What would you consider an Emotional Affair?

[low-key]

I havent read any post on this thread, Im sure its evolved, but my unpopular oppion is their is no affair of any kind unless both parties are nakie

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

The only term people have used that is considered specifically female us Jezebel.


Person after person have said it doesn't matter your gender, nor does it excuse the married person who is absolutely 100% responsible for his/her behavior. That still doesn't make it okay for a single person to knowingly try to date a married person. Whether they are considered an infidel or a jezebel, it's still going to cause people to question their character. Whether you're cheating on a person, or cheating on the institution of marriage, it's still called cheating.

That said, if you fit this and are feeling sensitive, there's not a one of us who hasn't pushed moral boundaries sometime. Its not about judging any one person's character or we'd ALL be in big trouble, it's about drawing a line about what constitutes moral behavior. I know people who have started a relationship with a married person and I still love them. It doesn't make that behavior any less wrong.

Ok all you dissers that rag on me for not being sensitive enough, read the quote and weep. See. I'm sensitive!! I'm sensitive!!! I tell ya!!! HAHAHA. I never push moral boundaries not that it is anybody's business. And your innuendo notwithstanding, I'm on record multiple times as not fitting it long before this conversation.

Oh and if gender doesn't matter why use Jezebel or the S word? Those aren't used to describe men. Nor are they limited to women that are cheating. In fact, the use of several such derogatory terms regarding women often has more to do with social class and enforcing class boundaries than how much sex the women actually had or with whom or whether she's cheating. And they're more often used by women than men.

 

[mummabear]

Another example that is not so concrete: Is going to the exotic dance bar an "emotional affair" I think people would be divided about that one too

I agree that that would be contentious, I wouldnt call it an emotional affair, but when couples discuss being together they need to discuss boundries, even though they may seem obvious to us. Are you happy with your partner being on tinder etc, dont just assume that they think the same as you do, and if they dont agree, you need to decide if it is something you can get over or not.

Whether you're cheating on a person, or cheating on the institution of marriage, it's still called cheating.

I disagree. You can't cheat on the institution of marriage, you cant cheat on something you made no agreement in.

I havent read any post on this thread, Im sure its evolved, but my unpopular oppion is their is no affair of any kind unless both parties are nakie

I am sure that is an unpopular opinion, and I think if push came to shove and tour partner had sex with some else that you wouldnt give them a pass if they had left their shirts on.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

"Yes, and he needs to ignore this jezebel co-worker immediately!"

Fixed it for you. Our language is sorely lacking in certain words, notably an equally reprehinsible, insulting, and offensive term for the OP's friend. The female co-worker is not in this situation alone; the male is so far from blameless I can't even.

Fixed it for you? How pompous. Write your own words. But don't act like you are the boss of everyone.

They wrote jezebel because they meant jezebel.

Why do you think you are in charge of changing their words?

Weird.

 

[amberpi]

Fixed it for you? How pompous. Write your own words. But don't act like you are the boss of everyone.

They wrote jezebel because they meant jezebel.

Why do you think you are in charge of changing their words?

Weird.

Because it was offensive towards women maybe? Seemed like she fixed it to me. Maybe people can stop using such ugly, bigoted language. Just maybe. It's an idea, to just be less ugly.

 

[disykat]

Ok all you dissers that rag on me for not being sensitive enough, read the quote and weep. See. I'm sensitive!! I'm sensitive!!! I tell ya!!! HAHAHA. I never push moral boundaries not that it is anybody's business. And your innuendo notwithstanding, I'm on record multiple times as not fitting it long before this conversation.

I was not speaking to YOU, I was speaking generally at that point. I had quoted you earlier, but my entire post was not addressed just to you. I certainly did not mean to call YOU sensitive or accuse YOU personally. I'd be interested to meet you because I've never met anyone that hasn't pushed moral boundaries before.

 

[morgan98]

Because it was offensive towards women maybe? Seemed like she fixed it to me. Maybe people can stop using such ugly, bigoted language. Just maybe. It's an idea, to just be less ugly.

I am a female and really try to not use offensive words. However, I do not find Jezebel offensive at all. It does not apply to all women and I just think it is a stretch to call it bigoted.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Because it was offensive towards women maybe? Seemed like she fixed it to me. Maybe people can stop using such ugly, bigoted language. Just maybe. It's an idea, to just be less ugly.

It wasn't offensive to me. I would have called her something worse.

I find the whole "fixed it for you" way more offensive. Horrible trend. Get over yourself. You are welcome to post your own thoughts. But who thinks they are assigned to "fix" other people's posts?

Be an adult and reply with a rebuttal. Don't ever change someone else's opinion.

 

[ronandannette]

Because it was offensive towards women maybe? Seemed like she fixed it to me. Maybe people can stop using such ugly, bigoted language. Just maybe. It's an idea, to just be less ugly.

We don't like something someone says? Let's call them out and present a robust rebuttal and discuss it further. For someone to arbitrarily and summarily silence another's comment crosses a line. And the arrogance it takes to feel entitled to do so is what makes civil discourse very difficult sometimes. And FWIW - another old saw, like the term Jezebel, is "ugly is as ugly does".

 

[Cubbiecakes]

We don't like something someone says? Let's call them out and present a robust rebuttal and discuss it further. For someone to arbitrarily and summarily silence another's comment crosses a line. And the arrogance it takes to feel entitled to do so is what makes civil discourse very difficult sometimes.

This is extremely funny to me, considering most of the drama threads on this forum have half of the posters saying "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all!"

 

[ronandannette]

This is extremely funny to me, considering most of the drama threads on this forum have half of the posters saying "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all!"

Not exactly your mantra, is it.

 

[Searc]

Because it was offensive towards women maybe? Seemed like she fixed it to me. Maybe people can stop using such ugly, bigoted language. Just maybe. It's an idea, to just be less ugly.

Jezebel is in no way offensive. The word I actually use for people of either gender that cheat is much more offensive. And I don't give a crap id people think it's offensive. Don't cheat and you won't need to worry about it.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I disagree. You can't cheat on the institution of marriage, you cant cheat on something you made no agreement in.

Bingo. You can't cheat on an agreement you didn't make in the first place. Of course pointing that out makes us bad people.

 

[mummabear]

Jezebel is in no way offensive. The word I actually use for people of either gender that cheat is much more offensive. And I don't give a crap id people think it's offensive. Don't cheat and you won't need to worry about it.

The meaning of Jezebel is literally a morally unrestrained women.
So yes it is offensive and it is gender specific

 

[mummabear]

We don't like something someone says? Let's call them out and present a robust rebuttal and discuss it further. For someone to arbitrarily and summarily silence another's comment crosses a line. And the arrogance it takes to feel entitled to do so is what makes civil discourse very difficult sometimes. And FWIW - another old saw, like the term Jezebel, is "ugly is as ugly does".

Really so of someone was using homophobic or racist language we should present a robust rebuttal, get real.
People need to get called out when the language they use is unacceptable.
And given this poster was attacking a women isnt exactly polite discourse in the first place.

 

[EMom]

The meaning of Jezebel is literally a morally unrestrained women.
So yes it is offensive and it is gender specific

Given that the woman has been clear that she’s willing and available, despite the fact that the object of her affection is married, calling her Jezebel seems less offensive than it is accurate.

I’d call the husband even worse names, but they wouldn’t make it past the filter.

 

[mummabear]

Given that the woman has been clear that she’s willing and available, despite the fact that the object of her affection is married, calling her Jezebel seems less offensive than it is accurate.

I’d call the husband even worse names, but they wouldn’t make it past the filter.

Cool, but dont sit there acting like it's not an offensive word (see searc's post), you mean it as an insult.
You say that you would call the husband worse names, but at the end of the day the rainbow of insulting names we have for women is so much larger and more colorful than we have for men, and that says a lot about how our society views women differently and who really takes the blame in these situations

 

[Disney Doll]

I think the easiest line in a relationship is "Would you be happy with your partner seeing this" if the answer is no then what you are doing crosses the line.
Basically if you have to lie, hide or sneak something then what are you doing is wrong (this applies to drugs, drinking, gambling, relationships, even eating habits)



I have never in my life heard a boy called a skank, most derogatory terms are aimed at the women end of story.

That is great that you broke it off, you went on one date after a week, I doubt t you are as emotionally invested as this coworker that had been building a relationship 5 years, to say you sacrificed happiness after a date (actually did you even have one or just agree to one) is laughable.

And there is a lot of assumptions that she has chased him, it is just as possible the feelings have snuck up on both of them.

My goodness. You live in my area. You know our vernacular and you read my mind to know how emotionally invested I was.

The co-worker knew at some point in the relationship that he was married. Whether that was one week, two weeks, two months or two years, at some point she knew.

And that is the point at which she should have been the better person (because he was clearly a skank) and walked away. Because this is the thing that the “other person” in an affair never realizes because they’re so caught up in the thrill.

If someone will cheat WITH you they’ll cheat ON you. So as the other person, basically what you’ve done is entangled yourself with someone who has PROVEN that they can, and will, cheat. You’re playing with Fire, and potentially assisting in breaking up a marriage and family for someone who has proven they have the capability to be unfaithful, have questionable morals, questionable ethics an questionable character.

I’m not sure why any intelligent sane human being would want to do that. I also have no idea how people can actually defend that. I prefer to spend my time with people of quality and prefer to make every effort to be a person of quality, even when it’s difficult. Even when I want it to be all about me and not worry about the “collateral damage” . But I guess that’s me and it’s been made clear on this thread that everyone doesn’t feel that way. Wow.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I disagree. You can't cheat on the institution of marriage, you cant cheat on something you made no agreement in.

Bingo. You can't cheat on an agreement you didn't make in the first place. Of course pointing that out makes us bad people.

Of course I don't think it makes you "bad people" - but I do think it's like saying the person who drove the getaway car didn't participate in the robbery.

You say that you would call the husband worse names, but at the end of the day the rainbow of insulting names we have for women is so much larger and more colorful than we have for men, and that says a lot about how our society views women differently and who really takes the blame in these situations

I actually agree with you that many people seem to hold women to a higher moral standard than men (which is not fair). But I think the actual variety of words has more to do with people trying to skirt around other words (like using a literary reference instead of a curse word) than it does with that attitude.

If someone will cheat WITH you they’ll cheat ON you. So as the other person, basically what you’ve done is entangled yourself with someone who has PROVEN that they can, and will, cheat. You’re playing with Fire, and potentially assisting in breaking up a marriage and family for someone who has proven they have the capability to be unfaithful

Absolutely!

 

[Searc]

Cool, but dont sit there acting like it's not an offensive word (see searc's post), you mean it as an insult.
You say that you would call the husband worse names, but at the end of the day the rainbow of insulting names we have for women is so much larger and more colorful than we have for men, and that says a lot about how our society views women differently and who really takes the blame in these situations

Of course it is an insult. It is meant to be. And no, it isn't offensive.