Living Alone as you Get Older...Choices

[ThistleMae]

I think that it is possible to be looking at others through your Nana's health. I am 61 and have arthritis in my hands and knees. I am healthy, can manage to do most of what I always have done around my home, but boy, do I feel it differently now. My heart still tells me I am 35 but my body claims otherwise. I am as active as I was, but given how things are changing with me, I know that in 20 years I will not be doing yardwork, shoveling, repairing tools, etc that break, and still have any life in after those chores.

I used to clean homes when I was younger and many of my clients were older women alone. They had not been realistic about their physical limitations as they aged, and were reliant on others to manage their day to day chores. It was not a great place to be, and had I not deeply discounted my services they would not have been able to afford the cleaning. I just kept my own Mom in mind and treated hem the way I would have hoped my Mom was treated if she as in that boat.

@ThistleMae - I think it is a good idea that you are thinking ahead. I am 61 and right now life is fine. My DH is here and is healthy enough to manage all the chores and repairs that make home ownership difficult for someone alone. I confess to worrying about how I would manage should something happen to him, and it is not a pretty thought. He would be horrified to think I let the home go, but also would be devastated to think I was not able to properly maintain it.

Yes, all so true. I consider myself in pretty good health but find I get overwhelmed with maintenance. I am a cancer survivor. I had a knee replaced in December and am now feeling much better. But...I have a hard time getting up off the floor... not from falling, from cleaning. I just did my shower floor and you should see me looking for things to hold onto to get back up....I'm a one woman comedy show! My newest issue is opening jars. There are times I'm thinking I have to change what I'm going to eat because I can't get the darn jar opened. I just saw this new gadget on TV for opening jars, I think I'm going to invest! I have fallen in my house, since my new knee. I was very worried that I might have damaged something, but I was okay. I give myself maybe 5-8 years and that's a stretch, regarding shoveling and yard work. I don't have as much energy as I used to and I remember my Dad at 90 definitely declining on how far he could walk, and even taking a shower was tiring for him. So I think I should be realistic. Aging isn't all that much fun...but I do laugh at myself frequently!

 

[ThistleMae]

I answered earlier about my mom... she's building a small addition onto my db's house, and selling her house of 46 years.

We all went over her house, took anything we wanted, then got a dumpster and threw out a ton of stuff (all under mom's supervision). Right after she moves, we're having a local auction place come over and take everything they're willing to take. She'll get some money from that. Then we'll junk the rest.

We've had to 'strong-arm' mom a bit about letting go of stuff, lol. It's hard, I know. We took pictures of sentimental stuff (the ugly vase from great, great grandma that was in a closet, but everyone always felt too guilty to get rid of). There's so much stuff like that. You have to think in terms of, if you're not using the item or it doesn't bring you personal joy looking at it, let it bless someone else. Or sometimes it's just time to let it go to the dump.

I love the idea of taking pictures of a keepsake you never take out of the box until you are cleaning out. I did some cleaning this week and find I just relocate stuff...LOL. A dumpster is a good idea, my daughter did that when she was cleaning out. We don't have a dump, so it's hard to get rid of the big stuff. If I tackle things here and there, it will be easier. Got to start somewhere.

 

[ThistleMae]

I am a planner. Always have been. I believe in always having a backup plan. So plan to be active, healthy with financial resources, but try to at least have a plan B for what if something happens.

I have the financial resources to have a fairly comfortable life today, but if the markets go to hades and I no longer have any money I have a paid for small condo and could survive on my social security. If I needed to move into a retirement (not assisted living) apartment I could swing it on my SS alone.

The wildcard is health. I've always exercised and have been the one who could walk for miles and miles and lift most things I needed to lift. For years I always parked far away from everything and used to joke that I wanted to walk because I could. But last year in the space of months I became basically paralyzed in one leg. For totally unknown reasons - not a stroke, nothing brain or ortho related. A nerve just died. But I'm lucky, my college roommate and BFF was never sick a day in her life until she died of brain cancer.

No one can plan for the unknown of aging. The body does what it wants to, sometimes unrelated to how well you care for yourself. Genetics can play a huge roll and while eating healthy and exercising helps, the genes can fight against all your efforts. I feel I need to start planning for a number of variables. Thanks for sharing your story. So sorry about your leg. ****happens! But...it's good you don't have to worry about affordability.

 

[ThistleMae]

Some air bnbs offer corporate places all over the country. I dated a guy here in Nashville who was renting via air bnb an incredible place on a monthly basis while his own place was being built. It'd give you the opportunity to try out a few different places for a month or 2 at a time. I think there is likely something for everyone on there. Good luck!

Thank you...I'm sure I will find the best plan for me...it takes some researching, and talking to folks in here as well as friends, who may have explored options of their own.

 

[JoanneAZ]

Yes, all so true. I consider myself in pretty good health but find I get overwhelmed with maintenance. I am a cancer survivor. I had a knee replaced in December and am now feeling much better. But...I have a hard time getting up off the floor... not from falling, from cleaning. I just did my shower floor and you should see me looking for things to hold onto to get back up....I'm a one woman comedy show! My newest issue is opening jars. There are times I'm thinking I have to change what I'm going to eat because I can't get the darn jar opened. I just saw this new gadget on TV for opening jars, I think I'm going to invest! I have fallen in my house, since my new knee. I was very worried that I might have damaged something, but I was okay. I give myself maybe 5-8 years and that's a stretch, regarding shoveling and yard work. I don't have as much energy as I used to and I remember my Dad at 90 definitely declining on how far he could walk, and even taking a shower was tiring for him. So I think I should be realistic. Aging isn't all that much fun...but I do laugh at myself frequently!

I’ve had trouble with jars, too. I have one of those rubber husbands for stuck lids. For a brand new jar, I use a spoon to break the vacuum. This video shows how:

 

[ThistleMae]

I’ve had trouble with jars, too. I have one of those rubber husbands for stuck lids. For a brand new jar, I use a spoon to break the vacuum. This video shows how:

Wow...that looked just too easy. I have used the banging on the bottom of the jar and the cover but never tried the spoon method. I'll try that and see if it works for all kinds of jars. Thanks.

 

[JoanneAZ]

Wow...that looked just too easy. I have used the banging on the bottom of the jar and the cover but never tried the spoon method. I'll try that and see if it works for all kinds of jars. Thanks.

You’re welcome. I find it works with any jar that’s vacuum sealed. If the spoon you’re trying doesn’t work try a larger or smaller one.

 

[ThistleMae]

I'm getting a bit concerned about affordability in Florida. Many of the 55+ communities are way out of my price range. It may end up being more affordable for me to hire a maintenance person and stay here. But the winter is very trying. -15 yesterday morning. Luckily I have synthetic oil in my car, which helps in cold weather. I have to say I have been able to start the car even after letting it sit all week, which back in the day was unheard of in these temperatures. I'm still weighing my options, so I'd appreciate hearing other stories out there.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I am 63 years old and find myself living alone. It' s winter here and lots of work to do outdoors. For the most part I can manage but it's getting more and more difficult to keep up with things. We just had a storm and I find I have to go out and shovel before it stops snowing because the snow gets too heavy for me to shovel when it gets deep. I can't start the snow blower and have been looking on utube for fixes. Many people end up selling their homes because it gets to be too much to take care of. I'm on a fixed income, so I can't afford to hire people to help out. My kids are too far away to help. I have 3 cats, so selling and moving would be precarious at best. As I age, the realties associated with aging are fast approaching. Never mind what happens if I end up with some physical disabilities that prevent me from doing all I do now. Do other folks find themselves in similar situations? What have you done to make things better? I'd appreciate it if you shared your stories. I do try and be optimistic, but I'm beginning to think that the choices I have before me are not the ones I ever planned on having to make. Thank you.

I see that people suggest getting a roommate. Do you have any colleges or universities nearby? Sometimes, students need an economical place to stay and would be able to help with chores.

But just between us, if you do get a boarder, just for fun, I'd neglect to tell your kids....... if "Paul" moves in, tell your kids that you have a new man in your life and see how they react. Tell them sure he's a bit younger but the age difference is just not an issue to you!

 

[ThistleMae]

I see that people suggest getting a roommate. Do you have any colleges or universities nearby? Sometimes, students need an economical place to stay and would be able to help with chores.

But just between us, if you do get a boarder, just for fun, I'd neglect to tell your kids....... if "Paul" moves in, tell your kids that you have a new man in your life and see how they react. Tell them sure he's a bit younger but the age difference is just not an issue to you!

I love it, hysterical. Unfortunately I am too remote to be near any colleges. I've been looking online at 55+ communities in Florida, my goodness the place is crawling with them...LOL! A few people from hear have given me some good suggestions regarding towns and complexes to check out. After getting up in the middle of the night twice, to go outside and hit my breaker (did I mention it was -27 here yesterday) Florida even with the heat is looking more and more appealing. The over 50 complexes have lots of activities and you can pay for maintenance. I think for the next few years I'll be getting rid of all my junk....little by little. I would love to live near Disney!

 

[clutter]

Yes, all so true. I consider myself in pretty good health but find I get overwhelmed with maintenance. I am a cancer survivor. I had a knee replaced in December and am now feeling much better. But...I have a hard time getting up off the floor... not from falling, from cleaning. I just did my shower floor and you should see me looking for things to hold onto to get back up....I'm a one woman comedy show! My newest issue is opening jars. There are times I'm thinking I have to change what I'm going to eat because I can't get the darn jar opened. I just saw this new gadget on TV for opening jars, I think I'm going to invest! I have fallen in my house, since my new knee. I was very worried that I might have damaged something, but I was okay. I give myself maybe 5-8 years and that's a stretch, regarding shoveling and yard work. I don't have as much energy as I used to and I remember my Dad at 90 definitely declining on how far he could walk, and even taking a shower was tiring for him. So I think I should be realistic. Aging isn't all that much fun...but I do laugh at myself frequently!

https://www.amazon.com/Good-Cook-2-...8&qid=1515013108&sr=8-3&keywords=jar+grip+pad

I got one of these free from a local business. Helps a LOT with Jars.

Also a friend's parents just purchased a house in Wildwood, FL. Very near the villages, and not that expensive. Not going to get new construction, but...

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I've said this before but I wish there was a 55+ community living place for just people on the disboards! We could all have our disboard name on our doors. We would have so much fun!

As we got old enough, we could go there.

 

[ThistleMae]

I've said this before but I wish there was a 55+ community living place for just people on the disboards! We could all have our disboard name on our doors. We would have so much fun!

As we got old enough, we could go there.

OMG....Best idea I've ever heard! That would truly be magic!

 

[ThistleMae]

https://www.amazon.com/Good-Cook-2-...8&qid=1515013108&sr=8-3&keywords=jar+grip+pad

I got one of these free from a local business. Helps a LOT with Jars.

Also a friend's parents just purchased a house in Wildwood, FL. Very near the villages, and not that expensive. Not going to get new construction, but...

Thank you, I'll check out Wildwood. I'm actually getting quite a nice list of options going. I'm so grateful for all the suggestions.

 

[maxaroni]

Thank you, I'll check out Wildwood. I'm actually getting quite a nice list of options going. I'm so grateful for all the suggestions.

I believe Wildwood is near Summerfield. I didn’t look at a map but when traveling around with my dad, we saw signs for Wildwood. I commented to him about that as there is a Wildwood, NJ. He said he would see the sign for Wildwood and he’d have to think where he was. LOL

 

[ThistleMae]

We're in this situation now. I'm 68, dh is 60. He's not ready to retire yet (not sure he will ever truly retire!). But, we're both tired of the NE winters. We have a house that is way more than we need. He's starting to have issues that make yard work difficult, although he loves playing in the yard! I want to head south. Currently, my ds and his wife are there, inTampa, dd is close to WDW. My step-mom has a place in Pompano Beach.
I would love to sell the house, buy, or rent, a small apt in our area so dh can continue to work. Then, buy something a bit nicer in Florida, as that's where we would end up permanently. He's still hesitant though. Then, there's the decision as to which type housing to buy. A condo, with the fees associated with that, or a free standing home, with maintainence falling on the homeowner. I know people in both situations, and they all gripe about their particular cons!!! Too funny. But, it will be fun to research.
Or, perhaps just rent someplace in Fl for 7 months a year.

I've been researching over 55 communities in central Florida...nearest to Disney...LOL. I've started a list. It's really hard to tell what the places are like unless you visit, so my plan is to go down in the next couple of years, several times and look around, visit the places. Let me know how your progress is going, and what if anything you may have discovered. After this last storm...and my mishap while shoveling...I accidentally stepped off my porch, hip deep with one leg in the snow, almost couldn't get out....I am more and more convinced I have to leave my home.

 

[Pumbaa_]

My parents became snowbirds. First year they stayed w an aunt for a few weeks.

They loved it! Did that 2 more years and checked out the area

Then they rented. Best decision ever! They got to spend 3 months living in the park they liked best. Right before they came home, one man said I'm selling. They bought his place next day

They ended up spending about 5 months a year there and lived it. They are in an over 55 park, and they owned a share of the land, not just the trailer and rented the land.

Smart on my dads part. The park next to them sold the land to a developer and the residents had 1 year to vacate, mist had to walk away from their homes

Dad passed 5 years ago. Mom decided she wanted to live there full time. She is so very happy down there. 2.5 years in and does not regret it at all. Does not miss the cold at all. Now she whines when it is 40. Really? Lol

The park mom is in sells by word of mouth. Nothing is ever advertised. So for all the research you are doing, there are so many more places that you won't find online. Good luck with your decision. It is not easy.

 

[aprilgail]

I've been researching over 55 communities in central Florida...nearest to Disney...LOL. I've started a list. It's really hard to tell what the places are like unless you visit, so my plan is to go down in the next couple of years, several times and look around, visit the places. Let me know how your progress is going, and what if anything you may have discovered. After this last storm...and my mishap while shoveling...I accidentally stepped off my porch, hip deep with one leg in the snow, almost couldn't get out....I am more and more convinced I have to leave my home.

I am ALMOST 55 and would love to live in a 55+ community- when I don't have to wear a coat and there is no snow removal! Someday I will get there. Right now I take care of my mom who is almost 90 and there is no way I can uproot her from her church and her Dr's here to take her with me to Florida. My daughter is in her 1st year of college in another state. I would just rent in Florida anyway until if/when my daughter gets married and has a child because where she goes is where I will end up, I won't be a grandparent that sees their grandkid twice a year. But for now I am in the prison of cold weather. I can not handle the snow shoveling though so for 350.00 I contract out for the removal. Any time it snows over 2" they come and handle all the plowing and shoveling, to me its worth it- its only like 30.00 a month to put away all year to pay for a entire winters worth of snow removal so it is WAY worth it to me!