Would you be upset??

[lmj]

I

 

[jrmasm]

Yes!

 

[LucyStorm]

Whew...I don't want to step on your already tender heart tonight, but the poor guy got you exactly what you told him you wanted--nothing. If you didn't mean it, you shouldn't have said it, and you can't hold it against him when he did exactly as you asked. If you really at least wanted flowers, you should have said so instead of saying that you wanted nothing. He's a man--not a mindreader.

Try to patch things up and have a nice anniversary.

 

[jamsmom]

Yes, I would be upset. and......Yes, Jim would do the same thing.

 

[JohnTBap]

{{{HUGS}}} for you! Men can be so dense sometimes, can't they? He ought to be able to speak "wife" by now!! Nothing does not mean literally NOTHING. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[JohnTBap]

For you

 

[holycow]

Yes, I'd be pissed too!

Go out and buy yourself something!

Holycow

(happy anniversary)

 

[Lynn CC]

DH and I have occasionally decided that we weren't going to exchange gifts on several anniversaries over our 20 years of marriage. When we say nothing we mean nothing...

Your DH is probably feeling bad, upstairs, that you got him a ring when he thought you wern't exchanging.

A ring is really a nice surprise, DH got me a 10th anniversary ring on our 10th too...I didn't get him a thing because that's what we agreed on. He wasn't mad at all, just excited that he surprised me.

I wouldn't be mad at him, maybe you could put out some candles and have a late dinner together or dessert or something to salvage the night!

My Mom always said never go to bed angry...I'm sure he won't mind missing the rest of the game

Happy 10th Anniversary!

 

[lmj]

I'm just so tired of fighting about this and getting disappointed every holiday, birthday, and anniversary. This Christmas I bought my own presents for him to give me from the kids and I didn't even get a card for Valentine's Day. I'm actually to the point where instead of looking forward to these days, I can't wait for them to be over because I know I'm just going to be disappointed. What makes it even worse is that he gets mad at me and makes me feel like I did something wrong.

 

[lmj]

I specifically gave him the ring yesterday so that he would not feel bad if he had nothing for me since it wasn't our anniversary yet. We did not agree not to exchange gifts. When I gave him the ring he said "I wasn't going to get anything big". I said that is okay we don't really have the money now because I did not want him to stop at the jewelry store and buy the first thing he saw.

 

[holycow]

Ah,,,(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))to you...it sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with DH!...tonight might not be the night cause you are both hurting in your own ways but I would confront him and tell him you feel unappreciated...that a small gift, a card from the heart or flowers would mean so much to you......Take care!

Holycow

 

[doxdogy]

Yes, you should be upset. But, unfortunately if you tell a husband nothing he thinks nothing. Unless, you have been married as long as I have (20 years in April), and they finally figure out they better have a gift for you.

I have been lucky with my wonderful hubby. He always gets me good birthday, Christmas and anniversary gifts.

 

[Blueberry]

I am afraid he is not the gift or flower picking out type of guy....I would throw some really obvious hints next holiday. Like I really love that new green chair as you are shopping and then bring it up again over and over and maybe he will get the hint..{{{HUG}}}

 

[mickeyfan1]

Originally posted by lmj
Today is my 10 year wedding anniversary. I bought DH a new wedding ring which I gave him yesterday. He has never been good at buying me gifts and I told him I didn't want anything. I did think he would at least buy flowers. Well I come home from work today and you guessed it ... nothing.

Well, that's what you said you wanted. Look, I prefer not getting anything because it's an obligation. Just because it's Christmas or my birthday, I never "want" anything, if DH wants to find something that he knows I would like, and he gets it for me, that's great. If he can't do that, that's great, too. You have been married 10 years, that's a good record in this day. If you tell him you don't want anything, but you really do, it's not his fault for obeying your wishes. That may be why he gets angry, because you say one thing and then get dissapointed when he does that. Marraige isn't a contest to see who can buy the best or most things for each other. If you wanted flowers, you should have said so, if you want to go out to dinner, you should have planned it. Sorry to sound harsh, but men are not mind readers, not all of them are gift givers. My DH hates to hold hands or show any type of affection in public. After knowing him for over 30 years, I'm used to it. DO I wish he was different, yes. DOes it bother me, NO. If I got upset over him doing something I told him to do, ie not buy a gift, that would a little silly.
If you really need, buy your own flowers, jewelry, candy, etc. But you may not ever find another man who will be a partner for 10 years already and hopefully 30 or 40 more.

 

[Serena]

Originally posted by lmj
I'm just so tired of fighting about this and getting disappointed every holiday, birthday, and anniversary. This Christmas I bought my own presents for him to give me from the kids and I didn't even get a card for Valentine's Day. I'm actually to the point where instead of looking forward to these days, I can't wait for them to be over because I know I'm just going to be disappointed. What makes it even worse is that he gets mad at me and makes me feel like I did something wrong.

I had this problem for 20 years. I'm not greedy, a card for my birthday would be nice. I told him I want something, even just a call, a note, just something. I was imposing on him. I had the heart to heart at least once a year. When he ever did buy me something, it was usually something he wanted, or wanted me to have instead of something I would like.

So, I have been in your boat. He left in August, and he actually gave me a valentine card this year.

But give the guy a chance. You said "nothing", he assumed that's what you meant. Now, you're crying and he's pouting and feeling mistreated too. You need to clear the air because there was a major misunderstanding.
You cannot read each other's minds. Write it down if you want. Tell him that those holidays are important to you.
And if perchance you have done all this, then I don't know what to say. Obviously I'm not in a position to give too much advice although I do anyway.

 

[lmj]

We have had this talk many times. He won't even talk to me right now. I have told him how I feel and that it's not the present it is the thought that counts. I think my first post wasn't very clear. I did not say not to get me anything. He said he wasn't planning on getting anything big and I said that is okay. He knows I like flowers (even just a small bunch of daffodils or tulips) and I can't even count how many times I have told him this would make me happy.

 

[Ranatra]

Yes, I would be upset.
Why do guys have to be so thickheaded? I mean, COME ON!!
A 10 Year Anniversary is Special! Put a little thought and EFFORT into it. THat's all we ask. If we can do it, why can't you?

(((((((( Hugs ))))))))))) When you're both not upset anymore, you need to talk. Communicate with each other.

 

[Serena]

I'm sorry. I know it hurts.

 

[piratesmate]

When we were married 10 yrs, yes, I was hurt because DH didn't even give me a card or say "Happy Anniversary" . . . . or birthday, or Valentine's Day, etc. At ~15 yrs I was both hurt & angry on my birthday. Not only did he not say anything, he was on night shift & came home late without calling. The reason? They had a small party for one of his co-workers . . . yup, for his birthday. I never said anything, just waited. He couldn't understand why I was angry when he went to work that night.

When DS was ~8 he got really upset because there was nothing for me at Christmas even though I'd gotten something for DH. After that I started buying something to wrap & put under the tree in case he forgot. I told him he really needed to get something small because it upset DS so much. Yes, sometimes I opened that gift I bought.

Is he thoughtless? No. When my back got bad, he started doing the laundry & vacuuming. When DD came along & would climb out of the shopping cart & run away while I was reaching for something on a shelf, he started doing the grocery shopping. I could go on.

I don't know why I was surprised at the no card, no gift. In my family every holiday, anniversary, etc was a big deal. In his, they'd take their Christmas gifts from me & go to their bedrooms to open them. I knew this before I married him. Some families are very different.

Oddly enough, when I stopped feeling hurt by his behavior (after ~18 yrs) he started bringing me flowers for no reason whatever. I also started getting gifts - BIG gifts! This year for Valentine's Day (which I forgot!) I got a card that made me cry.

Will I trade him in? Never!

 

[Boo'sMom]

Originally posted by lmj
I'm just so tired of fighting about this and getting disappointed every holiday, birthday, and anniversary. This Christmas I bought my own presents for him to give me from the kids and I didn't even get a card for Valentine's Day. I'm actually to the point where instead of looking forward to these days, I can't wait for them to be over because I know I'm just going to be disappointed. What makes it even worse is that he gets mad at me and makes me feel like I did something wrong.

OMG...give me back my husband....


(((((hugs))))) hope you're feeling better soon!!