"Can I Come To Your Wedding?"

[Disney_traveler]

Just sayin....
If family members have to be told not to talk about the wedding at all with those not invited
OR
You have to lie to people about what they aren't invited
THEN
Maybe you just need to elope by yourself or have just a JP wedding.
What a way to start a marriage: with secrecy and lies.

 

[amberpi]

Elope.

I now think this is always the right answer.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I have been a part of many more weddings than most. The reality is once you're over about 100, you'll easily have enough people that you were sure would show up that don't, you can invite the few that will ask and you won't have a problem with numbers. We had people we were absolutely sure that would show that chose to go to a college football game instead. Boy was my MIL peeved at them. HAHA. Better them than me!!!

It's not impolite for someone at the office to ask nor is it impolite to say no. But the reality is given the number of 150, one can probably work them in. You will have some no shows. And that they asked means they would really like to come.

 

[javeyloveschelsi]

My awkward moment was when I had an old friend call asking if she was going to be one of my bridesmaids--talk about an uncomfortable conversation! As for the elope comment, I can't say I disagree. My wedding ended up being a disaster and so for our fifth wedding anniversary, my DH set up a really cheap, relaxing, surprise vow renewal for us with just super close friends and family. Cost him maybe $500 for everything, including a night away and to me, that ceremony and day was WAY better than the nearly $20,000 stress filled, headache causing original wedding we had.

 

[Kaytie]

I realize I'm probably not the braintrust anybody would choose to plan their wedding, being as that is just not my cup of tea and all, but I have no idea how anybody could possibly plan a wedding where the budget can be stretched to include everyone who wants to show up?

Cake, punch, general admission

poor daughter in law even had a distant not close family member not invited tell her on Social Media, can't wait to be there....

OMG. My cousin's daughter is getting married, and there was a picture of the Save the Date card on FB recently. I was going to ask, "where's mine?" as a joke. We're not close (but not not close.) Thank you, I never considered their point of view.

One family member fb messaged me that due to family drama, she wouldn't come but please send her an invitation. I just glossed over that in my response because I don't even know how to respond to that.

Well, she didn't say when. Send it after the wedding

 

[Kaytie]

Family and aquaintences that weren't a regular part of their personal lives were not invited.

Yeah, that's why I figure I'm not invited

 

[scrhsa]

Wasn't a problem for me. I married out of state and it was just immediate family. We didn't even have a "wedding". No fancy dress, no flowers, no music etc. Just us, the Chaplain and family. It was wonderful I'm pretty shy(more so then) and would have hated having a big wedding. My MIL even said it was her favorite wedding of her three kids

 

[punkin]

Interesting that a wedding thread just popped up since my DD just got engaged last week. We are already having guest list issues.

 

[lorimay]

Interesting that a wedding thread just popped up since my DD just got engaged last week. We are already having guest list issues.

Congratulations!!!
Please don't let that stress you!
Enjoy the planning with your daughter is goes by so quickly!
Ignore rude people, and do want makes your daughter happy.

 

[weeniecat2442]

I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and guess you've never in your life thrown a wedding.

my guess was he/she is someone that asks if they are invited to the wedding

 

[tcufrog]

Why would you post your Save the Date or wedding invitation on social media? That's just asking for trouble.

 

[mjkacmom]

It wasn't an issue at my wedding, so I don't have any personal experience having to deal from that side of things. I would never ask someone if I was invited - seems awkward. However, I can see where someone might expect they should be invited and might inquire if they haven't received an invitation (ie did it get lost, did they not get mailed out yet). I think your response is perfect.

A little off topic, but one thing that irks me is when I'm invited to the shower but not the wedding. Maybe I'm taking it wrong, but it feels too much like a gift grab to me. It's always from people I don't know well - a coworker or other acquaintance, so I don't go (and probably wouldn't have gone to the wedding, either).

The only time it's appropriate to be invited to the shower but not the wedding is a work shower.

 

[cabanafrau]

Cake, punch, general admission

OMG. My cousin's daughter is getting married, and there was a picture of the Save the Date card on FB recently. I was going to ask, "where's mine?" as a joke. We're not close (but not not close.) Thank you, I never considered their point of view.

Well, she didn't say when. Send it after the wedding

My point is, should your cousin's daughter have a cake, punch, general admission to make it possible for the budget to include you and others of similar level of not close/not not close to the wedding? I'm not suggesting bride and groom should take their budget, get their heart set on a wedding in a European castle and know that choice means they can afford for their parents to attend with them, but no siblings, no grandparents, no friends, etc.

If their budget will cover X local venue and 125 people for a reception with dinner, drinks and dancing which allows them to invite all close family members and friends I don't think they should be forced to move to an option of cake, punch, general admission for the groom's mom's sorority sister, dad's fishing club buddies, mom's cousins who are only a Christmas card relationship to come. Plenty of times people who aren't particularly close will want to come because they love social gatherings or would like the chance to catch up and see such an important moment. I simply don't think a couple should be expected to change perfectly reasonable arrangements to accommodate tenuous or distant relationships.

If you have a couple who have very large, very close families and a smattering of very close friends, then I can see cake, punch, general admission to make sure that all those faces are able to be invited to share the celebration. That couple should not pick the style of reception where they can't afford to invite all of the aunts and uncles who have been right there, loving and caring from the start.

 

[luvsJack]

I see people are giving you a hard time over your opinion, but I agree to a certain extent. I've seen a lot of family or friends fall out over a wedding. Unfortunately, decisions often have consequences. One has to decide how much relationships with those who want to attend, but aren't invited, matter to the bride & groom or their parents. I realize many people don't agree with me, but IMO a wedding isn't just about the bride & groom. A wedding is one day of your life. You'll have to live with both families & each others friends for the length of the marriage, which is hopefully a lot longer than a day. The wedding couple are free to make any decisions they want. They just need to be prepared for those decisions to come back to haunt them later.

ETA: In the OPs situation, where she doesn't really consider her co-workers friends, there's no reason to worry about how they'll feel about being left out.

I agree with you and the pp somewhat. I don't think a one day event should end possible life long (even if not close) relationships. Co-workers of course are an exception but friends and relatives should be included if they want to celebrate with you.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I got engaged about 4 months after I started teaching at a different school. I had gotten to be friendly with the secretary, but not bff's or anything - just chat at school and never socialize outside of school. We got engaged in January and were planning a July wedding. In about April or May, the secretary asked me if she could hand out the programs at my wedding!!!!! Not just be invited, but actually have a role in my wedding!!! I just kind of did a nervous laugh and said I hadn't made decisions about that sort of stuff yet. I did invite her to the wedding, but she didn't come - I guess if she didn't get to hand out programs than she wasn't even coming.

 

[kimblebee]

For my second (and current) wedding, we got married in my parents sunroom. Family only, very low key, took about 10 minutes.

His best friend and boyfriend showed up 15 minutes before the wedding (we had an open house/reception after the 'ceremony') and they waited in a different part of the house until we were done. Your invitation said to be there for 1130..don't try and shoehorn your way into my wedding.

 

[DaisyJ]

For my second (and current) wedding, we got married in my parents sunroom. Family only, very low key, took about 10 minutes.

His best friend and boyfriend showed up 15 minutes before the wedding (we had an open house/reception after the 'ceremony') and they waited in a different part of the house until we were done. Your invitation said to be there for 1130..don't try and shoehorn your way into my wedding.

So your husband's best friend was good enough to be invited to the reception (meaning, bring a gift), but not the ceremony? Ooookay.

 

[weeniecat2442]

Wedding's bring out so many emotions with people! We are inviting all kids in our families but that's it- no kids of friends. Most of my friends with kids seem pretty damn excited for a grown-up's night out.
When we started planning I told my fiance to be ready to hear absolutely everybody's opinion on how the wedding should be and be ready to have people say their feelings are hurt. I've been a bridesmaid many many times so I've seen what can go on (which is why I'm having a MOH only!). You can't make everyone happy.

 

[kimblebee]

So your husband's best friend was good enough to be invited to the reception (meaning, bring a gift), but not the ceremony? Ooookay.

The ceremony was family only..12 people in total. Our invitation for the reception stated no gifts please. Most people complied.

It is possible to have an event and not make it a gift grab.

 

[Magpie]

Wow, reading all this, I am SO glad we eloped.