Why doesn't family ask for advice before they book?

[happymommy]

I wasn't looking for an argument here or with my inlaws. It was just sad to hear how she disliked going. They really tried to cram in a lot in 3 days, which for someone in their mid to late 50's, is exhausting.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

They never asked me for any advice, she chose to listen to her friend who had been 1 time instead of me. Crazy, I know!

Why should they have asked you for advice? Shouldn't a person be able to choose who they talk with regarding their vacations? Maybe they knew they wouldn't want to vacation like you and their styles were different.

 

[happymommy]

Sadly this is a common scenario. My brother and SIL took their kids once a few years ago. They never asked me for any advice, she chose to listen to her friend who had been 1 time instead of me. Crazy, I know! Well they also had no clue about the FP, or other facts I could have told them. It's fine if you don't want to do research or listen to someone who has been many times. But what bothered me is they come back and look at my like I am crazy for going so much because they had a bad time. Funny enough, the kids loved it and wanted to go back but they won't take them again.

My folks took me once, when I was about 7. I loved it so much, but they never took us back either!

Yes, also my sister in law couldn't understand how I like going, now that she's been. I told her I was going solo in September (got the Dolphin king room for $79/night deal). She was like, what? You would go alone? She could not even believe that an adult would do that. I told her it's Epcot's Food & Wine Festival, and I've never been (since being a stay at home mom, with a husband who can work long hours, I was waiting until I was an empty nester to do it). She thinks I'm crazy I bet, LOL!

My husband and I had actually talked about bringing our nephew with us, as we think it would be fun for him, but also we felt like suggesting that would be stepping on their toes.

 

[happymommy]

Why should they have asked you for advice? Shouldn't a person be able to choose who they talk with regarding their vacations? Maybe they knew they wouldn't want to vacation like you and their styles were different.

We're not here looking for an argument.

If I were to plan a trip to Europe, I'd ask my sister for advice, since she's been many times. It's normal for those of us to seek advice from someone who has been somewhere before.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We're not here looking for an argument.

If I were to plan a trip to Europe, I'd ask my sister for advice, since she's been many times. It's normal for those of us to seek advice from someone who has been somewhere before.

I didn't say I was looking for an argument

I was responding because the poster specifically made comments that her brother and sister-in-law asked someone else, who had only been once but was also her friend, versus them that had been multiple times. The brother and sister-in-law did actually ask someone who had been before it just wasn't who the PP wanted which was themselves.

It's entirely possible the brother and sister-in-law have completely different traveling styles than the PP. Besides no one is obligated to ask someone specifically for advice on travel.

 

[Lilsia]

Why should they have asked you for advice? Shouldn't a person be able to choose who they talk with regarding their vacations? Maybe they knew they wouldn't want to vacation like you and their styles were different.

Are you serious? I think most people would ask advice about something, not just WDW, from someone who has more experience then someone who has seen or done something 1 time. Most rational people anyway. Not to mention the fact that I am related to them and know their likes and dislikes better. Your statement is just argumentative.

 

[Lilsia]

My folks took me once, when I was about 7. I loved it so much, but they never took us back either!

Yes, also my sister in law couldn't understand how I like going, now that she's been. I told her I was going solo in September (got the Dolphin king room for $79/night deal). She was like, what? You would go alone? She could not even believe that an adult would do that. I told her it's Epcot's Food & Wine Festival, and I've never been (since being a stay at home mom, with a husband who can work long hours, I was waiting until I was an empty nester to do it). She thinks I'm crazy I bet, LOL!

My husband and I had actually talked about bringing our nephew with us, as we think it would be fun for him, but also we felt like suggesting that would be stepping on their toes.

I get the "you are going alone" all the time. At least until I start telling people all of the adult amazing things I am able to do without having kids around. There are a bunch of events specifically geared for adults only. You will get the occasional young person who does like the seminars and will eat more "sophisticated" foods. This will be my 7th year in a row and I see a lot of the same people year after year. One event in particular there are several people that go the same week every year and we have a great time together.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

When someone goes on vacation and doesn't ask me for advice and doesn't have a good time I don't think "they should've asked me since I know how to enjoy that destination best." Nope. I think "I guess that place isn't for them." And I'm sure they have their own place I won't like very much.

I hear on the boards so much that an all inclusive type vacation isn't their cup of tea. Even though I love all inclusives I can see that others would dislike it. Even if I gave them a bunch of advice on how to make it worthwhile. I can also see someone disliking Disney. I don't think my way is the right way.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Are you serious? I think most people would ask advice about something, not just WDW, from someone who has more experience then someone who has seen or done something 1 time. Most rational people anyway. Not to mention the fact that I am related to them and know their likes and dislikes better. Your statement is just argumentative.

Yes I'm totally serious. You sounded hurt that they went to someone else for advice? Why? They shouldn't feel obligated to ask you just because you went several times. Like I said they could have completely different traveling styles.

What if you're the uber planner and they aren't for example.

We're going to Jamaica in August. Sister-in-law and mother-in-law went several years ago. Appearently my husband and I should feel obligated to ask them what to do just because they've been before when in reality what they like to do most times isn't what we want to do. My husband and I are going to go to the beach as the main reason whereas when they went they went touristy crazy. Not our scene. We like things here and there but that's not our intent to go there. Same as when we went to Hawaii.

No it wasn't argumentative. You stated "crazy I know!" as if duh they should go to you. I was stating they should feel like they can ask whoever they want to. In other words don't feel hurt or upset because they went to someone else for advice. There can be perfectly logical reasonable reasons why they did so and they should feel like you are an option not the option.

 

[Lilsia]

I didn't say I was looking for an argument

I was responding because the poster specifically made comments that her brother and sister-in-law asked someone else, who had only been once but was also her friend, versus them that had been multiple times. The brother and sister-in-law did actually ask someone who had been before it just wasn't who the PP wanted which was themselves.

It's entirely possible the brother and sister-in-law have completely different traveling styles than the PP. Besides no one is obligated to ask someone specifically for advice on travel.

Maybe I should have specified, after their trip they came home complaining about all of the stuff that they did not know about because the friend either neglected to tell them or did not know about it. Common sense dictates that if you want to know something, you should ask someone with more experience. Like I said, I don't care if they ask me or not, but don't come complaining back to me or look at me like I am the crazy one for enjoying MY trips just because you did not enjoy yours, especially through their own fault.

 

[Lilsia]

Yes I'm totally serious. You sounded hurt that they went to someone else for advice? Why? They shouldn't feel obligated to ask you just because you went several times. Like I said they could have completely different traveling styles.

What if you're the uber planner and they aren't for example.

We're going to Jamaica in August. Sister-in-law and mother-in-law went several years ago. Appearently my husband and I should feel obligated to ask them what to do just because they've been before when in reality what they like to do most times isn't what we want to do. My husband and I are going to go to the beach as the main reason whereas when they went they went touristy crazy. Not our scene. We like things here and there but that's not our intent to go there. Same as when we went to Hawaii.

No it wasn't argumentative. You stated "crazy I know!" as if duh they should go to you. I was stating they should feel like they can ask whoever they want to. In other words don't feel hurt or upset because they went to someone else for advice. There can be perfectly logical reasonable reasons why they did so and they should feel like you are an option not the option.

I was neither hurt nor upset, just dumbfounded that they have a WDW "expert" but they chose to ask someone who had only been once.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Common sense dictates that if you want to know something, you should ask someone with more experience.

I was neither hurt nor upset, just dumbfounded that they have a WDW "expert" but they chose to ask someone who had only been once.

I think maybe that's where the disconnect is. There is no common sense in dictating that you should go to someone with more experience. It's their vacation-they can ask for advice if they would like to, they can choose who they want to ask advice for. If you would defer to someone who had been more times that's totally ok. But so is not deferring to someone who had been multiple times.

We're not going to ask mother-in-law and sister-in-law for advice on Jamaica because they've been before. Nor would I expect them to ask us on advice on Hawaii or St. Lucia, etc We're always there for opinions but I would never ever make someone feel like they need to go to me just because I went before and if they went and talked to someone else it's totally ok. If the in-laws ever make it to WDW again (they've only been once) I'm totally ok with them not asking me. I'm here if they need me but I'm completely ok if they don't defer to me. Some of the best times I feel like on vacation is when you explore and do things on your own without having had someone else's viewpoint.

I completely get not wanting to hear the aftermath, but I'm more with @mi*vida*loca on this.

 

[disney-inspired]

OP, I understand where you're coming from. I would have liked to offer my tips/tricks as well, especially if they already had a negative experience.
I get referred to other people by my friends and family because they know I'm a nut about Disney.

If someone asks me for help, I'm MORE than happy to sit down with them and create a plan. I try to make it as simple as possible as to not overwhelm them.

I hope they have fun!

 

[Julylady]

I have helped several friends plan trips to WDW, some with minimal planning and some pretty elaborate trips. A lot of people have a preconceived notion of what a Vacation is and aren't willing to give that up. One of my friends told me that on vacation they slept until 11am and then did what ever suit their fancy at the moment. I pretty much told them that was a recipe for disaster at WDW. They went any way and stood in long line for maybe 3 rides a day. But they said they still had fun and promised they would do it "my" way next time. They have never gone back. I also have family that would not ask me for advice if his life depended on it. Those feelings are deep rooted and go way back to our childhood. He could never ever admit to himself that maybe I knew more about something than he does.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

A lot of people have a preconceived notion of what a Vacation is and aren't willing to give that up

A tad ironic perhaps?

 

[Julylady]

A tad ironic perhaps?

Absolutely! To prove that point, last year my family decided to do a beach vacation. Nice waterfront condo in a great resort town. We only had plans for one day while down there. We were so BORED! This year we were back at WDW. I guess its important to know what's important to your family and then plan (or don't plan) from there. Also, don't project your idea of vacation on to others. A great day to you might be seen totally different through their eyes.

What does bug me is when newbies visit WDW without any pre-planning and then return to trash talk about it. They say it was horrible and they can't imagine how anyone (looking at us) could enjoy spending time there. I usually calmly remark that our inside information results in a VIP experience at WDW, one totally different than what they just experienced. That usually shuts them down.

 

[Hikergirl]

I was neither hurt nor upset, just dumbfounded that they have a WDW "expert" but they chose to ask someone who had only been once.

Obviously I can't speak for your relative but I know there are occasions where I would ask someone who had only been somewhere once as opposed to an "expert" who has been many times.
I would ask my best friend over anyone else because she is most like me, and we have a very similar vacation style. I could ask someone like my SIL for example but her expertise turns into a you should do XYZ because we loved it, avoid doing this because we hated it, etc. The whole time I'd be asking about things I would like to do and she'd be blowing that off telling me what I should do based on her own feelings about it. She is the type of expert who "knows better" than you, so no way would I want to listen to her advice about my vacation.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Absolutely! To prove that point, last year my family decided to do a beach vacation. Nice waterfront condo in a great resort town. We only had plans for one day while down there. We were so BORED! This year we were back at WDW. I guess its important to know what's important to your family and then plan (or don't plan) from there. Also, don't project your idea of vacation on to others. A great day to you might be seen totally different through their eyes.

Totally agree.

What does bug me is when newbies visit WDW without any pre-planning and then return to trash talk about it. They say it was horrible and they can't imagine how anyone (looking at us) could enjoy spending time there. I usually calmly remark that our inside information results in a VIP experience at WDW, one totally different than what they just experienced. That usually shuts them down.

Except you contradicted what your first paragraph says..

I would agree that no one wants to hear 'trash talk' about a place they enjoy that someone else didn't.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I have helped several friends plan trips to WDW, some with minimal planning and some pretty elaborate trips. A lot of people have a preconceived notion of what a Vacation is and aren't willing to give that up. One of my friends told me that on vacation they slept until 11am and then did what ever suit their fancy at the moment. I pretty much told them that was a recipe for disaster at WDW. They went any way and stood in long line for maybe 3 rides a day. But they said they still had fun and promised they would do it "my" way next time. They have never gone back. I also have family that would not ask me for advice if his life depended on it. Those feelings are deep rooted and go way back to our childhood. He could never ever admit to himself that maybe I knew more about something than he does.

I understand the preconceived notion idea, but sometimes it doesn't work even if they go along with a trip with more planning. Many years ago (before FP+), I "planned" a trip with 2 family members to WDW. I didn't book ADRs, there was no pre-booking fastpasses and we picked our park each morning and our rides as we walked to them. Their only complaint was when we couldn't get ADRs day of because I hadn't known they had to be booked in advance.

Fast forward to last year. I planned a first trip for DH, my kids, and I and those 2 family members tagged along. I tried to explain how things were different and required more planning and tried to get their input on fastpasses, plans, restaurants, etc, but they said they'd just go along with whatever I planned.

The trip comes and they complained about every bit of the stuff I'd planned. Why do we have to go on this ride now, can't you push back our ADR, why'd you pick the hottest day to go to this park instead of a water park, why can't we just wing it like we did before? I tried explaining how much work went into the planning, about losing money in cancellation fees if we missed ADRs, pointed out the standby times of 60+ mins, and explained that I had done my best to plan things for 6 different people all with different interests with ZERO input and that they were welcome to go off alone if they wanted to. It didn't matter. They basically wanted a re-play of the previous trip, except with better food, but couldn't understand why that was no longer realistic or why I didn't want to go from ride to ride and wait in 45-60 min standby lines with a toddler for POC or iasw, nor did they want to split up. Basically, nothing could be done at that point to make them happy without forgoing all the planning I had done to make the trip easier for my own nuclear family.

I've realized that often people have an idea of how a vacation will go and if it doesn't happen that way, they are not willing to accept the changes. That happens on both sides. They didn't want to have everything planned out and lose the spontaneity. I didn't want to not have ADRs or miss them and pay canx fees, and didn't want to wait in long standby lines.

Sometimes planning a trip for people with different touring expectations doesn't turn out the way you'd like.

 

[Julylady]

I understand the preconceived notion idea, but sometimes it doesn't work even if they go along with a trip with more planning. Many years ago (before FP+), I "planned" a trip with 2 family members to WDW. I didn't book ADRs, there was no pre-booking fastpasses and we picked our park each morning and our rides as we walked to them. Their only complaint was when we couldn't get ADRs day of because I hadn't known they had to be booked in advance.

Fast forward to last year. I planned a first trip for DH, my kids, and I and those 2 family members tagged along. I tried to explain how things were different and required more planning and tried to get their input on fastpasses, plans, restaurants, etc, but they said they'd just go along with whatever I planned.

The trip comes and they complained about every bit of the stuff I'd planned. Why do we have to go on this ride now, can't you push back our ADR, why'd you pick the hottest day to go to this park instead of a water park, why can't we just wing it like we did before? I tried explaining how much work went into the planning, about losing money in cancellation fees if we missed ADRs, pointed out the standby times of 60+ mins, and explained that I had done my best to plan things for 6 different people all with different interests with ZERO input and that they were welcome to go off alone if they wanted to. It didn't matter. They basically wanted a re-play of the previous trip, except with better food, but couldn't understand why that was no longer realistic or why I didn't want to go from ride to ride and wait in 45-60 min standby lines with a toddler for POC or iasw, nor did they want to split up. Basically, nothing could be done at that point to make them happy without forgoing all the planning I had done to make the trip easier for my own nuclear family.

I've realized that often people have an idea of how a vacation will go and if it doesn't happen that way, they are not willing to accept the changes. That happens on both sides. They didn't want to have everything planned out and lose the spontaneity. I didn't want to not have ADRs or miss them and pay canx fees, and didn't want to wait in long standby lines.

Sometimes planning a trip for people with different touring expectations doesn't turn out the way you'd like.

Your story is very similar to what I have experienced on some trips! I think a lot of newbies like the idea of a Disney trip (families happy together experiencing rides with no wait, characters wandering in the parks) much more than the reality of the trip (hot, crowded, and lots of lines). We went with a family once that swore they would do rope drop with us every morning. They never made rope drop even one time. My friend told me weeks later that the reality of DisneyWorld was not what they were expecting in any way. They were exhausted the entire time even though they slept in until 10am most days! I made the mistake once of convincing a friend to come to WDW with me (and others). I will never do that again. Any time things weren't going exactly right he would say "I am not having fun right now. You promised me I would have fun." It soured our friendship permanently. Now, I plan trips for my family. I let others know that they are welcome to come with us or not. Its up to them. If they want to make ADRs the same time as us that's fine, but its under their credit card. I will also help them think through the trip if they ask for help. But that's it.