10 year old DD suddenly giving problems at bedtime

[cabanafrau]

6:30!!!!??? The sun is still out at that time. Good lord. I know some kids need more sleep but that just seems way too early.

I know. I broached that idea when he was five. There is absolutely no reasoning with her. I literally get a stomachache thinking about the situation because I worry about the rebellion to come.

 

[cmarsh31]

Yes, hormones & everything else. The fun is just starting. My DD is 10, will be 11 in April. Bedtime is 9:30ish, lights out by 10 (she reads til then).but yes. All the drama, tears etc. 99% of the time she's just fabulous... that 1% though....uggg! Good luck.

 

[Colleen27]

That's about the age where the hormonal stuff kicks in with girls. My DD17's best friend's mom described it as two years of PMS before her DD got her first period, and that seems like a fair description to me. I remember being very anxious and easily stressed out for no real reason at that age, and older DD definitely went through it too. So now that it is younger DD, I'm just rolling with it and reminding myself often that it is just a phase.

Also, 8:30 strikes me as a pretty early bedtime for that age. Some nights, my 10yo isn't even home from sports/extracurriculars until 8:30! It is possible your DD is just not ready for sleep that early, even if you are. That's right around the age we stopped enforcing bedtime for our kids. They still had to be in their rooms, and we don't allow screen time (phones/tablets/laptops are charged on the main floor overnight, no sneaking!), but if they want to read, draw, or otherwise occupy themselves quietly rather than going straight to sleep, that's fine. Forcing them to sleep on my schedule is not a hill I'm willing to die on.

 

[dotfurio]

Just a side note on the bedtime being to early - it really depends on when the child has to get up as to whether 8:30 is too early. YDD is 10 and I send her off to bed around 8-8:30, though she's allowed to read. She's usually asleep by 8:30, but she gets up at 6 on school days. That timing falls within the recommended number of hours for her age group.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

Its possible its hormones but for me I don't think it was.
I was never mean/bad/dramatic when I was going through my stage.
I was just sad/cried/nervous that I wouldn't make my parents proud.
Never did I make it the "all about me show" or anything like you see with girls that have come into a lot of hormonal changes.
I also didn't get my period until 14 so at 9 it shouldn't have been puberty starting.
I'm just trying to give a different perspective I guess.

 

[Skellingtonj]

I know. I broached that idea when he was five. There is absolutely no reasoning with her. I literally get a stomachache thinking about the situation because I worry about the rebellion to come.

What does the dad say? He must know how wrong it is for this kid to be going to be so early

 

[BLAZEY]

Just a side note on the bedtime being to early - it really depends on when the child has to get up as to whether 8:30 is too early. YDD is 10 and I send her off to bed around 8-8:30, though she's allowed to read. She's usually asleep by 8:30, but she gets up at 6 on school days. That timing falls within the recommended number of hours for her age group.

Same here DD9 almost 10 is in bed at the same time, and up at 7am. A 10 year old SHOULD be getting 9-11 hours of sleep each night. A good many kids are actually sleep deprived. There is 1 night during the week she is up later as she isn't home from Girl Guides until 8:15pm.

I would say anxiety or hormonal change are the most likely reason for getting up out of bed. Something at school maybe?

 

[aprilgail]

I always saw sleep the same as eating, I'm not going to make it a battle. I can't force someone who isn't tired to sleep, but there were things I could do.
If my kids weren't tired I'd let them stay up later, they'd get another 30 minutes and if they still weren't tired then they could lay in bed and read for another 30 minutes. This kind of thing happened with all my kids except my middle one, he loves his sleep LOL. I just chalked it up to the normal sleep pattern changes that happen, and it seemed like it was because they pretty much feel in to a routine that worked.
My dd was always a night owl, she comes by it naturally because me and dh are, or at least I was before 40.
If you are sure there is nothing going on with her, and I would ask her not rely on the teacher knowing something, I'd try to change the bed time routine and see if it helps.

Same here- I let her call the shots and go to bed when she wanted to even in grade school- you want to stay up till midnight fine but you are getting up for school in the morning and you can deal with being tired all day- after a time or two it does dawn on them "hey I better get to bed earlier or I will be tired tomorrow"- at 10 my daughter was in Jr. High and had to be to school at 7:20- which meant she was up at 6 so she was sleeping before 10 most nights-her choice.

I currently have an 11 year old godson with a 6:30 bedtime. Nope, not a typo.

I get a stomachache when I think of what the future likely holds on that front. No one can reason with mom about anything. So many have warned of the consequences of micromanaging everystinkingdetail to the level she does and she will not discuss anything. Apparently I didn't give the desired response when she complained about the teacher unreasonably "picking on" her son and asked what to do about it and I only get to see him for his birthday party anymore.

That is insane- can you imagine how embarrassed that kid would be if kids his age found that out- heck after school activities are just starting at 7:00 here so guess he is not involved in any of those. My daughter played basketball at 11 and their game times were 8pm-930pm!

 

[martikus]

I have found the book - how to hug a porcupine - so enlightening on tweens and made me feel so much better about my mood my kid. I kid you not he LOST IT over a suggestion one morning to carry a project in a grocery bag. It’s like demons came out

As one who suggested punishment I just wanted to update I only do that when it is clear they are now stalling. I don’t mind reading the bedroom etc but when we’ve clearly already chatted, etc. the 10th time you come out I’m exhausted and ready for you to stay put. Because sometimes they really are just trying to stall.

Also when we moved our sons bedtime he had to understand if he EVER struggled to get up for school or it was affecting him at school (when he is overtired he gets wicked headaches) his bedtime reverted back as clearly his body wasn’t ready. It has worked well for us.

Good luck!

 

[LSUmiss]

I currently have an 11 year old godson with a 6:30 bedtime. Nope, not a typo.

I get a stomachache when I think of what the future likely holds on that front. No one can reason with mom about anything. So many have warned of the consequences of micromanaging everystinkingdetail to the level she does and she will not discuss anything. Apparently I didn't give the desired response when she complained about the teacher unreasonably "picking on" her son and asked what to do about it and I only get to see him for his birthday party anymore.

My infant goes to bed later than that lol!

 

[LSUmiss]

Same here DD9 almost 10 is in bed at the same time, and up at 7am. A 10 year old SHOULD be getting 9-11 hours of sleep each night. A good many kids are actually sleep deprived. There is 1 night during the week she is up later as she isn't home from Girl Guides until 8:15pm.

I would say anxiety or hormonal change are the most likely reason for getting up out of bed. Something at school maybe?

I agree & disagree with the idea of letting the kid stay up & figure out the consequences of staying up too late (up until a certain age). I see that as my job as a parent b/c they aren’t great at making big decisions yet.

 

[tcufrog]

My ELEVEN year old grew 4 1/2 inches since July, has the start of a mustache, and his voice has changed.

Sounds like my 11-year-old son. He skipped an entire clothing size and his voice is changing. He also has a wispy mustache and his feet are now bigger than my size 9 1/2 feet. I thought I’d have at least another year before this but I was wrong. I think little brother is having the hardest time with the changes.

 

[1Mouse2RulethemAll]

It slowly started with her getting out of bed several times right after bedtime. Now it's become a complete breakdown/crying. She said she misses me, said her stomach hurts. Her dad told me she does this at his house too. Sunday night he said she was up until after midnight. In and out of her room. Doing stupid little things like coming out of her room, putting a toy on the floor, waving to him and back in her room. He said after 3 hours of it he was worn out and just went to bed. This to me sounds like she's trying to call the shots. Getting up to put toys on the floor is nonsense.

Last night she was with me. Her bedtime is at 8:30, it started with crying and coming out of her room every 5 minutes. At 9:00 I told her it was enough and she had to stay in her room and sleep, I had to sleep because of work in the morning. At least it didn't last 3 hours.

This is not normal for her. We've NEVER had issues at bed. It's usually a kiss/hug goodnight and that's it until morning. I need help! Has anyone dealt with issues like this?

ETA: Nothing has changed recently either. Our life situation has been the same for years. Nothing going on in school, no issues. I talked to her teacher to be sure.

Welcome to the "My daughter just entered puberty" club. I have 2 going through this. Chocolate milk is your friend and toilet paper is cheaper than tissues. There was a period where my eldest was in my room waking me up every night with some issue. Her anxiety was through the roof for a few months. Just remember it is a phase and she will get past it.

 

[StephMK]

DS started showing signs of anxiety around 9 maybe? He would freak out and was terrified to go upstairs or shower alone if we were downstairs. We ended up taking him for a few visits with a therapist.

It was just enough to give him some tools to manage it and she was able to determine some things that were bothering him.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Sounds like my 11-year-old son. He skipped an entire clothing size and his voice is changing. He also has a wispy mustache and his feet are now bigger than my size 9 1/2 feet. I thought I’d have at least another year before this but I was wrong. I think little brother is having the hardest time with the changes.

Big brother, 13, is the one upset here. Poor kid is now 6 inches shorter than his “little brother” and looks like he’s 9 or 10 with no signs of puberty yet. He’s getting pudgy, though, so we’re hoping he’s finally going to have a growth spurt

 

[Kellykins1218]

Yeah my son sprouted up, grew one chin hair and thinks the man now

 

[BLAZEY]

I agree & disagree with the idea of letting the kid stay up & figure out the consequences of staying up too late (up until a certain age). I see that as my job as a parent b/c they aren’t great at making big decisions yet.

At 9 almost 10, yes it's my job to tell her to go to bed at a certain time, remind her to have a shower and brush her teeth. As she gets older I will relax and let her deal with the consequences of staying up too late and not showering enough, but hopefully by then these thing will be routine enough that its second nature to do them. I fully expect some rebellion as she enters her teen years. But for now I'm still her parent.

 

[smilie]

Well last night was 100% better. I made a plan during the day of things we were going to change. I did push her bedtime back to 9pm. I stopped any kind of electronics (phone/tablet/tv) at 8:00. We laid in her bed and read Peter Pan and once it was over I could see her getting anxious about me leaving. She made me check under the bed (haven't done that since she was a toddler!), she requested a bed full of stuffed animals and I told her I'd check on her in 5 minutes just to ease her mind. After 5 minutes I checked on her and she was still a little nervous about staying in there alone. So I told her I was going to clean the kitchen and then check on her again. When I went back in the eyes were rolling back and she told me she was ready to go to sleep. After that, not a peep from her!

I did put the oil diffuser in her room with lavender oil and added a salt lamp for a little light. Spent a little more one on one time with her in the evening. I'm hoping if we keep this up it will continually get better. Thank you all for the suggestions!

 

[cabanafrau]

What does the dad say? He must know how wrong it is for this kid to be going to be so early

Like I said, No One can broach that subject -- or anything else that mom lays the laws down about, which is literally everystinkingdetail. I genuinely get a stomachache thinking about the consequences when the rebellion comes.

As for the comment above about the embarrassment of peers finding out -- I'm certain that, among other things, impacts his incredibly limited social life. The rebellion is going to be equally as over the top in response to mom's over the top domination. I pray all the time it doesn't destroy his chance for a bright future.

 

[Debbie Jean]

Many have suggested the possibility of hormones being at the root of your issues, OP. For most, this is simply a difficult time that is a rite of passage. However, I offer my own experience, not because it is common but because it can happen.

At 10 I began having all kinds of issues with stomach pain, sleeping, etc. My mother took me to our family doctor who assured her this was "women's pain" and something I would need to get used to. He also insinuated that I might be looking for attention after the birth of my little sister. It got worse and this went on for months... me in increasing pain and people telling me the hormones were part of becoming a woman.

My collapse was ultimately catastrophic and I had emergency surgery in the middle of the night. By that time I had a grapefruit size tumor that had grown over my right ovary and was moving over to the left. The pain was from the tumor squeezing my fallopian tubes. Most of my reproductive system was removed.

This was many years ago. I'm an old f*rt now. With non-invasive testing available this would never be missed today. Diagnostic tools now make finding this problem and treating it fairly straightforward.

My point is, especially at this age if she is complaining of abdominal discomfort and you can't find any red flag issues that are new in her life, take her to the doctor so you can rule out any underlying causes. When my daughter hit puberty it was not smooth sailing for her either... but unlike my parents, I was ready.