How fast it all changed.

[Cruisin]

Still thinking of you and your family as you continue on your path through this difficult time of your lives.

 

[TraceyDisney2008]

I come home every night and check to see how you and your children are doing, I admire and respect how you have handled this difficult time in your life. Positive thoughts to you and your children.

 

[sk!mom]

I continue to lift you up every morning. Your family has deeply touched me.

 

[vicwishes]

Thank you for continuing to post and letting us know how you’re doing. Even though I’ve never met you, I feel I have a vested interest in your well-being. I know it sounds strange, but you opened your heart to all of us and we’ve opened our hearts to you. Be well. Continued prayers and light sent your way.

 

[Music City Mama]

There will be a large representation of 80's hair and heavy rock bands. It will be interesting to watch DS choreograph a samba when he has KISS, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd etc to choose from.

Love this!

 

[Owlpost23]

So kind of you to be thinking of others during this difficult time.You are an extraordinary human being.Hugs.

 

[maxaroni]

I marvel at how strong you are, as it has to be so incredibly hard.

Always thinking of you and your family.

 

[Neesy228]

Rodeo, you and your children continue to be in my thoughts.

Please know that I check in on you daily in this thread, even if I don’t always post.

The plans you are making seem like they are going to be a true celebration of your DH’s life and personality. I think that’s such a wonderful way to honor him.

 

[pooh'smate]

Your precious family is continually in our prayers.

 

[Planogirl]

You continue to amaze and inspire me. I think of you often.

 

[bcwife76]

Thank you for continuing to post, you have been in my thoughts daily.

 

[cjbcam]

I’ve talked to my husband about you quite often in the last couple weeks. I don’t know how you’ve handled yourself so well. I’m very heartbroken for you and your kids. Hugs

 

[Dan Murphy]

Rodeo, you are one heck of a wife, mom and person. I'm not just realizing this now, but just stating it now. You are a rock. 's

 

[Snowflakey]

LOVE the celebration plans so far! Great taste in music too

You're doing a great job and to take the time to thank all of us continues to confirm the amazing person you really are.

 

[rodeo65]

Harder day yesterday. I guess reality is sinking in or delayed response...something like that. I took DS to the studio and then had some time to kill after so we went out for dinner. He made a comment about us having a dinner date and that started it. It just hit me hard that I'll never have another dinner date with DH. Then he was scrolling through his phone looking for a picture of he and his girlfriend to get printed and framed for her birthday and showed me one of DH that he'd taken recently but before he got sick. Mess.

Also, taking on his chores and tasks. Everything reminds me of him. Today I had to start calling around to pool companies. He always handled the pool opening and closing. And the chemical maintenance too. Aside from the year he and I tried to open it together and he ended up jumping in the pool to try to push the winter cover out after unsuccessfully trying to pull it off (along with the duck disaster that had been on top of the winter cover no matter how many times he chased them away), he used services but I remember him saying his guy had retired last year. Right now, it's a little overwhelming.

 

[ronandannette]

Harder day yesterday. I guess reality is sinking in or delayed response...something like that. I took DS to the studio and then had some time to kill after so we went out for dinner. He made a comment about us having a dinner date and that started it. It just hit me hard that I'll never have another dinner date with DH. Then he was scrolling through his phone looking for a picture of he and his girlfriend to get printed and framed for her birthday and showed me one of DH that he'd taken recently but before he got sick. Mess.

Also, taking on his chores and tasks. Everything reminds me of him. Today I had to start calling around to pool companies. He always handled the pool opening and closing. And the chemical maintenance too. Aside from the year he and I tried to open it together and he ended up jumping in the pool to try to push the winter cover out after unsuccessfully trying to pull it off (along with the duck disaster that had been on top of the winter cover no matter how many times he chased them away), he used services but I remember him saying his guy had retired last year. Right now, it's a little overwhelming.

Normal, all completely normal! The grief will come in waves and will be triggered by all sorts of unexpected memories both happy and sad. You will find yourself laughing and crying in quick succession. At those times when you’re feeling OK, go with it - don’t second-guess why the pain isn’t more acute, or question if you loved him enough if you don’t cry today. But at the same time don’t assume you’ve “moved passed it”.

Please don’t underestimate the profundity of the trauma you’ve been through, concentrated over such a short period. Life, both emotionally and practically, will be very difficult for the foreseeable future. Lean into it and don’t ever berate yourself for how you’re coping. One day at a time, Dearheart.

I am a big advocate for peer-support organizations like GriefShare. They operate free of charge in practically every community nation-wide and can be a game-changing source of comfort and relief. Perhaps at some point you’ll want to consider it.

 

[Minnesota!]

Just wanted to throw some love your way... the grief is definitely like the ocean - big, wide, wet, and wavy. Some waves are gentle, others want to drown you. For now, just keeping your head above water is the task at hand - delegate whatever you can. And, it is ok to swear and kick and scream at the ocean, and the events that left you swimming in it....

Take care, Rodeo. We will help keep you afloat, too..

 

[jodybird511]

Agree with the GriefShare recommendation, or whatever other support groups are available in your area. Also agree that your process thus far is completely normal. As I'm sure you have read, grief comes in stages, but what you may not know is that the stages are fluid, and just because you seem to be moving "forward" one day, it doesn't mean you can't return to an earlier stage at any time. This is all normal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I'm a clinical psychologist, and I've worked with many grieving spouses--as others have mentioned, grief can sneak up on you, just as you've described--it can be triggered by the smallest thing, and often unexpectedly. Be kind and compassionate to yourself as you move forward!

 

[Eureka]

Harder day yesterday. I guess reality is sinking in or delayed response...something like that. I took DS to the studio and then had some time to kill after so we went out for dinner. He made a comment about us having a dinner date and that started it. It just hit me hard that I'll never have another dinner date with DH. Then he was scrolling through his phone looking for a picture of he and his girlfriend to get printed and framed for her birthday and showed me one of DH that he'd taken recently but before he got sick. Mess.

Also, taking on his chores and tasks. Everything reminds me of him. Today I had to start calling around to pool companies. He always handled the pool opening and closing. And the chemical maintenance too. Aside from the year he and I tried to open it together and he ended up jumping in the pool to try to push the winter cover out after unsuccessfully trying to pull it off (along with the duck disaster that had been on top of the winter cover no matter how many times he chased them away), he used services but I remember him saying his guy had retired last year. Right now, it's a little overwhelming.

I'm sorry it was a tough day. As for the pool, that is a perfect job for someone who wants to help to do for you. Have them find and schedule the servicing and the company can invoice you. Don't stress out on these things right now please....it's just not worth it.

 

[focusondisney]

Sending hugs Rodeo. It will take a long time for you to get used to this new life without your husband. We had a hard time after my dad died. A friend who lost her husband gave us some wise words: this year is all firsts : first birthday, holiday, Father's Day without him etc. Every one of them will be heart wrenching. After that first year, it gets a little easier & the good memories will come back & you will be able to smile remembering past times with him. Remember there is no right way to grieve & no time frame. You are just a minute into this new life. You are likely still in shock from how quick everything happened. You spent so much time actually caring for your husband, you did not have time to begin to process it until now. Take all the time you need to grieve.