How fast it all changed.

[disneyeveryyear]

When my DM died, my DD was the only one of us who had a voice recording of her on our phones. My DM said "Hi, it's me!"

My DS, who was an architecture major at the time was able to take the voice recording and turn it into a carving on a piece of wood. I am not explaining it well, but it was a "soundwave print" if you want to google it. He had them done on pieces of scrap wood from his studio, and gave them all to us for Christmas. It was just another cool way to remember her.

 

[Mumketeer]

Dear Rodeo,

I am so very sorry for your loss.

When I first saw the title of the thread I thought it was about how the parks had changed. And then when I started reading it hit me so hard. You and your children are so strong. You have handled so much and I guess you won't be staying in your house so that must be so stressful too. I want to thank you for sharing this with us, it has been difficult to read but I can understand why it is such a safe outlet and I am heartened by the kind words of the community. Sharing your experience has taught me and prepared me for things our family may soon deal with and I thank you.

 

[ols386]

I’m so very sorry, Rodeo. Keeping you and your family in thought and prayer.

 

[leebee]

You are yours are still in my heart and mind, and will be for a long time to come. Reading of your experience has moved me to reconsider my life, how we are living, and what needs to be strengthened and cherished- because you never know, and it can all change so quickly. Thank you for sharing this all with us. Take all the time you need to grieve, but know that each day is a step forward, no matter how small. Wishing you comfort and peace.

 

[rodeo65]

I have a houseful of teenagers tonight. Two girls and seven boys. DS has re-purposed DH's basement office into his gaming den. There was one big room that had the office and the far end had DD's old bedroom suite set up as a sort of "guest area" - not an actual room as there are no walls. No guests ever used it. That set has a queen sized bed, there is also a queen sized futon mattress, a queen sized air mattress and two single sized memory foam pads. There are seven boys. If it was reversed and it was seven girls they would be fine with that and share beds/mattresses. DD and her friend are sleeping on her full sized bed. Not so much the boys. They all want their own bed/mattress. So they are preparing to take apart the L-shaped sofa bed, move it downstairs and reassemble it. It's one AM. I'm going to bed. I hope the house is standing in the morning. I have to say though, I'm happy to have them all around. They have a nice group of friends.

 

[minniecarousel]

Good to hear that your kids have good friends. A little “normalcy” helps distract from the other stuff.

 

[Snowflakey]

Awww that sounds great! So glad the kids have good friends and are taking the lead on making a fun gaming room for them to enjoy. Hope you got some rest!

 

[Southernmiss]

Love the story of your ful house ast night! I hope you were able to enjoy having them around. I hope you were able to sleep.

 

[rodeo65]

They were great. I heard nothing after about 2:30. I know they were up way past that since whoever is still here (about three of them based on the shoes still lying in the hallway) are all still asleep.

I just got back from the funeral home where we completed the paperwork that needs to be filed. They were soooo helpful with all of that. It's all completed, in envelopes with the death certificates included, addressed and stamped. All I have to do is mail them.

We also chose the jewellery for the kids. DS chose a sterling silver dog tag with his ashes inside. It will have an engraving on the front of a phrase he liked and DH's name, date of birth and date of passing on the back. DD chose a gold heart shaped pendant that will also contain his ashes. Hers will be plain on the front with the same information on the back. I'm also having a small pendant made to add to her bouquet when she is married.

Mine was the issue. I wanted a ring that would be engraved with his thumbprint around the band and a reservoir containing his ashes. The company that does that is located in the US. The funeral home doesn't have a sample of the ring and i really didn't want to order it just based on a picture. Then there is the issue of sending his remains across the border. The amount of red tape involved with that, plus the fact that I just don't like the idea of sending his remains through the postal system and hoping for the best. The kids jewellery is being made locally so much more control over the process, but the only ring he could do was a signet with the print on the raised middle part and I don't want that.

So, I am taking the pictures of what I liked to a jeweller to see if he can do what I want. If not, I'll switch to a teardrop pendant and it will be similar to DD's although I'll have the engraving on the front and include our wedding date as well. Now I have the task of finding the photo albums. We had a ton of them from before smart phones and i need to go hunt them down and start choosing pictures for the Celebration. That and compile a playlist.

 

[hegsag]

I'm not sure if this has already been mentioned as I haven't read every post but one thing that a friend did after her husband had passed was to have a quilt made from some of his favorite shirts. Just wanted to give you another example of something special to do.

I'm happy to read that the kids have some great friends that are keeping them busy

 

[Mickeynutty]

Thank you Rodeo for continuing to post and let us all know how you are doing. I am still thinking of you and I was so happy to read about your kids. You and your DH must have done a super job raising them. You are a hero to me.

 

[anniemae]

Glad you are continuing to post and update here. You have some great kids. Thinking of you often.

 

[Disneylvr]

Still thinking of you and your family. Thank you for keeping us all updated! I am glad you are surrounded by friends and family.

 

[gillep]

Thinking of you often .

 

[TB'sWidow]

Sorry just now getting back to reading your journey an I am sobbing at your heartbreak. I was where you are now 16 yeas ago my beloved Dh passed from cancer in 8 months which at the time I thought was short and to be honest I was shell shocked by it all. I was left with 3 kids two were teenagers one a toddler. You seem like a strong caring woman please in the shock of it all don't forget to be kind to yourself while you are trying to be there for your family. I wish you peace, strength an love to you an your family during these painful difficult days ahead. I am truly sorry for your great loss.

 

[lisaviolet]

Thinking of you Rodeo.

 

[lisaviolet]

TB's Widow .

 

[mister morrow]

i'm really late to the initial post, but i couldn't just ignore the thread. i would like to say that you and your family are being so strong.
as a teenager myself, i have experienced too many passings, so i genuinely understand how you all feel.
i will most definitely keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[antmaril]

Sorry just now getting back to reading your journey an I am sobbing at your heartbreak. I was where you are now 16 yeas ago my beloved Dh passed from cancer in 8 months which at the time I thought was short and to be honest I was shell shocked by it all. I was left with 3 kids two were teenagers one a toddler. You seem like a strong caring woman please in the shock of it all don't forget to be kind to yourself while you are trying to be there for your family. I wish you peace, strength an love to you an your family during these painful difficult days ahead. I am truly sorry for your great loss.

I am very sorry for your loss. It has been ten years for me. My husband also battled his cancer for eight months, and I, too, thought that was short. All the best to you.

 

[rodeo65]

Look for signs in the coming days that his spirit may try to send to you to let you know he heard you. Don't let anyone tell you it's silly, because its not, and it can bring comfort when it occurs. I also believe he will be watching over you all and helping with things when he can from wherever he is.

I have been looking for those signs, Pea. I haven't noticed anything yet other than being absolutely certain that DH was working through me the morning after he passed when I was dealing with my MIL. It was definitely not my own ideas coming out then. I'm going to order When God Winks.

I've been reflecting on something all day, and I hope it's OK to share. Since Rodeo first posted, countless people have come together on this thread. We don't the color of each other's skin, how we vote, who we sleep with, what God we worship, etc. And it hasn't mattered -- at all -- because we have been united in our shared compassion, our empathy, our humanity. How amazing that such beauty can be found even in tragedy.

Rodeo, I see this thread as a powerful tribute to your husband, to you, to your family and to the love that will live on. Continued prayers for peace and comfort.

This post means so much to me. Truly! I have not been a terribly active member of this board since I joined when we were planning our first family trip, but I was a frequent lurker and have enjoyed coming to the board and reading regularly.

When I first started this thread, it was really just to escape my reality while still immersed in it. I could just post and not be seeing anyone I knew IRL. I honestly never expected the thread to become what it has. All of the responses have touched me and changed things I thought about myself so much. This thread has become a huge part of who I am now. The sense of community is so strong and I thank all of you who have followed and posted through it all.

Darcy03231, Mizzoufan, minniebeth, MamaBelle4, iivye, focusondisney, mom2rtk, sk!mom, Liberty Belle, mjkacmom, Minnesota!, Allison, Micca, lynxstch, Happyinwonerland, mamamary, BadgerGirl84, asta, Kellydelly, Dan Murphy, pigletto, powellrj, Snowflakey, Meriweather, superme80, NotUrsula, runwad, pampam, LSUmiss, gillep, emmybee, kirstenb1, TB'sWidow, Kathryn Merteuil, low-key, Lori74, mom2rb, John VN, Bianca and Bernard, PollyannaMom, ronandannette, minnie56, lifesavacation, Snowysmom, Feralpeg, DisneyOma, Vicki926, Cogswel_Cogs, Eureka, AnnaFloridaLover, fhtpdw20, Pea-n-Me, Azrael, Mokat76, WebmasterMaryJo, Southernmiss, leebee, Disney Doll, rickybobby, J'aime Paris, Dumbo777, antmaril, Gail Tourgee, smokeyblue, BCDisneyFanatic, The Mystery Machine, Mickeynutty, sasywtch, Tattylou, Bren's Mom, SirDuff, Music City Mama, anniemae, bethy, bellebud, gemini2727, excited family, BellaPaige, Runnergal, lisaviolet, Disney_Alli, manning, 2China2009, LSUmiss, vicwishes, TexasErin, mefordis, Neesy228, wgeo, hegsag, hopemax, magicmommy, desamnik, maxaroni, lifesavacation, albaker, Tikitoi, nancygirl1, Cruisin, minniecarousel, fely1st, Kewz1, vicwishes, TheConsciousness, JenniferYoung44, wdw4us, Mrs. Ciz, mumto3girls, Iya, ols386, olliesmom, Wendy31, OhhBother, 3DisneyBuggs, 720L, Cheetie, Dentam, Kitty 34, mousefan73, K and K's Mommy, Distinkt, VictoriaT, fab1976, luvflorida, nycdisneygal, indimom, star72232, JaneBanks, #1hoosierfan, disney212, ADLFAN, lsyorke, karensi, starrzone, DMRick, ksjayhawks, jalapeno_pretzel, PollyannaMom, chicagodisneyfan, AlohaNow, KBoopaloo, kimblebee, Meriweather, Owlpost23, tarheelmjfan, Earstou, Pembo, TavieP, HeatherC, Someluck, Grom, Planogirl, tinatark, pooh'smate, nancygirl1, StitchesGr8Fan, cassiopia419, Chirple, disneyeveryyear, DLmama, jodybird511, LouChris, PixiebabyMom, macraven, Ngwira, AndreaDM, ls1222, Lynne G, AnnaS, maddiel, robinb, Psychodisney, HeyIt'sMe, chrisney, Nora03, sharbear, Marchand63, aejammers, MinnieTink, ENJDisneyFan, tink1970, belleatdisney, DisneyFan32WI, Snowysmom, AquamarineSteph, CF'er, Pumbaa, Sarah'sMomfrom PA, dish rag, bluezy, Friend of a Mouse, Lynne M, cjbcam, stitch'sgirl, disney212, OKW8297, lanejudy, okeydokey, Wis2InTink, MinnieTink, novajeanjellybean, nancygirl1, bethy, TraceyDisney2008, cm8, schumigirl, Disneylover99, cmarsh31, JuneChickie, morgan98, goofy4tink, ENJDisneyFan, , TeresaBelle, dsny1mom, Someluck, OhMari, soccerdad72, lynxstch, rlk, PollyannaMom, snoodledoo, llcoolj, Disneylvr, snoopy two, teller80, cjbcam, sunnyshari, disneyfanforever, 2Kds2K9, Katlyn, KristiMc, Nancy, coopcd, AuntieMe3, Keli, kwelch10377, Nora03, bcwife76, Sabeking, piglet1979, Elleshoodat, Lehuaann, lizziepooh, DLgal, Cesar05, MJB03, amberpi, disneyhand, Ciao Mickey, mommykds, GracieKam, aejammers, dreamit, karensi, sarahothomas, AnnMarie3, java, Pembo, PrincessShmoo, Mumketeer, ols386, mister morrow.

I hope I didn't miss anyone (and tried not to duplicate.) You all will never know how much it meant to me that you took the time to read and to post - advise, support, care through the worst days I've encountered. I know there are so many more names that liked but didn't post and more still that read but lurked only. Every one of you are all so appreciated!

For those who have walked this path also, I feel for all of you. And particularly, excitedfamily - I am thinking of you a lot. As I know everyone listed and not listed above but who have also followed are thinking of you, praying for you, caring for you also. I hope you are having good days with your DH and I believe you said May 1 is your next important appointment, so I'll be thinking of you then too.

I'm still pretty immersed in busywork, and yes I do take more than enough down time. Probably more than I should, really, but I am where I am in getting through it all, so I'm just letting the days unfold as they need to. Yesterday, I put together the playlist for DH's celebration. That was hard! Music was a big part of who he was and played a big role in our relationship (although we tended to somewhat different tastes, we did share some in common.) There will be a large representation of 80's hair and heavy rock bands. It will be interesting to watch DS choreograph a samba when he has KISS, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd etc to choose from.