Send them to Kindergarden or Wait

[justhat]

My son is one of the older boys in school and he tends to migrate towards other older boys as well. There are plenty of them and none of them feel that age discrepancy that you describe. I think by the time they get to HS that doesn't matter as much as you think. In fact, with our school and kids, it is "cool" to be the older one. No one looks at these kids as "held back" since there are so many reasons for them to be older. My son, if asked, tells everyone that his private kindergarten school required kids to be 6. While it is true, no one ever makes any comments.

While that may be okay for your son, the experience I described was also true and so not every kid will have the acceptance that your child does. In my middle school is when the age thing became an issue. In elementary I never remember it being an issue, but then again I thins there were only two kids who were 'older' and they had really late birthdays, November and December, so it didn't seem odd. Once I got to 7th grade though (in a different school), that is when the teasing started. Lots of "why aren't you in grade X?"

And thinking back to my honors classes, I can't think of one kid who was a year older in them. They were all in the regular or remedial clsses, so I don't see how it helped these kids at all.

As to driving first, well that isn't a bad thing! Actually my son was one of the first to get his learners but drove with me that much longer before he got his license. That is a good thing!

How is this? Why would being the first to get your learner's permit mean you drove with him longer befor he got his license? I got my permit 2 months after I turned 16yo (only cause right after my birthday I went out of the country for 6 weeks, otherwise I would have gotten it right after I turned 16yo) and my license the day after I turned 17yo. So I drove with my mom 10 months. That would have been the case had I turned 16yo during my freshman year or sophomore. I just don't see how that makes any sense as your age doesn't change, just the grade you're in.

Times have changed since our days in school and being the older kid isn't a bad thing anymore. Shoot, SIL (a 3rd grade teacher) just had a baby boy with a July birthday and is already saying he isn't going to start until age 6...just because.

I'm only 28yo. Times haven't changed that much. Your SIL's decision just seems insane to me. How does she know what the kid will be like at 5yo!?! Why hold a kid back just because? I just don't get that at all. I totally get doing it for a reason, but 'just because'? That I truly feel is a disservice as it could be stunting a child's emotional/academic/personal growth if they are ready for school but not permitted to go.

I have followed this subject closely for 20 years because of my summer kids birthdays and it has been a topic near and dear to me. For about 98% of the kids that I have met, the extra year has been a blessing. I also think that boys do tend to benefit more from the year. You may not see that in the early years but once they get to HS, you will!

Are you talking about an arbitrary extra year, or one where the kid was truly not ready for school for whatever reason? Cause if it's arbitrary, then I do not get the benefit at all. Maybe it's because if a child is immature at 5yo, who is to say they always will be? Are you really saying that the immature 5yo (like they aren't all immature in one way or another) will still be a year behind in maturity at 16yo? A year behind regular, 'mature' 16yo boys that is. If that is the case, that this child will never catch up maturity wise, then I think there's some sort of deficit. And if the chidl will catch up in a couple of years, then isn't it a disservice to hold them back permanently? Making them so much more mature than their grade-mates throughout high school. Wouldn't that get frustrating to constantly be surrounded by immature people? I know it would be for me.

I also wanted to add that if you suspect for any reason that your child is ADD or similiar, the holding back will not benefit them. These kids would be my 2% that I witnessed that it didn't help. These kids need their meds and guidance, not neccessarily the extra year. JMO

My other thought is that while it might be great to be a 'kid' for another year, having another year tacked on to my life post-graduation has been great. Particularly if you go on to graduate schools and such. I feel like I have 'extra' time over people like my friends who started school a year late. And really, I fail to see the big difference between preschool for a 5yo and kindy. I would think that a 5yo still in preschool would be going at least 5 mornings a week, if not some afternoons as well. How does that make someone more of a kid?

 

[justhat]

My DS is 9 (May birthday) and one of the youngest in his class. He is bright, but is struggling with some of the social and emotional development issues (not turning in homework, refusing to work, etc.).

I so wish I had held him back. I considered sending him to a private school this year to repeat 3rd grade, then re-enroll him at public later, but his teachers talked me out of it.

Now I feel my best option may be to leave him in public through 5th, then private school for 5/6 and beyond.

My DD is a late Feb birthday. I am seriously considering holding her a year.

My daughter will turn 5yo on 2/26. She started Kindergarten at the beginning of this month. I truly cannot imagine holding her back till September 2010. She would be nearly 7yo in kindy!! She's tall for her age now (45 inches), so I can't imagine making her be with a bunch of kids who will be a head shorter than her and thinking she would feel like she fits in.

And like I said in an above post, she is by no means uber-mature or a genius. In fact, I wonder if she might have ADD as her ability to focus is not so great, among many other things, such as sitting still, etc. She is also not really too ambitious. She's very content working in her comfort zone and not seeking out new work. Her teacher as noted she has difficulty focusing in groups but has told me time and again that this will come with time, not to worry, she'll be fine. And like I also posted above, she is thriving. Kindy in her school means that she stays full day while the 2 and 4yos from her class go home at noon. So only 8 kids in her 'kindy' class, none of whom turned 5yo before August 18th.

 

[shellcruiser]

240 replies... I will not read them all. IF you have to question it... wait!! Both of my children have AUG birthdays. We sent the first one to kindergarten at age 5. We sent the 2nd child to kindergarten at age 6. The first child has struggled for years to make mostly Bs. The younger child who had an extra year at home is in the advanced classes- just more ready to learn.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

And like I said in an above post, she is by no means uber-mature or a genius. In fact, I wonder if she might have ADD as her ability to focus is not so great, among many other things, such as sitting still, etc. She is also not really too ambitious. She's very content working in her comfort zone and not seeking out new work. Her teacher as noted she has difficulty focusing in groups but has told me time and again that this will come with time, not to worry, she'll be fine. And like I also posted above, she is thriving. Kindy in her school means that she stays full day while the 2 and 4yos from her class go home at noon. So only 8 kids in her 'kindy' class, none of whom turned 5yo before August 18th.

This is what DS' teacher say to me...but until such time we have fight over fight about work that although he can do when overly pushed is not ready for due to the oh so seemingly controversial word...MATURITY! Great if maturity comse next month, 6, 8, 12, 18...but for now it is making him HATE school thus starting the conntection of learning-school-hate it-learning-school-etc. If he felt more comfortable with the demands of school...not academic demands, I truly believe he would not have the "I hate school" attitude.
It is not for everyone, but sometimes you need to do what you have to do at the time...if that means keeping you child out a year so be it.

Oh, and I don't really remember there being THAT much different in maturity betweein 14 and 16 yos. And yes I have taught JR and HS

 

[mjmoon]

What I think is interesting is that so many people attribute how well or not well a child does in school to the age they were when they started. Do we ever really know if sending them to school/keeping them home made a difference at all on how they did in school? How can you really know? How do you know things wouldn't have been exactly the same had you sent them on time/held them back? I just think there are way too many factors to consider to give it all up to their age.

Kids learn differently and different rates. (My kids have been different in every way, developmentally- I can't blame that on school) I really don't think holding them back (a term I HATE- why would anyone want to hold their child back?) has that much impact on how well they are going to do or not do.

My parents held me and my twin brother back in the first grade. I struggled through school, he was always a straight A student. They held us BOTH back because we moved during that year and the schools were on different pages. I suspect I was the real reason we got held back as my brother never had issues academically and they simply didn't want him to advance and me not to. (being twins and all) My repeating that year did nothing to help me. It did nothing but hold my brother back. He had lots of bad conduct through school though.. mostly because he was bored out of his mind.

I guess my point is that unless there are some proven scientific facts to support this "belief" that red shirting gives children an advantage.. I think it's all a bunch of wives tales and anecdotal phooey.

I'd like to also add that those who are truly delayed and not "ready".. are probably the ones that need to be in school sooner, not a year later. Of course that is truly just my opinion. I believe education is the most important thing we can give our kids.

 

[Aunt Flancy]

I didn't read all of the replies, but my personal experience is that I wish I would have waited with my son. He has a July birthday and started right after he turned 5.

 

[justhat]

This is what DS' teacher say to me...but until such time we have fight over fight about work that although he can do when overly pushed is not ready for due to the oh so seemingly controversial word...MATURITY! Great if maturity comse next month, 6, 8, 12, 18...but for now it is making him HATE school thus starting the conntection of learning-school-hate it-learning-school-etc. If he felt more comfortable with the demands of school...not academic demands, I truly believe he would not have the "I hate school" attitude.
It is not for everyone, but sometimes you need to do what you have to do at the time...if that means keeping you child out a year so be it.

As you have stated though, your child is in a completely different setting, a 5yo in 1st grade IIRC. That is a whole different ballgame than putting a child in an age appropriate grade. If her were in a regular K class, though he might have the same issues of focusing, the work would be more geared towards his age so he might not have the 'I hate school attitude."

But honestly, some kids just do. My daughter has been in a half-day preschool till January, now in their kindy class. They get no homework and it is a Montessori school so they move at their own pace and can work with their friends, talk, etc. She has always complained that school is boring, has no true ambition to try to learn new things, etc. My son, otoh, is the total opposite. He LOVES to learn, is constantly bringing his teacher new materials and asking to be taught, he asks us at home to help him write letters, draw shapes, etc. My daughter did not even draw pictures, literally nothing other than scribble on a page, till she was 4yo.

A lot of it is personality.

Oh, and I don't really remember there being THAT much different in maturity betweein 14 and 16 yos. And yes I have taught JR and HS

The 2nd statement I disagree with. I was much, much more mature at 16 than 14. And 19 vs 17? No comparison there. If you think about it that way, most 19yos in college have a solid idea of their future plans, are working on their own to get there, living on their own, managing time and money, etc. A 17yo is in their jr/sr year of high school, totally different state of mind. Parents still often have to help with time management, they are often not working and budgeting their own money, they have to come home by certain times, etc. Now, put that 19yo back in high school and tell me there isn't a disparity in maturity between that kid and the just turned 17yo?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

240 replies... I will not read them all. IF you have to question it... wait!! Both of my children have AUG birthdays. We sent the first one to kindergarten at age 5. We sent the 2nd child to kindergarten at age 6. The first child has struggled for years to make mostly Bs. The younger child who had an extra year at home is in the advanced classes- just more ready to learn.[/QUOTE]

I don't mean to single you out and I am not attacking or being rude but this post jumped out at me. Not every kid is A material when it comes to academics. Some people have a harder time grasping academic concepts than others. Some people A's come easy to. I don't believe that the extra year has anything to do with it. As for an older child in advanced classes, well they are supposed to be a grade higher. So, are they advanced or were they ready to start K on time?

 

[justhat]

I don't mean to single you out and I am not attacking or being rude but this post jumped out at me. Not every kid is A material when it comes to academics. Some people have a harder time grasping academic concepts than others. Some people A's come easy to. I don't believe that the extra year has anything to do with it. As for an older child in advanced classes, well they are supposed to be a grade higher. So, are they advanced or were they ready to start K on time?

I completely agree with this. I don't get people saying their year-older is doing advanced work. It's not advanced in that case, it's age appropriate. Advanced to me is the 11yo 7th graders who was in my 8th grade Algebra I honors class. He went on to also finish AP Calculus as a 15yo jr. That's advanced. Had he been a 17yo jr, he would have been exactly where I was as a sr in the same class.

 

[mjmoon]

I completely agree with this. I don't get people saying their year-older is doing advanced work. It's not advanced in that case, it's age appropriate. Advanced to me is the 11yo 7th graders who was in my 8th grade Algebra I honors class. He went on to also finish AP Calculus as a 15yo jr. That's advanced. Had he been a 17yo jr, he would have been exactly where I was as a sr in the same class.

Very good point!

 

[Vijoge]

When I was a kid (way back before the invention of the wheel) the cut-off birthdate was Dec 1. I was born in August. Many of my friends had October birthdays. No one considered holding us back. My mother started first grade at four(a month before she turned five), and graduated HS at 16.

 

[hmcfall711]

I agree with you. There is a reason the school districts say 5 years old, it shouldn't really be a choice. When I was in school all 5 year olds went to kindy, if they needed to repeat then they repeat.

I teach Kindergarten and I agree that each parent has to make the decision based on what their child is ready to do. I high suggest looking at your state's curriculum standards. The above statement is completely true. When we were in Kindergarten you went at five and moved on. However, Kindergarten now is not PLAYDOUGH and PAINTING.

I am flabergasted by the number of parents who think their child is going to come and learn how to socialize and learn their colors and shapes. Our County standards require that children are reading and writing multiple complete sentences on a topic, telling time, counting money, doing addition & subtraction. Kindergarten today is basically what 2nd grade was when most of us were in school.

At the beginning of the year a lot of students are nowhere close to this but those students who come in and are 4 until Sept 30th (our cut off) are set up for failure (particularly boys). They are not ready to start the day with a 90 minute reading and language block. Those who are 5 1/2 are usually sponges that soak up everything and take off with the skills we are teaching. I say that little boys at 4 should be outside looking for bugs. What I repeatly see is that boys in particular that have birthdays between May and our start date at the beginning of August are always in the bottom 25% of students. They have to do additional work at home, loose any free time they may have for choice activities at school by being pulled into extra small group or individual help, and are placed in intervention programs to catch them up. All of this extra work burns them out. How sad is it that a 5 year old has a negative attitude about school. I will teach any student that shows up at my door younger, older, with a disability, etc. but I hate to see them feel horrible about themselves because they can not do what is expected.

There are really good pre-school programs that can help by giving them those foundation skills (colors, shapes, listening, letters, etc.) but I always say "If you have to ask the question is he ready, I see .... that makes me wonder, if he is ready, you should wait. It never hurt anyone to wait. If they wait and they come in and are above and beyond academically we can provide enrichment that will stimulate them and keep them going. BUT when they are not developmentally ready for the material there is nothing we can do to accellerate their development.

I teach in a school that is becoming more and more inner city each year. We have 85% free/reduced lunch, so the students socio-economic resources are limited, but the expectation for performance is the same as the schools that are very affluent in our area. I says this so some people don't think we are a private or religous based school. My class is as public school as it could be. The students I teach have a lot of outside factors that impact their academic posibility. They do not need the disadvantage of being too young for the curriculum on top of those factors. They gain so much in 9 weeks of school that parents are amazed and then after 9 months of school to look where they started it is amazing. It is for this reason I LOVE my job-- oh the growth-- the human brain is amazing.

I have not read all of the post, but I hope this perspective helps. I highly suggest sitting down with the teachers at the school he will be going to and see what the expectations are for the studens and then consider where he is at in relation to those expectations.

(You will note that I have at no point said that I agree that these expectations are age-appropriate or what I would want to be teaching 5 year old students. This is what the state and national standards for learning say are required to teach. That is a whole diffent soap box.)

 

[mjmoon]

There are really good pre-school programs that can help by giving them those foundation skills (colors, shapes, listening, letters, etc.)

I know this is kind of a different argument but aren't these things that parents should be helping kids learn long before school? My kids have known letters, shapes and colors since they started talking. These are basic, everyday things that aren't hard to teach 2 year olds. Are there really people who expect kids to learn this at age FIVE?

 

[ilandrazdsw]

The 2nd statement I disagree with. I was much, much more mature at 16 than 14. And 19 vs 17? No comparison there. If you think about it that way, most 19yos in college have a solid idea of their future plans, are working on their own to get there, living on their own, managing time and money, etc. A 17yo is in their jr/sr year of high school, totally different state of mind. Parents still often have to help with time management, they are often not working and budgeting their own money, they have to come home by certain times, etc. Now, put that 19yo back in high school and tell me there isn't a disparity in maturity between that kid and the just turned 17yo?

I state MY opion and MY experiences. My experience with my son is tht he is ultimately being pushed by and educational system that needs to be reviewed and "fixed." And you can't tell my that the US system is perfect either. Whether DS is PUSH in K or 1st doesn't matter it is that he is PUSHED and not ready. Yes, he may have done much better going to a K first, but if a child is not ready for it and is pushed the say results could happen.
Ultimately it is the parents' decision when to send their child to school by the latest legal cutoff date. Posters on here are seeming to belittle that decision because it was either not necessary or not a choice for them. If you have such a serious problem with how schools group students then maybe you need to complain to the those in education who have the ability to do something about it!

As far as teens and maturity....that, once again, was from my experiences. So glad that you were more focused and mature at 19 than 17. I will leave that at that.

And yes, when we do move I am HOLDING BACK DS for several reasons...not academic & not sporting!

I have shared my beliefs and experiences, but since I am SOOO apparently wrong according to the beliefs of the don't red shirt camp...I am out.

 

[hmcfall711]

I know this is kind of a different argument but aren't these things that parents should be helping kids learn long before school? My kids have known letters, shapes and colors since they started talking. These are basic, everyday things that aren't hard to teach 2 year olds. Are there really people who expect kids to learn this at age FIVE?

YEP! My personal opinion is YES!!! they should teach these things to their own children. When I talk with my 18 month old neice I say things like "Look at the brown bear he has a heart on his shirt." etc. I am sure that this is the way you started with your child. (Off topic-not- ees a bebe-- I can't stand it when people who talk to kids like that or think it is cute when their 5 year old is still using baby talk.-- Back to the point.) I always tell parents you are the first and most important teacher for your child. BUT . . . yes there are parents who had no idea their child should know any of these basic concepts.

I have even had children who had no idea of what their given name was when they walked in the door. I have their name enrolled as Sam or John and they only know their name as "Lucky" or my favorite "T-Bone" . T-Bone did not answer to his given name until long after Christmas. I'm not talking about writing their name (which I hope they can do, although 90% cannot) I am talking about know when I say "OK, Sam come stand here." He has NO IDEA I am talking to him. How is that for lack of basic understanding.

 

[brymolmom]

YEP! My personal opinion is YES!!! they should teach these things to their own children. When I talk with my 18 month old neice I say things like "Look at the brown bear he has a heart on his shirt." etc. I am sure that this is the way you started with your child. (Off topic-not- ees a bebe-- I can't stand it when people who talk to kids like that or think it is cute when their 5 year old is still using baby talk.-- Back to the point.) I always tell parents you are the first and most important teacher for your child. BUT . . . yes there are parents who had no idea their child should know any of these basic concepts.

I have even had children who had no idea of what their given name was when they walked in the door. I have their name enrolled as Sam or John and they only know their name as "Lucky" or my favorite "T-Bone" . T-Bone did not answer to his given name until long after Christmas. I'm not talking about writing their name (which I hope they can do, although 90% cannot) I am talking about know when I say "OK, Sam come stand here." He has NO IDEA I am talking to him. How is that for lack of basic understanding.

Hi there. I'm interested in your opinion as a teacher. I am in the 'not to redshirt' camp (also in the parental choice should be removed and all kids should go or not go depending upon birthdate unless working with a medical provider on some sort of documented delay). One of the reasons in my arsenal is that it makes it way too difficult for the kindergarten teacher to have almost 7 year olds and 4 year olds in the same classroom. Really, can you honestly give them the same quality education that you would be able to provide if you had a room full of 12 month age difference kids? I just think it puts people like you in an impossible position of having kids who are 6 and reading with kids who are still learning their letters or at least learning the sounds. That's why it's my strong belief that anyone who chooses to hold their child back should not then expect 'more challenging' work for their older child who OF COURSE knows a ton more than my 4 year old. They should expect that child to recieve the regular Kindergarten curriculum (of which they're going to already know most/all of it), and not a bunch of 1st grade work that the child would be getting if they were sent on time. I just think it would make your life a whole lot easier if this whole redshirting revolution never began. Does it take away from that 'average' 4 year old if there are a ton of would-be first graders in his/her classroom? And that 4 year old is the one who is supposed to be there - so nothing should be taken away from him/her.

I imagine it depends a lot upon area/background of the students, etc. in terms of how much easier it would make it for you, the teacher. And I'm not saying you would have a roomfull of 4 year olds - I'm saying change the cutoff to whatever 'experts' agree on (how about July 1st for an example) - and then have a roomfull of 5 year olds - all within 12 months of each other.

Here it is more like 90% of the kids CAN write their name in K....even at 4 - maybe not real clearly, but they can write it for the most part. So things are different all over.

 

[PiperPizzaz]

Hi there. I'm interested in your opinion as a teacher. I am in the 'not to redshirt' camp (also in the parental choice should be removed and all kids should go or not go depending upon birthdate unless working with a medical provider on some sort of documented delay). One of the reasons in my arsenal is that it makes it way too difficult for the kindergarten teacher to have almost 7 year olds and 4 year olds in the same classroom. Really, can you honestly give them the same quality education that you would be able to provide if you had a room full of 12 month age difference kids? I just think it puts people like you in an impossible position of having kids who are 6 and reading with kids who are still learning their letters or at least learning the sounds. That's why it's my strong belief that anyone who chooses to hold their child back should not then expect 'more challenging' work for their older child who OF COURSE knows a ton more than my 4 year old. They should expect that child to recieve the regular Kindergarten curriculum (of which they're going to already know most/all of it), and not a bunch of 1st grade work that the child would be getting if they were sent on time. I just think it would make your life a whole lot easier if this whole redshirting revolution never began. Does it take away from that 'average' 4 year old if there are a ton of would-be first graders in his/her classroom? And that 4 year old is the one who is supposed to be there - so nothing should be taken away from him/her.

I imagine it depends a lot upon area/background of the students, etc. in terms of how much easier it would make it for you, the teacher. And I'm not saying you would have a roomfull of 4 year olds - I'm saying change the cutoff to whatever 'experts' agree on (how about July 1st for an example) - and then have a roomfull of 5 year olds - all within 12 months of each other.

Here it is more like 90% of the kids CAN write their name in K....even at 4 - maybe not real clearly, but they can write it for the most part. So things are different all over.

Kids here have to turn 5 before starting kindergarten. Because of the cut off my Ds will turn 6 a couple weeks after starting K. If I send him...which I probably won't.

 

[hmcfall711]

First, thanks for thinking about all the teachers out there. My personal opinion is that if they are going to continue to keep the curriculum with as much rigor as it has now for kindergarten that the manitory age be that they are already 5 when they walk in the door. 5 1/2 seems to be the ideal age in our area for August entry. At that age for some reason it really doesn't matter what they come in with I can get them up to speed quickly. Any younger and their physical brain is just not ready to receive the amount of information we are trying to put into in.

Here is the other thing. You asked what would be easier for me. My stand point is that it is never what is EASIER for me. It is all about what is best for the individual child. If that means that Suzy who came in and can already read needs more challenging material. Then I will get it. If Lucy came in and she only speaks in one word answers then I go back to step one and work on that. All with the goal of getting them all as far as they can go by the end of the year, and at least to the County standard.

Even if they all came in reading they would all be reading at a different level and each child would need things to be slightly different for them. So it will never be easier regardless of what age they were.

BUT... when I cannot get them to the minimal goals and parents are stressed and the kids are working as hard as they can, their own personal opinions of school and their self-image realted to school come into play. It is so disheartening to hear a 4 year old in September say "I'm stupid, I can't . . ., or I hate school." They have at least 12 more years of school and believe it ot not those formative/ foundation years will develop their attitude about school until the end. Why not have them be positive. I just feel that if they demonstrate that they are not ready either academically or socially that they should stay home and grow.

All parents know that no matter how great your child is, anything related to children is never easy because one shoe doesn't fit everyone. Even "perfect" kids have their own challenges.

 

[Leajess99]

This is my point. You weren't thinking about what was best for the child when you decided when he was born that you wouldn't send him! You had no idea at that time if he would be ready but already decided to hold him back. Being bigger on the sports teams as a reason? I am sorry but I completely disagree with you.
As for your dd being younger, why not just explain that different things happen to different people at different times? (losing teeth, birthdays etc.) What if your dd's body matures before the other girls? Should they get held back so they don't feel bad? As for the whole driver's license thing that everybody keeps mentioning I don't really see the big deal. Not everybody gets their license on the same day.

I am not trying to flame you but your post proved my point.

The thing is kids lose teeth at different ages just like developing at different ages. My kindergartener lost her first tooth the night before she started Kindergarten and she was 5 at the time. My now 10 year old lost her teeth early as a result of getting hit in the mouth and the kids she is in class with are all developing at different rates. She is in no hurry to develop anything though and she knows she is the youngest in her class.

 

[Leajess99]

I am not flaming!!! And completely appreciate that you offer suggestions.

You mentioned tutoring. Does any and every school offer this WITHOUT labeling the children? As a special ed teacher I have seen one too many students struggle in pre-K, k, 1-3 and end up with a lable. Yes , I know to get sp ed services you have to be tested and meet qualifications. The thing is, parents have said that their child(ren) struggled to learn the material in the first place because they were not ready for school and it snowballed into special education when just a little extra time could/would have made a postitve impact. Once you get a label it is very difficult to shake...wether is is ADD, LD, or slow and stupid. Students realize the differences between each other and do make judgements...and so do teachers! Eventhough a teacher should treat ever student positively and encourage them to do thier best the bar is not always raised to its fullest extent for every student. I would much rather DS be known as the oldest or most mature one in the class than the slow one...not that any child should have that label!

Our School does not label a child getting tutoring help. I do have 2 children with ADHD/ADD and they are not stupid or LD by any means. I think our school district is really good because they want to help the kids and not label them. It actually costs more for a child placed in special ed than it does to provide tutoring after school. I guess with the exception of middle school we have never had an issue because my children have ADHD/ADD. Shoot the only label my 10 year old with ADD has is Gifted and Talented and she does get extra services as such. The issue with my son in middle school came as a result of a teacher who should have been fired asking who had ADHD to raise their hands.

As for labeling a child slow, I find it my place to help my kids understand that everyone learns at a different pace. My kids have been in preschool classes with children with Autism, CP, and a friend of theirs as well as my cousin has Downs Syndrome so they know everyone is different.