Family infighting at Disney? 😔

[Genie+]

Heat, over stimulation, and maybe frustration for whatever reasons? This age is when we started letting the kids go off on their own at WDW. They’d stay in the same park and we’d bump into each other frequently. Usually it was doing a few things separate, then they’d come back and do a few things with us, rinse and repeat.

 

[GoingSince1990]

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”​

― Mark Twain

 

[midwestdee]

Just my opinion, the big reason NOT to send him home is because then he would win! I’d spend 3x as much $ hiring a “babysitter “, while we had fun. I admit I was not a “touchy feely - I don’t want my kid to hate me” parent. Between the 2 of them we had years of taking their bedroom door off the hinges, removing all electronics ( which wasn’t much then), etc… when DD was a freshman in college, she sent us a letter thanking us for being “hard a**es”. Good luck - believe me we’re all pulling for you!

 

[Jangles]

Oh dear, I remember those days. When my son was 14 he used to trail behind his sister and I in the parks, like 6 steps behind, which was frustrating when trying to rope drop, or queue etc., He didn’t want photographs taken, showed no excitement. I know it’s hard, but it’s just a phase. Don’t give him anything to argue or push against. It’s really difficult but just let him be and ignore the behaviour and, as much as you feel comfortable, let him do his own thing. One day my son just became the charming young man he was always destined to be. The chrysalis stage is painful for parent and child.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just my opinion, the big reason NOT to send him home is because then he would win! I’d spend 3x as much $ hiring a “babysitter “, while we had fun. I admit I was not a “touchy feely - I don’t want my kid to hate me” parent. Between the 2 of them we had years of taking their bedroom door off the hinges, removing all electronics ( which wasn’t much then), etc… when DD was a freshman in college, she sent us a letter thanking us for being “hard a**es”. Good luck - believe me we’re all pulling for you!

I definitely wouldn’t pay $ for a babysitter for a teen just to make a point.

 

[TwoMisfits]

My suggestion as one with tweens to young adults:
If you still have days left in the vacation...
Chuck all your plans. Tell both kids they can choose 1 thing to do tomorrow, and you and your spouse will, too. Then, to make everyone happy, you'll do all 4 things, even if they all aren't Disney things. Rinse and repeat.

Now, when I do this, it's not every day for everyone's choice, but for a week, I have my 4 kids all pick their 3 favorite things for a trip, and I make sure we fit all 12 things in some way (and some things for me and the spouse, too - it's great when I get overlap, but it doesn't always happen).

This way, everyone's heard, everyone gets to do their bucket list, but everyone also has to go along to help others do theirs...

 

[holden]

Fourteen is the worst. It's hard not to take things personally, but they say and do things that they don't really mean. I always try to remember that anger/acting out often comes from sadness. Sometimes teens don't even know why they feel the way they do or act the way they do.

Coming from a place of concern is a good way to start a conversation. "I've noticed xzy"/"I'm wondering if you are feeling xyz", etc. I have found that being a better listener has helped. Instead of offering my opinion or advice, just listening and empathizing makes teens feel better.

If you have any stories that you can share about family vacations when you were a teen that might help too. Do you remember just wanting to be home with your friends? That your family got on your nerves? That you were missing out on something at home because you had to go on a family trip? I missed Live Aid because we had to go to a weekend at Hershey Park. I was pissed and so upset.

Things do get better (as others have said). My 20yo comes to me once in a while to say "I realized you were right about xyz" or "I'm sorry I was such an ^&*(%$#."

 

[midwestdee]

I definitely wouldn’t pay $ for a babysitter for a teen just to make a point.

Oh I would! It would be worth every penny to make sure he was adequately supervised while I continued on my merry way in the parks having fun.

 

[mjkacmom]

Oh I would! It would be worth every penny to make sure he was adequately supervised while I continued on my merry way in the parks having fun.

But they could leave him for free!

 

[Fitzwoman27]

all my kids grew up going to Disney almost every year. But they haven’t been on a vacation together since 2006/7. My older son is bringing my grandsons for the first time. I’m hoping it’s not a nightmare. They are three totally different kids now all adults. Youngest 28.

 

[nw6675]

@PDXmouse what did you decide?

 

[DLgal]

Sorry you are having a rough vacation.

We give girls a lot of leeway during puberty to have "pms" symptoms, but we forget that boys also experience hormone surges that lead to short lived anger, moodiness, sadness and depression. " Acting out" on a Disney vacation in the middle of summer often comes down to being physically uncomfortable because of the extreme heat. Just because your daughter is doing alright doesn't mean your son is having the same ability to tolerate the weather. We all feel heat differently. My 2 sons are completely opposite on this. One of them is never hot, barely sweats. The other one is DYING once the temps hit 80 and turns bright red and sweats profusely. He has a very hard time in heat and gets SUPER cranky and irritable.

Let the 14y/o hang out at the hotel pool and arcade all day. Have him meet up with you when he feels up for it, later in the afternoons or evenings.

Have you considered letting the 2 kids just do their own thing as siblings? They probably just want some time on their own, and will likely make some amazing sibling memories in the process. I get wanting to stay together on a family vacation, but sometimes splitting off into separate groups is how to best make everyone happy. Maybe your son feels like he isn't getting to have the kind of vacation he wants. Talk to him. Ask him what's up and what you can do to make this trip better for him, and by extension, all of you.

 

[midwestdee]

But they could leave him for free!

Yes, that’s true, but typically parents worry. My way leaves you footloose & fancy free to enjoy every minute & that’s priceless. As a bonus, your kid will hate it. Win - win.

 

[Disney Mickey&Minnie Fan]

We are here right now and our 14 year old is making everyone miserable. My husband is looking at flights to go home early. I’m just so sad. I feel like we’re surrounded by happy families. I’m at AK with just my daughter right now. I’m trying to salvage something for her.

Teenagers. Argh!

Just looking for some sympathy I guess.

Give your teen cash and send teen off to have some time exploring alone -- make plans to meet at a designated time and location for dinner.

Another option is to split up one parent with one child to explore exactly what the one child wants to see and do.

Family time does not need to be 24/7 togetherness throughout the whole vacation.

As teenagers grow into adulthood, they have their own ideas of what they want to see and do.
As teenagers grow into adults their thoughts need to be considered and their opinions respected.

 

[Guest Mode]

Family time does not need to be 24/7 togetherness throughout the whole vacation.

Agree with this.
I also wonder, is the whole family sharing one room? Teens need space. If you can't imagine all sharing one room and one bathroom at home, why would you think it would work on vacation? That's like the exact opposite of fun, especially to a teenager.
OP- I hope things get better and that your entire family salvages some fun, but regardless, learn from this trip and realize that the cranky kid probably just needs space.

 

[tinkerjo]

I would talk to him. Did he leave a girlfriend at home? Maybe he feels too “macho” for WDW? I will say at 13 my middle DS was awful on vacation at the beach. Whined about everything. 2 weeks later he was diagnosed with diabetes. Not saying this is the case with your DS but maybe he doesn’t feel well for some reason. It makes everyone cranky. Also have you considered maybe he sneaks and vapes at home( this is a big thing with kids around here) and can’t get it with mom and dad around. I hate to being something like that up, you know your kid, but if he isnt moody and sulky at home, something is going on. At that age I did let the kids go off in the same park we were in (and probably more) as long as they were together and I was confident they could use transportation. Maybe they would enjoy it and you and DH can have some fun too

 

[flyingdumbo127]

DS Tinkerjo. I don't always check this section since I'm not a parent. Just was involved with children's ministries at church pre Covid, so come by every so often. I do remember a young preschooler years ago possibly being diabetic and sometimes acting out because of it. Prayers by now your DS is doing much better and that you were able to enjoy a do-over trip.

to you, PDXmouse.

 

[Tink3815]

Buy him a gift card for meals and let him go on his merry way to the parks you are visiting that day on his own, telling him you want a text every 2 hours or he's grounded in the room the next day. Letting him ruin your family vacation gives him power. If he does not straighten up, the next vacation happens without him.

Remember you are the one in charge, not him.

 

[tinkerjo]

DS Tinkerjo. I don't always check this section since I'm not a parent. Just was involved with children's ministries at church pre Covid, so come by every so often. I do remember a young preschooler years ago possibly being diabetic and sometimes acting out because of it. Prayers by now your DS is doing much better and that you were able to enjoy a do-over trip.

to you, PDXmouse.

Thank you PDXmouse I appreciate your well wishes.
DS is now 24 years old and manages his diabetes like a champ. He’s a well adjusted, hardworking young man and getting married next year. At the time I wouldnt have guessed that was the issue (I thought he was just being bratty) never thought it was a medical issue. We have had several great vacations since

 

[Skywalker3]

I'm so,so sorry this is happening. As our DD got older/into the mid teens, we had some VERY moody moments with her on our trips (to the point that I almost didn't take her on her graduation trip) , but the worst was our spring break 2022 trip to Universal. She and DH got into a HUGE argument in the room the second night, and it was awful for the next few days. she refused to be anywhere near him, they both sulked, gave up valuable park time, etc, and we were all ready to just go home. It really changed the rest of the trip. We all finally decided we wanted different experiences out of theme park visits, and that we'd all do our own things sometimes. I think it's a great idea to either have them go off just a bit on their own, or just stay the room, watch TV,relax away from everyone, or choose what the group will do, what rides to ride, etc. Our DS is much more amenable with traveling, a go with the flow kind of person, but lately he REALLY appreciated going back the room for hours in the afternoons, and just playing his video games, or watching TV, some of his usual home routines. He's pretty reclusive at home, and while he enjoys all the rides and stuff at the parks, he definitely needs a break from all of the activity. He's 16 now, and DD is 19, so we dont' mind letting them go off on their own, or just hang out at the room for just a bit now.
I really hope it got better for everyone, and y'all were able to enjoy the trip. I can totally empathize with all of it.