Living Alone as you Get Older...Choices

[ThistleMae]

Lot's of older folks end up living with their kids, if possible. A mother-in-law apartment or at least some private space is needed, at least in my opinion. My sister took in my parents, added a living room and bedroom upstairs. They had a huge bathroom and my Dad put a microwave in their and a small fridge to keep some cold items. It worked out great. They have since passed and my sister moved to Maine with her kids. Right now all she has is a bedroom, but one of her son's is going to build an addition for her. I thought about this at one time but my son-in-law would be hard to live with, even if I had my own space. He's rather childish at times and while my daughter puts up with him, I think that kind of energy would effect me in a negative way. So...back to brainstorming.

 

[arminnie]

I lived in apartments, condos, and patio homes (I moved long distance about 10 times) during my working days. Mainly because I couldn’t afford a house.

Three years ago my dh and I bought a house. We made sure it was one level so our older friends and relatives could come over.

Less than a year ago I could walk 4 miles and climb the stairs to the top balcony of the multi story theatre. Today I can walk a few yards with a walker and am unable to go up one step. One leg is almost totally paralyzed. I can’t believe it happened so quickly.

 

[ThistleMae]

I lived in apartments, condos, and patio homes (I moved long distance about 10 times) during my working days. Mainly because I couldn’t afford a house.

Three years ago my dh and I bought a house. We made sure it was one level so our older friends and relatives could come over.

Less than a year ago I could walk 4 miles and climb the stairs to the top balcony of the multi story theatre. Today I can walk a few yards with a walker and am unable to go up one step. One leg is almost totally paralyzed. I can’t believe it happened so quickly.

Exactly...you just never know what’s going to happen. Are you able to continue in your house?

 

[arminnie]

Exactly...you just never know what’s going to happen. Are you able to continue in your house?

Yes - but I’m not sure if I’d want to live here if I didn’t have my husband who is such a help.

We have no snow issues thank goodness. My husband doesn’t do the yard work but, he does take care of organizing it.

 

[ThistleMae]

Yes - but I’m not sure if I’d want to live here if I didn’t have my husband who is such a help.

We have no snow issues thank goodness. My husband doesn’t do the yard work but, he does take care of organizing it.

Good point, so you do have to rely on a partner to really stay in your home. I guess I'm feeling that I'll be alone, I am now, but who knows. I have to plan on being by myself, then if something changes I'll still be all set.

 

[ThistleMae]

I was talking to my daughter this weekend and trying to make some preliminary plans. She wants to move to Florida, when her last child finishes school, but doesn't want to live there in the summer. I'd be okay with that plan. Her husband is over 50, so we could both explore over 50 communities. We want to look in the Florida and want to be able to drive to Disney, and the airports and access some cruise ports. The plan for summer would be to do a seasonal campground in NH or Maine. So it's a start.

 

[lovin'fl]

OP, I have not read any of the replies but I want to give you my thoughts real quick. I am currently living in a similar situation with my 70 year old mother. My dad died in 2001 and she was 54. They lived in a house on the water in the Northeast. It requires lots of upkeep. There are a lot of steps as well. When my dad passed, their friends all told my mom not to sell her house or boat but to hold onto it for a while and then see what she wanted to do. Well, she held on for the past 16 years and now has severe arthritis and is having mobility issues and also has some other medical issues. She recently had her house renovated and I had to help her clean out and purge. It was awful. And now she is having trouble maintaining the property, cutting grass and shoveling snow and etc, so I help when I am there but I live in another state. My brother lives nearby but doesn't help. I wish she had sold back in 2002 and set herself up in a low maintenance place. And she just told me that she regrets not selling back then too as now it's even harder. And she would have gotten more money for her house then.

My DH and I recently moved since all our kids went off to college and we bought a townhome with first floor master. The HOA maintains everything outside, grass and leaves and bushes and mulch and any snow and even cleans windows and gutters. Even though we Are mid 40s and not in need of that low maintenance lifestyle quite yet, we figured we would be not too long down the road and we don't want to move again. So, OP, I suggest you move to a condo or townhouse now. We have a dog in ours and some neighbors, we have met, have a dog and a cat and some have two dogs. So having three cats in a townhouse or condo won't be a problem. My SIL had three cats, two dogs and a kid in her townhouse...lol!

 

[Darcy03231]

I'm 55 (almost 56) and DH is 63. While we're both in good health now, our long term plan is that as soon as we can no longer do the maintenance required on our home we'll sell it and move into a condo. We also plan to spend winters somewhere warm and close our house up which will help as far as snow maintenance goes.

 

[ThistleMae]

OP, I have no read any of the replies but I want to give you my thoughts real quick. I am currently living in a similar situation with my 70 year old mother. My dad died in 2001 and she was 54. They lived in a house on the water in the Northeast. It requires lots of upkeep. There are a lot of steps as well. When my dad passed, their friends all told my mom not to sell her house or boat but to hold onto it for a while and then see what she wanted to do. Well, she held on for the past 16 years and now has sever arthritis and is having mobility issues and also has some other medical issues. She recently renovated her house and I had to help her clean out and purge. It was awful. And now she is having trouble maintaining the property, cutting grass and shoveling snow and etc, so I help when I am there but I live in another state. My brother lives nearby but doesn't help. I wish she had sold back in 2002 and set herself up in a low maintenance place. And she just told me that she regrets not selling back then too as now it's even harder. And she would have gotten more money for her house then. My DH and I recently moved since all our kids went off to college and we bought a townhome with first floor master. The HOA maintains everything outside, grass and leaves and bushes and mulch and any snow and even cleans windows and gutters. Even though we Are mid 40s and not in need of that low maintenance lifestyle quite yet, we figured we would be not too long down the road and we don't want to move again. So, OP, I suggest you move to a condo or townhouse now. And we have a dog in ours and some neighbors have a dog and a cat and some have two dogs. So having three cats in a townhouse or condo won't be a problem. My SIL had three cats, two dogs and a kid in her townhouse.

Thank you for sharing your story. I definitely can see why waiting too long can be problematic. My next task is to start getting rid of things, I have a shed and barn full of stuff! I am beg. to look at places in Florida, scoping out different towns. I started a thread about that in here, and am already getting some tips. It sounds like you made a good move for yourself as well. Thanks for your feedback.

 

[ThistleMae]

I'm 55 (almost 56) and DH is 63. While we're both in good health now, our long term plan is that as soon as we can no longer do the maintenance required on our home we'll sell it and move into a condo. We also plan to spend winters somewhere warm and close our house up which will help as far as snow maintenance goes.

Thinking along the same lines. Florida is looking good, since we love Disney and would like to be in driving distance. Our summer plan would be seasonal camping in Maine or NH as long as we are able. We are looking for locations right now...want to get a jump on things.

 

[lovin'fl]

Thank you for sharing your story. I definitely can see why waiting too long can be problematic. My next task is to start getting rid of things, I have a shed and barn full of stuff! I am beg. to look at places in Florida, scoping out different towns. I started a thread about that in here, and am already getting some tips. It sounds like you made a good move for yourself as well. Thanks for your feedback.

Maybe look at the Villages. We went from MD to NC. My mom would like to go from MD to FL but she is alone and I think that makes her anxious (making a big move all alone). She had a BF for a while but has been single for a year now. I talk to her about coming to my new neighborhood in NC but she says 'no thanks'. She wants warm ALL the time so she'd love to go to FL. We have a friend who is about to retire and they are also looking near Orlando FL, some neighborhood with villas and HOA that maintains everything. It may be a 55+ community. It has ball fields is all I remember.

 

[Pakey]

I'm 61. I've been single about 4 years now. I have a friend but I don't live with him and I like to be independent. Fourteen months ago, I moved into a condo. It's free standing and single story, 1700 sq ft, no shared walls, two car garage, fenced backyard in a gated community. It's not a senior community. I do not own it. I absolutely love it. I thought I would miss owning a home but I do not; I'm not even bothered by the rent. Gardeners take care of everything outside, maintenance guy takes care of everything inside. I have two small dogs so it was important for me to have a fenced yard. I still work and I may do something different once I retire or if my health requires it but I see myself indefinitely living as a renter.

 

[Darcy03231]

Thinking along the same lines. Florida is looking good, since we love Disney and would like to be in driving distance. Our summer plan would be seasonal camping in Maine or NH as long as we are able. We are looking for locations right now...want to get a jump on things.

We live on a lake in central New Hampshire and have found that the worst of the winter for us is January, February & March, which is when we plan to head south after I decide to retire (DH already is). Our plan is to rent something in a warmer weather climate for those three months and just close up our house. We want to try wintering in different places each year and hopefully see some more areas of the country. I really don't see us permanently moving out of NH because 3 of our 4 children are still here.

We already downsized once when DH retired and the kids all moved out, and I wouldn't have a problem doing it again if we needed to.

 

[Nora03]

This is such an interesting thread. Thanks to the OP for starting it. This is a situation we’ll all be in. We live in a one story house, but the washer and dryer are in the basement and I know that will be a problem for me eventually. We’re in our late 60s and don’t want to move, yet. I dread it. Thistlemae, a PP mentioned the Villages in Florida. It’s not far from Disney and looks like a fantastic retirement community for Americans. I’m Canadian, so not an option for us, but it looks like so much fun, the weather is temperate, and everyone seems to have a golf cart just to ride around in. Lots of activities and entertainment, and various living options. You should check it out.

 

[ThistleMae]

Maybe look at the Villages. We went from MD to NC. My mom would like to go from MD to FL but she is alone and I think that makes her anxious (making a big move all alone). She had a BF for a while but has been single for a year now. I talk to her about coming to my new neighborhood in NC but she says 'no thanks'. She wants warm ALL the time so she'd love to go to FL. We have a friend who is about to retire and they are also looking near Orlando FL, some neighborhood with villas and HOA that maintains everything. It may be a 55+ community. It has ball fields is all I remember.

I hope she finds something she loves and can afford. I'd be happy to share anything I find with you for her.

 

[ThistleMae]

I'm 61. I've been single about 4 years now. I have a friend but I don't live with him and I like to be independent. Fourteen months ago, I moved into a condo. It's free standing and single story, 1700 sq ft, no shared walls, two car garage, fenced backyard in a gated community. It's not a senior community. I do not own it. I absolutely love it. I thought I would miss owning a home but I do not; I'm not even bothered by the rent. Gardeners take care of everything outside, maintenance guy takes care of everything inside. I have two small dogs so it was important for me to have a fenced yard. I still work and I may do something different once I retire or if my health requires it but I see myself indefinitely living as a renter.

Sounds ideal! What state are you in?

 

[ThistleMae]

We live on a lake in central New Hampshire and have found that the worst of the winter for us is January, February & March, which is when we plan to head south after I decide to retire (DH already is). Our plan is to rent something in a warmer weather climate for those three months and just close up our house. We want to try wintering in different places each year and hopefully see some more areas of the country. I really don't see us permanently moving out of NH because 3 of our 4 children are still here.

We already downsized once when DH retired and the kids all moved out, and I wouldn't have a problem doing it again if we needed to.

I agree that Jan. Feb. and March are my least favorite months. Right now we are in the middle of a big storm. I've shoveled twice already, there is about 8 inches so far and still going strong. You're not worried about closing up your house in the winter? Will you leave the heat on?

 

[ThistleMae]

This is such an interesting thread. Thanks to the OP for starting it. This is a situation we’ll all be in. We live in a one story house, but the washer and dryer are in the basement and I know that will be a problem for me eventually. We’re in our late 60s and don’t want to move, yet. I dread it. Thistlemae, a PP mentioned the Villages in Florida. It’s not far from Disney and looks like a fantastic retirement community for Americans. I’m Canadian, so not an option for us, but it looks like so much fun, the weather is temperate, and everyone seems to have a golf cart just to ride around in. Lots of activities and entertainment, and various living options. You should check it out.

You are most welcome. I figured there would be many Disney enthusiasts getting up there in age and in similar situations. I did check out the Villages and some are very pricey, but there were a couple I could afford. Will check it out more closely. I'd definitely like a little fenced in yard for my cats. The golf cart thing is a hoot! I'd love that. I'm definitely going to be doing lots of research and talking to my friends who live in Florida. We met a few people on a cruise that live there, not sure what towns they are in, so have to consult with them. This could be all very exciting. I'd love to be able to just drive to Disney! Maybe this will end up being a very positive plan instead of one I'm dreading. I do love my home, but winter is getting to be a bit of a drag. Are there over 55 communities in Canada? It won't solve your COLD problem though. Could you eventually move to the states? I've been reading about folks who retire out of the country, another option to explore, although I'd rather not complicate matters more...seems like just too drastic a move...then again maybe not. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Pakey]

Sounds ideal! What state are you in?

California--3.5 hours north of Disneyland!!!!!

 

[arminnie]

Good point, so you do have to rely on a partner to really stay in your home. I guess I'm feeling that I'll be alone, I am now, but who knows. I have to plan on being by myself, then if something changes I'll still be all set.

I would be able to stay in my home without my DH - but I just don't think I'd want to. I'm used to living in a smaller place. Right now I seldom go in any rooms except our bedroom/bathroom, kitchen and sunroom. I can go weeks without even stepping into the LR, DR or other bedrooms. We bought this house after I married DH because he wanted a house. I still have my condo - rented out. But as DH is a lot younger than I am he's probably going to be around for quite awhile.