Living Alone as you Get Older...Choices

[AquamarineSteph]

I wish we had options. But we do not. We have me and my other half. And we have to deal with everything. Moving to more affordable, less upkeep housing is not an option in this current market. But I feel your pain. And I wish you well. Hopefully your luck is better than ours.

 

[arminnie]

I wish we had options. But we do not. We have me and my other half. And we have to deal with everything. Moving to more affordable, less upkeep housing is not an option in this current market. But I feel your pain. And I wish you well. Hopefully your luck is better than ours.

I feel for you. I got stuck in the Texas market in the early 80s. It was so awful not to be able to sell a home no matter what I did.

 

[ThistleMae]

I wish we had options. But we do not. We have me and my other half. And we have to deal with everything. Moving to more affordable, less upkeep housing is not an option in this current market. But I feel your pain. And I wish you well. Hopefully your luck is better than ours.

Awe...sounds stressful...hopefully things will change for the better!

 

[goofy4tink]

We're in this situation now. I'm 68, dh is 60. He's not ready to retire yet (not sure he will ever truly retire!). But, we're both tired of the NE winters. We have a house that is way more than we need. He's starting to have issues that make yard work difficult, although he loves playing in the yard! I want to head south. Currently, my ds and his wife are there, inTampa, dd is close to WDW. My step-mom has a place in Pompano Beach.
I would love to sell the house, buy, or rent, a small apt in our area so dh can continue to work. Then, buy something a bit nicer in Florida, as that's where we would end up permanently. He's still hesitant though. Then, there's the decision as to which type housing to buy. A condo, with the fees associated with that, or a free standing home, with maintainence falling on the homeowner. I know people in both situations, and they all gripe about their particular cons!!! Too funny. But, it will be fun to research.
Or, perhaps just rent someplace in Fl for 7 months a year.

 

[ThistleMae]

We're in this situation now. I'm 68, dh is 60. He's not ready to retire yet (not sure he will ever truly retire!). But, we're both tired of the NE winters. We have a house that is way more than we need. He's starting to have issues that make yard work difficult, although he loves playing in the yard! I want to head south. Currently, my ds and his wife are there, inTampa, dd is close to WDW. My step-mom has a place in Pompano Beach.
I would love to sell the house, buy, or rent, a small apt in our area so dh can continue to work. Then, buy something a bit nicer in Florida, as that's where we would end up permanently. He's still hesitant though. Then, there's the decision as to which type housing to buy. A condo, with the fees associated with that, or a free standing home, with maintainence falling on the homeowner. I know people in both situations, and they all gripe about their particular cons!!! Too funny. But, it will be fun to research.
Or, perhaps just rent someplace in Fl for 7 months a year.

Exactly my thoughts. At one point I said I would never move to Florida. Sitting here with a foot plus inches of snow and ice, I'm reconsidering my options. I've been outside everyday shoveling off the roof and doing the walkways. It rained last night and every thing on top of the snow is ice. My porch is an ice rink. My shoulders are killing me from the roof rake...ugh! So, like you I'm exploring different options. I've started a where to live in Florida thread and have gotten many responses. I started a list of towns folks have recommended. I've been looking at different places online, there are so many to choose from. Not crazy about HOA fees but I like the amenities. Have no idea about renting, and whether I would want to do that. I want to come back up North for the Summer, do seasonal camping. I bought a 30 foot camper and I have a ice spot on the Saco River, just beautiful. So....making a decision to sell the house and make the move will be in the next five years. I understand it's a big decision but the more I do the research, the better I feel. Do you have any locations in mind for a move?

 

[Christine]

Exactly my thoughts. At one point I said I would never move to Florida. Sitting here with a foot plus inches of snow and ice, I'm reconsidering my options. I've been outside everyday shoveling off the roof and doing the walkways. It rained last night and every thing on top of the snow is ice. My porch is an ice rink. My shoulders are killing me from the roof rake...ugh! So, like you I'm exploring different options. I've started a where to live in Florida thread and have gotten many responses. I started a list of towns folks have recommended. I've been looking at different places online, there are so many to choose from. Not crazy about HOA fees but I like the amenities. Have no idea about renting, and whether I would want to do that. I want to come back up North for the Summer, do seasonal camping. I bought a 30 foot camper and I have a ice spot on the Saco River, just beautiful. So....making a decision to sell the house and make the move will be in the next five years. I understand it's a big decision but the more I do the research, the better I feel. Do you have any locations in mind for a move?

One thing you might try before you commit to anything, is to rent for one season in Florida. Just pick a centrally located area and find a place to rent during the winter or at least 2 months, if you can swing it financially. From there, take some day trips and look around at various communities. There's not better way to get a feel for an area than to really spend some time there.

 

[bellebud]

My 74yo mom is building an addition onto my brothers house (my step dad passed away a year ago). It's going to be a small 'granny pod' type home. Just enough for her, with a covered breezeway to my brothers house. So separation and privacy, but my brother and his wife and kids are right there for her. She's still in the house we grew up in which is a mile away from us and my brother, but it's starting to get to be too much for her. We're all in NY. My family is moving to Florida next month (well, the kids and I, dh will stay in NY and run our business and visit us). Anyway, my mom is welcome to come visit us anytime, and I think after 1 or 2 visits she'll decide to at least 'winter in Florida'. And from the sale of her current house, she'll have enough to build the granny pod and put some money away.

 

[Dancind]

If you are still considering the winter/summer home idea, look into Park Models at mobile home/Rv parks. They are affordable, and most parks that have them have a community center. My Dad and his SO bought one in Laughlin NV about 15 years ago and really enjoyed the social aspect of it.

 

[ThistleMae]

One thing you might try before you commit to anything, is to rent for one season in Florida. Just pick a centrally located area and find a place to rent during the winter or at least 2 months, if you can swing it financially. From there, take some day trips and look around at various communities. There's not better way to get a feel for an area than to really spend some time there.

Yeah, good idea. Is it difficult to find a place to rent? I was thinking of renting for 6 months and really traveling around to see what areas I like. What are the rents like?

 

[ThistleMae]

If you are still considering the winter/summer home idea, look into Park Models at mobile home/Rv parks. They are affordable, and most parks that have them have a community center. My Dad and his SO bought one in Laughlin NV about 15 years ago and really enjoyed the social aspect of it.

I'm thinking about this as well. I want a social component to my later in life situation. This will be my first summer camping for 6 mos. without going home. If I could rent my house, I could maybe find a place to camp in Florida but someone would have to drive my camper for me. I know some folks will do this for a fee and plane ticket home. That way I could keep my car and just follow them down. I don't want to invest in a truck or drive something that big. I have no idea whether this would be a reasonable plan or not, or even where I would find someone to do it for me. It would have to be someone I know and trust for sure. And, I would have to find a campground pretty much sight unseen, unless I fly down and look around. Just so much planning. Plus, it just occurred to me, not for the first time but the reality of what to do with all my stuff! I have a house, barn and shed full of stuff. It's overwhelming to thing about getting rid of almost everything I own. And if I decide to go the condo way, I'd have to buy all new stuff. You think planning a Disney Trip is involved...ugh...so much to think about. I'm going to start a list of options and what is involved and what $ will be attached to each. All your help and suggestions are so wonderful. Thank you. Keep them coming!

 

[Christine]

Yeah, good idea. Is it difficult to find a place to rent? I was thinking of renting for 6 months and really traveling around to see what areas I like. What are the rents like?

I don't think it's difficult to rent but you probably can't do it "last minute" in a desirable area. My parents were trying to rent for 3 months in Naples, Florida, which is a very popular area. They were finding that they needed about 18 months ahead of time to get into a place they wanted. Winter months are the hardest of course.

 

[ThistleMae]

I don't think it's difficult to rent but you probably can't do it "last minute" in a desirable area. My parents were trying to rent for 3 months in Naples, Florida, which is a very popular area. They were finding that they needed about 18 months ahead of time to get into a place they wanted. Winter months are the hardest of course.

Wow...okay, so lots of planning ahead. At least I'm beginning to figure out areas to look at. It's a small but good start. Thanks for the feedback!

 

[Nancyg56]

My nana is 85+ and still does her own yardwork! You're still so young. My mom plays in the USTA nationals in AZ in Jan in her mid 60s. You're just as old as you feel. I'd think you'd be fine for another 20 years if you want to. I'm in my 30s and wish there were 30s condo associations...it'd be awesome!

I think that it is possible to be looking at others through your Nana's health. I am 61 and have arthritis in my hands and knees. I am healthy, can manage to do most of what I always have done around my home, but boy, do I feel it differently now. My heart still tells me I am 35 but my body claims otherwise. I am as active as I was, but given how things are changing with me, I know that in 20 years I will not be doing yardwork, shoveling, repairing tools, etc that break, and still have any life in after those chores.

I used to clean homes when I was younger and many of my clients were older women alone. They had not been realistic about their physical limitations as they aged, and were reliant on others to manage their day to day chores. It was not a great place to be, and had I not deeply discounted my services they would not have been able to afford the cleaning. I just kept my own Mom in mind and treated hem the way I would have hoped my Mom was treated if she as in that boat.

@ThistleMae - I think it is a good idea that you are thinking ahead. I am 61 and right now life is fine. My DH is here and is healthy enough to manage all the chores and repairs that make home ownership difficult for someone alone. I confess to worrying about how I would manage should something happen to him, and it is not a pretty thought. He would be horrified to think I let the home go, but also would be devastated to think I was not able to properly maintain it.

 

[Darcy03231]

I agree that Jan. Feb. and March are my least favorite months. Right now we are in the middle of a big storm. I've shoveled twice already, there is about 8 inches so far and still going strong. You're not worried about closing up your house in the winter? Will you leave the heat on?

When we bought our home we had to do a lot of updating. One of the things we did was the plumbing. DH had it set up so he can throw some valves and drain the whole system down. We'll winterize the toilets and just close up. No need to heat it.

 

[amberpi]

I think that it is possible to be looking at others through your Nana's health. I am 61 and have arthritis in my hands and knees. I am healthy, can manage to do most of what I always have done around my home, but boy, do I feel it differently now.

I've had huge health issues to overcome so I get it, but I wanted to offer a positive position. Some people can have normal lives for so long. My uncle had to quit playing tennis for years due to arthritis. He got stem cell therapy this year and is a new man! Truly, it's amazing! 61 is so young! You can have tons of great years ahead of you! Like I said, my mom is older than you and killing it despite defeating cancer and some other issues. Not everything is that simple of course.

 

[bellebud]

the reality of what to do with all my stuff! I have a house, barn and shed full of stuff. It's overwhelming to thing about getting rid of almost everything I own.

I answered earlier about my mom... she's building a small addition onto my db's house, and selling her house of 46 years.

We all went over her house, took anything we wanted, then got a dumpster and threw out a ton of stuff (all under mom's supervision). Right after she moves, we're having a local auction place come over and take everything they're willing to take. She'll get some money from that. Then we'll junk the rest.

We've had to 'strong-arm' mom a bit about letting go of stuff, lol. It's hard, I know. We took pictures of sentimental stuff (the ugly vase from great, great grandma that was in a closet, but everyone always felt too guilty to get rid of). There's so much stuff like that. You have to think in terms of, if you're not using the item or it doesn't bring you personal joy looking at it, let it bless someone else. Or sometimes it's just time to let it go to the dump.

 

[Nancyg56]

I've had huge health issues to overcome so I get it, but I wanted to offer a positive position. Some people can have normal lives for so long. My uncle had to quit playing tennis for years due to arthritis. He got stem cell therapy this year and is a new man! Truly, it's amazing! 61 is so young! You can have tons of great years ahead of you! Like I said, my mom is older than you and killing it despite defeating cancer and some other issues. Not everything is that simple of course.

I do understand and I have no doubt that many are active at ages that no one ever thought was possible. I am very healthy and I can outdo many, and always encourage people tp stay as active as they can. It makes a huge difference. I also understand that for many it is imperative to be realistic about how the future will impact their stand of living. If it is difficult now, what will 10 or 15 years down the line look like? While no one should jump into huge changes due to fear of the future, it is important that people be honest about what their capability and finances will allow for in the future so that in the event a change needs to be made there is time to make that change without pressure.

 

[arminnie]

I do understand and I have no doubt that many are active at ages that no one ever thought was possible. I am very healthy and I can outdo many, and always encourage people tp stay as active as they can. It makes a huge difference. I also understand that for many it is imperative to be realistic about how the future will impact their stand of living. If it is difficult now, what will 10 or 15 years down the line look like? While no one should jump into huge changes due to fear of the future, it is important that people be honest about what their capability and finances will allow for in the future so that in the event a change needs to be made there is time to make that change without pressure.

I am a planner. Always have been. I believe in always having a backup plan. So plan to be active, healthy with financial resources, but try to at least have a plan B for what if something happens.

I have the financial resources to have a fairly comfortable life today, but if the markets go to hades and I no longer have any money I have a paid for small condo and could survive on my social security. If I needed to move into a retirement (not assisted living) apartment I could swing it on my SS alone.

The wildcard is health. I've always exercised and have been the one who could walk for miles and miles and lift most things I needed to lift. For years I always parked far away from everything and used to joke that I wanted to walk because I could. But last year in the space of months I became basically paralyzed in one leg. For totally unknown reasons - not a stroke, nothing brain or ortho related. A nerve just died. But I'm lucky, my college roommate and BFF was never sick a day in her life until she died of brain cancer.

 

[amberpi]

Wow...okay, so lots of planning ahead. At least I'm beginning to figure out areas to look at. It's a small but good start. Thanks for the feedback!

Some air bnbs offer corporate places all over the country. I dated a guy here in Nashville who was renting via air bnb an incredible place on a monthly basis while his own place was being built. It'd give you the opportunity to try out a few different places for a month or 2 at a time. I think there is likely something for everyone on there. Good luck!

 

[Nancyg56]

I am a planner. Always have been. I believe in always having a backup plan. So plan to be active, healthy with financial resources, but try to at least have a plan B for what if something happens.

I have the financial resources to have a fairly comfortable life today, but if the markets go to hades and I no longer have any money I have a paid for small condo and could survive on my social security. If I needed to move into a retirement (not assisted living) apartment I could swing it on my SS alone.

The wildcard is health. I've always exercised and have been the one who could walk for miles and miles and lift most things I needed to lift. For years I always parked far away from everything and used to joke that I wanted to walk because I could. But last year in the space of months I became basically paralyzed in one leg. For totally unknown reasons - not a stroke, nothing brain or ortho related. A nerve just died. But I'm lucky, my college roommate and BFF was never sick a day in her life until she died of brain cancer.

Yikes! That is terrible!

WE have planned as well, and are in good shape for the future, but as you suggested, we cannot plan for health more that we already have done. Hopefully all goes well, and if not, we will figure it out.