Time Limit on Extreme Picky Eating? Does It Ever Go Away?

[wenrob]

I always think that when I see picky eating to THAT extreme, it's more than just a willful need to eat junk food. I kind of give the eye roll over those picky eaters who will only eat chicken strips, mac and cheese, pizza, and/or hot dogs (along with chips, cookies, and candy). I think we all know what that is about.

But when I hear about extremes such as the OP has posted, I think it's more than that. People are either having texture issues/problems or they don't taste things in the way that most people taste something. It certainly cannot be pleasant and your niece's extreme limitations aren't to foods that satisfy the fat/salt/sugar propensity we have.

I agree with this 100%. I think there’s definitely something more than just pickiness here.

I was one of those parents that felt “you will eat what you are served” and even patted myself on the back for it because look at what a great job I did with older DD. Ha.

Enter my boy, born a preemie and a kid who was classified as underweight. I would get speeches from the pediatrician and lived in fear she would call CPS because I could not get this kid to eat. Jarred baby food? No go. Puréed fruit? Uh uh. Veggies? Nope. He lived off of formula and rice cereal and didn’t eat table food for a good six months after his twin sister. At 6-18 mos old that’s an aversion not pickiness. Moving on to 2-4 years if you put something new in front of him he would push it away, put his head down and cry. They were going to come and take this kid away from me, I just knew it.

What I figured out through trial and error (and desperation) is that a lot of it had to do with texture and some of it had to do with anxiety. Once I learned to accept that he wasn’t just being stubborn and he learned to accept the “one bite rule” (I let go of “eat what you’re served” pretty early on) I managed to find ways to get healthy fats and protein in his diet and he learned not to be afraid of new things.

Of my three kids he is now my most adventurous eater and will try anything once. If he says he doesn’t like something, I can take that to the bank. He’s not being picky, something about it isn’t sitting right with him. He LOVES vegetables that other kids won’t touch like cabbage, onions, asparagus, brussel sprouts, avocado, broccoli etc. but won’t touch fruit (except for apples) even if his life depended on it. He’ll eat salad for breakfast but won’t eat a banana. I can work with that. He has a hard time chewing sliced meat. Rice and mashed potatoes make him gag, I’m not going to insist he eats them. (we just serve two veggies on a night I’m serving rice) For whatever reason, there are things he just can’t bring himself to eat but it’s no longer a reason for me to be concerned about his health once I figured his little butt out. Only eating a handful of things ever does sound like a cause for concern but at 19 it’s something your niece will have to seek out on her own.

 

[mom2rtk]

This is a judgement that I've faced over and over - I am the mother to three children, all raised in the same "food environment". Two of them are adventurous eaters and will try and eat almost anything. One is a picky eater to the point the OP described above (he eats about 10 total foods right now). I've treated them all exactly the same, catered to none, and don't make a different dinner for anyone at the table.

I've had many pass judgment on me like the judgment you passed above. You don't sit at my table and you aren't there when my son is struggling to get something down that doesn't agree with him. Sensory issues are beyond his control right now, and beyond mine. So please think twice before you judge.

Having 3 kids taught me a lot about parenting. Not the least of which is that I have less control over outcomes than I had ever thought or hoped. So yeah, very similar experience here.

 

[CeruleanMoon]

I remember my response to her pediatrician when he gave me that sage piece of advice "she'll eat if she's hungry enough" I asked "how do I make her hungry enough? Do I withhold formula? Does CPS have to come after me for you to understand that there is a problem?"

I wonder about this advice too. They say, "oh, they'll eat it if they are hungry enough," and I say, "but what if they don't? How long do you starve them before it becomes too long?" My son is like this. He will always at least try something if I ask him to, but if I try to force him, he will simply choose to go hungry. I tried the whole "you must eat it or get nothing else" thing and he simply chooses to not eat at all. It's not a willful thing, he will actually act relieved and happily leave the table with nothing. Won't complain, etc. He's already a skinny kid (10th percentile in weight all his life), so making him go hungry all the time felt counter-intuitive to me, which I why I decided forcing foods with him was not productive.

I'll have to ask him if it's a texture thing, taste thing or what. Thankfully the number of foods he's picky about isn't huge, but for the ones he won't eat, he's really picky about and won't eat at all no matter what. In fact, he'll even gag if forced to eat them.

 

[camreesmom]

Our youngest DD is now 15 and still extremely picky. I worried about it a lot when she was in elementary school and took her to our pediatrician who tested her and said that somehow she is getting all of the necessary nutrients. The pediatrician said that so many foods are vitamin fortified these days. She will eat PB&J sandwiches, chicken strips/nuggets, cheese pizza, cereal, waffles, pancakes, watermelon, grapes and of course, cookies, candy and chips. I do not cook a different meal for her. If she doesn't want what I have made for dinner, she makes something for herself. It is definitely a texture thing with her. She won't eat any of what I call the usual foods that kids like......mac & cheese, mashed potatoes, and spaghetti. I just refuse to go eat at a buffet where she'll only eat jello, ice cream, crackers and rolls. I keep thinking she will outgrow it. If not, she can explain to her date why she doesn't want to go to a nice steak restaurant..........lol. Or maybe she'll give in and try it. There are a lot of foods that I didn't like until I was pregnant for the first time and it seemed like my taste buds changed.

 

[CeruleanMoon]

It is definitely a texture thing with her. She won't eat any of what I call the usual foods that kids like......mac & cheese, mashed potatoes, and spaghetti.

Interesting! Those are three foods my son won't eat either. No pasta at all, in any form. No potatoes, in any form, with the one exception of chips. We joke that he's the only kid we know who would rather choose the veggie side at a restaurant that eat french fries, and the only kid we know who hates spaghetti.

 

[ErinTwinmom]

So this level of food selectively is very common with autism across the spectrum and is usually sensory (texture) based. Not saying that is the case for every child including the one in the original post. However children who have food issues on the spectrum are unlikely to change without targeted therapy.

 

[mjkacmom]

Having 3 kids taught me a lot about parenting. Not the least of which is that I have less control over outcomes than I had ever thought or hoped. So yeah, very similar experience here.

Unfortunately, my first was a great eater, slept through the night at 6 weeks, only cried when she was hungry or wet, spoke very early... The next baby really put me in my place! By the time we got to #5, I respected the power of nature over nurture!

 

[Seahorse17]

Oh how interesting!!

I get the salad...so many odd combined textures. But pizza! Even bad pizza is good pizza, LOL! I have always wondered when I hear of someone such as yourself who has not eaten pizza, or bacon or chocolate or another commonly loved food, what if you tasted it and nearly died from the wonder and awe of it all, LOL! Was it the texture? Had you ever considered a chew and spit try? Fascinating!

 

[Seahorse17]

I went to Italy for a week. Ate a lot of FF's. Found a Hard Rock Cafe in Rome. Good old American hamburger. But wh en I went to pizza making class, I left hungry. Most of the little cafes always served FF and pizza.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

Apparently it takes ~20 tastings to determine whether you like something or not. Your palate also changes multiple times in your lifetime.

Texture can be totally a Reason.

I have an entire diary entry from when I was like, seven, narrating the Tales of How Much I Detested Mashed Potatoes. Yet I ate french fries like any kid, and baked potato was awesome to scrape butter and herbs around in. I LOVED those fried waffle potato crisp things in a can that you would dump on top of green bean casserole. I loved potato chips! But if you mashed potatoes all up and served them to me, all bets were OFF. I wasn't touching them.

In retrospect, I referenced this diary entry later when I was 10 or so, just to laugh hysterically at how absurd it was that I used to Detest Mashed Potatoes, because now that I was a growing tween, if it was edible I ate it. And it now was baked potatoes I wasn't the fondest of. So texture can totally be a Reason.

The trick is, to offer the food occasionally (every few months), don't make it a deal-breaker if the child doesn't touch it, eat it, enjoy it. They saw it on a plate being served. They know they can choose to try it. Eventually you press them into tasting it, just a tiny bit. And switch up the option - like if you are working on chickpeas : try hummus, try roasted snack chickpea mixed with other legumes, try chickpea with different meats, try different foods with the hummus. If you don't always bend to their will and demands, they will figure out that life is a buffet, there are plenty of options, don't feel stressed about Not Liking, and to just Try Stuff Sometimes. I serve something "new" on toasted breads, in rice, in a soup, etc. and basically try every texture version possible of a food to serve to my DD, but keeping in mind that if she refuses Every Single Thing about dinner, she's just going to be given something basic like a tortilla wrap sandwich or rice AND it is going to have to wait until Before Bedtime Snacktime, I am NOT interrupting the flow of Family Dinner to be a short-order cook. Eventually she doesn't want to be left out of the mealtime so she will eat a few bites of dinner. Considering how small most children's stomachs are, more than two mouthfuls is a WIN.

She eats a pretty balanced diet on the whole - I would like her to eat more colorful vegetables that aren't green, but there are worse battles to fight over food. LOL Yes I will admit to using the "puree" function on the blender more than once...

Don't give up, get creative. If creativity and discovery are virtues in your household, then extol that at mealtime and show your kids the world of food, so they aren't ill-prepared to face the world as youths trying to figure out which brand of chicken nuggets that Mom always bought

 

[Liberty Belle]

Ah, I'm very new to this parenting game, and my husband and I are terrible tyrants, but we just don't give his small children those kind of choices. Yes, we'll have mac and cheese along with whatever else we're having, but if we're having scallops for dinner, so are the children. At 19 I know it's far too late to enforce such a policy, but seriously, what is this young lady going to do at cocktail parties, while dating, or if she had to entertain clients?

Not eat? Sometimes it's beyond their control, as in diagnosed sensory issues. And before someone says, "well, that's an exception, I'm talking about normal people," there are many kids/people out there with sensory issues.

 

[Liberty Belle]

So this level of food selectively is very common with autism across the spectrum and is usually sensory (texture) based. Not saying that is the case for every child including the one in the original post. However children who have food issues on the spectrum are unlikely to change without targeted therapy.

A lot of kids with ADHD also have Sensory Integration/Processing Disorder. And it goes beyond texture into smells, visual, and type of taste.

 

[wenrob]

Unfortunately, my first was a great eater, slept through the night at 6 weeks, only cried when she was hungry or wet, spoke very early... The next baby really put me in my place! By the time we got to #5, I respected the power of nature over nurture!

Same here. She threw exactly two temper tantrums in her life, came to me at 2.5 and said she was using the big potty and that was it. She was the kid that even the most staunch anti child person loved. Then...Things 1&2 hit the scene. Those two about did me in as toddlers. We used to say to older DD, “you were false advertising!” We weren’t amazing parents who had their crap together after all, she was (is) just a great kid.

 

[gotomu212]

I wonder about this advice too. They say, "oh, they'll eat it if they are hungry enough," and I say, "but what if they don't? How long do you starve them before it becomes too long?" My son is like this. He will always at least try something if I ask him to, but if I try to force him, he will simply choose to go hungry. I tried the whole "you must eat it or get nothing else" thing and he simply chooses to not eat at all. It's not a willful thing, he will actually act relieved and happily leave the table with nothing. Won't complain, etc. He's already a skinny kid (10th percentile in weight all his life), so making him go hungry all the time felt counter-intuitive to me, which I why I decided forcing foods with him was not productive.

I'll have to ask him if it's a texture thing, taste thing or what. Thankfully the number of foods he's picky about isn't huge, but for the ones he won't eat, he's really picky about and won't eat at all no matter what. In fact, he'll even gag if forced to eat them.

My best friend is a pediatrician and she’s always pushed back against the idea that kids will eat when they’re hungry enough...some kids will starve themselves or will physically be unable to eat. She advocates that feeding your child is priority number one and however you have to make that happen should be fine without judgement. Setting up emotional battles and control issues around food creates more problems than it solves and can turn relatively small, short term problems, into life time disorders.

 

[Seahorse17]

My mother tried to get me to eat. I would throw up the food. My bones were protruding in my hips and back. She finally gave up. I am still alive at 74, so what harm is it that I eat very few foods. The rest of my family are not picky eaters.

 

[CdnCarrie]

My mother tried to get me to eat. I would throw up the food. My bones were protruding in my hips and back. She finally gave up. I am still alive at 74, so what harm is it that I eat very few foods. The rest of my family are not picky eaters.

I think the harm is that you don't get the necessary vitamins needed to be healthy.

 

[scrapquitler]

Yesterday, we had a family dinner for Mother's day.

I have a niece (does anybody else misspell niece EVERY SINGLE TIME? )

When she was a toddler, she was a picky eater to the extreme. I think there were 5 foods she would eat and nothing else.

It continued into her school years, then her teen years....and now, she is 19 and nothing has changed.

We had a huge spread for lunch with many summer foods to choose from and she had 5 pieces of plain pasta, no topping, no sauce, no cheese. Just 5 noodles.

For thanksgiving, she will eat a roll. At restaurants, she will ask for a dish of plain pasta...nothing else.

Has anyone experienced extreme picky eating to this degree and does it ever pass? How does an extreme picky eater go on to have children and feed them healthy foods?

I'm just curious what others have seen with this.

My husband is 50 and still a picky eater.

But the bigger question is WHY are you so worried about what your adult niece eats or doesn't eat? It's not your problem, so why concern yourself?

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

Ah, I'm very new to this parenting game, and my husband and I are terrible tyrants, but we just don't give his small children those kind of choices. Yes, we'll have mac and cheese along with whatever else we're having, but if we're having scallops for dinner, so are the children. At 19 I know it's far too late to enforce such a policy, but seriously, what is this young lady going to do at cocktail parties, while dating, or if she had to entertain clients?

From my experience as a child you may want to consider switching that thinking up a bit.
As a child on Friday's during lent we had a fish fry.
I absolutely hated it a dreaded eating.
As an adult I absolutely refuse to touch seafood. Perhaps if it wasn't forced on me I would have grown to appreciate it as an adult.
Same goes for a number of veggies forced on me as a child. I have not eaten squash or carrots since I was 10 and I likely never will.
On the other side things I was not forced into but didn't care for as a child I love as an adult.
The key is to find healthy foods that the kids do like as a child and then those healthy habits will expand into other foods as they get older.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

Unless you're with your niece 24/7 you don't know what she eats on a normal basis.
I'm sure she doesn't eat plain noodles and a dinner roll for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.
Enjoying more bland foods is not the same as being picky.
Until I was 21 I at pancakes and waffles completely plain. No butter, no syrup and then suddenly I got a hankering for both and now I'll never have them plain again.
What she chooses to eat really has no impact on you.

 

[Seahorse17]

I think the harm is that you don't get the necessary vitamins needed to be healthy.

But I get blood tests and the doctor says everything is good.