10 year old DD suddenly giving problems at bedtime

Sounds like she is entering puberty and her hormones are all over the place. Around that age, my dd would not go to sleep, she just was not tired at bed time anymore. I didn't push her to sleep, but I told her she had to go to her room and relax until she was tired. She could read, play with stuffed animals, draw etc. One time I went up to bed and she was folding her clothes. LOL. Most nights she will read until she gets tired then drifts off. I don't want her doing and tv or screens close to bedtime as I think that keeps them awake.
 
I feel like my kids are changing seemingly overnight too. Puberty is F-U-N!

And how! Gird your loins. I don't miss those days. What frustrated me was I thought I was learning something along the way with the first kid -- and then the second kid had the nerve to be different and make me reinvent the wheel.

Take heart, they learn a lot about themselves and their place in the world and how they have an impact on their relationships with others while they flail through this hormonal obstacle course. What comes out the other side of puberty is a pretty cool and interesting person you will really enjoy hanging out with on a whole new level.
 


I always saw sleep the same as eating, I'm not going to make it a battle. I can't force someone who isn't tired to sleep, but there were things I could do.
If my kids weren't tired I'd let them stay up later, they'd get another 30 minutes and if they still weren't tired then they could lay in bed and read for another 30 minutes. This kind of thing happened with all my kids except my middle one, he loves his sleep LOL. I just chalked it up to the normal sleep pattern changes that happen, and it seemed like it was because they pretty much feel in to a routine that worked.
My dd was always a night owl, she comes by it naturally because me and dh are, or at least I was before 40.
If you are sure there is nothing going on with her, and I would ask her not rely on the teacher knowing something, I'd try to change the bed time routine and see if it helps.
 
Thank you! This made me feel so much better about it.

It's kind of hard to look at them while they're growing up and accept they're growing and changing sometimes. I think every parent experiences those moments where you suddenly almost whisper under your breath, slow down, don't grow in such a hurry, because we realize we're going to miss the sweet moments. Then they go through the phases like terrible twos, the Dr. Nos, the Me Do and then suddenly we're staring down the barrel of puberty. It was a really nice reward to discover that while your heart breaks because they're not holding your hand or cuddling for stories anymore, the grown version is really smart and interesting to sit and talk with and someone you genuinely love to have dinner with, go to the movies with, clean the garage with, vacation with, etc. Puberty really challenges your ability to hang in there waiting for that more pleasant version some days though!
 


8:30 seems awfully early for a 10 year old. She’s no longer a little kid, she’s a preteen!
I'm thinking that may have to change as well. She's always needed a lot of sleep so the early bed time was necessary. But now that may need to be adjusted.
 
I'm with those who question an 8:30 bedtime for 10 year old.

My four kids all have varying degrees of Need for sleep and their preferred hours they like to sleep.

As long as they seem to be getting enough sleep for them and could maintain their school work and activities, and we're not disturbing the rest of the house , I didn't care when or how long they slept. I needed
more sleep than most of them.

I would also make sure she's getting enough exercise and eating right. And I would also make sure that I'm spending enough time with her. Maybe ask her to help you to cook or do activities where you can ask about her day and friends and what's going on at school.
 
Reminds me of myself but not at bedtime (my parents never gave us a bedtime anyways since my dad had a full time day job plus has a farm so spring to fall we never ate until 10pm. But I do question your 8:30pm bedtime for a 10 year old. I mean maybe she just isn't tired enough to sleep)
But it was right around 9 years old and around 4th grade that suddenly in the morning I'd feel this overwhelming sadness and wanted my mom. My stomach would hurt. I admit I hated school but I only lived 4 houses from school and went home during lunch so it was weird that this just randomly started happening to me.
My mom was a nurse and had to be to work at 7:30am and my dad worked for the city and also had to be to work at 7:30am.
I started going to my parents room and getting my mom's night gown to smell because it smelled like her.
Once I started crying uncontrollably and called my grandma who called my mom at work and told her she needed to call me.
I could never really express why this was happening but in the end all I ever wanted was for my mom to hug me which could not happen when she was at work.

I'd talk to DD to see if she can express what she is feeling or what could make it better.
From what you said that she wants to be with you it could be something similar to what I went through where I just needed that extra long hug.
 
Omg. Are you describing my child (9 year old daughter)? She has become so emotionally needy and has major separation anxiety (like even going upstairs to shower while I stay downstairs). She needs so much reassurance and cannot make decisions. I was completely panicked that she had OCD behaviors (runs in my family). I have found that spending 30 minutes just talking in bed before she goes to sleep really has helped. When bedtime comes and all is quiet, her thoughts consume her. Being there to listen to her thoughts helps. We also do breathing exercises and other relaxation techniques before bed to help relax her mind and keep her focused on what is going on in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. I think that emotions and thoughts become more complex at this age and it is hard. Because I try to relate everything to Disney, I like to compare it to the movie Inside Out. (Riley's world breaks down and rebuilds with deeper emotions and meaning). I hope that by being there to listen to her talk now will encourage her to talk to me later in life (like when she's a teen and hates me). Good luck!
 
Omg. Are you describing my child (9 year old daughter)? She has become so emotionally needy and has major separation anxiety (like even going upstairs to shower while I stay downstairs). She needs so much reassurance and cannot make decisions. I was completely panicked that she had OCD behaviors (runs in my family). I have found that spending 30 minutes just talking in bed before she goes to sleep really has helped. When bedtime comes and all is quiet, her thoughts consume her. Being there to listen to her thoughts helps. We also do breathing exercises and other relaxation techniques before bed to help relax her mind and keep her focused on what is going on in the moment and not worry about tomorrow. I think that emotions and thoughts become more complex at this age and it is hard. Because I try to relate everything to Disney, I like to compare it to the movie Inside Out. (Riley's world breaks down and rebuilds with deeper emotions and meaning). I hope that by being there to listen to her talk now will encourage her to talk to me later in life (like when she's a teen and hates me). Good luck!

OMG the showering describes me as a child although I had a bad experience which led up to it.
I was taking a bath and no joke I saw a giant hairy spider on the wall. It freaked me out so bad I jusmpted out of he tub and got my mom. By the time we got back to the bathroom it was GONE. She dismissed it as me seeing things that weren't there but to this day I know what it was.
I refused to go back in so we had to go to the basement bathroom for me to get in the shower. I didn't want her to leave in case it was in there.
Then I never wanted to get in the upstairs tub again so I took showers in the basement but didn't want to be down there alone so it always had to coinside with my mom doing laundry.
 
My mom was convinced I needed an 8pm bedtime until the 5th grade, even in the summer. There were many months where I'd spend a long time reading after 8pm because I couldn't just fall asleep that early because my mom told me I should.
 
My mom was convinced I needed an 8pm bedtime until the 5th grade, even in the summer. There were many months where I'd spend a long time reading after 8pm because I couldn't just fall asleep that early because my mom told me I should.

I currently have an 11 year old godson with a 6:30 bedtime. Nope, not a typo.

I get a stomachache when I think of what the future likely holds on that front. No one can reason with mom about anything. So many have warned of the consequences of micromanaging everystinkingdetail to the level she does and she will not discuss anything. Apparently I didn't give the desired response when she complained about the teacher unreasonably "picking on" her son and asked what to do about it and I only get to see him for his birthday party anymore.
 
I currently have an 11 year old godson with a 6:30 bedtime. Nope, not a typo.

I get a stomachache when I think of what the future likely holds on that front. No one can reason with mom about anything. So many have warned of the consequences of micromanaging everystinkingdetail to the level she does and she will not discuss anything. Apparently I didn't give the desired response when she complained about the teacher unreasonably "picking on" her son and asked what to do about it and I only get to see him for his birthday party anymore.

6:30!!!!??? The sun is still out at that time. Good lord. I know some kids need more sleep but that just seems way too early.
 
8:30 seems awfully early for a 10 year old. She’s no longer a little kid, she’s a preteen!

This was my first thought as well.

She is probably bored and not ready for bed. Let her stay up until she is tired. When I was 10, I did gymnastics 3 times a week from 6pm until 9pm. I can't imagine having had an 8:30 bedtime.

Also, puberty. Sounds like she is heading down that path with the hormonal shifts, considering her recent "attitude." It's totally normal.
 
It slowly started with her getting out of bed several times right after bedtime. Now it's become a complete breakdown/crying. She said she misses me, said her stomach hurts. Her dad told me she does this at his house too. Sunday night he said she was up until after midnight. In and out of her room. Doing stupid little things like coming out of her room, putting a toy on the floor, waving to him and back in her room. He said after 3 hours of it he was worn out and just went to bed. This to me sounds like she's trying to call the shots. Getting up to put toys on the floor is nonsense.

Last night she was with me. Her bedtime is at 8:30, it started with crying and coming out of her room every 5 minutes. At 9:00 I told her it was enough and she had to stay in her room and sleep, I had to sleep because of work in the morning. At least it didn't last 3 hours.

This is not normal for her. We've NEVER had issues at bed. It's usually a kiss/hug goodnight and that's it until morning. I need help! Has anyone dealt with issues like this?

ETA: Nothing has changed recently either. Our life situation has been the same for years. Nothing going on in school, no issues. I talked to her teacher to be sure.
Have you asked her why she is doing this? Something could very well be going on that she hasn't felt comfortable communicating to anyone.

I would discuss the issue during the day, not at bedtime. I would make sure that there really isn't anything unusual that is causing her to be afraid or stressed out. If she cannot give you a legitimate reason for this change in behavior, I would tell her that once she goes to bed, that's it, no coming out for any reason. Make sure that she gets fresh air and exercise during the day; a nutritious dinner; no eating right before bed; a shower or bath; and off to bed. If she isn't sleepy right away, she could read in bed which will probably tire out her eyes, help her to relax, and drift off to sleep.

If these things don't work, I would speak with her pediatrician. I always got good advice from mine. We did the Ferber method with DD at two months old per his recommendation, and she never had an issue with her putting herself to sleep and staying asleep except for normal breastfeeding sessions. During puberty, she would sometimes read to fall asleep when she had trouble, but she took responsibility for it and never bothered us.

I don't believe that punishment is an appropriate solution, and this is coming from a veteran teacher and mother of a 21 year old.
 
When I was a child therapist & parents saw changes like this & swore nothing changed, most of the time there was some trigger. It was often something small that seemed insignificant to the parents, but it wasn’t insignificant to the child. I would absolutely not punish her unless I was 1000% sure it is manipulative behavior. It breaks my heart to think of punishing a child that might be going through something.
Agreed.
 

GET A DISNEY VACATION QUOTE

Dreams Unlimited Travel is committed to providing you with the very best vacation planning experience possible. Our Vacation Planners are experts and will share their honest advice to help you have a magical vacation.

Let us help you with your next Disney Vacation!





Top