How fast it all changed.

[J'aime Paris]

Put one foot in front of the other. You are remarkable, Rodeo!

 

[ronandannette]

To you all @rodeo65 as I’m sure every day is now a new challenge. If you don’t mind me asking, how did your issues with the bank turn out? That part of your story seems like a long time ago now.

 

[Darcy03231]

I think you're being too hard on yourself and putting too much pressure on yourself to get things done. You need to give yourself some time to get used to your new "normal." Don't think you can do it all in a day, a week or even a month. It's going to take lots of time. Pick one room and start there. Give it whatever time you feel you can handle that day. As far as the stuff that's still packed, I would let your children go through what is theirs. When we moved I was surprised at what my children wanted to keep and what they were willing to donate. I would have done it completely differently than they did.

 

[Meriweather]

So much to deal with so fast. You hang in there. You're are doing an amazing job.

I remember when my parents died and going through their things.
I came home and immediately went and wrote names on as many pictures as I could. There were so many of theirs with no names or dates

Best wishes to you and your family

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I agree with Darcy, don't put so much pressure on yourself right now. There will be time later for that. Let people help you. Also, just rest sometimes! Give yourself permission!

ETA your mind and body have taken a big blow over the past several weeks - they need time to heal.

 

[ENJDisneyFan]

I'm sure you want to keep yourself busy, but don't do more than you can handle right now. Others have given good advice, tackle one small thing each day until you feel like doing more. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Lynne G]

Yep, go through one pile or box a day. And skip a day if you don't feel like it. Ask the kids to do the same with their boxes of toys. Hang in there. House will be in order one of these days. Do not stress that. Take care of yourself, and sending good thoughts your way.

Cleaning out my mom's house when she moved, took a month. 60 years of stuff. And, I make my kids go through their closet and purge every Spring and Fall, and we still have stuff to remove.

 

[fhtpdw20]

As I said before, pace yourself. You did not accumulate everything overnight and it is not going to disappear either. I left everything in DH man cave downstairs for the last two years. I just did not want to take away his stuff. Plus he and DS shared so many of his "treasures" I wanted DS to look thru and decide what he wanted (which was pretty much everything). DS re-arranged everything after he and DDIL moved in 4 months ago while he finishes school and they save for a home of their own to create their own private space. Don't worry about breaking down. It is still happening to me. Hear a song on the radio or see something that I know he would have loved to do. There is no timeline for grief.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Hug to all of you knowing grief.

Rodeo, peace and love.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Thinking of you still Rodeo, and your kids. Hugs.

 

[Snowflakey]

Sweet Rodeo - don't be hard on yourself. Don't feel you need to get everything done. I like the one hour a day. If you aren't up to it don't worry....all in due time.

Keep your china for now. You never know what the future holds. A rule of thumb is not to get rid of anything for one full year. Now things like papers and such is fine.

My MIL biggest regret after my FIL passed away was everything she gave away. I don't want you to have that.

Do you sew or know anyone who does? How about taking different clothing of your husbands and making a quilt for each of your kids? I couldn't think of a better way to wrap myself in love. Hugs to you.

 

[runwad]

Oh Rodeo don't worry about doing all that stuff now. They say you aren't supposed to do anything for a whole year after a loss. Please give yourself time to grieve right now.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Do you sew or know anyone who does? How about taking different clothing of your husbands and making a quilt for each of your kids? I couldn't think of a better way to wrap myself in love. Hugs to you.

What a lovely idea!

 

[Pembo]

One moment at a time...hugs to you.

 

[rodeo65]

His Voice.

I have one message from him from the second time he was admitted to the hospital, letting me know which room he was in. Yesterday I was clearing off the backlog of messages - mostly the automated school system letting me know my kids were not in attendance each day. I heard his and it broke me for most of the rest of the day. I know there are videos too - not a ton as he mostly took them, but still will be some. I haven't brought myself to look at them yet. I've pulled out our wedding video and plan to have it transferred to digital format to preserve it. I haven't watched it in years - it's VHS and I don't even think we have a player anymore. I hope it hasn't degraded already!

I'm thinking of doing a butterfly release at his Celebration. (Which is to be held on June 2, btw ronandannette) I like the idea, the concept of transformation from mortal or earthbound (caterpillar) to flying free as a butterfly. I read several websites that supply the butterflies and it seems like a win all around. The native monarch population is drastically reduced in our area and this is also a re-population effort. However, then I read an article from a conservatory who says they discourage the practice as the commercially raised butterflies can introduce disease to the native population. So, I'm still researching but I do like the symbolism.

Also, to answer your other question ronandannette, I'm still dealing with the bank issue. I'll be speaking to a lawyer shortly, the family lawyer who drew up our wills is going to refer me to someone who would be good with this particular situation and I'll go for a consultation. I seriously doubt we'll do anything further. I'm certain trying to go against a bank and insurance company would be a foolish endeavour. I will at least explore the option but doubt it will amount to anything. One curious thing, though, is the bank went silent. I had asked my dad to deal with it right from the start which, you're right, seems like a long time ago, but was actually only about four weeks ago. Initially, they said if it had been missed they'd be happy to reinstate it but could not back date it to September. Of course, that's the only way we'd have a hope. He has asked several times for a complete copy of all signed paperwork but they have yet to produce it. I've been wondering if someone there heard about DH's illness and they've just been waiting it out.

 

[antmaril]

Rodeo. The butterfly release sounds perfect. Whatever gives you comfort.

With regard to watching the videos, I wouldn’t do that, yet. It took me years to watch the videos of our vacations and our wedding DVD (transferred from 8mm movies). I don’t have anything with DH’s voice on it that is readily available, so you are lucky to have that voicemail message. I know you will cherish it.

One thing that I found comforting was to make a shadow box of small things that were important to DH. His eyeglasses, backstage passes from concerts, pictures of us, etc. I used scrapbooking materials for the captions. It came out nice and it comforted me when I looked at it. Also, I have been wearing DH’s wedding ring around my neck on a sterling silver chain for almost ten years. Another thing that gives me great comfort.

I think of you every day and wish you all the best in this most difficult journey. You are part of a club that NOBODY wants to join.

 

[Snowflakey]

I'm sure hearing his voice was hard. I'm so very sorry. Praying for continued strength each day. You're doing a great job.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

I think you're being too hard on yourself and putting too much pressure on yourself to get things done. You need to give yourself some time to get used to your new "normal." Don't think you can do it all in a day, a week or even a month. It's going to take lots of time. Pick one room and start there. Give it whatever time you feel you can handle that day. As far as the stuff that's still packed, I would let your children go through what is theirs. When we moved I was surprised at what my children wanted to keep and what they were willing to donate. I would have done it completely differently than they did.

Exactly so. When my mother died, and my sister (her caretaker) wanted to "get everything taken care of" the best advice she got was from the lawyer. He told her "You don't have to clear everything up immediately. Or in a month, or, even in a year". It took a whole lot of pressure off of her.

 

[gemini2727]

Rodeo, please take care to preserve your husband's message if it was a voicemail. I had many on my phone of when my kids were little and had left me messages...they saved for years! Then one day, they were just gone. I was so upset, called my cell phone company, but they said once they disappear, they're gone. Even if it's on a regular answering machine, I'd try to make an extra recording of it, so you have a back-up.
Maybe one of your kids could look into how to do it best? I know my kids would figure it out before I ever would.
Thinking of you and your kids each day, and praying for comfort for you all.

 

[Minnesota!]

Thinking of you. No wise words, just peace to you.