"Can I Come To Your Wedding?"

[luvsJack]

The ceremony was family only..12 people in total. Our invitation for the reception stated no gifts please. Most people complied.

It is possible to have an event and not make it a gift grab.

You don't think it was just as rude for you to put a friend in another part of the house alone during the ceremony as it was for him/her to show up early? I mean would 14 rather than 12 people have made that much difference? Sounds like something that could have put a huge wrench in their friendship.

 

[sk!mom]

A wedding thread! Yay!

I'm planning a wedding- which has mostly been pretty fun, other than, of course, the guest list.
It was a stressful list to put together. Our awesome parents are helping us with the wedding and therefore could invite who they liked.
We will be inviting about 150 people - which is way more than I originally wanted but what can ya do.

I just had the first person come up to ask me if they were invited. A co-worker. No one from my office is invited. While I'm friendly with the people here, I keep them at work and never socialize with anyone outside of work.
I told him no co-workers would be invited and that it is family and closest friends but boy was it awkward!
I also have an acquaintance from high school that I KNOW will ask me if she is invited- she is not. I plan to go with the budget/family line.

Did people ask you if they were invited to your wedding? I think it's so rude. Wedding's are SO expensive and the cost per head is ridiculous. How did you handle these questions?

I was looking at a list of reception songs on my computer and he came over to my desk and asked if I was planning my wedding.

LOL money being a cop out. I'd love to have the money to be able to invite every person I'm friends with but that's not the case. And family and closest friends are who is invited.

I think one of the problems is the constant wedding talk/social media posts when someone is planning. If you're talking about it with friends or workmates or planning it while at work people assume that they will be invited. If you are close enough to discuss it then they assume that they are close enough to be invited.

Social media has also made this a very murky area. We now know of the plans of people who in prior years we might not have even known were getting married. We saw the "I said, yes!" photos, "I said yes to the dress photos, etc...

I just had an awkward moment when I mentioned getting the call that a wedding was cancelled to my sister. She knew all about the wedding due to constant social media posts but hadn't been invited. This was the wedding of the daughter of old family friends that neither of us see regularly in recent years. I have no idea why DH and I were invited yet my sis and her DH were not.

Weddings are so complicated. The best advice is, don't discuss your plans with those that you do not intend to include.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I know people who love being invited to weddings because it's a night of having a decent meal, free alcohol and a DJ. Depending on your gift it can be a cheap night out.

I have a big family and so does my SO. If we were to have a wedding we would have to invite 200 people easily as not to offend anyone. And yes people would ask us where their invitation is or get VERY upset and offended if they aren't invited. My SO's cousin just got married and they had 180 people. His other cousin is having a destination wedding and 65 people are going! I doubt I'll ever get married again but if I do it's been made clear we will elope.

I would never ask where my invite is. I like weddings but if I'm not invited I look at it as money saved.

 

[weeniecat2442]

I think one of the problems is the constant wedding talk/social media posts when someone is planning. If you're talking about it with friends or workmates or planning it while at work people assume that they will be invited. If you are close enough to discuss it then they assume that they are close enough to be invited.

Social media has also made this a very murky area. We now know of the plans of people who in prior years we might not have even known were getting married. We saw the "I said, yes!" photos, "I said yes to the dress photos, etc...

I just had an awkward moment when I mentioned getting the call that a wedding was cancelled to my sister. She knew all about the wedding due to constant social media posts but hadn't been invited. This was the wedding of the daughter of old family friends that neither of us see regularly in recent years. I have no idea why DH and were invited yet my sis and her DH were not.

Weddings are so complicated. The best advice is, don't discuss your plans with those that you do not intend to include.

I totally agree with you! I have kept any wedding planning posts to a minimum- there's been 2 total (one was just a post that we were engaged). I only talk about the wedding planning at work when someone asks me how it's going and then its just a quick response.

But, on the other hand, I also see FB friends posting about their plans constantly and never assume I'm invited just because they posted that they booked their venue.

 

[sk!mom]

Just sayin....
If family members have to be told not to talk about the wedding at all with those not invited
OR
You have to lie to people about what they aren't invited
THEN
Maybe you just need to elope by yourself or have just a JP wedding.
What a way to start a marriage: with secrecy and lies.

I'm not suggesting secrecy or lies just maybe not constant wedding talk with those that you do not intend to invite.

Cake, punch, general admission

OMG. My cousin's daughter is getting married, and there was a picture of the Save the Date card on FB recently. I was going to ask, "where's mine?" as a joke. We're not close (but not not close.) Thank you, I never considered their point of view.

Well, she didn't say when. Send it after the wedding

Exactly! Why would anyone post the Save the Date? It makes some people assume that they should Save the date.

I totally agree with you! I have kept any wedding planning posts to a minimum- there's been 2 total (one was just a post that we were engaged). I only talk about the wedding planning at work when someone asks me how it's going and then its just a quick response.

But, on the other hand, I also see FB friends posting about their plans constantly and never assume I'm invited just because they posted that they booked their venue.

I also do not assume that I am invited but I can see how some people would think that the constant wedding talk would result in an invitation.

 

[tcufrog]

I forgot about another wedding story. When I was pregnant with my first son my then best friend got engaged to be married right after my baby was due. She had been one of my bridesmaids and I thought we were very close. Money was tight so they decided to have an immediate family wedding at their church's chapel and a cake and punch reception for a lot more people at a local veterans hall. Since the wedding was so small and she never mentioned a wedding party I assumed she wasn't having one. I felt very honored when she invited me to the wedding since so few people were invited and was happy to have the wedding shower at my house. Some family members and friends took care of the planning since had just given birth.

Imagine my surprise when I learned at the shower in my home that she was having two bridesmaids, her sister and a childhood friend. I looked really stupid that I didn't know given that everyone else at the shower did. I was relieved not to be one right after giving birth and while nursing but I was upset that she was too chickens$&#* to tell me.

 

[Wendy31]

W/ the advent of social media, you now know way more about people's weddings (the wedding preparations) than you ever did before.

There have been several of my Facebook friends who have had weddings to which I wasn't invited. However, I've seen engagement photos, pics of the "save the date" cards, pics of showers, pics of wedding dress shopping, etc. However, none of that ever led me to believe I'd be invited. While we may be Facebook friends & acquaintances, the actual day-to-day relationship isn't there, & I would have been surprised had we actually received an invitation.

That said, I enjoyed "seeing" the wedding & all the prep through Facebook.

I once worked w/ a woman whose daughter was getting married, & she LOVED to discuss the wedding & all the prep in detail. Neither I nor any of our coworkers were actually invited to the wedding, but I didn't expect to be.

Regarding bridesmaids -

I had a friend who was engaged, & she asked me (& numerous other girls) to be bridesmaids. However, the wedding was called off. Within the next year, I got married, & she was one of my bridesmaids. About 5 years later, she got married, &, this time, only had 2 bridesmaids (her brother's wife & her groom's sister). I wasn't offended at all that she had not asked me to be a bridesmaid. Circumstances change. Each wedding is different. And the type of wedding party the bride/groom desires is different from person to person.

When DH's brother got married, he & his bride-to-be had a small, destination wedding w/ only had 2 attendants - DH's other brother & his wife. At the time, DH & I were very close to being engaged. I was invited to the wedding, & I was completely fine w/ that. When DH & I got married, I asked both of DH's brothers' wives to be in my wedding.

 

[kimblebee]

You don't think it was just as rude for you to put a friend in another part of the house alone during the ceremony as it was for him/her to show up early? I mean would 14 rather than 12 people have made that much difference? Sounds like something that could have put a huge wrench in their friendship.

Nope. Not rude at all. To me, yes, it would have made a difference because it would have raised questions of 'well so and so got to see the wedding..why didn't I get to'?

The invitation said 11-3. Don't show up at 10 and try to horn your way in.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I think one of the problems is the constant wedding talk/social media posts when someone is planning. If you're talking about it with friends or workmates or planning it while at work people assume that they will be invited. If you are close enough to discuss it then they assume that they are close enough to be invited.

Social media has also made this a very murky area. We now know of the plans of people who in prior years we might not have even known were getting married. We saw the "I said, yes!" photos, "I said yes to the dress photos, etc...

I just had an awkward moment when I mentioned getting the call that a wedding was cancelled to my sister. She knew all about the wedding due to constant social media posts but hadn't been invited. This was the wedding of the daughter of old family friends that neither of us see regularly in recent years. I have no idea why DH and I were invited yet my sis and her DH were not.

Weddings are so complicated. The best advice is, don't discuss your plans with those that you do not intend to include.

Yup. Absolutely. I would never ask to attend a wedding- I spend too much time getting out of attending the ones I'm already invited to.

But if you aren't going to invite me, no, I'm not buying you a gift. I'm not going to attend a reception if you didn't also invite me to the wedding. If I'm not invited to either, I don't want to hear about your struggles to find a venue, your hunt for the perfect dress, the drama with your inlaws...

And that's not even entirely social media. I've been cornered by coworkers aand acquaintances and been told about all that in detail. At that point I'd consider asking for an invite just to get them to stop talking.

Maybe I'm weird. I also don't want to hear about my coworkers' recent surgery or diet or sex life in detail. I just don't. People overshare entirely too much.

(And OP, I know no one will agree with me on this either, but work is not the place you should be looking up songs for your reception. If you want them out of your personal life, leave your personal life at home).

 

[LiveYourLife]

(And OP, I know no one will agree with me on this either, but work is not the place you should be looking up songs for your reception. If you want them out of your personal life, leave your personal life at home).

I 2000% agree with you on this.

 

[weeniecat2442]

Yup. Absolutely. I would never ask to attend a wedding- I spend too much time getting out of attending the ones I'm already invited to.

But if you aren't going to invite me, no, I'm not buying you a gift. I'm not going to attend a reception if you didn't also invite me to the wedding. If I'm not invited to either, I don't want to hear about your struggles to find a venue, your hunt for the perfect dress, the drama with your inlaws...

And that's not even entirely social media. I've been cornered by coworkers aand acquaintances and been told about all that in detail. At that point I'd consider asking for an invite just to get them to stop talking.

Maybe I'm weird. I also don't want to hear about my coworkers' recent surgery or diet or sex life in detail. I just don't. People overshare entirely too much.

(And OP, I know no one will agree with me on this either, but work is not the place you should be looking up songs for your reception. If you want them out of your personal life, leave your personal life at home).

yikes! not sure what to say to all that so...here is a kitty they aid in relaxing and de-stressing.

 

[Westcoastwild]

yikes! not sure what to say to all that so...here is a kitty they aid in relaxing and de-stressing.

Kitty allergies. But feel free to post cute cat videos- I do like those.

Sorry...coworkers have been particularly trying this week. Wish I was at Disney, and in 10 days I will be at DisneySea!! Just keep swimming... just keep swimming

 

[weeniecat2442]

Kitty allergies. But feel free to post cute cat videos- I do like those.

Sorry...coworkers have been particularly trying this week. Wish I was at Disney, and in 10 days I will be at DisneySea!! Just keep swimming... just keep swimming

I hear ya! I'd much rather be somewhere fun than surrounded by my co-workers who are equally as unhappy to be stuck in the office! Enjoy your trip!!

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

Almost 30 yrs ago, it was VEGAS baby!!

imho only, I think "weddings" are so over-rated.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

There was one time I assumed I was invited to my cousins wedding and asked my grandmother (my uncle had dropped them off to her) for my invitation. I ONLY assumed I was invited because I was invited to the bridal shower and gave a gift. I thought that was BEYOND tacky. I don't know what goes through peoples heads.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

In occasions when I was certain my husband and I would be invited, I have asked if it was an adults-only wedding or if kids were also included. But if I wasn't sure if I would be invited, no, I would never ask someone.

 

[okeydokey]

Congratulations OP. I'm sure your wedding will be lovely. I wouldn't worry about those that are upset at you having the wedding you want and not the wedding they think you should have. If they are married, then they made their own choice and now you can do the same.

Can't please everyone. For example, everyone what wants kids at YOUR wedding there is another person who wants no kids at YOUR wedding. And if they are so offended at your choices for your day, that you are paying for, that they then bow out of your life, then they weren't so valuable to have in your life to begin with.

 

[Kaytie]

My point is, should your cousin's daughter have a cake, punch, general admission to make it possible for the budget to include you and others of similar level of not close/not not close to the wedding?

Absolutely not. I would have been shocked at being invited. But the first question I answered was something like, "how can you have everyone who wants to come to a wedding and keep on budget."

 

[luvsJack]

Nope. Not rude at all. To me, yes, it would have made a difference because it would have raised questions of 'well so and so got to see the wedding..why didn't I get to'?

The invitation said 11-3. Don't show up at 10 and try to horn your way in.

I get what you are saying but do you really think they got there at 10 to "horn their way in" to your ceremony? Most people really don't care that much to see someone else's wedding ceremony.

FYI: putting a guest in another room alone, is in fact rude.

 

[kimblebee]

I get what you are saying but do you really think they got there at 10 to "horn their way in" to your ceremony? Most people really don't care that much to see someone else's wedding ceremony.

FYI: putting a guest in another room alone, is in fact rude.

It's your opinion that it was rude. They were fine with it and they were alone for a whole 15 minutes.

It was my wedding, I didn't want anyone but family so that's the way it was.