People That Don't Show Appreciation for a Gift - rant

[QueenIsabella]

I would give her a pass, only because she recently gave birth. It's likely that she's hormonal and exhausted. Mind you, I'm not saying her behavior is okay, just that I wouldn't let it get to me. Unfortunately for you, she holds the "keys to the kingdom", in terms of controlling your access to your precious new great-granddaughter. So, you have to either tolerate her...less than proper gift etiquette, or expect to not get invited to be around the baby. It's not fair, but that's the way it is.

 

[lovin'fl]

And she should still say thank you...no matter what she thinks of the gift. What does your grandson's parents think about her?

 

[kimmar067]

I would give her a pass, only because she recently gave birth. It's likely that she's hormonal and exhausted. Mind you, I'm not saying her behavior is okay, just that I wouldn't let it get to me. Unfortunately for you, she holds the "keys to the kingdom", in terms of controlling your access to your precious new great-granddaughter. So, you have to either tolerate her...less than proper gift etiquette, or expect to not get invited to be around the baby. It's not fair, but that's the way it is.

...unfortunately, I think you could be correct on this....sad.

 

[MIGrandma]

UGH! She sounds dreadful, I'm afraid you are in for a long road with this one.

We only see them maybe 3 or 4 times a year, so not often.

....sounds like an opportunity to SAVE MONEY in the future....if she doesn't appreciate it, don't give it.

EDIT: kind of ironic that even an 8-year-old has common sense and decency to say "thank you".

I keep telling myself the gifts were for the baby, not her. . And yes, I agree with you about the 8-year old!

 

[mom2rtk]

Amazing! It all sounds wonderful! I'm secretly hoping that little girls fav color will be pink and she will want a pink wedding!!

Maybe complete with a pink wedding gown! Bwahahahahaha!

 

[Mermaid02]

I would give her a pass, only because she recently gave birth. It's likely that she's hormonal and exhausted. Mind you, I'm not saying her behavior is okay, just that I wouldn't let it get to me. Unfortunately for you, she holds the "keys to the kingdom", in terms of controlling your access to your precious new great-granddaughter. So, you have to either tolerate her...less than proper gift etiquette, or expect to not get invited to be around the baby. It's not fair, but that's the way it is.

Give her a pass... but no more gifts. Find out where she likes to shop and give her gift cards from now on.

 

[kimmar067]

And she should still say thank you...What does your grandson's parents think about her?

....curious about that too....

 

[MIGrandma]

And she should still say thank you...no matter what she thinks of the gift. What does your grandson's parents think about her?

They don’t like her, and have told us a lot of their experiences with her. I have always tried to keep an open mind about her, give her the benefit of the doubt, etc. But it’s hard to overlook the lack of manners and ungratefulness.

 

[ronandannette]

Unfortunately this is my third experience with her lack of manners where gifts are concerned. Last Christmas we gave each of the grands a small token gift to open and a card with their “real gift” which was money. . Her small gift was a Bath & Body Works candle. From her reaction when she smelled it I could see she didn’t like it. She never said thank you. And when I personally handed each of our kids and grands their card with money inside they each said “thank you” as I handed it to them, even the 8 year old said it. But not her. And we never got any kind of thank you when we gave them money for their wedding. I can understand maybe not getting a written thank you note but she couldn’t even be bothered to send us a Facebook one. .

Well, sucky as that sounds, at least it probably means there's no major post-partum problem. (Sorry for having asked; I'm hyper-vigilant about it as I've known two near-and-dear ones who have taken their own lives as a result of untreated post-partum depression.)

As for the behaviour, it's unacceptable but since she's a little too old to "take to the woodshed", from here on in I'd give gifts only to them as a couple and always deliver them to your Grandson. Do not waste one more second on thoughtful little gestures like the candle; one amount for the both of them and given straight to him. As for stuff for your dear little one, give what you want and let the chips fall. If it bothers you too much to do so, start a savings account for her and give it to her Dad when you feel ready.

 

[kimmar067]

Well, sucky as that sounds, at least it probably means there's no major post-partum problem. (Sorry for having asked; I'm hyper-vigilant about it as I've known two near-and-dear ones who have taken their own lives as a result of untreated post-partum depression.)

As for the behaviour, it's unacceptable but since she's a little too old to "take to the woodshed", from here on in I'd give gifts only to them as a couple and always deliver them to your Grandson. Do not waste one more second on thoughtful little gestures like the candle; one amount for the both of them and given straight to him. As for stuff for your dear little one, give what you want and let the chips fall. If it bothers you too much to do so, start a savings account for her and give it to her Dad when you feel ready.

...or give her WDW stocks...

 

[kimmar067]

They don’t like her, and have told us a lot of their experiences with her. I have always tried to keep an open mind about her, give her the benefit of the doubt, etc. But it’s hard to overlook the lack of manners and ungratefulness.

....wow......just.....wow.

 

[Sabeking]

Unfortunately this is my third experience with her lack of manners where gifts are concerned. Last Christmas we gave each of the grands a small token gift to open and a card with their “real gift” which was money. . Her small gift was a Bath & Body Works candle. From her reaction when she smelled it I could see she didn’t like it. She never said thank you. And when I personally handed each of our kids and grands their card with money inside they each said “thank you” as I handed it to them, even the 8 year old said it. But not her. And we never got any kind of thank you when we gave them money for their wedding. I can understand maybe not getting a written thank you note but she couldn’t even be bothered to send us a Facebook one. .

Having that prior knowledge of her behavior I would have expected no different. When someone shows you who they really are by the third time...believe them!! Lol! I know we all want thanks and accolades after we have given such a gift we are excited about ( I would have felt the same way) but you did the nice thing and her behavior reflects on her. Feel good that you were trying to be nice!

Edited to add: Giving more thought to this I kind of feel sad for her. She must be a miserable person if she behaves like that often. Something must be missing from her life that she cannot offer thanks to those in her life.

 

[Wendy31]

And this is one of the instances where you can't control someone else's actions - you can only control your own actions... and reactions.

You have a beautiful new great granddaughter, & you wanted to give her a nice gift. And you did. You chose 4 cute little outfits, some fun toys, & useful items like diapers & wipes. And you packaged it all up nicely. And you thoughtfully included the gift receipts so the mother could exchange the outfits if needed.

She was the one who reacted ungratefully. And everyone who was around when she opened the gift saw 2 things: 1.Your thoughtfulness & generosity & 2. Her ungratefulness & rude comments.

I know this was just a rant, & I get it. I don't understand how some people can be so ungracious & rude. And maybe the only way a person like that will ever change is if the people around consistently model a different kind of behavior. I don't know... that kind of rudeness bothers me too.

However, don't let her attitude take away your joy in her great grandddaughter & in your joy in giving. Don't let who she is change who you are. Her being rude doesn't take away your kindness. You didn't lose anything in the exchange.

At Christmas time & other gift-giving occasions, continue to treat her the same as you treat the other grandchildren.

And, as an aside, how do you know she didn't like the gift bag? I can't believe someone would even comment on the gift bag! The only times I've ever commented on a gift bag was if I especially liked the bag or thought the bag was unique or cute. It's a gift bag, for goodness sake! If I didn't like the bag or if it wasn't one I would have chosen, I'd just throw it away later. I'd never comment on it!

 

[usnuzuloose]

Oh OP I am so sorry! I sure would of have appreciated you as a MIL!! My IL's never liked me, only my daughter, and when I had my son they did not like him. I was not even allowed to buy new clothes for my own children. I married the wrong man.

All you can do is draw boundaries for her to keep her from talking to you like that. It may be hard in the future to buy stuff for her. I would sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your son.

Did she have a baby shower prior to the birth? Just wondering if she got anything pink or if she vocalized no pink stuff for things bought. Just know so many women out here would appreciate what you bought for her.

 

[ronandannette]

Having that prior knowledge of her behavior I would have expected no different. When someone shows you who they really are by the third time...believe them!! Lol! I know we all want thanks and accolades after we have given such a gift we are excited about ( I would have felt the same way) but you did the nice thing and her behavior reflects on her. Feel good that you were trying to be nice!

Edited to add: Giving more thought to this I kind of feel sad for her. She must be a miserable person if she behaves like that often. Something must be missing from her life that she cannot offer thanks to those in her life.

Agree, to a point. But I shudder to think how my parents would have reacted if, even as a adult, I (or my spouse, for that matter) had so blatantly disrespected a grandparent . I'd get pretty hysterical with my own DS if he (or his spouse) ever did so, were any of his grandparents still with us.

 

[Sabeking]

Agree, to a point. But I shudder to think how my parents would have reacted if, even as a adult, I (or my spouse, for that matter) had so blatantly disrespected a grandparent . I'd get pretty hysterical with my own DS if he (or his spouse) ever did so, were they still with us.

I wonder if her parents would shudder? Maybe that is why she behaves that way. Either her parents had low expectations or her life has been tumultuous somehow. I am not excusing it, just can't imagine being that bitter. My parents would have whipped my you know what!! Maybe her "you know what" never got whooped! Lol!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

For Christmas, you could order her a set of thank you notes.... monogrammed..... in pink!

 

[AquamarineSteph]

OP - It sounds as if you bought some lovely gifts for the new addition to your family! I know that I would have felt hurt after putting a lot of thought and joy into buying gifts for a newborn and the adult recipient complained about them instead of just saying thank you.

Not everyone is brought up to understand that saying things like 'please' and 'thank you' are important. It's very sad when that happens.

Despite this rocky start, I wish you much joy with this new little one when you see her again!

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

I agree with everyone her behaviour is extremely rude but also peculiar. No sane person would act the way you describe in your op and the fact that she has acted this way before she had a baby means it probably is not hormones.
Even if you despise the gift you say thank you. She went out of her way to make sure you knew she had a lot of baby wipes and even that she disliked the tissue paper. And who doesn't like money in a card? I don't know your family dynamics but has there been any drama where she maybe felt disliked or unappreciated or whatever (in her mind)? Her behaviour sounds quite personal as in when you do not like someone. Forgive me if I am wrong but it is the first thing that came to mind when reading your op. You say your son/daughter in-law do not like her and I am willing to bet she knows that and takes it out on the extended family. If that is the case it is just sad.

 

[hereyago]

I think you should give HER a manners book.