Possibly not sitting with children on airplane

[NotUrsula]

Yet you expect a 5 year old child to do this? [Sit between two strangers in a middle seat] If you as an adult who is capable of taking care of yourself don't want to do it why should I let my child do it? I am not picking on you but this just jumped out at me as ridiculous.

Well, I personally wouldn't expect anyone to do it, but then I'm not an aircraft interior designer.

The fact is that sitting in a middle seat (regardless of who is sitting on either side) is much more physically uncomfortable for an adult than it is for a child. It is purely a function of size, both of the seat and of the passenger. When an adult ends up in the middle between strangers, there is a degree of psychological discomfort because of the perceived violation of personal distance, but mostly there is physical discomfort because you feel obligated to scrunch yourself down as small as possible, and we won't even get into the issue of armrest battles. Kids don't have those issues: they are already small, and they don't have a fully developed sense of personal distance yet.
If they have a psychological issue, it is one that adults usually do not have, that of fear of strangers. (Note that NOT all kids have this issue on airplanes. Mine doesn't, though he keeps to himself. Lots of kids will talk the ear off of an interesting stranger when flying, I hear them all the time.)

I personally WILL move to accomodate a small child if I'm not attending to my own at the time, and so will my DH, though if the seat I'm moving into is a middle, I'm not likely to volunteer unless the child is younger than school age or obviously distressed. (And I really don't care if the parent is distressed if the child is calm and fine with the situation -- IMO it is how the child is handling it that counts.) I will also chat with, read to, or play with kids if they want, though DH is much more patient with doing that at length. (My DH is like the Pied Piper -- kids just naturally gravitate to him everywhere he goes. He's very careful about responding, though -- only if the parents signal that it is OK.)

For the record, I actually carry kid-goodies such as Happy Meal Toys, golden books, crayons, paper, and packets of animal crackers in my carryon when I travel on business, because you never know when you'll be in a position to be able to help out a harried parent and make the flight easier for everyone on the plane. When I flew more often there were some FA's who would actually recognize me and knew to ask me to help out if there was an unhappy child on the aircraft.

 

[dogluva]

I was scheduled to fly home to Boston on March 16. However, due to the storm, all flights were cancelled. So we rebooked for March 17. We did not get seats together. The reservationist told us that they would note next to our names that we were traveling with kids (12, 8, 6 and 4). When we got to the gat (early), they told us that the flight attendants would help. When we got on, they refused. They said they could not tell people to move. We did not want anyone to be "told", just an anouncement asking people if they would be willing to change seats. They would not do it. My husband scrambled to find seats. People were so nice. Not one person said no. While he was asking, my six and four year old were crying. They both were PETRIFIED that they might have to fly alone. Sorry, it was very upsetting to them.I know the 12 year old would have been fine as well as the 8 year old. Not the four year old. Trust me, it would have been a nightmare.
It worked out for us, but it was stressful. People are usually nice,

They did make an anouncemnt asking people not to eat peanut butter (allergy). I just didn't understand why they couldn't have made an anouncement about the seats.

Tracy

 

[undertheradar]

My point about rudeness was in reference to some of the posts in this thread!

I would not sit next to an unattended child due to today's lawsuit happy society. People are always looking for excuses to get money for nothing and controlling one's exposure to uncomfortable situations is a very strong empowerment. I have 3 kids and have had to have split seats before. It is not an ideal situation, but planes aren't so big that you can't keep an eye on your own kids. If this is such a devastating situation for the OP, I suggest driving.

 

[Mkrop]

Like I said, I'll switch aisle for aisle with no problem. But I get panic attacks from claustrophobia in other seats, and won't switch to a center or window seat because of it. In that case my need is just as important as the need of a child. I know of at least two other regular Disboard posters who have the same problem.

Anne

And therefore I have no problem with you keeping your seat. (and no I am not asking you to tell me why you wont move) but why cant another passenger who does not have these issues not give up there seat. That just seems cold. I would have a problem there if a whole plane of people could refuse a parent that request. That plane is not full of individuals like yourself. Someone solo has to be ok to fly. And as I am sure you do not wear a shirt that proclaims you have panic attacks, I would not assume that just because a child is "school age" that he is ok with riding by him or herself. No one knows what that child's makeup is. Other posters have suggested that "he/she is this age or that age" he/she should be fine. How do they know that?

And as stated before there was a mom who dumped her kids on DH, and her school age kids were horrible. I dont think a certain age determines a certain level of behavior, we can hope but I dont think it is guranteed.

So that is why I believe tha parent needs to be with the child if that is the request of the parent.

 

[mrs. magoo]

"If this is such a devastating situation for the OP, I suggest driving."

This to me would be devastating. I could not spend 24 hours in the car with my children. We thought about it when I could not get good rates, but decided our sanity was more important.

When I began this thread I had no idea it would provoke such a lively debate; I simply had never faced this situation before. I was actually to be honest unaware that it could happen. I guess I lead a very sheltered life.

I have kept up on the thread and see both sides of the debate. I want to thank everyone for their advice and good luck vibes. All will be fine I am sure. Heck the kids might ask to seat by themselves from now on.

Kathe

 

[Kate-n-sam]

Our family of 5 (3 kids under 5, so really not great to separate such little ones) has gone through this scenario many times. A few different things happened depending on the airline....
1. At check in they paged people to the desk and everyone was happy to switch.
2. The flight attendant asked a couple of people to switch and they did.
3. On one flight I asked a fellow if he'd switch. He had a window seat, with me and my very large just turned 2 year old son son next to him. I asked him if he'd like to switch so my daughter who was behind us could be with us. He politely declined, which was fine, I was trying to do him a favor. 5 minutes into the flight my son , ahem, filled his pants. The flight attendant told me the only place to change him would be on the seat, she'd bring me a blanket. He switched. Teehee.

Anyway, this has been a source of stress for me and it has always worked out. Most are willing to switch, some are not, but many will even volunteer as you buckle your child in next to them, knowing you are seated away from your child.

 

[jodifla]

I was scheduled to fly home to Boston on March 16. However, due to the storm, all flights were cancelled. So we rebooked for March 17. We did not get seats together. The reservationist told us that they would note next to our names that we were traveling with kids (12, 8, 6 and 4). When we got to the gat (early), they told us that the flight attendants would help. When we got on, they refused. They said they could not tell people to move. We did not want anyone to be "told", just an anouncement asking people if they would be willing to change seats. They would not do it. My husband scrambled to find seats. People were so nice. Not one person said no. While he was asking, my six and four year old were crying. They both were PETRIFIED that they might have to fly alone. Sorry, it was very upsetting to them.I know the 12 year old would have been fine as well as the 8 year old. Not the four year old. Trust me, it would have been a nightmare.
It worked out for us, but it was stressful. People are usually nice,

They did make an anouncemnt asking people not to eat peanut butter (allergy). I just didn't understand why they couldn't have made an anouncement about the seats.

Tracy

Holy smokes! What a bunch of lazy, inept flight attendants! I would have taken names and written a blistering letter to the company.

It's great that passengers were so accommodating! I have found this over and over again on planes....most folks are pretty nice when it comes to kids, particularly when they see that they are frightened. Heck, I tend to run into pretty nice folks overall on planes.

And I'm sure there's a special place in h*ll for adults who aren't considerate enough to help out a young or special needs child.

For me, once DS is able to understand that he might have to sit without me, I'd be OK with that. I'm NOT a helicopter mom, but I have to account for the fact that even though DS is 5, he looks like he's 7 or 8, but he understands verbal language at about a 3 year old level.

Not all things are as they appear when it comes to kids.

 

[crisi]

Holy smokes! What a bunch of lazy, inept flight attendants! I would have taken names and written a blistering letter to the company.

There may be things we don't know about.

I was on one flight out of Orlando where half a dozen families with small kids were scattered - AND the flight was overbooked. It was one of those Orlando flights where the Dumbo fans outnumbered the RNRC fans. Weather was bad and a hurricane was coming in (they closed the airport the next day) - they were up to offering TWO roundtrip tickets for anyone willing to get bumped - but weren't promising you'd get out before Wednesday (it was a Sunday flight) - and they weren't getting a lot of takers. It was a madhouse - and on that flight announcements wouldn't have made things any better - we just needed to get out.

There were lots of families split up on that flight - and lots of people still switching seats around as soon as the plane had leveled off.

 

[jodifla]

There may be things we don't know about.

I was on one flight out of Orlando where half a dozen families with small kids were scattered - AND the flight was overbooked. It was one of those Orlando flights where the Dumbo fans outnumbered the RNRC fans. Weather was bad and a hurricane was coming in (they closed the airport the next day) - they were up to offering TWO roundtrip tickets for anyone willing to get bumped - but weren't promising you'd get out before Wednesday (it was a Sunday flight) - and they weren't getting a lot of takers. It was a madhouse - and on that flight announcements wouldn't have made things any better - we just needed to get out.

There were lots of families split up on that flight - and lots of people still switching seats around as soon as the plane had leveled off.

True, but in the poster's case, this doesn't seem to be an issue since the parents had time to ask people to help, since the flight attendants didn't want to bother attending to the passengers.

 

[Mkrop]

There may be things we don't know about.

I was on one flight out of Orlando where half a dozen families with small kids were scattered - AND the flight was overbooked. It was one of those Orlando flights where the Dumbo fans outnumbered the RNRC fans. Weather was bad and a hurricane was coming in (they closed the airport the next day) - they were up to offering TWO roundtrip tickets for anyone willing to get bumped - but weren't promising you'd get out before Wednesday (it was a Sunday flight) - and they weren't getting a lot of takers. It was a madhouse - and on that flight announcements wouldn't have made things any better - we just needed to get out.

There were lots of families split up on that flight - and lots of people still switching seats around as soon as the plane had leveled off.

I think I would be a little more understanding in that siutation then on just an everyday flight. I would still try to get next to my kids as soon as humanly possible. I am not asking anyone to give up their flight if there is a hurricane coming but I would still hope that the adults on the flight could work together to get as many families together as possible and the "jerks" could give it a rest and work together as a team "to get the heck of out Dodge"

 

[Dicecatt]

I can't locate the post where the person offered to give up his seat to a mother whose kids were sitting alone, and she declined and stuck headphones on...I witnessed the same thing. Mom was 2 rows in front of the preteens, a man offered his window seat to her, she was in a MIDDLE seat...this was Southwest! She declined, and her kids just about tortured this poor man the whole flight. She deliberately chose to sit away from her children, I think that was about the most rude airline behavior I've ever seen.

I've also seen some of the nicest. When my Grandma died years ago, I flew alone with my twins, 7 weeks old at the time, for 3 hours...I had the nicest people around me, offering to hold a baby, or help in any way they could...and by incredible coincidence, one of the same women was there on the return flight, and even joined me in line to offer to help again! Most people have more courtesy than the gentlemen (term loosely used) with orange juice on him. Chances are, you won't have a problem getting seats somewhat together. I have a 12 year old, twin 8 year olds, and a baby. None are special needs, and if by some chance we had to be separated, I would actually want the twins separate from one another (less fighting, lol!) and I would expect each to behave as if they were sitting with me. Actually, they'd probably behave better They would probaby feel very cool and independent, and I always fill their backpacks with cool plane stuff to do so they'd be occupied. At 4 years old, though, that guy got what he deserved. A four year old needs to be monitored and corrected, no one can expect a 4 year old to behave perfectly, it really didn't sound like the child did anything out of line, he was just being a normal 4 year old.

People should just be more tolerant, period. Maybe I am an optimist, but I'd like to think a majority of people would help out a woman separated from her 4 year old on a plane. And chances are the OP won't have a problem as long as she realizes that they might not all be together.

 

[crisi]

True, but in the poster's case, this doesn't seem to be an issue since the parents had time to ask people to help, since the flight attendants didn't want to bother attending to the passengers.

Sure, but my point is that any ONE of those things - or other things - could have been going on. It could have been the case that the plane was late getting boarded - and wasn't going to make its takeoff window if there were delays - something that simple can put a 40 minute delay in place for every passenger. Rather than believing that people are lazy and inept, I prefer to believe that I don't know the whole reason for the decision to say no.

 

[jenrein]

"If this is such a devastating situation for the OP, I suggest driving."

This to me would be devastating. I could not spend 24 hours in the car with my children. We thought about it when I could not get good rates, but decided our sanity was more important.

When I began this thread I had no idea it would provoke such a lively debate; I simply had never faced this situation before. I was actually to be honest unaware that it could happen. I guess I lead a very sheltered life.

I have kept up on the thread and see both sides of the debate. I want to thank everyone for their advice and good luck vibes. All will be fine I am sure. Heck the kids might ask to seat by themselves from now on.

Kathe

I'm driving the 24 hour hike- My husband refuses to fly.

 

[stephen11]

ducklite, are you kidding?? And if there is an emergency, that's what the flight attendants are for.

 

[JennsBabySky]

I can't begin to say how distressed this entire thread has made me. Wow! What an eye opener. I know ADULTS that are petrified to fly and I've gladly given up my seat to keep adult couples together. Although, I certainly don't feel that is necessary. Pre-kids, I used to frequently fly for work. As an obsessive planner, I have my preferences on where I sit, but as a compassionate human being, I'm willing to overlook that. Without question, any able bodied adult (not including medical issues, claustraphobia, etc) should give up their seat for a child. I'm good natured enough that I would probably overlook the few people who would not be willing to give up their seat and still think kind thoughts.

I stongly believe in karma. I would (and often have) give up my seat on a plane, train, bus, etc). And if others give up their seat for me (or my kids), I would only take it if I needed it. When I was pregnant, I was often offered seats in restaurants, trains and various waiting rooms. I always politely thanked the person, but would only accept this gift if I needed it!

And while my 3 year old might be old enough to sit for a 5 hour flight, he will get bored. I always bring a (quiet) bag of activities for my kids to do. It keeps them occupied on the plane and keeps disruptions to the other passengers to a minimum. I wouldn't expect another adult to know how to keep my son quiet for 5 hours. And I don't expect my 3 year old to entertain himself for 5 hours -- I wish. I can keep him quiet, but not from a row or more away. Plus I'm going to annoy everyone in my row, because I'm going to get up every 5 minutes to check on my son. Oh -- he also occasionally gets motion sick, so I ALWAYS have an airsickness bag handy. I definitely don't expect someone else to pick up on this, but I can read the subtle cues, so we have never had this turn into a disruptive incident on the plane.

It just makes me think twice about the good in mankind to read the thread. I'm an optimist, but not a fool, so I certainly don't trust my 3 year old next to a complete stranger. Chances are my son would be safe, but that is just not good enough for me.

To the OP, I've had a similiar situations occur before. The Flight Attendant fixed it before we boarded. I just got to the airport extra early. I'm sure everything will be fine.

Wow! I think I just lost a little faith in humanity.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

"If this is such a devastating situation for the OP, I suggest driving."

This to me would be devastating. I could not spend 24 hours in the car with my children. We thought about it when I could not get good rates, but decided our sanity was more important.

Amen sister!!!
I can tell you that my kids would not want to be in a car with me for 24 hours!!! I hate car trips!!!

 

[Mkrop]

I can't begin to say how distressed this entire thread has made me. Wow! What an eye opener. I know ADULTS that are petrified to fly and I've gladly given up my seat to keep adult couples together. Although, I certainly don't feel that is necessary. Pre-kids, I used to frequently fly for work. As an obsessive planner, I have my preferences on where I sit, but as a compassionate human being, I'm willing to overlook that. Without question, any able bodied adult (not including medical issues, claustraphobia, etc) should give up their seat for a child. I'm good natured enough that I would probably overlook the few people who would not be willing to give up their seat and still think kind thoughts.

I stongly believe in karma. I would (and often have) give up my seat on a plane, train, bus, etc). And if others give up their seat for me (or my kids), I would only take it if I needed it. When I was pregnant, I was often offered seats in restaurants, trains and various waiting rooms. I always politely thanked the person, but would only accept this gift if I needed it!

And while my 3 year old might be old enough to sit for a 5 hour flight, he will get bored. I always bring a (quiet) bag of activities for my kids to do. It keeps them occupied on the plane and keeps disruptions to the other passengers to a minimum. I wouldn't expect another adult to know how to keep my son quiet for 5 hours. And I don't expect my 3 year old to entertain himself for 5 hours -- I wish. I can keep him quiet, but not from a row or more away. Plus I'm going to annoy everyone in my row, because I'm going to get up every 5 minutes to check on my son. Oh -- he also occasionally gets motion sick, so I ALWAYS have an airsickness bag handy. I definitely don't expect someone else to pick up on this, but I can read the subtle cues, so we have never had this turn into a disruptive incident on the plane.

It just makes me think twice about the good in mankind to read the thread. I'm an optimist, but not a fool, so I certainly don't trust my 3 year old next to a complete stranger. Chances are my son would be safe, but that is just not good enough for me.

To the OP, I've had a similiar situations occur before. The Flight Attendant fixed it before we boarded. I just got to the airport extra early. I'm sure everything will be fine.

Wow! I think I just lost a little faith in humanity.

Yeah I lost a little of my faith in humanity when I read this post and now the closed thread of Bathroom Breaks With Boys thread.

As a parent I want to be there to take care of my kids, not rely on anyone else. There are parents out there who ae willing to dump their kids on other people, I am one who wants to be with my kids, tend to their needs, and make sure they behave. I can hope my chilren behave when I am not around and I contiually teach them that but if I am not around to monitor that then how can I assure someone stuck next to them on a long flight, that they will behave. Kids get bored and when they get bored, look out!

 

[ducklite]

Sure, but my point is that any ONE of those things - or other things - could have been going on. It could have been the case that the plane was late getting boarded - and wasn't going to make its takeoff window if there were delays - something that simple can put a 40 minute delay in place for every passenger. Rather than believing that people are lazy and inept, I prefer to believe that I don't know the whole reason for the decision to say no.

Anne

 

[ducklite]

ducklite, are you kidding??

It would help if you quoted my post, because frankly I have no idea what you are talking about.

And if there is an emergency, that's what the flight attendants are for.

Uh, yeah, I think I've said that at least once on this thread...

Anne

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I've been following along and I have to agree with the sentiment that it is pretty sad with some of the comments. I can't tell you how many times me or someone in my family have swapped seats with someone and broken up OUR group in order to accomodate someone with small children that would otherwise have to sit apart. Believe me, I can be selfish, I love the window seat, my husband likes the aisle seat (kids don't really care), but in the end I always try to think that if I were the other person, not only would I want to sit with my small child, but I would need to.

Don't get me wrong, in the back of my head I still think that we took the time to reserve our seats (sometimes 6+ months in advance) and that we shouldn't be inconvenienced...or that the other people should have had better planning, but in the end, like someone said...it's all about human decency.

I would never hold it against someone if they didn't want to swap seats. You just never know...but there may a reason. Not to give TMI, but my MIL (who is still quite a young woman IMHO) has issues with the bathroom...and as such she has to go often. She doesn't like to inconvenience others with her constantly getting up and down, so she always takes great pains to request the aisle seat. She travels alone. For some reason, more often than not, someone will approach her to swap seats (I guess because she is a single traveler?) and anyway, she politely declines, but I don't think she should be punished or have to offer an explanation to someone.

Oh well...to each his own. Karma...yes, very true and very well said. Mostly, I think there is great kindness in strangers...it is with rare exception that I meet the truly miserable person in our travels. Take heart, I'm sure it will all work out in the end.