What would you have done?

[DOREEN1779]

I everyone! We just got back from a fabulous stay at The Wilderness Lodge. Only a couple of things bugged me but none of them had to deal with Disney directly. My middle DS(9) is non-verbal autistic. We kept bumping into a family on the bus that consisted of two adults and two children, probably 12 and 10. I joked we must be on the same travel plan. Well, one day on the bus, the 12 year boy said, very loudly, " Hey Dad, Look, its the (and made the nuts sign with his finger) The mom and dad looked uneasy but did not do say anything to him and just ignored him. My heart sank! My son is the most lovable little boy and he knows ASL. I am just glad he didn't see that sign. So, would you have called them out on what their son said or just let it go. I am so tired of having to educate people on Autism but on the other hand if I don't, my son and other autistic will be viewed as less human. Would you have let it go, ignore them, or spoke up?

 

[Bete]

That's a hard one. Since your son didn't see the gesture I guess I would ignore it. I want vacation to be as stress free as possible.

If you had a way to educate without your son seeing anything then perhaps it would have been okay.

 

[Michigan]

My oldest daughter played baseball when she was younger and there was a mom of one of the players that carried business cards that said I noticed you were talking, staring or making gestures about my child please read this card and you will understand why he does the things he does. She said she always got positive feedback. I think if I had an autistic child that would probably be something I would do too. She talked about starting a business selling them and I don't know if she did or not.

 

[JLC44]

That's a hard one. Since your son didn't see the gesture I guess I would ignore it. I want vacation to be as stress free as possible.

If you had a way to educate without your son seeing anything then perhaps it would have been okay.

I agree with this, your son didn't see it so you addressing the parents might bring it to his attention. Hopefully that is why the parents didn't correct the son and choose to address it when it wouldn't risk upsetting your child.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

If the parents looked uneasy, chances are they addressed it with their son after the bus ride. I wouldn't have said a word. I would have just ignored the issue completely and focused on my son for the rest of the ride.

 

[Gracie09]

I would have thrown the kid my "look of death" and if he was close enough said really? And go about my business. Not enough to cause a scene but enough to let him know it was unacceptable.

 

[Schmeck]

I everyone! We just got back from a fabulous stay at The Wilderness Lodge. Only a couple of things bugged me but none of them had to deal with Disney directly. My middle DS(9) is non-verbal autistic. We kept bumping into a family on the bus that consisted of two adults and two children, probably 12 and 10. I joked we must be on the same travel plan. Well, one day on the bus, the 12 year boy said, very loudly, " Hey Dad, Look, its the (and made the nuts sign with his finger) The mom and dad looked uneasy but did not do say anything to him and just ignored him. My heart sank! My son is the most lovable little boy and he knows ASL. I am just glad he didn't see that sign. So, would you have called them out on what their son said or just let it go. I am so tired of having to educate people on Autism but on the other hand if I don't, my son and other autistic will be viewed as less human. Would you have let it go, ignore them, or spoke up?

I'm very non-PC, so my response would have been "what a coincidence, I was just going to say that about you" to the boy.

When I am with my special needs students and I witness this type of situation I definitely speak up, because I have a very low tolerance for discrimination, bullying, and harassment. I stick to the 'that's not polite, nice, or accepted behavior' level of redirection. As an educator I can't say anything about the special needs child's disability, but I also don't think it is necessary to know the diagnosis in order to show kindness and acceptance.

 

[WheeledTraveler]

My actual actions would have depended on quite a few factors. Generally, though, I'd likely to have made a comment. Mine would probably be along the line of "I don't know what made you think that, but he does know better than to be intentionally rude and insulting." That removes the emphasis on what the actual disability is (or whether your son is disabled at all since that's none of their business) and places it on the behaviour of the kid who was being intentionally rude and insulting. Even if the parents looked uncomfortable, it's their job to have taught their kid not to be intentionally rude or insulting. If they aren't going to call him on it immediately, it's their problem. If I wasn't in the mood to say something that big or was really tired, I'd be likely to just say "Really?" with a look. I am someone who speaks up, though, so my style doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

I'm very non-PC, so my response would have been "what a coincidence, I was just going to say that about you" to the boy.

While I appreciate the sentiment of wanting to say something, I'd find that at least as offensive as what the kid did. It's still implying that it's offensive to have a disability of some sort. There's nothing offensive about being mentally ill. Just because the kid has used it that way, doesn't mean it's right to perpetuate it. Plus that just teaches the kid that it's okay to call names.

 

[mistysue]

Bullying somebody back because they were a bully wont help. Also, with all the mention of not picking on people and understanding disabilities, we have no idea what the kid who said that may have going on. Its not safe to assume somebody is faking a disability, its also not safe to assume people are just jerks. If my daughter did something like that publicly reprimanding her and drawing more attention to it would be low on my priority list. They were probably also glad the op's son didnt notice.

 

[SueM in MN]

If the parents looked uneasy, chances are they addressed it with their son after the bus ride. I wouldn't have said a word. I would have just ignored the issue completely and focused on my son for the rest of the ride.

That's a hard one. Since your son didn't see the gesture I guess I would ignore it. I want vacation to be as stress free as possible.

If you had a way to educate without your son seeing anything then perhaps it would have been okay.

While I appreciate the sentiment of wanting to say something, I'd find that at least as offensive as what the kid did. It's still implying that it's offensive to have a disability of some sort. There's nothing offensive about being mentally ill. Just because the kid has used it that way, doesn't mean it's right to perpetuate it. Plus that just teaches the kid that it's okay to call names.

Agree with all these.

 

[DOREEN1779]

Thank you for the comments. There is a little bit more to the story that I left out because I didn't want to confuse the issues and wanted fellow dish'ers gut reaction. While my 9 year old DS didn't hear or see the gesture, my 11 year old, very astute DS did. On the walk back to the villa, he asked me why did I not stick up for his brother. He recognizes we are in charge and respected us enough not to get involved in what was happening but was clearly disappointed that we did not lecture them about what autism is. I told him that sometimes you need to look the other way, that some people are ignorant or self-absorbed and a confrontation only makes things worse. He shot back that we always told him that it was his job to protect his brother and if it was just him and DS9 on the bus he would have explained the difference between a neurological disorder and a mental disorder. My DS11 has been a part of 90% of ABA, speech, and social sessions so he picks up on a lot of information most 11 year olds would not. At least my DD5 didn't see this go down.

 

[DisMom1981]

If the parents looked uneasy, chances are they addressed it with their son after the bus ride. I wouldn't have said a word. I would have just ignored the issue completely and focused on my son for the rest of the ride.

I agree with this. As heartbroken as I'm sure you and your family were- I'm sure the parents of the offending child were mortified. They could/should have said something but who even knows where they are coming from. Having a child with Autism- usually he is the one saying offensive things to people and I am always too mortified and upset to explain to people because I feel like they will judge either way. I'm sorry this happened on your vacation! What I found was that it was awesome to be away from the "regulars" - therapy 4 times a week especially, but even in my happy place there were reminders that we were different and challenges for us that were unique to the average travelers. Lots of judging stares throughout. It was really tough touring at times- but I definitely wouldn't take it all back!

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[idobtknowyou]

I guess I have a different view on handling this then many of you. I would have totally corrected my child right then and there and he would have apologized to the family for his/her rudeness. I also would have not been getting off at the stop but rode right back to the hotel with my child. Sorry but that is definitely a behavior that warrants an immediate punishment.

 

[DOREEN1779]

I agree with this. As heartbroken as I'm sure you and your family were- I'm sure the parents of the offending child were mortified. They could/should have said something but who even knows where they are coming from. Having a child with Autism- usually he is the one saying offensive things to people and I am always too mortified and upset to explain to people because I feel like they will judge either way. I'm sorry this happened on your vacation! What I found was that it was awesome to be away from the "regulars" - therapy 4 times a week especially, but even in my happy place there were reminders that we were different and challenges for us that were unique to the average travelers. Lots of judging stares throughout. It was really tough touring at times- but I definitely wouldn't take it all back!

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I never thought of that scenario. I guess I need to be a little more less judgemental. For all I know, they may have have wanted to discuss the incident in private and not on a crowded bus.

 

[MonsterWDWmom]

I worked with non verbal Autstic children and they were the sweetest kids I have ever met. I would have spoken up but do not blame you for not. If anything this child needed to know that what he did was not okay by any standards and shame on his parents for not saying anything, if that was one of my kids they would have promptely been spoken to and made to say sorry. I would also make sure they understood why it was wrong. Again I understand why you did not say anything, I wish you and your family the best of luck!

 

[DisMom1981]

I never thought of that scenario. I guess I need to be a little more less judgemental. For all I know, they may have have wanted to discuss the incident in private and not on a crowded bus.

I don't think you are judgmental at all! Reading through these responses, I've changed my mind a few times of what I would do!

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[Aladora]

Having a child with Autism- usually he is the one saying offensive things to people and I am always too mortified and upset to explain to people because I feel like they will judge either way.
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This. My son is autistic and he tends to make comments and observations about people that often border on, if not offensive, then at least insensitive. I try my best to teach him about appropriate and inappropriate comments but so far have had little success.

 

[BSchaal57]

I worked many years with special needs children. I agree very much with the way you handled the situation. if your; son with Autism did not see the gesture and the parents did look like it bothered them, I am sure they addressed the situation when they got off the bus! Had they addressed it on the bus and your son became aware of what happened, it probably would have really upset him and then led into a more stressful situation!!! I do have to tell you, Autistic children are very loving individuals and they have feelings and they do want to be treated with the dignity and respect! You did the right thing by explaining the situation to your son!! Sure he loves his brother very much and does not want anyone mistreating his brother!! God bless you all!!!

 

[DisMom1981]

This. My son is autistic and he tends to make comments and observations about people that often border on, if not offensive, then at least insensitive. I try my best to teach him about appropriate and inappropriate comments but so far have had little success.

Yes I completely relate. We tell him God makes everyone different and on the inside we are all the same. I say judge based on character. Little success. Needless to say I tend to hold my breath a lot when we are in public. I never know what he is going to say.

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[bookwormde]

I just figure people are ignorant (uninformed) unless they give other indications.

I try to be direct but helpful.

My approach on this on would have been to ask the parents "your son seems misinformed about Autism, if there anything I can do to help"

Of course I am a volunteer advocate and parent educator so it is easier for me than for someone who only has to "educate" once in a while.