OT: DS turns 5 end of July so Kindergarten or no Kindergarten

[Mouse House Mama]

Without having met this family, how can you say they're doing their child a disservice? That seems a little judgemental, although this thread has been nothing but, so why am I surprised?

I can totally understand not wanting your daughters who are a year apart to be in the same grade. It gives them a chance to express those individual gifts, etc. that someone else mentioned a little better than being in the same grade. I think a lot of twins have a hard time with that as they get older, and being that they aren't twins, why not let them have the freedom to stretch their legs on their own?

I wasn't judging this family. I was asking a question based on what we were discussing.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

As I said "this can lead to social issues. In the beginning of the year kids in his preschool class told him he was too little to do things. Now his teacher says that the kids just see him as Zachary, the smartest kid in class. I'm not sure that this will be the case in 6th grade. I have many short relatives. Some have had social issues that directly relate to their height. Obviously not all short kids have social issues.

I had a student who was called "mini-me" and carried around on the playground. I don't want to subject my son to that.

Well since he is a year older of course.

Again- not being rude about the small thing, but the other side of the coin is that being small is not something that even an extra year of school will change.

 

[Fabinva]

My son's birthday is July 30th, I send him to full day kindergarten the year he turned 5, prior to school he was not in pre K program or out of the house longer than 3 hours per day so I was a bit worried but he did fine. I say send him

Forgot to add the he is a bit hyper, can't sit still and sometimes easily gets distracted but he is smart and with constant reminders does well.

 

[Camno's Mama]

twins are a totally different dynamic. Most twins do not feel the way you indicate, as the problem is more of an issue for monozygotic twins. And, in most schools....there is more than one class for each grade.

I guess I have not studied a lot of twins, so I am not an expert. I guess I was talking about a lot of twins and a set of triplets I knew growing up. They loved loved loved being together, but they also felt a little stifled by being lumped together all the time, too.

Yes, in elementary school there are other classes for each grade. I think that gets more complicated as you hit high school though, which is what I meant by the getting older thing. Once they become more involved in sports, extracurriculars, the required classes, etc. I think it's a lot harder to split them up.

 

[Camno's Mama]

I wasn't judging this family. I was asking a question based on what we were discussing.

How would you feel if someone said that you were doing your child a disservice after you thought long and hard about a decision like this? All of the people here are doing what they think is best for their child.

Maybe you believe that we, people that hold our children back, are doing your child a disservice. And that is your right to believe that, and maybe you are right. I don't know. But I think saying that we are not serving our child's best interests isn't a fair estimation of what is happening.

I can only speak for myself when I say that I would love to send my child on time. I just don't think it's right for him at this time.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

How would you feel if someone said that you were doing your child a disservice after you thought long and hard about a decision like this? All of the people here are doing what they think is best for their child.

Maybe you believe that we, people that hold our children back, are doing your child a disservice. And that is your right to believe that, and maybe you are right. I don't know. But I think saying that we are not serving our child's best interests isn't a fair estimation of what is happening.

I can only speak for myself when I say that I would love to send my child on time. I just don't think it's right for him at this time.

I think you misunderstood what I was asking. What I was getting at was if the child was ready in all areas would you still keep the child back just because they would be in the same grade as a sibling? Yes, I do think holding a child back for that reason alone is a disservice to the child who is ready. A child who is not ready is one thing. A child who is ready but you don't want to send them is quite another. Does that make sense?

 

[Camno's Mama]

What you are saying makes sense. It's something I'd have to think about though. I'm still not sure anyone does their child a disservice in keeping them home an extra year...I think it doesn't do any harm to most kids that have the late birthdays.

I can see where a lot of people think it adversely affects the children who go on time and are younger. Until this thread, it's honestly something I never thought about. But I really believe it doesn't ever hurt to keep them home.

 

[NJfamily2007]

Well since he is a year older of course.
Again- not being rude about the small thing, but the other side of the coin is that being small is not something that even an extra year of school will change.

He's actually one of the younger kids in preschool. He's still one of the smartest.

 

[brymolmom]

What you are saying makes sense. It's something I'd have to think about though. I'm still not sure anyone does their child a disservice in keeping them home an extra year...I think it doesn't do any harm to most kids that have the late birthdays.

I can see where a lot of people think it adversely affects the children who go on time and are younger. Until this thread, it's honestly something I never thought about. But I really believe it doesn't ever hurt to keep them home.

As long as you don't expect first grade academics and/or behaviors in a Kindergarten classroom - I would agree. It would likely not adversely affect any of the kids.

A usual classroom will have a 'bell curve' of abilities - a few will be 'above the curve' and need some enrichment, most will be 'middle of the road' and some will be below the curve - needing extra assistance and different methods to 'get it'. In this type of classroom -because the majority fall into the middle of the road category - a good teacher will be able to give each student his/her best learning environment and lessons. However, if you are now talkign about a larger % of kids who are supposed to be in first grade and who, academically, belong there - it is no longer the Bell curve - it is a skewed bell curve and the ones in what should be 'middle of the road' for Kindergarten and especially the ones who are in the 'below the curve' category will likely not get the education they should be getting in that classroom.

 

[Aristomommy]

If they were a year apart in age? Absolutely. If they are were a year apart in age, I would not want them to be in the same grade at school. I know a few people who have kids that are about a year apart in age, but because the way the cut-offs are drawn, they would be in the same year at school. They held the younger one back specifically so this wouldn't happen.

I also wouldn't put one twin ahead if one was ready and the other wasn't.

So if one twin had learning difficulties and was asked to repeat a grade than the other sibling would have to do the same? I don't see the logic. I have twin brothers who were very different and my mother had the wisdom to treat them like individuals, not a package deal. Just as my children are different, one started early, the other will start Kindergarten at 5y7mo. I understand that many children are not ready to start early, but most are ready to start on time. If the school system accepts a 4, almost 5yo then I would assume teachers are prepared to teach at their readiness level.

 

[dznygurl]

My DS4 will turn 5 on July 21st. I have already spoken to his teacher about holding him back. I have know for a while that this was the right decision for my child. He is speech delayed and has not mastered many of the skills that was taught to him this year. He was also in a PK3 class last year.

I have two older children, one also with a July birthday that I did NOT hold back. All children are different, and only you know what the best decision is for YOUR child. My children attend a very demanding private school. By the end of Kindergarten they should have 100 sight words mastered. While my older two had no problems with that, my youngest is definitely not ready for that!

I am a first grade teacher and can say that some children come to me completely not ready. Our state and parish tell us what skills and objectives that are to be taught and mastered by the end of first grade. I have had experience with many children who have struggled because their parents did not want them held back only to have them repeat 1st grade anyway. But to be completely fair, I have also seen many children start school "on time" and do very well.

It truly depends on the child. Like I stated before, you know what is best for your child.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[cmariew]

I too am torn on this issue. My DD's b-day is Sept. 8th with a cut off of Sept. 30th. Our district is a full day program and if she were to ride the bus the pick up is 8:00 and drop off is a 4:00. That seems like a really long day for a young 5. I saw this article on another site. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...on/7234578.stm It is about what is the ideal age for starting formal schooling.

 

[dogluva]

I will be the first to admit my 6 year old is immature. When it comes down to it, we shelter our kids a lot, they watch minimal tv (none at all monday-friday, or computer either). They have never watched spounge bob, high school muscial, hanna montan, we don't do the whole libby lus dress up thing (make up on my 5 and 6 year old...yuck). We do travel a lot, so yes, they have seen a lot in that way, but some families travel some do not.
By the way, we did have santa ruined for us this year, by a 4 year old!!! Not an older kid, by a 4 year old, so that is the silliest excuse I have heard.
You are right a year makes a huge difference, which is why I choose to hold my child back, rather than putting her in a class with kids that were over a year older than her, I put her with kids who were only a few days, to months younger than her, and there are even 2 that are older than her.

I never used this as an excuse. Someone else did. They referred to wanting to keept their child a kid (the whole tooth fairy, santa thing). I just used it as an EXAMPLE.

Sorry, but your (not really yours) child will be more mature when it comes to certain things, maybe not right away but in middle school. I had to have my son stop playing with two boys in the neighborhood. Both were held back and both are over a year old than he is but in the same grade. One kids birthday is Feb. They were just into things he was not (like looking for girls).

 

[dogluva]

My son will be 5 on September 13th. The cutoff in NJ is September 30th. He has been in preschool for two years and his teacher thinks that we should send him because he is super smart and very mature with an unbelievable vocabulary and ability to understand and reason. We will be waiting to send him. There are several reasons that I feel this way:

1. He is very small for his age. This can lead to social issues as he gets older.

2. Although he is very intelligent, starting to read and can add and subtract, he cannot write his name or hold a pencil correctly. He has no interest in coloring or painting.

3. As a teacher I noticed that boys who were on the younger side often had issues with behavior and were socially behind the others as they got into late elementary school and middle school.

I think that it is one of the most important decisions that a parent has to make. You have to do what you feel is best for your child.

1. He might be small his whole life.

2. my daughter is five next month and can not write her name yet. She can not add, subtract (why would she want to?). She would rather play in the mud than color or paint.

3. I agree with you on this one. But they do catch up.

 

[dogluva]

He's actually one of the younger kids in preschool. He's still one of the smartest.

How would you know this? Are you the teacher? Do you know the kids actual IQ's? How can you say this without actually knowing these kids indivicually. Also, kids all have different strengths. What are you basing Can we really say who is the smartest at three or four or five? I really am beginning to hate this term, it is so oversued. Especially on this board.

My daughter is in Pre-K. It is integrated. She just may be the smartest (I don't think so) but she would never refer to herself in this way. All the kids are smart, funny, etc. in her eyes.

I also could not imagine her teacher saying she was the smartest to me. She is too much of a professional.

 

[december]

I never used this as an excuse. Someone else did. They referred to wanting to keept their child a kid (the whole tooth fairy, santa thing). I just used it as an EXAMPLE.

Sorry, but your (not really yours) child will be more mature when it comes to certain things, maybe not right away but in middle school. I had to have my son stop playing with two boys in the neighborhood. Both were held back and both are over a year old than he is but in the same grade. One kids birthday is Feb. They were just into things he was not (like looking for girls).

That was me, and it was NOT why we held him back. It just ended up being a plus. I think we all need to worry about doing what is best for our kids and quit making judgements about others.

 

[dogluva]

That was me, and it was NOT why we held him back. It just ended up being a plus. I think we all need to worry about doing what is best for our kids and quit making judgements about others.

I don't think I was judging.

I was at MVMCP the same night as you. Great time.

 

[chrisw127]

Hey, how about that Barack Obama?

Um, just trying to change the subject to something less divisive like politics.

But seriously, to the OP. It sounds like you did your research and are making a very well-informed decision. I'm not sure why some people here are so adamantly opposed to holding kids back, but in the end, it's your kid. Only you can know the right answer.

For our family, it was the absolute best decision we could have made.

 

[december]

I don't think I was judging.

I was at MVMCP the same night as you. Great time.

It was a great time-the cold seemed to keep most folks away. And the judging comment wasn't to you, but for the whole thread.

And if anyone is worried about my 10 yr old 4th grader being a bully, let me set your mind at ease. He lets everybody else walk all over him. His 8 yr old sister is a different story though !

 

[momto2girls]

I too am torn on this issue. My DD's b-day is Sept. 8th with a cut off of Sept. 30th. Our district is a full day program and if she were to ride the bus the pick up is 8:00 and drop off is a 4:00. That seems like a really long day for a young 5. I saw this article on another site. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...on/7234578.stm It is about what is the ideal age for starting formal schooling.

See, I think that is way too long of a day for a young 5. I hate all-day kindergarten anyway, but that is too much IMO for most young 5s. I know that mine would be miserable!