much financial aid their are getting, what their refund (if any) will be and where that refund is going; they can give them access to it. If they don't want them to know any part of that or any of it at all, they can stop that. If they don't give permission, the school cannot discuss disciplinary actions with the parent but if they give full access, they can. If they want the health centers to discuss whatever with their parent they can give permission. If they don't they don't have to.

What other information do you believe the school has on a student?

Don't answer that. I am truly done with this conversation.

I simply commented on something you said and you have spent two days trying to prove me wrong about something I deal with on a daily basis. Won't happen again.

Well it was done last night Didn't know we needed to rehash it over again. No need to get all in a huff. Have a great rest of your day though

 

[Kitty 34]

Love this! Yes, you are fortunate, and also to to realize it!

My dear Mom has been gone 33 years today, and I miss her more than ever. What has really been extra hard this year is I am exactly the same age as she was when she passed (our birthdays are a day apart). I'm older than you but I don't think we ever reach the age when we do not need or love our mothers.

 

[HannaBelle]

As a college professor I really wish there was less parenting happening for kids in the 18-22 range. I've been a professor for a long time now (almost 20 years) and when I started, I felt students were relatively independent - they could register for classes on their own, solve their own problems, address issues, etc.

About 5-7 years ago my fellow faculty and I started noticing a change - first it started with the calls from parents, then the requests from parents to sit in on advising sessions, then requests from parents to meet with us. Students come to me with lists of classes written by their moms or dads, or drop classes (that they really need for their major) because a parent told them to do so. Instead of working to solve their own problems, kids will call their mom or dad for advice or help. Students make all kinds of career decisions that aren't what they truly want to do because a parent wants them to, then burn out halfway through their degree. Anxiety is so, so high with these students.

That is crazy!

I made my kids handle teacher issues in HS on their own. There is ZERO way I would call a prof on their behalf.

 

[Wishing on a star]

hey, Mackenzie, I am thinking that the one post was directed at me, but I just want to be clear that my comment was directed at another poster.

Anyhow, to everyone here... Parenting is the toughest job... no one single 'right' way in every case!