Skimpy Teen Clothing: Opinions?

[mjkacmom]

It would seem you have a different parenting style from others on this thread. Some parents believe children learn by example, i.e they learn to behave in public with guidance. There is nothing wrong with that.

Some parents think it is ok to let children run wild with no supervision. And wait for them to "screw up". Different styles.

Are you assuming that I let my children run wild? Because that is far from the reality. I believe in teaching my children to behave in public, with guidance, but I also believe they need to do it eventually on their own, before adulthood. My children do not use foul language, are straight A students, are involved in many extracurricular activities, and have rules to follow. However, I don't remember my mom being a helicopter, as I see many moms today.

These are the parents who pick their children's college courses, who call their professors, who make their 18 year old's doctors appointments. Regarding another thread on these boards, these are the moms who find aparments for their 23 year old children. Where does it end?

I am not going to micro-manage my kids. I'm going to give them the confidence and strength they need to be independent adults, gradually, but progressively. My dd12 is allowed to go to the movies with friends, during the day. Maybe next year I'll drop her off at a store for an hour with a friend. By the time she is 15, I'm guessing I will drop her off (to shop, not hang) at the mall with friends (we do this here). I hope she'll still like to shop with me - she can do both.

You can't protect your kids forever - you need to enable them to believe that they can come across different situations, without an adult present, and handle it, especially before going away to college.

 

[vcgirl925]

Are you assuming that I let my children run wild? Because that is far from the reality. I believe in teaching my children to behave in public, with guidance, but I also believe they need to do it eventually on their own, before adulthood. My children do not use foul language, are straight A students, are involved in many extracurricular activities, and have rules to follow. However, I don't remember my mom being a helicopter, as I see many moms today.

These are the parents who pick their children's college courses, who call their professors, who make their 18 year old's doctors appointments. Regarding another thread on these boards, these are the moms who find aparments for their 23 year old children. Where does it end?

I am not going to micro-manage my kids. I'm going to give them the confidence and strength they need to be independent adults, gradually, but progressively. My dd12 is allowed to go to the movies with friends, during the day. Maybe next year I'll drop her off at a store for an hour with a friend. By the time she is 15, I'm guessing I will drop her off (to shop, not hang) at the mall with friends (we do this here). I hope she'll still like to shop with me - she can do both.

You can't protect your kids forever - you need to enable them to believe that they can come across different situations, without an adult present, and handle it, especially before going away to college.

Just as you think people are assuming that you let your kids run wild, you are assuming that others who would give their children clothing restrictions are hovering and smothering their kids. You are saying the exact same thing, just the opposite.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just as you think people are assuming that you let your kids run wild, you are assuming that others who would give their children clothing restrictions are hovering and smothering their kids. You are saying the exact same thing, just the opposite.

That is not what I am assuming - of course my children have clothing restrictions! However, I don't think it's crazy to allow 15 year old girls go shopping without a parent - heck, in a year or two they'll be driving!

 

[Lilogirl]

Are you assuming that I let my children run wild? Because that is far from the reality. I believe in teaching my children to behave in public, with guidance, but I also believe they need to do it eventually on their own, before adulthood. My children do not use foul language, are straight A students, are involved in many extracurricular activities, and have rules to follow. However, I don't remember my mom being a helicopter, as I see many moms today.

These are the parents who pick their children's college courses, who call their professors, who make their 18 year old's doctors appointments. Regarding another thread on these boards, these are the moms who find aparments for their 23 year old children. Where does it end?

I am not going to micro-manage my kids. I'm going to give them the confidence and strength they need to be independent adults, gradually, but progressively. My dd12 is allowed to go to the movies with friends, during the day. Maybe next year I'll drop her off at a store for an hour with a friend. By the time she is 15, I'm guessing I will drop her off (to shop, not hang) at the mall with friends (we do this here). I hope she'll still like to shop with me - she can do both.

You can't protect your kids forever - you need to enable them to believe that they can come across different situations, without an adult present, and handle it, especially before going away to college.

No, I did not make any "assumption". My statement was rather clear I thought. You have a very different parenting style than others.

 

[mjkacmom]

No, I did not make any "assumption". My statement was rather clear I thought. You have a very different parenting style than others.

Actually, I disagree - I find my parenting style to be more the norm. The term helicopter parent is relatively new, and parents being too overprotective is relatively new, and seems to be getting worse. Just curious - are you a parent?

 

[Lilogirl]

Actually, I disagree - I find my parenting style to be more the norm. The term helicopter parent is relatively new, and parents being too overprotective is relatively new, and seems to be getting worse. Just curious - are you a parent?

Yes, I am a parent.

As far as your "parenting" style being the norm..... perhaps it is a regional thing. I don't know any parents who condone behaviors desribed here. On the same token, I don't know any "helicopter" parents.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, I am a parent.

As far as your "parenting" style being the norm..... perhaps it is a regional thing. I don't know any parents who condone behaviors desribed here. On the same token, I don't know any "helicopter" parents.

What behaviors are you referring to? Because I think it's okay for 15 year olds to shop for clothing without a parent, I'm letting my kids run wild? That's insane. I'm guessing the kids who misbehave at the mall do not come from a family like ours, with rules, consequences, and strong values.

My children are being raised in a loving home, in a nice house, in an excellent area to live, with parents who love them and each other. They are being taught to respect themselves and others. We are strict but fair.

Didn't know this made me a bad parents.

 

[katiebug86]

My mother and I are kind of in the same position. My DNEPH(15) has a girlfriend who has been coming to church with us every Sunday. She usually dresses decent, but the last two times she has been wearing those very short shorts. They are the short plaid shorts that you would find at Abercrombie and Hollister (I don't have any problems with these stores and I shop at them as well) You can't see her butt or anything but in our opinion they are way to short for CHURCH. My mom said she would not mind her wearing these if she was just hanging out at our house, ect. My mom and I appear to be the only ones in the family who dissagree with this. Our church is more casual than some churches I have been to (People wear jeans, etc) but I feel this is out of line.

So my mom asked me how she should go about telling this girl not to wear them. I am not too sure of what to do either so I am asking all of you.

 

[NotUrsula]

FWIW, I'm an identity theft victim. NO ONE, and I repeat, NO ONE gets to use my Credit cards. All of my accounts are in my name, and the cards themselves are always under my control. There is no way on earth I'm giving one of them to one of my kids to possibly leave behind at a store. They can use credit cards when they get their own (and that doesn't preclude my one day giving them secured cards, if I choose,) but they will never be using mine with my consent. If they nick them without consent, they will definitely rue the day.

I don't have a problem at all with younger teens going shopping without an adult. However, since they would be using their own money in that situation I'd expect them to be shopping for small items, just like I did when I was a kid. You know, costume jewelry, makeup, perfume, maybe a handbag. If serious money is being spent, I'm going to be there to make sure that I'm getting good value for money.

FTR, I'm in St. Louis, and I believe that all of the indoor malls here enforce a curfew on weekends. It was instituted after several rather spectacular gang fights happened in mall food courts around the area. The shrinkage rate and the rate of purse-snatchings have gone down significantly there since. It's unfortunate, and a shame for kids who behave themselves, but the reality is that other shoppers are safer with large groups of unchaperoned teens no longer there.

 

[LisaNJ25]

That is not what I am assuming - of course my children have clothing restrictions! However, I don't think it's crazy to allow 15 year old girls go shopping without a parent - heck, in a year or two they'll be driving!

Exactly.. heck at 15 I was working in the mall. I guess I was running wild also according to some people

I have no problem with my teen shopping on his own.. It will never be with my cc. They can take cash and spend it. Now if one came home with hoochi shorts they would go right back and return them.

 

[badblackpug]

Are you assuming that I let my children run wild? Because that is far from the reality. I believe in teaching my children to behave in public, with guidance, but I also believe they need to do it eventually on their own, before adulthood. My children do not use foul language, are straight A students, are involved in many extracurricular activities, and have rules to follow. However, I don't remember my mom being a helicopter, as I see many moms today.

These are the parents who pick their children's college courses, who call their professors, who make their 18 year old's doctors appointments. Regarding another thread on these boards, these are the moms who find aparments for their 23 year old children. Where does it end?

I am not going to micro-manage my kids. I'm going to give them the confidence and strength they need to be independent adults, gradually, but progressively. My dd12 is allowed to go to the movies with friends, during the day. Maybe next year I'll drop her off at a store for an hour with a friend. By the time she is 15, I'm guessing I will drop her off (to shop, not hang) at the mall with friends (we do this here). I hope she'll still like to shop with me - she can do both.

You can't protect your kids forever - you need to enable them to believe that they can come across different situations, without an adult present, and handle it, especially before going away to college.

Yes, you are assuming that because I don't send my 14 year old to the mall alone with a wad of cash, or worse yet, my credit card, I am a "helicopter parent" who micro-manages every hour of my children's day. This is one area in which we disagree, and it is based on MY child and the area in which I live. My children have responsibilities, at home and at school, they also have age appropriate priveleges. They aren't quite as perfect as yours, but they are average kids within their age groups.

I believe that, although it is not fair, clothing DOES make a 1st impression on others. It is often that 1st impression that lasts. I want to teach my girls to love and respect themselves for WHO they are, not what they look like. The image I want them to project is "I respect myself." In truth, the majority of people whom I know (adult and otherwise) who tend to dress in an overly provocative manner, are people who also have self esteem issues. Their clothing and behvior screams "Look at me, notice me." However difficult it may be, I want my children to learn to love and accept themselves for WHO they are. I'm not sure that hanging it all out for the world to see is the way to acheive that. It's not as if they are running around in burqa's (not that that is a problem, if that is what you choose) You can look cute and stylish and still be reasonably modest.

"Everybody likes their presents to be wrapped."

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, you are assuming that because I don't send my 14 year old to the mall alone with a wad of cash, or worse yet, my credit card, I am a "helicopter parent" who micro-manages every hour of my children's day. This is one area in which we disagree, and it is based on MY child and the area in which I live. My children have responsibilities, at home and at school, they also have age appropriate priveleges. They aren't quite as perfect as yours, but they are average kids within their age groups.

I believe that, although it is not fair, clothing DOES make a 1st impression on others. It is often that 1st impression that lasts. I want to teach my girls to love and respect themselves for WHO they are, not what they look like. The image I want them to project is "I respect myself." In truth, the majority of people whom I know (adult and otherwise) who tend to dress in an overly provocative manner, are people who also have self esteem issues. Their clothing and behvior screams "Look at me, notice me." However difficult it may be, I want my children to learn to love and accept themselves for WHO they are. I'm not sure that hanging it all out for the world to see is the way to acheive that. It's not as if they are running around in burqa's (not that that is a problem, if that is what you choose) You can look cute and stylish and still be reasonably modest.

"Everybody likes their presents to be wrapped."

First of all, the girls were 15. Second, I make sure my kids are dressed for their ages, and their situations - no sleezy clothes here. However, I still don't agree that I have the right to tell another child to change - I believe it is overstepping my bounds.

If my 15 year old was going to the mall with friends, you better believe it that I would be especially conscious of what she was wearing. Luckily, so far, I like my childrens' friends, and their families, and can't imagine any of them dressing like trash.

Teens can have some freedom, without behaving badly or dressing like hookers.

 

[NMAmy]

By white weddings I was replying to someone making a comparison to the "love's first kiss & happily ever after" stories to some kind of a bump & grind style courtship that seems to be the typical on the airwaves in contemporary society. If someone can't tell the difference, well I don't think there is much that can be said.

Okay, I was the one you quoted in your post. I was comparing the fact that the Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty all focused on a kiss. The poster I was replying to said that she didn't want her children to watch Hannah Montana because of kissing.

I admitted that I had not seen Hannah Montana but figured since it was shown on the Disney Channel that the kissing would be pretty mild.

I have no idea where you got the idea that I was comparing the Disney movies to a "bump and grind style courtship" nor do I appreciate you saying that I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. There's no reason to be rude.

Maybe I'll have to watch Hannah Montana now since I had no idea the Disney Channel had gotten so racy since my dd used to watch it.

 

[Lilogirl]

First of all, the girls were 15. Second, I make sure my kids are dressed for their ages, and their situations - no sleezy clothes here. However, I still don't agree that I have the right to tell another child to change - I believe it is overstepping my bounds.

If my 15 year old was going to the mall with friends, you better believe it that I would be especially conscious of what she was wearing. Luckily, so far, I like my childrens' friends, and their families, and can't imagine any of them dressing like trash.

Teens can have some freedom, without behaving badly or dressing like hookers.

Perhaps the "issue" comes from the definition each person gives to the words being used. For example one person's "trashy" may be another persons idea of "allowing freedom". One person claiming their child is "dressed for their age" may be the complete opposite of anothers view. Some parents are very careful how they dress their young children and how they allow the older ones to dress. Some opt for more "coverage", some don't.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Wow - it always amazes me how a thread can get all turned around.

I have 15 year old girls that work for me part-time. They go out and get themselves lunch, applied for the jobs themselves, are in charge of their schedules and making sure they let me know when they need days off, etc. I will not ever tolerate parental interference when it comes to a job in my store. If you believe your child is old enough to work, then it's up to them to apply, be dressed appropriately, be on time and handle themselves appropriately. It's not mommy or daddy's job to "check up on them".

If they are capable of doing all the above, they are capable of going to a mall or a boutique on their own, with their girlfriends to be, well, GIRLS! That doesn't mean they can do whatever they want. That doesn't mean they act like wild women. That means, as long as they act appropriately, keep their grades up, show maturity and responsibility, they should be able to spread their wings further and further.

There is absolutely no reason, short of living in a gang-ridden psycho area, that a normal 15 or 16 year old teenager should not be able to shop for an hour or two with girlfriends, grab some lunch or a movie on their own and do what teens are supposed to do - GROW UP!

That doesn't mean there are no rules and standards. Freedom and responsibility, in measured doses as a child grows are necessary to ensuring a child can grow into a mature, responsible and self-reliant adult.

My daughter will be a 15 year old Junior in High School. She will be a 16 year old Senior. And, she will be leaving my home at 17 years old (actually, she already leaves my home to go to summer camp for the past three summers). When, exactly, should I let her go out on her own with friends? When she's hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from home at college - or here, where I can watch her from a distance. Where she's still in her comfort zone, in a place that's familiar with familiar people?

I'm 44 years old and I still meet my mother once a week for a shopping and lunch date. We've been doing it since I was in Elementary School. I also started shopping on my own, with my girlfriends, beginning in 7th grade. It's how I learned how to be a responsible shopper, a social person and have some fun with my mom and then separately, with my friends. I do the same with my now 9 year old daughter and I've done the same with my now 15 and 20 year old sons. I hope my daughter and I continue the tradition until she is 44++ years old.

I just can't see never allowing my children to ever buy anything on their own or go out with their friends alone until they're 18 years old. It simply is just an unbelievable concept to me. Does it end at 18?

 

[dzorn]

My mother and I are kind of in the same position. My DNEPH(15) has a girlfriend who has been coming to church with us every Sunday. She usually dresses decent, but the last two times she has been wearing those very short shorts. They are the short plaid shorts that you would find at Abercrombie and Hollister (I don't have any problems with these stores and I shop at them as well) You can't see her butt or anything but in our opinion they are way to short for CHURCH. My mom said she would not mind her wearing these if she was just hanging out at our house, ect. My mom and I appear to be the only ones in the family who dissagree with this. Our church is more casual than some churches I have been to (People wear jeans, etc) but I feel this is out of line.

So my mom asked me how she should go about telling this girl not to wear them. I am not too sure of what to do either so I am asking all of you.

Be thankful she wants to go to church and let it go.

Denise in MI

 

[Nie0214]

Be thankful she wants to go to church and let it go.

Denise in MI

^ Agreed.

Also, it's not like it's easy to find a pair of non-short shorts for those really hot days. When it's all that is marketed, that's what people will wear. At least they are getting cute cropped pants & "golf" shorts in style these days. When I was in high school a few years back, it was ALL short shorts and skirts.. couldn't find anything else.

I remember some teachers requiring girls to put the hands down on their sides and if their finger tips hit flesh below their skirt/shorts, they were asked to change. Does that not happen anymore?

 

[katiebug86]

^ Agreed.

Also, it's not like it's easy to find a pair of non-short shorts for those really hot days. When it's all that is marketed, that's what people will wear. At least they are getting cute cropped pants & "golf" shorts in style these days. When I was in high school a few years back, it was ALL short shorts and skirts.. couldn't find anything else.

I remember some teachers requiring girls to put the hands down on their sides and if their finger tips hit flesh below their skirt/shorts, they were asked to change. Does that not happen anymore?

Well I believe if you are going to a church as a GUEST you should be respectful and wearing short shorts to church is just not acceptable. I am 20 years old so I know exactly what is marketed towards people my age. I wear the same things this girl wears, but NOT at church. My mother is not old-fashioned but my mom has been at this church for a while and his GF's behavior and dress is a reflected on my mother as well as our whole family. What someone wears to the mall is a whole lot different than what you wear to church.

And just to be clear I am talking about this style of shorts.
http://www.hollisterco.com/webapp/w...12604&parentCategoryId=12552&colorSequence=01

 

[Disney_Angel]

Yes, you are assuming that because I don't send my 14 year old to the mall alone with a wad of cash, or worse yet, my credit card, I am a "helicopter parent" who micro-manages every hour of my children's day. This is one area in which we disagree, and it is based on MY child and the area in which I live. My children have responsibilities, at home and at school, they also have age appropriate priveleges. They aren't quite as perfect as yours, but they are average kids within their age groups.

I believe that, although it is not fair, clothing DOES make a 1st impression on others. It is often that 1st impression that lasts. I want to teach my girls to love and respect themselves for WHO they are, not what they look like. The image I want them to project is "I respect myself." In truth, the majority of people whom I know (adult and otherwise) who tend to dress in an overly provocative manner, are people who also have self esteem issues. Their clothing and behvior screams "Look at me, notice me." However difficult it may be, I want my children to learn to love and accept themselves for WHO they are. I'm not sure that hanging it all out for the world to see is the way to acheive that. It's not as if they are running around in burqa's (not that that is a problem, if that is what you choose) You can look cute and stylish and still be reasonably modest.

"Everybody likes their presents to be wrapped."

I know exactly what your saying.....I would not send a 14 year old to say "The Gallery" to go shopping either. I am glad some of the malls in the area are considering to not allow teenagers to "hang" at the mall without a parent. I worked at the mall as a teenager and would pik up clothes here and there...if my mother did not approve they had to be taken back.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Well I believe if you are going to a church as a GUEST you should be respectful and wearing short shorts to church is just not acceptable. I am 20 years old so I know exactly what is marketed towards people my age. I wear the same things this girl wears, but NOT at church. My mother is not old-fashioned but my mom has been at this church for a while and his GF's behavior and dress is a reflected on my mother as well as our whole family. What someone wears to the mall is a whole lot different than what you wear to church.

And just to be clear I am talking about this style of shorts.
http://www.hollisterco.com/webapp/w...12604&parentCategoryId=12552&colorSequence=01

Personally I think then your Dneph needs to be the one to say something. If your Mom is so old fashioned (as you say) then your Dneph should know this and he should know enough to talk to DGF.