10 year old DD suddenly giving problems at bedtime

[smilie]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience @Debbie Jean I will definitely keep a close eye on her and if it seems to persist, get her checked out!

 

[smilie]

I have found the book - how to hug a porcupine - so enlightening on tweens and made me feel so much better about my mood my kid. I kid you not he LOST IT over a suggestion one morning to carry a project in a grocery bag. It’s like demons came out

I just downloaded the AudioBook from Amazon. Thank you for the suggestion!

 

[HopperFan]

It's mostly happening at night but I'm also noticing a lot more attitude with little things like cleaning her room. When made to do that chore she becomes quite upset and stomps around. This past weekend she didn't want to do it, but was told that it's her responsibility, I came out to a note in the kitchen to "leave me alone, you hurt my feelings when you made me clean my room, I don't want to talk to anyone". That along with the crying at night time really makes me believe it's hormonal. I have a few things I want to try tonight, I don't want to get angry with her. That's only going to make things worse. Especially with not knowing what is actually causing all of this. It just caught me so off guard. It's not like her at all.

I'd say welcome to puberty.

She now has no control over her body or emotions, so it might help to give her more control in a few other areas. Maybe let her stay up until 9 pm - she's getting older and it might help her be more tired. Maybe offer a 1/2 hour of quiet time in bed with book, music etc to help her body wind down. Read up on any foods that may cause her to be more wired and cut back on that at dinner time.

Note she may have stomach aches as her body starts to change. Does she understand all that comes with puberty so that these aches anxiety etc are not scary to her? Maybe time for a physical to go over all with doctor to insure all is normal, and allow doctor to explain some things to her so it's not just "Mom says" ... and they might have some ideas too.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

Well last night was 100% better. I made a plan during the day of things we were going to change. I did push her bedtime back to 9pm. I stopped any kind of electronics (phone/tablet/tv) at 8:00. We laid in her bed and read Peter Pan and once it was over I could see her getting anxious about me leaving. She made me check under the bed (haven't done that since she was a toddler!), she requested a bed full of stuffed animals and I told her I'd check on her in 5 minutes just to ease her mind. After 5 minutes I checked on her and she was still a little nervous about staying in there alone. So I told her I was going to clean the kitchen and then check on her again. When I went back in the eyes were rolling back and she told me she was ready to go to sleep. After that, not a peep from her!

I did put the oil diffuser in her room with lavender oil and added a salt lamp for a little light. Spent a little more one on one time with her in the evening. I'm hoping if we keep this up it will continually get better. Thank you all for the suggestions!

When you see her betting anxious ask her why she feels that way.
Who knows she may say she watched something that creeped her out and that's why she wants you to check under the bed and have lots of stuffed animals.
Or maybe she actually saw something in her room that creeped her out.
Or maybe something is going on at school that she isn't telling you about.
I know my one teacher was mean to me in 4th grade so I felt sick every time I had to switch over to her class.
There could be a variety of things that she may or may not be able to express to you that are causing her to feel anxious about being alone and going to bed.

 

[cabanafrau]

One thing I've heard recommended as a nice wind down to the day is coloring. With the explosion of adult coloring books mom or dad might want to join in some evenings. That could be a low-key, stealth way to gently engage in some chit chat about her day without going at her interview style, which will probably only result in making her tense and/or answers of I don't know, nothing, etc. It may well be that something that is triggering some anxiety for her isn't truly someone bullying or some other problematic root cause, but something ordinary that she really can't identify and that may stop causing her any issues just as suddenly as it started. Sometimes stupid chats about nothing in particular have their way of outing and smoothing out something we might not consciously understand. Usually those conversations are best created with our mind focused on another non intensive task like coloring -- leaving the more unconscious mind the freedom to chatter freely and unguarded.

 

[martikus]

Thanks to you all I just realized it is not weird my son is all of a sudden now checking his closet and under bed for “monsters” and insisting on a bigger night light (he’s always had a small one). I didn’t realize anxiety could manifest this way. It just seemed so out of the blue!

 

[Summer2018]

Well last night was 100% better. I made a plan during the day of things we were going to change. I did push her bedtime back to 9pm. I stopped any kind of electronics (phone/tablet/tv) at 8:00. We laid in her bed and read Peter Pan and once it was over I could see her getting anxious about me leaving. She made me check under the bed (haven't done that since she was a toddler!), she requested a bed full of stuffed animals and I told her I'd check on her in 5 minutes just to ease her mind. After 5 minutes I checked on her and she was still a little nervous about staying in there alone. So I told her I was going to clean the kitchen and then check on her again. When I went back in the eyes were rolling back and she told me she was ready to go to sleep. After that, not a peep from her!

I did put the oil diffuser in her room with lavender oil and added a salt lamp for a little light. Spent a little more one on one time with her in the evening. I'm hoping if we keep this up it will continually get better. Thank you all for the suggestions!

That’s awesome.

 

[goofy4tink]

Here's our story. Dd was about 10-11ish. She had never had sleeping issues. But, she suddenly starting waking up at night, unable to go back to sleep. Then, she couldn't go to sleep to begin with. She said she was worried someone was going to come in and take her. Her room is on the second floor, so that wasn't happening. But, still, it got worse and worse, until the night I almost crushed her when I got up to use the bathroom. She had decided to bring her blankets and pillow into our room and sleep on the floor at the end of the bed!!! Geez Louise!!! We just couldn't figure out what was going on. So, her pedi suggested a pedi therapist. Ok...worth a shot. We paid out of pocket for three months of weekly visits. I went in with her the first visit, then she was on her own. Well....it seems that when we had friends visiting, from out of state (these were best friends who had moved away!), with their dd, who is three years older than our dd. Evidently, this older girl decided to share 'Our Bodies, Ourselves' with our dd. This girl's family is very out there and open, so had allowed her to read this very comprehensive and graphic book when she was very young, and she decided to share it with our dd. According to the therapist, dd was very distressed about what she saw and read!!! Can't imagine why!!!! They talked about it, dd made drawings, etc. Finally, she was able to deal with what she had seen/read.
My point here is that we just never know what is going to have a negative effect on our kids. I wish you luck in dealing with your dd. We tried turning off tv's, listening to sleep CDs, etc. After the therapist got it out of her, it all got better!! But, she wouldn't talk to me, and we had always, and still are, very close.

 

[LovesTimone]

Kids are like cats... You can't go straight at them or they shy away from you... you kinda have to come in at an angle sorta let them come to you... in that you have to ask the right questions, set the scene, make them comfortable...

Just because the teacher says that very thing is fine... more than likely has to do with school work itself... While to the teacher is seems fine, she might not feel fine, kids face so much pressure on being the best, school work loads, even conversation about college start getting into the mix... The teacher really would not be able to speak on whats going on at school with friends and such.

This is the age that cliques start forming... Hormones start ramping up... and of all thing boys come into play... It could be a mix of all of it, shaken up into a slushie of emotions...

Plus they see so much on TV, On-line, Gaming, Social media, Face book - Lots and Lots of peer pressure.... and what they hear and see from their friends is enough to turn your hair white...

As a suggestion ...You might want to sit down over pizza, and ice cream sundaes, taco night, walks in the parks, not all at once and approach issues that's are going on, and what's up in her world sorta thing.... as well as start addressing what going on with her body, talk about boys and the birds and the bees ( of course on the level of maturity that your DD can understand and what you and her dad are comfortable with)... how to handle the cliques start forming, friendships start changing, mean girls... smoking ,drugs and alcohol and how to handle this type of things, how to respond when offered... Its a lot for an adult to even think about... let alone a little girl...

She also might be pushing the boundaries which kids do... maybe a friend was bragging I get to stay up till whatever time, so she is pushing to see if can she stay up later...

She might have heard something that some else said which is bothering her...

Basically you have to put a detectives hat on, I survived by really listen to things that my DD said, taking tones, eye rolling, sighing, shoulder shrugging, hair flipping, arm folding into consideration...

Sending you hugs... and plenty of pixie dust...

 

[smilie]

Well ever since it started becoming an issue I've been trying to do more one on one time talking. Last night I FINALLY got something out of her. There's a boy that sits beside her in class that says inappropriate things. A lot. She gave me one example but said there are more.

I spoke to the teacher this morning while my daughter was outside the class and then an administrator had seen my daughter was upset so I spoke with her as well.

I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to open up to me. Now to figure out how to deal with all of it!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow.... you have gotten some good advice here and seem to have handled this bedtime/anxiety very well !
I am so glad that you seem to be working thru this and figuring it all out!

 

[crazymama]

When I was 11 years old I remember going through a period of acute insomnia. Drove my parents a bit bonkers. I would start fretting about not being able to get to sleep shortly after dinner which would then become a self fulfilling prophecy by bedtime. I would be in quite the state. I don't know what caused it but it disappeared as quickly as it started. Perhaps it was hormone related? All I know for sure is that it was a stressful time.

 

[LSUmiss]

Well ever since it started becoming an issue I've been trying to do more one on one time talking. Last night I FINALLY got something out of her. There's a boy that sits beside her in class that says inappropriate things. A lot. She gave me one example but said there are more.

I spoke to the teacher this morning while my daughter was outside the class and then an administrator had seen my daughter was upset so I spoke with her as well.

I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to open up to me. Now to figure out how to deal with all of it!

I’m so glad you did this & didn’t listen to some of the ridiculous recommendations on this board to just punish her!

 

[LovesTimone]

Well ever since it started becoming an issue I've been trying to do more one on one time talking. Last night I FINALLY got something out of her. There's a boy that sits beside her in class that says inappropriate things. A lot. She gave me one example but said there are more.

I spoke to the teacher this morning while my daughter was outside the class and then an administrator had seen my daughter was upset so I spoke with her as well.

I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to open up to me. Now to figure out how to deal with all of it!

Can they move the boy to another seat? the school needs to take this seriously, if he can talk this way, then he can learn/understand what is appropriate and not appropriate to say...None of this boys will be boys non-sense...

On how to deal with all of up coming changes... You will get through it... You might want to stock up on some wine..

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Well ever since it started becoming an issue I've been trying to do more one on one time talking. Last night I FINALLY got something out of her. There's a boy that sits beside her in class that says inappropriate things. A lot. She gave me one example but said there are more.

I spoke to the teacher this morning while my daughter was outside the class and then an administrator had seen my daughter was upset so I spoke with her as well.

I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to open up to me. Now to figure out how to deal with all of it!

This is exactly how my son is. He tells me everything, even things I don’t want to know! But sometimes when it’s something he’s shy about discussing his anxiety manifests in similar ways.

I have been there Momma! It gets better. Just make sure she’s learning healthy ways to cope with her feelings and she’ll be okay.