When we were married 10 yrs, yes, I was hurt because DH didn't even give me a card or say "Happy Anniversary" . . . . or birthday, or Valentine's Day, etc. At ~15 yrs I was both hurt & angry on my birthday. Not only did he not say anything, he was on night shift & came home late without calling. The reason? They had a small party for one of his co-workers . . . yup, for his birthday. I never said anything, just waited. He couldn't understand why I was angry when he went to work that night.
When DS was ~8 he got really upset because there was nothing for me at Christmas even though I'd gotten something for DH. After that I started buying something to wrap & put under the tree in case he forgot. I told him he really needed to get something small because it upset DS so much. Yes, sometimes I opened that gift I bought.
Is he thoughtless? No. When my back got bad, he started doing the laundry & vacuuming. When DD came along & would climb out of the shopping cart & run away while I was reaching for something on a shelf, he started doing the grocery shopping. I could go on.
I don't know why I was surprised at the no card, no gift. In my family every holiday, anniversary, etc was a big deal. In his, they'd take their Christmas gifts from me & go to their bedrooms to open them.
I knew this before I married him. Some families are very different.
Oddly enough, when I stopped feeling hurt by his behavior (after ~18 yrs) he started bringing me flowers for no reason whatever. I also started getting gifts - BIG gifts! This year for Valentine's Day (which
I forgot!) I got a card that made me cry.
Will I trade him in? Never!