Skimpy Teen Clothing: Opinions?

[badblackpug]

My co-worker related and interesting story. She has a 15 year old daughter, Katie. Katie's best friend (same age) is Jenny. My co-worker agreed to take both girls to the mall for some school shopping (Jenny was bringing her own money) Well, Jenny showed up at the house on the day in question in an outfit that was shocking! Tiny, tiny low rise shorts and a tiny halter with no bra. My co-worker has stated that this girls clothes are usually not to her taste, and are usually a little on the trampy side, but this was over the top. She very nicely pulled Jenny to the side and told her that she thought her outfit was too skimpy for the outing and offerred to swing by her house on the way so that she could change. (she couldn't offer to let her borrow her daughter's clothes because Jenny is several sizes larger) Jenny agreed, but of course, the daughter pitched such a fit about being "embarassed" by her mom that they never ended up going.

This, strangely, ended up in a disagreement among the folks that were discussing it. Some saying that she didn't have the right to tell another person's child how to dress, and some (me included) saying that she had the right to say that she wasn't comfortable with the situation and ask the girl to change.

This is a situation I hold dear because I have found that teen and tween clothes have gotten out of hand. My 11 y/o loves Limited Too, but I often find their clothes to be too "grown" for the children to whom they are marketed, and often have to have the "It's not fayerrrrrr, everone else wears them" argument. I do buy clothes from LTD2, but I am very selective and make her try them on 1st.

Opinions?

 

[bangzoom6877]

I totally agree with you. Being a high school teacher, I see inappropriate teen clothing all the time. I wonder sometimes if the child walks out of their house in the morning wearing one outfit and changes some time before arriving at school so that their parents do not see their real outfit, that's how bad some of them are! It really has gotten out of hand. I am changing schools this Sept., but for 9 years I was at the same high school I attended, and I remember not being allowed to wear shorts that came even half an inch above the knee, even in the middle of a heat wave! They used to send people home for that. And that was only in 1995, and I started working there in 1999, and the clothes had already gotten way too skimpy! So in 4 years, what a difference it was!

I don't know...I see it all the time though. Really sad...but you can't say anything because in this day and age it becomes a lawsuit under the pretense of "why were you looking at my daughter in the first place?"

 

[mom2aredhead]

We've made my niece change before we take her out. She can either change and come, or stay home, end of story. They're clothes that look fine when her mom sees her when she initially leaves the house, but the shorts get rolled at the waist to make them shorter, and she ties the t-shirt in a knot in the back so it's tighter and shorter.

If I'm going to be responsible for her when I take her out, I'd like to minimize the chances of her getting harassed by the 16 year old boys!

 

[badblackpug]

School is another thing. Our school district has a very strict dress code, and they enforce it.
I am pretty sure that the mother of the child in my original post knows how she dresses, at least this is what my co-worker says. She told me that this is the same child that gave her daughter a Victoria's Secret gift card for her birthday, and then the mother took them shopping to use it! (my co-worker's daughter bought herself a push-up bra and a matching thong both of which went in the trash when she refused to return them! )

 

[sk!mom]

My opinion- Your friend had the right to ask the girl to change since she didn't want to go out with her as she was and the girl or your friend's DD had a right to be embarrassed or insulted.

Without seeing the clothes, I will say that I probably would not have asked the girl to change since I would feel that I'm not her mother and it's not my business. If they were truly shocking and it happens often then I would be having some discussions with my DD regarding this friendship and it might keep me from inviting the girl on outings.

I'm pretty liberal though. For instance, my DD12 wouldn't be caught in LMTD Too anymore but I found nothing wrong with it in the years that we shopped there and always wonder what others are referring to when they use it as an example of skimpy clothing.

 

[thegrimdwarf]

Given what I see on young girls these days, I am so THANKFUL I have boys, lol.

Personally, I would not have offered to bring the girl home to change. But I would have nixed the trip to the mall if I felt her outfit was inappropriate, and I wouldn't have been shy about telling the girl why. I'd be hopeful that she would ask to go home and change, but I would leave it up to her. Like prior posters said - I wouldn't tell another mom's kid how to dress, but I would certainly refuse to go out with her if she was dressed like a tramp.

 

[NotUrsula]

Refusing to be seen in public with teens outlandishly (or inappropriately) dressed is one of the best weapons out there in the parenting arsenal, and I'm not about to give it up. If they have the right to be embarassed by my mere existance, then I have the right to be embarassed by their clothing and/or behaviour.

If you want me to provide the transport, you meet my standards for decency and/or grooming or you don't get to go. Around here all of the malls have banned unaccompanied teens after 3 pm, so if you want to be in the mall in the first place, you have to deal with adults' conditions.

 

[thegrimdwarf]

. Around here all of the malls have banned unaccompanied teens after 3 pm, so if you want to be in the mall in the first place, you have to deal with adults' conditions.

Wow, that's bold! Where do you live?

 

[momof1princess]

i agree...this skimpy clothing thing has gotten out of hand! my DD's school doesn't allow shorts that are shorter than fingertip length (arms at sides) and when we went school clothes shopping this weekend, ALL we could find was booty shorts! i asked a salesgirl at goody's where the long shorts were and she told me they didn't have any! i spent ALL afternoon yesterday going from one store to the next trying to find something decent for my 10 year old to wear to school! i got 1 pair of shorts at old navy, 2 pair at goody's, 4-5 pair at sears, NOTHING at tj maxx and a pair of leggings at a local dept. store. the prices at american eagle and aeropostale were so outrageous, i just turned and walked out. $44.50 for a pair of shorts?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I can understand not wanting your own child dressed like that but I think it was wrong to tell the girl. As an adult I would have pulled my own dd aside after the kid left and talked to her about how that was not appropriate clothing etc. The girl is young and the mother knows how she dresses. I think she was out of line. Would you have said the same thing to another adult? I would have taken it as a lesson learned and not invited the girl out with me again if it really bothered me.

 

[mjantz]

I'm pretty liberal though. For instance, my DD12 wouldn't be caught in LMTD Too anymore but I found nothing wrong with it in the years that we shopped there and always wonder what others are referring to when they use it as an example of skimpy clothing.

I'm fairly liberal as well with my 8YO. I think most people think that because my kids wear uniforms to school that I'm an uber-strict mom about clothes. But, I've actually found that I'm more liberal than many friends whose kids don't wear uniforms.
In general, with DD, there are 2 rules:

1. No words on your booty
2. No bare stomach unless its a halloween costume or a bikini bathing suit. I'm a bellydancer so a blanket 'No bare stomach' rule wouldn't work as she sees both me & friends of mine dancing at studio parties & such with bare stomachs & I didn't want her to think we were doing anything wrong.

As far as your co-workers DDs friend, I don't know. I don't know that what she did was wrong but I don't know that I would do the same thing.

 

[lntsmom]

Not at 15....

Mind you, I'm a child of the 60's and remember halters and short shorts from the first time they went around, so I'm probably a bit more liberal than younger moms may be.

My thought is that if the girl had been 11 or 12 I would have simply stated that I was uncomfortable with her clothing and asked her to wear one of my daughter's t-shirts as a cover-up.

15 is a different story. In reality, if the girl is a little slut, she will act that way whether she's in a turtleneck or a halter top. If it is her behavior that's the issue, I would do my best to encourage my daughter to make other friends. If she is a reasonable kid, what is a little skin going to hurt?

My thought is: pick your fights. There are worse things than halters and short-shorts. I'm much more worried about what's going on inside my kids' friends heads and hearts than what they wear on their backs!

 

[iheartdisney]

I don't think it was out of line at all. In 10 years, I'll do the same to my DD. Modesty and public decency are not negotiable.
Had she taken the girl as-is, how many of you that are saying how wrong she was for not taking her as-is would have been shooting the poor wopman dirty looks and muttering "How can she let her Daughter dress like that!?"

 

[Nie0214]

I'm 22, and am disgusted by what some young teens & teens wear. They need to learn that what they wear projects an image of themselves, whether they fit that image or not. If they want respect, especially from males, they shouldn't dress that way.

There are a lot of dirty old men out there that stare me down, and I give them *the look* because I'm old enough to tell them off and realize what they are doing. Younger girls should not have to put up with that, and I'd want to shelter a daughter from the visual staredown for as long as I can.

 

[~*~Michelle~*~]

I don't think it was out of line either. I don't know about anyone else, but if any of my dd's friends come over, my rules apply to everyone involved. If it had been me, I would have offered to drive her home & change or not taken them at all.

 

[ntink]

i agree...this skimpy clothing thing has gotten out of hand! my DD's school doesn't allow shorts that are shorter than fingertip length (arms at sides) and when we went school clothes shopping this weekend, ALL we could find was booty shorts! i asked a salesgirl at goody's where the long shorts were and she told me they didn't have any! i spent ALL afternoon yesterday going from one store to the next trying to find something decent for my 10 year old to wear to school! i got 1 pair of shorts at old navy, 2 pair at goody's, 4-5 pair at sears, NOTHING at tj maxx and a pair of leggings at a local dept. store. the prices at american eagle and aeropostale were so outrageous, i just turned and walked out. $44.50 for a pair of shorts?

Did you try LTD2. I have not been in there recently but at the beginning of the summer my DDs got some cute Bermuda shorts that come almost to the knee. They have held up well.

 

[vicki845]

I totally agree with you. Being a high school teacher, I see inappropriate teen clothing all the time. I wonder sometimes if the child walks out of their house in the morning wearing one outfit and changes some time before arriving at school so that their parents do not see their real outfit, that's how bad some of them are!

I have seen many times teens dressing way too seductive and their parents are with them I use this kind of example with my 7 year old dd what NOT to wear. It makes me sick to see the way men look at them especially ones who are old enough to be their father's!

 

[Belle4mygrl]

I think your friend did the right thing. I have a 15 year old. She knows dressing like that is unacceptable.

Parents buy the majority of these clothes. What are they thinking?

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I'm 22, and am disgusted by what some young teens & teens wear. They need to learn that what they wear projects an image of themselves, whether they fit that image or not. If they want respect, especially from males, they shouldn't dress that way.

There are a lot of dirty old men out there that stare me down, and I give them *the look* because I'm old enough to tell them off and realize what they are doing. Younger girls should not have to put up with that, and I'd want to shelter a daughter from the visual staredown for as long as I can.

That's ridiculous. You could put a girl in a potato sack and dirty old men will stare them down anyway. Woman in burkas are assaulted, visually and physically, everyday.

 

[Nie0214]

That's ridiculous. You could put a girl in a potato sack and dirty old men will stare them down anyway. Woman in burkas are assaulted, visually and physically, everyday.

You're assuming every guy who stares someone down would assault them. There are plenty who stare you down and would never do such a thing. For those people, you can discourage it by respecting yourself and putting clothes that fit on.

I went to the grocery store the other day and a ~19 yo was wearing a one-piece outfit that zipped up. It was tank top-like on top, the zipper stopped right at her chest, and the bottom ended at her cheeks. I'm pretty sure every guy in the place was looking at her and completely ignoring those dressed normally. Obviously she was over 18, but it's just an example.