People That Don't Show Appreciation for a Gift - rant

[luvsJack]

Tzolkin, I agree with your thoughts about the OP's comments, quoted just above!!!

The comments quoted do not reflect upon a easy-going non-judgmental MIL.

I did not choose to mention this earlier.... for the obvious reasons.
Also, because, even if these comments are what they are... The DIL's behavior is just SO beyond reasonable and def. 'toxic'.

Maybe, sometimes, it takes two.

The OP is not the MIL. She is the baby's great-grandmother. So grandmother in law, I guess.

And come on, the girl should have done the thank you cards for the wedding. He works, she doesn't. She didn't have a child then so all the household stuff should fall to her. I mean are you really suggesting that he should have come in after 8-10 hours at work and sat down and written out thank you cards??

And I can't help but agree with the OP that if they were struggling and didn't have much money then the girl should have been working. That is what adults do when they need money, they go to work. If my 19 year old can go to school full time and work to help her bf with the bills than I really don't think its beneath any other young lady to do the same. Now, I doubt that it would pay for her to work because of paying child care but before? Yep, should of had a job.

 

[BLAZEY]

She's a spoiled, ungrateful brat. I would be livid if my DH said anything like that about a gift given to him by anyone from my side of the family, just as he would be appalled if it was the other way around. My DD8 knows you always say thank you WHENEVER you receive a gift, no matter what it is or WHO it is from. SOMEBODY thought kindly of you to give you something. OP said she included the receipts so it could be exchanged. When DD was born DH came home from work with 2 laundry baskets full of gifts from his coworkers. The nursery closet was full of diapers/ wipes and I was grateful to have so many packages. I always try to give a gift receipt incase the size is wrong or a duplicate is received.

 

[Kellydelly]

I don't know how old this new mom is, but I can tell you that until I had a lot more real world experience under my belt I probably did or said some rude or ungrateful things in situations like that . Maybe she is just not aware of how she is coming across, maybe her mom never taught her manners, maybe she grew up with nothing and has some lofty expectations of what others are supposed to give her. Or she's just awful. She could be just a miserable person. I don't blame you for being disappointed in her reaction to your gift (unless the clothes were hideous, which I am sure they were not). I would give her a little slack but no more gifts . I did not receive a thank you for the last three wedding gifts that I gave to my nieces and nephew that recently married. That just means nobody else who gets married now is getting a magnanimous gift from me. They can get a third of what the others got and just roll their eyes at how cheap I am ! I have a bunch of kids at home that could use my money more than some newlyweds.

 

[BLAZEY]

I don't know how old this new mom is, but I can tell you that until I had a lot more real world experience under my belt I probably did or said some rude or ungrateful things in situations like that . Maybe she is just not aware of how she is coming across, maybe her mom never taught her manners, maybe she grew up with nothing and has some lofty expectations of what others are supposed to give her. Or she's just awful. She could be just a miserable person. I don't blame you for being disappointed in her reaction to your gift (unless the clothes were hideous, which I am sure they were not). I would give her a little slack but no more gifts . I did not receive a thank you for the last three wedding gifts that I gave to my nieces and nephew that recently married. That just means nobody else who gets married now is getting a magnanimous gift from me. They can get a third of what the others got and just roll their eyes at how cheap I am ! I have a bunch of kids at home that could use my money more than some newlyweds.

There is NO excuse for being rude when receiving a gift. You smile, say "thank you" and move on. Young children can learn this concept, so a GROWN woman should know better.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Tzolkin, I agree with your thoughts about the OP's comments, quoted just above!!!

The comments quoted do not reflect upon a easy-going non-judgmental MIL.

I did not choose to mention this earlier.... for the obvious reasons.
Also, because, even if these comments are what they are... The DIL's behavior is just SO beyond reasonable and def. 'toxic'.

Maybe, sometimes, it takes two.

Same here. It goes to what I spoke of in my earlier posts that it's so hard to believe that someone can be so blatantly rude as the op said the girl was (and on several occasions) and for no reason at all that there could very well be an underlying reason. Again, no excuse for that kind of behaviour but perhaps an inkling of what led to it.

 

[MIGrandma]

How old is this gal? How does she generally treat your grandson? I've been married for a long time but if my husband acted like that, we would be having a long talk. There is just no excuse for acting that way.

She graduated with our grandson, he is 21 so I assume she is also that age. I've never seen her treat our grandson badly, but I have only been around her a few times (a couple family get-togethers, Christmas last year, and their wedding).

I think that's really sad someone would be so rude and ungracious to a great grandmother..over pink?? All of the gifts sound amazing.
The only time I have been ungracious to my MIL over a gift was t shirts she sent to our 9 year olds for their birthday. She had gotten them on vacation and they were from a bar and said something about girls from (forget the place) do it better, something like that with pictures of cocktails. I couldn't even donate them and just tossed. I thanked her for the thought but was truthful when she asked if they liked them and 'aren't they cute??'. I just said I found them to be completely inappropriate for children, any young girl. I'm sure I hurt her feelings and felt bad about it...but you had to see these shirts. I couldn't lie. It was a rare misstep for her and I felt bad she paid postage to even mail them.

Oh wow, I totally understand about the shirts your MIL sent to your 9-year-olds. Yikes!! Definitely not appropriate and I'm glad you were truthful about it when she asked if they liked them. I can't even imagine why she would think they were something that 9-year-olds should wear and would like. Wow!

This seems incredibly snarky and part of a much bigger resentment than just being rude accepting a gift.

While I was totally on board that she is an incredibly rude spoiled brat about the gifts, I am starting to wonder about some of the other family dynamics like a previous poster. (There was a poster on a thread about SAHMs who actually said that she would “hate” and lose respect for her own daughter if she ever chose not to work. I’m wondering if something like that is factoring into why the in-laws don’t like this girl.)

It’s entirely possible that everyone dislikes her and talks negatively about her all the time (which you have mentioned multiple times) because she really is a horrible person, but in my personal experience there can also be underlying issues that have absolutely nothing to do with the “problem person” at all.

A few members of my husband’s family are very hateful about nearly everyone. They read absolutely everything as some type of manipulation with an underlying motive. (Ex. My mom genuinely complimenting my husband to his mother is her being “nasty”, “trying to get her digs in” and tallying up all the things she can hold over her in he future. My mother has many faults, but being manipulative is not in her nature).

His uncle’s wife is considered to be the most selfish and horrible human being to have ever lived. They talk about her constantly (often within earshot). This woman has worked multiple jobs for over 30 years and cared for her crippled husband, their children, and grandchildren. I have never once witnessed her being anything but incredibly kind and helpful. She’s always in the kitchen, picking up the house, bringing drinks and plates of food waiting on the grandmother who is sitting there gossiping about her. Just making up things that are completely untrue and don’t even make any sense. They have done the same to me over the last 18 years and have even refused to speak to or see their grandchildren for the last 4+ years over a conversation my MIL had with my husband where she was claiming comments were made during dinner that were the complete opposite of what was actually said.

I am TOTALLY onboard with a woman being a SAHM if they can afford to take care of their family on the husband's income. I was mostly a SAHM myself so I have NO problem with that. But, we could afford to pay our bills, feed our kids and clothe them on ONE income. Our grandson and his wife really CAN'T afford to live on just his income. They struggle to make ends meet, and now have a baby to feed and clothe and take care of. It's just going to be worse. And now add the cost of heating their house over the cold winter months. Our grandson didn't go to college and in today's world it's extremely hard to get a decent job without going to college. Back when DH and I got married it wasn't that way.

 

[ols386]

Same here. It goes to what I spoke of in my earlier posts that it's so hard to believe that someone can be so blatantly rude as the op said the girl was (and on several occasions) and for no reason at all that there could very well be an underlying reason. Again, no excuse for that kind of behaviour but perhaps an inkling of what led to it.

Why is it hard to believe that someone can be that rude? I've ran across a handful of those people during my life. Not many but a few.

 

[ols386]

I agree with everyone her behaviour is extremely rude but also peculiar. No sane person would act the way you describe in your op and the fact that she has acted this way before she

I agree with everyone her behaviour is extremely rude but also peculiar. No sane person would act the way you describe in your op and the fact that she has acted this way before she had a baby means it probably is not hormones.
Even if you despise the gift you say thank you. She went out of her way to make sure you knew she had a lot of baby wipes and even that she disliked the tissue paper. And who doesn't like money in a card? I don't know your family dynamics but has there been any drama where she maybe felt disliked or unappreciated or whatever (in her mind)? Her behaviour sounds quite personal as in when you do not like someone. Forgive me if I am wrong but it is the first thing that came to mind when reading your op. You say your son/daughter in-law do not like her and I am willing to bet she knows that and takes it out on the extended family. If that is the case it is just sad.

had a baby means it probably is not hormones.
Even if you despise the gift you say thank you. She went out of her way to make sure you knew she had a lot of baby wipes and even that she disliked the tissue paper. And who doesn't like money in a card? I don't know your family dynamics but has there been any drama where she maybe felt disliked or unappreciated or whatever (in her mind)? Her behaviour sounds quite personal as in when you do not like someone. Forgive me if I am wrong but it is the first thing that came to mind when reading your op. You say your son/daughter in-law do not like her and I am willing to bet she knows that and takes it out on the extended family. If that is the case it is just sad.

But you still say thank you.

 

[Wishing on a star]

And come on, the girl should have .............

Wow... ummmm..... just wow.

We have all agreed that this girls behavior, if it was as the OP described, was totally inappopriate and even toxic.
But, now these other comments are about how the OP seems to feel free to judge other peoples family decisions..... Which is totally inappropriate.
The same as the current 'niece' thread.
Just not okay.

This post is another perfect example of those I mentioned in my MIL comments.
And, it was MIL in general... could be mother, MIL, grandmother, grand-MIL... or even in the other 'niece; thread, an aunt... whatever....
I guess that was just too difficult for some to understand.

 

[luvsJack]

Wow... ummmm..... just wow.

We have all agreed that this girls behavior, if it was as the OP described, was totally inappopriate and even toxic.
But, now these other comments are about how the OP seems to feel free to judge other peoples family decisions..... Which is totally inappropriate.
The same as the current 'niece' thread.
Just not okay.

This post is another perfect example of those I mentioned in my MIL comments.
And, it was MIL in general... could be mother, MIL, grandmother, grand-MIL... or even in the other 'niece; thread, an aunt... whatever....
I guess that was just too difficult for some to understand.

The OP was responding to someone questioning why the girl should have written the wedding thank you cards and not her grandson. That's how the topic of her not working came up.

And ok, I will judge. If you can't pay your light bill, you need to get a job. That's just a simple fact of life.

If the OP has only made those remarks here and not said them to her granddaughter, I would say she probably is pretty easy going. MANY in laws would have no problem voicing it loudly to the person. You are assuming they treat this girl badly and that may not be the case at all. Just because someone vents here or puts words to what they are feeling does not mean they treat the person badly or give any indication to what they think or feel.

 

[Kellydelly]

There is NO excuse for being rude when receiving a gift. You smile, say "thank you" and move on. Young children can learn this concept, so a GROWN woman should know better.

Wow, settle down. I was giving an opinion, and don't appreciate you jumping on me. There may be no excuse for bad behavior in your world, but there certainly could be a reason behind it. Who knows, none of us were there but the OP.