What would you consider an Emotional Affair?

[starry_solo]

Definitely an emotional affair if everything is, as you have described, actually true. I'm not sure that I would take a emotional cheater's word for anything. Did the husband actually observe any interaction between the two of them before the emotional cheater and the co-worker or is this all coming from the emotional cheater? Maybe the co-worker sees this emotional cheater as a work spouse and the emotional cheater sees something more?

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Really so of someone was using homophobic or racist language we should present a robust rebuttal, get real.
People need to get called out when the language they use is unacceptable.
And given this poster was attacking a women isnt exactly polite discourse in the first place.

Well you know mummabear, the problem isn't using unacceptable and impolite discourse. The real problem is calling it out.

Cool, but dont sit there acting like it's not an offensive word (see searc's post), you mean it as an insult.
You say that you would call the husband worse names, but at the end of the day the rainbow of insulting names we have for women is so much larger and more colorful than we have for men, and that says a lot about how our society views women differently and who really takes the blame in these situations

We call cheating men or men that get around womanizers. How come we don't call cheating women or women that get around manizers? And how come all those colorful metaphors for women are so often used irrespective of any knowledge of the woman's actual sexual activities?

 

[Oozma_Kappa]

I agree that we do not have gender equality, words included. I like that guys open the door for me and my SO pays for my meal on a date. We are talking about a word here, not inequality in pay at a job. I wish more ladies out there respected their fellow females and did not do things such as the female in this post. (As well as the husband of course.) I'm sure the man code would definitely be broken if a single man proclaimed his attraction to a married woman. They are both wrong; I feel like the female disrespected the rest of us females when she did this. The man needs to deal with his wife.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Definitely an emotional affair if everything is, as you have described, actually true. I'm not sure that I would take a emotional cheater's word for anything. Did the husband actually observe any interaction between the two of them before the emotional cheater and the co-worker or is this all coming from the emotional cheater? Maybe the co-worker sees this emotional cheater as a work spouse and the emotional cheater sees something more?

Good points - he works with both of them, and DH is...let's just say a little non-observant, and he can think back and saw what was happening but since DH doesn't get involved (unlike his wife apparently lol) in other people's business he didn't say anything about it until the guy started transferring accounts over to DH. DH asked why (he noticed they were all the woman's accounts as well) and the guy started telling him everything. DH said that thinking back, he could see all the signs very clearly if he had been paying attention more, so he is sure that other people had somewhat of an idea, too.

DH thinks that the guy ended it before any major damage was done, but I'm putting myself in the place of the wife and I can tell you that if it were DH in that situation, I would already think major damage was done.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm a little surprised no one has brought up x-rated material as a form of emotional cheating. I know a few people where the wives have put their foot down that there won't be any of that on their computers.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I'm a little surprised no one has brought up x-rated material as a form of emotional cheating. I know a few people where the wives have put their foot down that there won't be any of that on their computers.

I guess that would be something the couple would either have agreed on from the start, or would at least have an idea of their partner's viewpoint on it. If a wife has that big of an issue with it, yes, I agree it would be a problem for that relationship because they would be the ones to define the parameters of what they would consider an emotional affair.

Personally, for me, I don't care if DH wanted to look at that stuff. Heck, I might even look at it with him lol

But I would have a HUGE issue with what his coworker is doing. To me, looking for that attention and feeling intimate feelings (doesn't have to be physical to be intimate), and directing one's dissatisfaction and frustration on an unsuspecting spouse (the wife, in this case) is where I would draw my line.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Bingo. You can't cheat on an agreement you didn't make in the first place. Of course pointing that out makes us bad people.

What about buying stolen goods? You didn't steal them, right? Why is that illegal?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I think using "jezebel" as an insult for a woman who has a relationship with a married man to be a little weird considering the context of the famous Jezebel. I mean, is she convincing him to lead his entire town until worshiping Baal? There are also apparently racial implications to the word, although I can't say I'm an expert on that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotypes_of_African_Americans#Jezebel

 

[mummabear]

Of course I don't think it makes you "bad people" - but I do think it's like saying the person who drove the getaway car didn't participate in the robbery.

More like you didnt agree to do a robbery and just picked up your friend.
If you didnt agree to something(in this case the coworker is not in a monogamous relationship) you cant break that agreement (cheat) It doesnt mean you have to agree with what she is doing, but she isnt cheating, he is.

Of course it is an insult. It is meant to be. And no, it isn't offensive.

Well that's an oxymoron. It cant be an insult and not be offensive.

Well you know mummabear, the problem isn't using unacceptable and impolite discourse. The real problem is calling it out.


We call cheating men or men that get around womanizers. How come we don't call cheating women or women that get around manizers? And how come all those colorful metaphors for women are so often used irrespective of any knowledge of the woman's actual sexual activities?

And do you really think that womanizer and slut are the same level of insult?

What about buying stolen goods? You didn't steal them, right? Why is that illegal?

The law requires you to knowingly purchase stolen goods. Again this all about needing to make an agreement to break it. The husband did. The coworker did not, you can think what she is doing is unacceptable but it isnt cheating (unless she herself made an agreement to be monogamous with someone else)

 

[PollyannaMom]

More like you didn't agree to do a robbery and just picked up your friend.

The law requires you to knowingly purchase stolen goods.

OK, so if you don't know the person is married, if they have lied to you and told you they are single, then I'll agree that no, "you're" not cheating (just like if you didn't know the item you bought was stolen, or if your friend asked you for ride without telling you why).

But if you do know, I still believe (and think most people believe) that you are "participating in the cheating" - you are, in a way, "buying stolen goods".

 

[mummabear]

OK, so if you don't know the person is married, if they have lied to you and told you they are single, then I'll agree that no, "you're" not cheating (just like if you didn't know the item you bought was stolen, or if your friend asked you for ride without telling you why).

But if you do know, I still believe (and think most people believe) that you are "participating in the cheating" - you are, in a way, "buying stolen goods".

We will have to agree to disagree.
I dont believe you can cheat on someone that you have made no promises too. (Doesnt mean you have to think it is an okay thing to do, just cheating is not the word for it)

 

[PollyannaMom]

We will have to agree to disagree.

Yes.