Wedding invitation snub

[AustinTink]

On the other hand... Maybe the nephew DOES know OP isn't being invited and that's why he's stopped visiting- so he doesn't have to divert conversation about a wedding to which he knew OP wasn't being invited. Instead of getting caught in an awkward situation (could be anything as simple as "How are the wedding plans going?), maybe the nephew decided to just back off from seeing OP and her family.

I'm sure this is the case and I just don't care anymore. I'm not going to pursue it any further.

 

[mummabear]

Sounds like the relationship between the two moms will be off to a rocky start. Might not be a bad idea to be more flexible and, well, reasonable. Or demand to pay for the whole thing. Then you get to dictate how many invitees.

Sounds like the whole thing would be off to a rocky start if the brides family thinks that their wishes are more important than the grooms family...

 

[kaytieeldr]

Sounds like the whole thing would be off to a rocky start if the brides family thinks that their wishes are more important than the grooms family...

Substitute "hosts" for "bride's family", which is what the person/persons paying for the majority of the event is. Is there ANY other situation or event where people would demand or expect that relatives of the non-hosting, involved person would be considered entitled to, hold on... proclaim, "It will be a cold day in hell before someone other than my child tells me who I can and cannot invite to my child's wedding. I'd love to see my future DIL's mother try it. "?


It sounds like a threat, to me.

 

[mummabear]

Substitute "hosts" for "bride's family", which is what the person/persons paying for the majority of the event. Is there ANY other situation or event where people wouldwould demand of expect that relatives of the non-hosting, involved person would be considered entitled to, hold on... proclaim, "It will be a cold day in hell before someone other than my child tells me who I can and cannot invite to my child's wedding. I'd love to see my future DIL's mother try it. "?


It sounds like a threat, to me.

Well it sounds very manipulative to be hosting/paying if our reason for this is control.
Brides families paying are no longer the norm. If the family insists on paying then it should be a gift to both the bride and groom-not a way to get what you want.
Whether it’s a wedding or a baby shower it pays to remember that there is two sides of the family.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Well it sounds very manipulative to be hosting/paying if our reason for this is control

No, it sounds very traditional. What's not traditional is to, however obliquely, threaten one's future in-laws.

Brides families paying are no longer the norm.

Great. Everybody who contributed to the wedding gets pro rata input on items like the food, venue, guest list... That other poster said nothing about contributing, or even negotiating.

If the family insists on paying then it should be a gift to both the bride and groom

No.

 

[mummabear]

No, it sounds very traditional. What's not traditional is to, however obliquely, threaten one's future in-laws.

Great. Everybody who contributed to the wedding gets pro data input on items like the food, venue, guest list... That other poster said nothing about contributing, or even negotiating.

No.

So your belief is that it is the brides wedding?

Is the wedding not about both families coming together?

 

[lambdabeta]

So your belief is that it is the brides wedding?

Is the wedding not about both families coming together?

Good answer.

 

[Iya]

Substitute "hosts" for "bride's family", which is what the person/persons paying for the majority of the event. Is there ANY other situation or event where people wouldwould demand of expect that relatives of the non-hosting, involved person would be considered entitled to, hold on... proclaim, "It will be a cold day in hell before someone other than my child tells me who I can and cannot invite to my child's wedding. I'd love to see my future DIL's mother try it. "?


It sounds like a threat, to me.

You're assuming the bride's family is paying for the majority. You know how that ends. Again, this is 2018.

 

[lambdabeta]

So your belief is that it is the brides wedding?

Is the wedding not about both families coming together?

You're assuming the bride's family is paying for the majority. You know how that ends. Again, this is 2018.

Actually it is only traditional when it fits her agenda. Having a rehearsal dinner with the entire wedding guest list at a destination wedding is customary however it is traditional for the bride's family to pay for the wedding and they can dictate the terms. Nothing is traditional anymore. There are a lot of things people do differently but that doesn't matter when it seems you just want to be argumentative.

 

[aprilgail]

If budget is the issue, I couldn't imagine not inviting my aunts and uncles. Friends would get cut before family.

I would invite friends for certain over many family members- just because they are "family" it wouldn't give them preference to my close friends-I am much closer to my friends than much of my family, friends are always there when you need them.

 

[HopperFan]

I would invite friends for certain over many family members- just because they are "family" it wouldn't give them preference to my close friends-I am much closer to my friends than much of my family, friends are always there when you need them.

My nephew and his bride focused mostly on their friends. There was about 80 of them (B&G went to HS together but different colleges), and the two families had to share the other 80 guests. Considering SIL had invited 250 people to her DD wedding and now only had about 40 slots ..... she was not happy and Grandma was very unhappy the whole church wasn't invited again. But those kids all had a great time, they danced all night and it truly was a celebration of the couple.

It's going to be the same for my kids, they want more friends there that they are with all the time, rather than some relatives they see once every few years. Blood doesn't make them close or part of their lives or folks they want to celebrate their day with. You choose your friends, you are stuck with the relatives.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

My nephew and his bride focused mostly on their friends. There was about 80 of them (they went to HS together but different colleges), and the two families had to share the other 80 guests. Considering SIL had invited 250 people to her DD wedding and now only had about 40 slots ..... she was not happy and Grandma was very unhappy the whole church wasn't invited again. But those kids all had a great time, they danced all night and it truly was a celebration of the couple.

It's going to be the same for my kids, they want more friends there that they are with all the time, rather than some relatives they see once every few years. Blood doesn't make them close or part of their lives or folks they want to celebrate their day with. You choose your friends, you are stuck with the relatives.

Family is who you choose to to share your life with, not those who are genetically related to you by accident of birth.

 

[mousefan73]

OP

My nephew and his bride focused mostly on their friends. There was about 80 of them (they went to HS together but different colleges), and the two families had to share the other 80 guests. Considering SIL had invited 250 people to her DD wedding and now only had about 40 slots ..... she was not happy and Grandma was very unhappy the whole church wasn't invited again. But those kids all had a great time, they danced all night and it truly was a celebration of the couple.

It's going to be the same for my kids, they want more friends there that they are with all the time, rather than some relatives they see once every few years. Blood doesn't make them close or part of their lives or folks they want to celebrate their day with. You choose your friends, you are stuck with the relatives.

amen to this. My friends were always there for me. Family not so.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

. wrong thred

 

[kaytieeldr]

But this is the point. It

has to be personal. It seems it‘s a largee wedding, Yet the one personnwho is Godmother, Aunt, and woman who helped raise is not invited???

In fairness, it seems the OP and two or three (or four?) of her siblings aren't invited.

So your belief is that it is the brides wedding?

Is the wedding not about both families coming together?

Not when the groom's mother claims, "It will be a cold day in hell before someone other than my child tells me who I can and cannot invite to my child's wedding. I'd love to see my future DIL's mother try it. "

You're assuming the bride's family is paying for the majority. You know how that ends. Again, this is 2018.

No, I was quoting and responding to the poster who stated 'brides (sic) family'. That's the person who assumed the hosts.

 

[lambdabeta]

But this is the point. It

has to be personal. It seems it‘s a largee wedding, Yet the one personnwho is Godmother, Aunt, and woman who helped raise is not invited???

In fairness, it seems the OP and two or three (or four?) of her siblings aren't invited.

Actually your response is incorrect it wasn't fair based on the information given. The first post you're answering has it right. If you read previous answers from @AustinTink you would understand that the other siblings weren't close to this sister and nephew and didn't expect an invitation. She on the other hand had done every thing mentioned in the post. She actually was in contact with both the sister and had game night with the nephew and fiance until recently. That is why she expected to be invited. It is irrelevant that other siblings were not invited. What was relevant was that this particular sister has a mental illness that may be influencing the decision and @AustinTink seems to have come to grips with that.

Not when the groom's mother claims, "It will be a cold day in hell before someone other than my child tells me who I can and cannot invite to my child's wedding. I'd love to see my future DIL's mother try it. "

As far as this post. Why does it bother you so much? You keep bringing it up over and over when the OP of it is using a rolling down laughing imoji which to me means that she is not really serious. Are you just trying to be argumentative?

 

[mummabear]

Not when the groom's mother claims, "It will be a cold day in hell before someone other than my child tells me who I can and cannot invite to my child's wedding. I'd love to see my future DIL's mother try it.

You seem really obsessed with this comment.
You seem focused on the mother of the groom being rude, and missing it would be in response to the mother of the bride being rude in the first place.

The wedding is about the bride AND the the groom and should include both families equally.

 

[lambdabeta]

You seem really obsessed with this comment.
You seem focused on the mother of the groom being rude, and missing it would be in response to the mother of the bride being rude in the first place.

The wedding is about the bride AND the the groom and should include both families equally.

@mummabear - Exactly, I said the same thing. This comment was made with a laughing emoji so was more than likely sarcastic and not meant to be taken literally. What is important is when someone chooses to respond to parts of a post out of context from several pages back they really aren't interested in contributing to the thread. They are only interested in their own opinion. Missing the point of a post seems to be a pattern. So I wouldn't waste anymore time responding.

 

[LSUmiss]

You seem really obsessed with this comment.
You seem focused on the mother of the groom being rude, and missing it would be in response to the mother of the bride being rude in the first place.

The wedding is about the bride AND the the groom and should include both families equally.

Actually I disagree. It should include who the BRIDE & GROOM want to include equally. My MIL is always starting trouble over who is or isn’t invited from HER family from our wedding to my baby shower & on. But the the guest list of ppl from HER family is always decided on by HER son. He doesn’t value the ppl on her side the same way she does. She is mostly about appearances & it’s almost a competition of how many ppl are there from “my” family vs “hers”. But my DH is closer to my side of the family than his own for many reasons so that’s who he wanted there for different occasions. But she just can’t understand that.

 

[mummabear]

Actually I disagree. It should include who the BRIDE & GROOM want to include equally. My MIL is always starting trouble over who is or isn’t invited from HER family from our wedding to my baby shower & on. But the the guest list of ppl from HER family is always decided on by HER son. He doesn’t value the ppl on her side the same way she does. She is mostly about appearances & it’s almost a competition of how many ppl are there from “my” family vs “hers”. But my DH is closer to my side of the family than his own for many reasons so that’s who he wanted there for different occasions. But she just can’t understand that.

I absolutely agree with you @LSUmiss.

Also though I really don’t believe weddings are whatever the bride and groom want at all costs. It should certainly reflect them. But it is an important day for parents (on both sides-who are usually contributing) too

OT:I can find it funny how things can be a wifes job- MIL (who is very lovely) was “checking” that thank you cards had been sent by our kids for the Christmas parents to her MIL (they had). But I was thinking FIL should be checking with his son, if he has sent them to his mother (why is this our job)