Family infighting at Disney? 😔

[HopperFan]

While I've never had this issue at Disney, I have on other vacations. Had a few trips where I swore off family vacations ever again. I hope your trip ended on a high note.

 

[fla4fun]

So sorry you had to go through this. I hope the rest of your trip improved, and I hope it’s just an isolated incident along the road of life.

I don’t recall any vacations where my sister or myself exhibited that kind of behavior, at least, not as teens (my sister was a little rebellious toward our parents in her early twenties). I remember being allowed to spend time alone in the same park at age 13, and at 16, I was allowed to have my sister with me (she is five years younger). This was all pre-smartphones, so there wasn’t a way to keep in touch.

I love to travel and was always grateful for the opportunity to go anywhere. There’s no way I was going to risk messing that up. My mom had been a teacher, and she had no problem following through on discipline, so if she said behave or we’re leaving, she would leave, even if it was Disney World.

 

[sponica]

Sorry it's happening. But I'm not 14 and I get moody in the heat, when I'm hungry, and when I'm overtired....and my kids are the same. Usually when they turn into crank-o-potamuses I end up declaring one day a late start day. And it helps.

I hope you can tinker with the plans so he's less moody (or just let him run off on his own and check back in at x time).

 

[bakerworld]

Luckily we had two in that range and they could keep each other company, along with out of trouble. Actually those two would always rather sleep in and go to the pool. Neither are big park people. It is a shame you can't leave him back with someone.

The teen years were the beginning of the end of family trips. Infrequently I pull a family trip together but it never works out. Afterall, WDW is our place so if the progeny doesn't want to enjoy it then c'est la'vie.

Good luck to you.

 

[Dust2]

We are having the same issues on our DCL/Universal vacation. Our son turned 13 on the cruise and had fun celebrating with other kids in the tween club. Now that we are at Universal, it’s constant complaining about wanting to be home with his friends. I’m struggling because I put so much time, effort, and $ into this trip. Honestly the worst part is that I’m missing my little boy who was so happy and fun to be around. I know it’s all part of the process. They need to find their independence and we eventually need to let them go. Hang in there and know that you are not alone.

 

[Memorymakerfor4]

You're not alone! There's a sign in the teacher's lounge that reminds us kids are still primarily being driven by impulse instead of logic and I think of this a lot with my own kids. My daughter was on my last nerve a few years ago on our Disney trip. Grumpy, complaining a lot, crying. We finally got her to say she just wanted to go swimming. She just couldn't get past it. After that she was much happier.

We now ask her for a few things she really wants to do before our trip and make sure they happen. She really wanted to see horses our last trip so we booked a carriage ride.

 

[TheSouthernBelle]

I'm sorry, we've been there, I have two teens and I know how that goes. Just take a deep breath and no matter what's going on and how awful you feel like things are, they don't know why they do what they do sometimes and many times, they can't help it, as it's such a tumultuous time for them. Even when it feels like they're so spiteful or mean or selfish, they're frontal lobes are still under construction.....I have to repeat this daily!!!

We had this happen many of times and I'm sure I'm still in store for more "fun"! I can't say what's going on but for my girls, we just usually need a min to reset/regroup but once we added some levity to the situation and just move past what had been going on, we were all able to get back on the same frequency and have a good time. It usually just requires one of us to break the ice and chill out some.

The biggest thing we've learned is to pick our battles and what used to be a big deal for me is no longer. They may be feeling overwhelmed with all the family together time, they may miss friends, their room, they may be missing stuff going on at home/events, etc. It might be trivial to us but to them it's their everything. Good luck!!

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm sorry, we've been there, I have two teens and I know how that goes. Just take a deep breath and no matter what's going on and how awful you feel like things are, they don't know why they do what they do sometimes and many times, they can't help it, as it's such a tumultuous time for them. Even when it feels like they're so spiteful or mean or selfish, they're frontal lobes are still under construction.....I have to repeat this daily!!!

We had this happen many of times and I'm sure I'm still in store for more "fun"! I can't say what's going on but for my girls, we just usually need a min to reset/regroup but once we added some levity to the situation and just move past what had been going on, we were all able to get back on the same frequency and have a good time. It usually just requires one of us to break the ice and chill out some.

The biggest thing we've learned is to pick our battles and what used to be a big deal for me is no longer. They may be feeling overwhelmed with all the family together time, they may miss friends, their room, they may be missing stuff going on at home/events, etc. It might be trivial to us but to them it's their everything. Good luck!!

I’ve had 5 teens, I’d try to think of as toddlers. When they were having moments I’d try not to engage, and separate myself from them, ask them to go to their rooms and chill, or I’d leave the room. No oxygen, no fire.

 

[Ursula J]

I don't have any advice--just lots of sympathy. I get my hopes up so high for time with my family, and when it goes off the rails, I'm devastated. I know it's not as simple as letting him stay back at the hotel, because it's about what you wanted and what you pictured, right? Being disappointed as a mom when we work so so hard to make everyone happy all the time is just the pits. Have a good cry, some Dole whip, and a virtual hug from Illinois.

 

[TheSouthernBelle]

I’ve had 5 teens, I’d try to think of as toddlers. When they were having moments I’d try not to engage, and separate myself from them, ask them to go to their rooms and chill, or I’d leave the room. No oxygen, no fire.

YESSS! Do not engage will be my new mantra

 

[disneydreamer1980]

When my teens get annoying and miserable on a Disney trip I tell them to take the bus back to the resort, and they stay there the rest of the day which they’re usually happy about. If I can tell in the morning that they’re gonna be particularly annoying I just have them stay behind while we head to the parks. One of my DDs missed 3 of our 10 park days last trip because she didn’t feel like going and yes it sucked wasting the $ on the unused tix but it saved us from having our day ruined by a miserable teen who just wanted to stay in the villa. If we weren’t onsite with easy transportation back to our resort I’d Uber them back. It does irritate me when they get like this (“do you know how many kids your age would live to be in Disney right now??!!”) but it is what it is and they will eventually grow out of it.

 

[snikki]

I was there once with my 15 year old son. Every single thing was a rebuttal with no reason behind it. Ok - you don’t want to go on this ride, what would you like to do? The answer was always “I don’t know.” Same with when and where we were going to eat, what time we were leaving the room, what park we were going to, where we were going to sit for a show, etc. Or it would be a lot of huffing and puffing with some eye rolls and comments thrown in. He was downright miserable. His misery was making everyone else miserable. Trickle effect.

I offered for him to meet us at the parks later, to go back to the room, to stay at the pool, to separate from us at the park. You name it. I offered. The answer was always no with him saying he wanted to be with family.

By day 3 I told him that I was sending him home. I spoke with family back home and said I would change the flight in the morning.

The next day he did a full 180 and woke up with a different attitude so I didn’t sent him home. The next 7 days were very nice! Years later and he says he regrets the way he acted. He’s enjoyed all of his trips after that.

 

[qv09vvp]

I feel for you . Just know, this is perfectly normal for a teen to do. Some teens breeze through the teenage years , some have these sour attitudes. It has nothing to do with you. The only thing you can control is your attitude toward it.

Yes... when a teen does that it ruins the happy family image . Psychologically, they aren't trying to ruin the happy family image.... it's usually about control as in if you expect them to be happy therefore they need to be the opposite to prove to themeswlcss that they are their own person and not doing Wihar mom/dad expect. Just 2 cents of advice that I wish someone would have given me with my DS when he did this . I was never able to talk DS through it as teenage hormones going on I really don't think he was aware.

So give him control within boundaries Some really good suggestions above same park but on his own Let go the illusion that you will stay together and that is what you need to be as a happy family

I'm speaking from the heart because my I have and continue to be that person that wants to make everyone happy. In fact we are taking a large family trip this Dec and this was a good reminder to me to Let it Go!

 

[Robbie Cottam]

Teens aren’t happy until you aren’t happy,
I’m guessing that why my parents sent me to the parks alone,
Come to think of it that why I would send my kids to the parks without me ….

 

[Lilsia]

14 is a horrible age, it's the hormones. Trust me, almost all families have their moments. At 14, they can go off on their own for a bit. That usually helps. They get away from their "horrible" parents for a while until they realize that they are lonely and want to join back up again.

 

[theMoreDisneytheBetter]

I know it is probably too late for the OP but I just came back with my kids (DS -14 and DD - 10). Heat was definitely an issue for DD, who isn’t a particularly good walked on the best of days. She ended up moving slower than a snail, despite cooling towels and a fan. DS got really frustrated and started dashing ahead. Things improved much more once I had a second adult join me so we could separate a bit. When it was just us, I tried to give DS as much freedom as I could, because I didn’t feel comfortable letting DD walk on her own.

One silly example is that he got really angry that I said we would eat at Rainforest Cafe at AK (DD’s favorite restaurant) because he wanted flatbreads. I reminded him that he had charging privileges and on one of the breaks I told him to go get whatever he wanted to eat for second lunch. There were multiple times when I sent him off to get popcorn, or a snack, or even do something while his sister caught up. That helped his attitude a lot.

Because he loves planning I let him steer a lot of the itinerary. We added rides that we don’t normally take and dropped some favorites (eg safari) due to the heat.

I also bought him a resort anytime mug even though I didn’t think we would break even on it because he loves making drinks. I let him go down to fill it whenever he wanted.

Finally, we took more Lyfts than usual to try to stay cool/comfortable during transitions. It was a small thing but when everyone was tired I think it made a difference.

All-told maybe I spent an extra $150-200 on random charges that DS made, transportation, and cooling products. But I just chalked it up to the cost of being there in the summer and didn’t think anything of it.

Lessons learned:
Don’t bring DD back in July. The heat is too much for her. We had to this time (Galactic Star Cruiser) but otherwise it doesn’t work for her.

For the rest of us July is manageable. Not necessarily the preferred time to travel, but as schedules are becoming more complicated it’s nice to know it is an option. Also for as much as I like family time, it was great to do a trip just with DD last year, and I could see doing one with DS a different time.

Kids NEED separate spaces. I knew this but because it was a last minute trip I thought I could get away with a studio. That doesn’t work for our family. Thank goodness for DVC.

In the summer the pace of trips changes. Thank goodness for annual passes so it wasn’t a big deal to go to MK and just ride Tron with a LL, or enter HS and just spend an hour there at park open when Genie+ really isn’t needed.

 

[popy]

i did that when i was a boy , thinking i cloud get somthing else , and my old momma beat my sorry *** with a belt.
and never did it again.

 

[Mariearistocat]

Too late for OP, but I hope everything worked out. WDW is a pressure cooker. We almost always have an issue by Day 2 or so, but it always works out. What helps is taking a break from each other, splitting into groups. This happened to us on a recent NYC trip. My husband is always bossy. I wanted to go somewhere not a 15 minutes walk away and he said no. NO?!?!? Really?? One of the kids sided with him and I felt like they were all against me. I stalked off and spent a glorious hour alone. When I ran into them later (small city) we were all "I'm so sorry!!!" and ended up having the best rest of trip ever. My advice is always to take a small break from each other and do your own thing!

 

[dvczerfs]

I flew up north to Pa. this past July. I was in the airport sitting at the gate for my flight home and there was a family sitting across from me. We both were early so we got to talking. We were waiting maybe two hours before boarding and they were having their disagreements before they even got on the plane. One pouting three rows away, the other one just wants to go home.
I always wondered how they made out.
I only travel with my wife anymore. I sit down, mind my own business and say yes dear A LOT. Makes for a more enjoyable time for both of us. Lol.

 

[Mariearistocat]

I flew up north to Pa. this past July. I was in the airport sitting at the gate for my flight home and there was a family sitting across from me. We both were early so we got to talking. We were waiting maybe two hours before boarding and they were having their disagreements before they even got on the plane. One pouting three rows away, the other one just wants to go home.
I always wondered how they made out.
I only travel with my wife anymore. I sit down, mind my own business and say yes dear A LOT. Makes for a more enjoyable time for both of us. Lol.

Last night, my husband and I were sipping wine and watching our favorite show. Teens come home, upstairs screaming at each other for an hour as they did schoolwork (!!!!), then one was loudly wailing. Door being pounded on, shouting. I usually head up to break things up but found myself motionless, told my husband to go deal with it and just sat rooted on the couch for hours even after things quieted. I've been worried about missing them when they head off to college but maybe it won't be as hard. The end of your post reminded me of the times I traveled with just him. When you have 4,5 personalities together things can get dicey at times. Before kids, he and I used to go to WDW all the time and have the best time. I had been wondering if we could even go back without them.