People That Don't Show Appreciation for a Gift - rant

[FlightlessDuck]

Somewhere, on the other side of the Internet, a 20-something is complaining about how she had asked her horrible in-laws not to give gender-specific gifts, and how, just to spite her, the in-laws didn't mention this to the grandparents.

We had asked for no toy guns and no barbies for our kids. But we didn't ask everybody. If we got them from someone who didn't know, we wouldn't have a big deal about it.

 

[cabanafrau]

Somewhere, on the other side of the Internet, a 20-something is complaining about how she had asked her horrible in-laws not to give gender-specific gifts, and how, just to spite her, the in-laws didn't mention this to the grandparents.

We had asked for no toy guns and no barbies for our kids. But we didn't ask everybody. If we got them from someone who didn't know, we wouldn't have a big deal about it.

Did you give restrictions on how gifts are to be wrapped as well? Remember, the gift bag and tissue got scorn also. Just plain rude and ungrateful IMO.

I happen to know people who not only reuse the gift bags, but pay no attention to the bag matching the occasion -- or the tissue for that matter. Should they be taken aside and told off, or should you just do it publicly?

 

[dish rag]

Somewhere, on the other side of the Internet, a 20-something is complaining about how she had asked her horrible in-laws not to give gender-specific gifts, and how, just to spite her, the in-laws didn't mention this to the grandparents.

We had asked for no toy guns and no barbies for our kids. But we didn't ask everybody. If we got them from someone who didn't know, we wouldn't have a big deal about it.

Lots of those same people are on the dis. I never saw a place that hated mother in laws like this place. Can't wait till all the mother in law haters here become mother in laws them selves.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Lots of those same people are on the dis. I never saw a place that hated mother in laws like this place. Can't wait till all the mother in law haters here become mother in laws them selves.

I agree and it was bad on the baby boards when I was on them many years ago. I think it's an Internet thing. Lol

 

[sasywtch]

I think from this point forward, I would open a bank account for baby and maybe just put money in there for holidays until she is old enough to be excited about opening presents herself. I don't care what's gone on with the family beforehand, you thank someone. I've been to a few showers where the person opens a present and says, oh I already have 3 of these. It made everyone, not just the gift giver feel awkward. Just say thank you, it's cute and move on.

My mother in law had always been poor. On Christmas we went from our house opening presents (quite a few), then my mom/dad's (again quite a few), then to my MIL's. Each grandkid got one small gift (think color book or silly putty). My kids were taught to say thank you. If they had ever dissed a gift or said anything appropriate, butts would have rolled.

I probably would have started grabbing all the stuff and took it back home with me, got the money back and open an account for baby. I would have told grandson that I spent a lot of time picking the gifts out but this is beyond rude. I have a funny feeling they will be divorced in the future. Just a hunch.

 

[ronandannette]

I'd ask for a pic, but that's probably inappropriate to put a baby on the internet. Maybe @Soldier's*Sweeties will update us on Hei Hei today!

You're welcome to check out a couple of my babies on the ALDIO thread. The adorable little tykes are only 463 and 251 months old!

 

[amberpi]

You're welcome to check out a couple of my babies on the ALDIO thread. The adorable little tykes are only 463 and 251 months old!

I can look in the mirror for those kinds of tikes...but I've worn off all my adorable I guess.

 

[ronandannette]

I can look in the mirror for those kinds of tikes...but I've worn off all my adorable I guess.

Not through a Mother's eyes of love...

 

[amberpi]

Not through a Mother's eyes of love...

To your point, I sent my mom a pic asked if my outfit was good and she said I looked beautiful. And that my eyebrows were en fleek...so that phrase is over. (Admittedly, I'm insecure about my eyebrows so it was sweet, but still!)

 

[amberpi]

Doubtful. He’s on the naughty list this morning

With that face, it'd be hard to put him on the naughty list!

 

[Disney Doll]

What an incredibly rude poorly raised young woman.

 

[lizziepooh]

How old is this gal? How does she generally treat your grandson? I've been married for a long time but if my husband acted like that, we would be having a long talk. There is just no excuse for acting that way.

 

[Saphire]

How old is this gal?

She sounds like she is a child. She needs to grow up. Most of us learn with time. Perhaps she will mature as the years pass by, so don't give up on this baby girl.

 

[paisleys]

I think that's really sad someone would be so rude and ungracious to a great grandmother..over pink?? All of the gifts sound amazing.
The only time I have been ungracious to my MIL over a gift was t shirts she sent to our 9 year olds for their birthday. She had gotten them on vacation and they were from a bar and said something about girls from (forget the place) do it better, something like that with pictures of cocktails. I couldn't even donate them and just tossed. I thanked her for the thought but was truthful when she asked if they liked them and 'aren't they cute??'. I just said I found them to be completely inappropriate for children, any young girl. I'm sure I hurt her feelings and felt bad about it...but you had to see these shirts. I couldn't lie. It was a rare misstep for her and I felt bad she paid postage to even mail them.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Lots of those same people are on the dis. I never saw a place that hated mother in laws like this place. Can't wait till all the mother in law haters here become mother in laws them selves.

I think that is a huge, huge, and very judgemental 'stretch'.

Interesting that even on this thread, about what seems to be a horrid DIL... there are those who just have to complain and throw accusations about so-called MIL-haters.

Just because there are those who have had very negative experiences with toxic inlaws, that does not make them 'HATERS'.
It does not mean that they will be horrid inlaws.
Far from it.
I think, just as often, those people learn beforehand how NOT to be a horrid inlaw.

In fact, quite the opposite. I think that sometimes those who have such a big problem with anyone who comments negatively about an experience with an inlaw might fall into that group who, as a mother or MIL, feel that inlaws should have influence and control and should, as a mother or MIL, always be held without reproach, no matter what, no matter how toxic.

There are also a lot of people here on the DIS who like to make assumptions and to flame and judge and personally attack others....
Social media is just infected with that. So, hey..... Just the way it is.

 

[tzolkin]

Yes, my grandson could have sent a wedding thank you note (or Facebook message) but HE works full-time, his wife does not work outside the home, even though she should as they were struggling to make ends meet BEFORE they decided to have a baby and now it has to be MUCH worse with baby expenses. And generally I think it is the wife who does the majority of the wedding thank you's.

This seems incredibly snarky and part of a much bigger resentment than just being rude accepting a gift.

While I was totally on board that she is an incredibly rude spoiled brat about the gifts, I am starting to wonder about some of the other family dynamics like a previous poster. (There was a poster on a thread about SAHMs who actually said that she would “hate” and lose respect for her own daughter if she ever chose not to work. I’m wondering if something like that is factoring into why the in-laws don’t like this girl.)

It’s entirely possible that everyone dislikes her and talks negatively about her all the time (which you have mentioned multiple times) because she really is a horrible person, but in my personal experience there can also be underlying issues that have absolutely nothing to do with the “problem person” at all.

A few members of my husband’s family are very hateful about nearly everyone. They read absolutely everything as some type of manipulation with an underlying motive. (Ex. My mom genuinely complimenting my husband to his mother is her being “nasty”, “trying to get her digs in” and tallying up all the things she can hold over her in he future. My mother has many faults, but being manipulative is not in her nature).

His uncle’s wife is considered to be the most selfish and horrible human being to have ever lived. They talk about her constantly (often within earshot). This woman has worked multiple jobs for over 30 years and cared for her crippled husband, their children, and grandchildren. I have never once witnessed her being anything but incredibly kind and helpful. She’s always in the kitchen, picking up the house, bringing drinks and plates of food waiting on the grandmother who is sitting there gossiping about her. Just making up things that are completely untrue and don’t even make any sense. They have done the same to me over the last 18 years and have even refused to speak to or see their grandchildren for the last 4+ years over a conversation my MIL had with my husband where she was claiming comments were made during dinner that were the complete opposite of what was actually said.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Tzolkin, I agree with your thoughts about the OP's comments, quoted just above!!!

The comments quoted do not reflect upon a easy-going non-judgmental MIL.

I did not choose to mention this earlier.... for the obvious reasons.
Also, because, even if these comments are what they are... The DIL's behavior is just SO beyond reasonable and def. 'toxic'.

Maybe, sometimes, it takes two.

 

[cabanafrau]

Considering OP didn't know the new mother disliked pink, it's equally likely she could have given the gift in a bag with baby blocks on the front with one being blue and a sleeper with multi colored polka dots that included some blue dots and mom would be off to the races claiming OP was signaling her disappointment baby wasn't a boy. Clearly OP should have sent this mother a request for authorization to bring a gift for baby -- along with the approved gift selection and officially authorized gift wrap of course.

I'm sure it must be toxic family dynamics at the heart of this -- I hear hoofbeats, that's a sure sign zebras are on the way!

 

[mamacatnv]

I didn't read through the 5 pages of replies, I just read the OP.
I'm sorry, the new Mom's behavior was rude and lacked grace, your gifts sound adorable as well as thoughtful.

Reminds me to keep reminding my young adult children to always be gracious.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

She sounds like a spoiled, rude, ungrateful brat. Your gift sounds incredible and I would have loved to receive something like that for any of my baby girls.

Hating pink (and also anything princess or overly girly) is a trend right now for many new moms. Oh well--more for me and my girls!