Family infighting at Disney? 😔

[PDXmouse]

We are here right now and our 14 year old is making everyone miserable. My husband is looking at flights to go home early. I’m just so sad. I feel like we’re surrounded by happy families. I’m at AK with just my daughter right now. I’m trying to salvage something for her.

Teenagers. Argh!

Just looking for some sympathy I guess.

 

[leebee]

Arrgh... so sorry that a cranky teen is ruining your vacation. Are there grandparents at home who'd take your teen if you sent him/her home early so the rest of you can enjoy the trip? Can you and your DH tag-team, one in the resort with cranky teen and the other in the parks with the other child, so the trip's not a total loss? I'm sorry, this just stinks that your kid is being miserable and self-centered (definition of a teenager?). Hang in there.

 

[PDXmouse]

Arrgh... so sorry that a cranky teen is ruining your vacation. Are there grandparents at home who'd take your teen if you sent him/her home early so the rest of you can enjoy the trip? Can you and your DH tag-team, one in the resort with cranky teen and the other in the parks with the other child, so the trip's not a total loss? I'm sorry, this just stinks that your kid is being miserable and self-centered (definition of a teenager?). Hang in there.

I wanted to send him home and have his grandparents pick him up days ago, but DH didn’t want to split us up. The teen is being argumentative and entitled. I swear we did not raise him like this. I’m at my wits end.

DH and DS just showed up to AK. We’ll see how things go.

 

[scrappinginontario]

Could it be the heat? We went with my 15yo niece one Aug and the heat did her in. Being rude is not excused but honestly our trip got much better for all when we let her hang out in the room a couple of days and the rest of us went to the parks. Is that an option for your family?

 

[PDXmouse]

Could it be the heat? We went with my 15yo niece one Aug and the heat did her in. Being rude is not excused but honestly our trip got much better for all when we let her hang out in the room a couple of days and the rest of us went to the parks. Is that an option for your family?

We already did that once. And yes, the heat is part of it I believe. We’re northerners so we are not used to this, lol. But my 16 year old is doing ok. It’s the 14 year old who is dragging us all down.

 

[sheilafri]

Years ago I went on a family trip to Europe including DN18 who had just graduated. She didn’t want to go and made the rest of us pretty miserable for the first week. One morning her mom told us to go out without them that she was taking her daughter to the airport and sending her home. DN said no that she would be ok. She changed her attitude and was fine for the rest of the trip. She is a delightful young woman.

I tell this not to encourage you to send your son home, although you may certainly decide that is best for all, but to understand that he has his own feelings and that this is where he is right now. He won’t be the same person in 10 or 20 years. Good luck making it through this stage. This, too, shall pass.

 

[leebee]

I was going to suggest that you leave him in the room but didn't know how you'd feel about that. Let him stay behind at the hotel. Disney is too expensive to allow one person's poor attitude to wreck it for everyone else. However, I wouldn't be bringing him snacks and souvenirs. He chooses to be unsociable, that's on him, but he doesn't get "perks" if he can't get with the program.

 

[nw6675]

I agree with, if it's an option, to let him do his own thing at the hotel like the arcade. When DSS was that age, we did that a few times.

Also, is he like that at home with you? Maybe let him ride some things solo 8f he just doesnt want to hang out with the family? If just the heat (ugh!!) Maybe take him out in the evenings and buy some cooling towels.

I know it's sad in many ways. Hang in there and good luck.

 

[mjkacmom]

I’d let him go off on his own.

 

[rdaky]

I would have a chat to try to figure out what exactly is going on. I would say that the heat and being tired are probably playing into it. Not everyone copes well. I'm local and I have seen SO MANY arguing families, especially right now in the Summer. So it's not just yours. People are hot, tired, getting up early, going all day, dehydrated, half of them are constipated from being on a different schedule/diet, different expectations within families. Parents constantly barking at kids or threatening them. Kids constantly whining or crying. Couples arguing. All the time.

How would he do roaming the park on his own? I have teens and they often roam alone and I give them the ability to mobile order and they enjoy that freedom.

14 is often a harder age than 16- hormones and all of that. The back and forth and threatening of sending him home and feeling like he's not meeting your expectations probably isn't helping, either. Because in all reality, I'm going to guess that you're feeling stressed because of the cost and that the vacation isn't living up to your own expectations. And you and your husband are probably extra stressed because of the heat and the go, go, go.

 

[Lori Duck]

I have three children, all 18 and up now, and I vote for letting the cranky child roam in same park where family is enjoying time together. Put Life360 app on phones to keep track of locations. Meet up at exit time. Let them sit alone on bus, watercraft etc. Independence may be what is needed here....
A great night's sleep sometimes cures crankiness, so hydration and evening melatonin and a bedtime routine may calm and promote sleep. Not trying to tell you what to do, but I've been there! Best of luck

 

[midwestdee]

Sending sympathy your way! Definitely try and make sure you & your daughter enjoy whatever you can. I’m inclined to say continue your schedule with you & your husband checking on the 14 year old - either leave him in the room or drag him to the park & do the best you can. Definitely work on consequences and I’d spell those out NOW! It’s his choice to accept what will happen when you get home or just get with the program now. I have years of family vacation pictures with my son’s face looking like a jail booking photo. Now my oldest grandson is a teen ( sigh).

 

[Disneydawg74]

I remember your posts planning for your trip. So sorry it’s not going smoothly. Hopefully your 14yo will perk up soon. DH and I took twin 10 yo nieces and 6 yo nephew to Disney one year. One of the nieces described it as “the worst day of her life” (rain and thunder bothered her). Now (she’s late 20’s), she remembers the trip ever so fondly!

 

[DanieB]

Hang in there! I'm not at the teen stage yet so I don't want to offer any advice but thinking of you and hoping things turn around!

 

[cincystamper]

Just to add to the "you're not alone" comments... My mom often tells the story that right around the time my brother turned that age, she was sure he wasn't going to make it to 18 because she would kill him first. (This from the most loving, kind, God-fearing woman I know.)

My brother just turned 50 so everyone made it...but it was touch and go there for a bit. LOL Hang in there...hope your vacation time gets better!

 

[Rogue1677x]

A few years ago, my husband and I treated my older sister, younger sister, her 16 year old son, 13 year old daughter and my 12 year old daughter to a Disney and Universal trip. It was literally all expenses paid. I let everyone know ahead of time that we didn't have to stay together the entire time, but we did have some dinner reservations on certain nights. Well apparently this was a huge inconvenience for my niece and she threw a fit because she didn't want to eat at that time. Then she ordered the most expensive item at the Skipper Canteen menu, ate 2 bites and declared she was done and ready to leave. The last straw was when I had to leave the Animal Kingdom early because my feet were painfully swollen. I reminded them that they could stay or hop to another park. Well, my niece said loudly "Auntie always ruins everything"

Her mom did step in to correct her behavior and at that last remark, my older sister pointed out that I was paying for this trip, but she was too ungrateful to appreciate it.

When all was said and done, I told everyone that I absolutely would never do that again.

 

[unrequited23]

First off, get on the wait list for Nomad Lounge...I recommend a snow leopard salvation and ice water for you. You are not alone. I promise you are not the only family struggling right now. We were there 6/11-6/21 and DS11 was in a Mood. It was so bad I wanted to go home after the first day. Looking back I think it was the heat, being off schedule and over-stimulated plus feeling like he had no say over what we were doing. We slowed down, ate more ice cream/dole whips/cold treats and had each person pick one thing to do at a park, then after that was accomplished we might go back to the room.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Honestly IMO it's the parents that actually have the most meltdowns at Disney. Heat, finances, expectations and more often get the best of people..and if you're like me hangry adds another component.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I wanted to send him home and have his grandparents pick him up days ago, but DH didn’t want to split us up. The teen is being argumentative and entitled. I swear we did not raise him like this. I’m at my wits end.

DH and DS just showed up to AK. We’ll see how things go.

If it were me though I would think it would be counterproductive to the situation AND your relationship to send him back home. It tends to send the message that you don't really care about him (and I mean from his perspective) and furthermore with another sibling in the mix that you favor the other "non-troubled" one. And I sorta hear this in your comment about you thinking the heat may be part of it but your 16 year old is fine but not the 14 year old. Heat affects everyone differently so just because one of your children is doing better than the other shouldn't diminish the effect it can have on the other.

Sometimes it also helps if you're looking for advice on if the family member in question wanted to go on the trip or was more or less forced to. At age 14 they aren't able to often just opt not to go like an adult can.

IMO I'd give him space, maybe he's feeling overwhelmed by crowds, heat, stimulus and it's likely tensions with the family too. If the siblings are close enough in bonds maybe suggest after a bit of space for him that they go off and do something together for a bit. You as parents get a break and they as siblings can enjoy the moment sans parents for a bit.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

we did have some dinner reservations on certain nights. Well apparently this was a huge inconvenience for my niece and she threw a fit because she didn't want to eat at that time.

Well to be fair that's extremely understandable. People who are ADR people don't always get why others aren't. My husband and I eat when we're hungry and avoid making ADRs much at all because it can be difficult to really feel hungry at that set time especially with Disney.

Why you and the other people in your traveling party didn't think this was a valid reason is beyond me. Sure the attitude sucks but the reason behind it is 100% valid. Plus you paying for it doesn't mean you need to make it about that. Being generous shouldn't come with strings attached. Maybe a compromise would have been to have the niece not feel like she has to order food when y'all ate and instead got food when she was hungry, with of course understanding that likely QS was the go-to for that. If she was made to feel like she had to eat, especially with auntie paying for it and she needed to show gratitude, I'm not sure that would have been the best play there for an attempt at harmony.

I remember in 2017 when we were at 50s Prime Time and there was a table with what I presume was a teen who just was not into the theming at all. The waiter constantly joking about his elbows being on the table although eventually the waiter got the hint and stopped. Now of course the teen was being sullen but I also couldn't help think that maybe forcing someone to go to a place they clearly wouldn't enjoy is just asking for it. Pick the battles. So in this case maybe someone should have checked in with the plan about if set ADR meals (as opposed to meeting up for QS which is more fluid in plans) was the route to go for every person in the traveling party.