Parents of son's friend invitied him on a Disney trip for spring break next year

[Dadof3inNH]

It's about the emotional impact of our loved ones choices. They can hurt us, and they do matter.

This is a child who just lost a parent, and is getting an opportunity for a trip that he may never have again until adulthood. A trip that might help him get out of the shadow of his father's depression for a while. I think it would be valuable for the child and is worth arguing about.

No one is saying the child would die without it. That's exaggeration.

I'm doing my best to parent my kids so don't try to make it seem like my kids are suffering. I'm grieving over my wife and that grief will never end for me. I don't even think I'll date in the future as I'm already 48.

 

[TraceyDisney2008]

I am the mother of an only child and we always invited a friend for her on our trips because it brings joy for her and the friend. We have never expected or wanted anything from the parents as it was for our benefit to bring the child. Please consider accepting this as just something the family wants to do. My daughter is now 26 and this friend lives 4 hours away but checks in with us every few months and thanks us for some of her favourite childhood memories.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

I am the mother of an only child and we always invited a friend for her on our trips because it brings joy for her and the friend. We have never expected or wanted anything from the parents as it was for our benefit to bring the child. Please consider accepting this as just something the family wants to do. My daughter is now 26 and this friend lives 4 hours away but checks in with us every few months and thanks us for some of her favourite childhood memories.

I don't like the idea of other parents giving my child experiences and memories that I can't give him.

 

[Shanti]

I don't like the idea of other parents giving my child experiences and memories that I can't give him.

That's very selfish.

I share custody of my son. That's not the way I ideally would have wanted it, but it's the reality. I accept the fact that he will have experiences and memories with his father that I am not a part of. To try to keep him from having good experiences with others, just because I didn't pay for or control those experiences, would be wrong.

 

[Happy Gal]

I'm not sure what you are trying to get from this thread. It looks like your mind is made up already. Are you looking for validation with your decision not to let your son go? Every family is different, and if it is too hard for you to let him go with his friends and family, then you have every right to make that decision. You can do something else with your children. You don't have to spend big money to do so. I think just doing things, like playing catch with them after work, or playing a game would be things that they remember. If you can afford it, going camping is a great way to spend time as a family, or a day trip to someplace different, or even a museum would be something that you can do with them that will get all of you out of the house and doing something.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

I'm not sure what you are trying to get from this thread. It looks like your mind is made up already. Are you looking for validation with your decision not to let your son go? Every family is different, and if it is too hard for you to let him go with his friends and family, then you have every right to make that decision. You can do something else with your children. You don't have to spend big money to do so. I think just doing things, like playing catch with them after work, or playing a game would be things that they remember. If you can afford it, going camping is a great way to spend time as a family, or a day trip to someplace different, or even a museum would be something that you can do with them that will get all of you out of the house and doing something.

A small part of me wants to let him go. I know if he goes that means that the only vacation he had during his childhood was with another family. It kills me inside that my kids will never know what's it's like to have a family vacation with both parents and all kids. Cheap stuff like camping gets boring after awhile and my oldest has expressed this to me.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

Listen, OP, I was the parent that took another child on vacation with us. Dd’s friend was the Dd of a single, struggling mom. We took her on several vacations. I knew her mom couldn’t turn around and take Dd and it was ok. We never thought about it. She was a companion for Dd and we enjoyed having her. I am so glad her mom didn’t think of it as charity because now the two young adult women have great memories of their vacations together.

As for only one kid getting to go, well I can’t really say how I would feel about that one. But if this child goes with friends and your oldest is 16, would be ever be possible to plan a trip for just you and the youngest?

I would never just plan a trip for me and the youngest. As I've said before it's very unlikely that my kids and I will never have a family trip. I will need to find a way to get over the fact that my kids never had a fun expensive vacation

 

[Shanti]

I would never just plan a trip for me and the youngest. As I've said before it's very unlikely that my kids and I will never have a family trip. I will need to find a way to get over the fact that my kids never had a fun expensive vacation

Yes, it's good that you're understanding that your need to get over that is the issue here. There are a lot of things we want in life that we don't get. No need to let that get us completely down. A lot of my dreams have been unfulfilled, but I still see the beauty in life and focus on my love for my child. You lost your wife and that's tragic. I'm sorry. For what it's worth, I have never even been married. I have been used and abandoned by multiple men, including my son's father, which I guess felt normal to me as it replayed experiences from my childhood. So I'll never have the stereotypical family trip, either. But that's okay. There are other joys, and I focus on my son's happiness as much or more than my own. I still encourage him to have a great relationship with his father, because that's the best thing for him. When you're a parent, you have to focus on the child and not yourself.

 

[ashley0139]

Not sure why I'm still bothering at this point but...

Is it more important for your son to have fun memories that will last a lifetime or for you not to feel bad?

 

[Happy Gal]

A small part of me wants to let him go. I know if he goes that means that the only vacation he had during his childhood was with another family. It kills me inside that my kids will never know what's it's like to have a family vacation with both parents and all kids. Cheap stuff like camping gets boring after awhile and my oldest has expressed this to me.

All we could afford was camping. Kids don't really know any different. When I was an adult my father once apologized to me for not taking us on trips to Hawaii or other destinations that our friends went to. It never entered my mind to want to go to those places because I knew we couldn't afford it. Those camping trips were highlights. Cheap vacations, or rather, inexpensive vacations are fun.

I think the bigger part of you that doesn't want him to go should be the prevailing reason that wins this argument you're having with yourself. He won't suffer because he doesn't go, and you can always save for a bigger vacation sometime in the future, even the distant future.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't like the idea of other parents giving my child experiences and memories that I can't give him.

But this is about your son isn’t it?


And please don’t go by what one teen girl has said. Girls are so different than boys plus she is a different person than he is.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I don't like the idea of other parents giving my child experiences and memories that I can't give him.

I

I would never just plan a trip for me and the youngest. As I've said before it's very unlikely that my kids and I will never have a family trip. I will need to find a way to get over the fact that my kids never had a fun expensive vacation

People from all financial walks afford disney and other vacations. People do it by couponing to save on groceries, saving their tax refunds or gifted money, working overtime, picking up a part time job, taking surveys for money, donating plasma. If it truly means that much to you, you can find a way to afford almost anything you want in life. Most of us have to budget for our trips and save for awhile. Or you can stay stuck in your feelings and things will stay the same.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

All we could afford was camping. Kids don't really know any different. When I was an adult my father once apologized to me for not taking us on trips to Hawaii or other destinations that our friends went to. It never entered my mind to want to go to those places because I knew we couldn't afford it. Those camping trips were highlights. Cheap vacations, or rather, inexpensive vacations are fun.

I think the bigger part of you that doesn't want him to go should be the prevailing reason that wins this argument you're having with yourself. He won't suffer because he doesn't go, and you can always save for a bigger vacation sometime in the future, even the distant future.

Time has run out for a family vacation. My kids will grow up and leave home and may not want to go on a trip with me. I probably wouldn't be able to afford trips in the distant future that would have to include the kids' SOs or spouses or even their own kids. I won't ever be able to give my kids a decent vacation.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Not sure why I'm still bothering at this point but...

Is it more important for your son to have fun memories that will last a lifetime or for you not to feel bad?

I think this speaks for all of us.

 

[luvsJack]

I would never just plan a trip for me and the youngest. As I've said before it's very unlikely that my kids and I will never have a family trip. I will need to find a way to get over the fact that my kids never had a fun expensive vacation

So when your 16 year old goes to the military, you would never plan anything with the remaining kids?

I have a friend that has taken each of her kids on trips separately. It’s the only way she could afford it and the kids love having one on one time with mom. It’s not a bad thing.

Disney isn’t the only fun vacation out there. Many many children grow up without it and still have fond memories of their childhood.

Figure out things you can afford. State parks can be wonderful. Swimming, fishing and staying in a cabin or camping. Relaxing!

Look around you for what you can do instead of only at things you can’t do.

Also have you thought of trying to improve your situation? A new career? Welding takes a few months to learn and they make $26 an hour here! I mean I don’t know what you do but your financial situation seems to have you very depressed. Perhaps trying to improve it will let you see the light at the end of your tunnel.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Time has run out for a family vacation. My kids will grow up and leave home and may not want to go on a trip with me. I probably wouldn't be able to afford trips in the distant future that would have to include the kids' SOs or spouses or even their own kids. I won't ever be able to give my kids a decent vacation.

OK. Cool. Sounds like a good plan. Have fun.

 

[smokeyblue]

I feel you are trolling us, but I'll bite.

You are clearly depressed and it is affecting your cognition. Your perception of the situation is distorted. You could match everything you said to these negative thinking patterns:

Frankly the problem here goes way beyond letting a kid go on a trip with a friend. In all honesty the parents probably just want someone to occupy their kids time so they don't have to constantly provide entertainment. They also probably think it's a nice think to do (because it is).

I could see saying no if you had a rational argument, like your son hasn't been away from home, or there is some kind of medical problem or you have a family event that conflicts. Heck, it would be more rational to say, I'm just not comfortable with this instead of making it all about having a different socioeconomic situation.

Let it go, and let the kid go. Therapy would not be a waste of your time or money for you or your children. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

I


People from all financial walks afford disney and other vacations. People do it by couponing to save on groceries, saving their tax refunds or gifted money, working overtime, picking up a part time job, taking surveys for money, donating plasma. If it truly means that much to you, you can find a way to afford almost anything you want in life. Most of us have to budget for our trips and save for awhile. Or you can stay stuck in your feelings and things will stay the same.

I already work overtime when it's offered. I said earlier in this thread that I'm saving money for my kids' future whether they go to college or trade/vocational school. I'm not going to risk using money for vacations when that money can go to my kids getting an education or a trade. I also do my best to not spend a lot of money for groceries and I don't even buy new clothes for myself. My wife never had expensive jewelry and we never had wedding rings either. I try to save money, but there's no way I can give my kids vacations plus educational expenses, food, insurance co-pays, clothes, and many other necessities.

 

[MrPTato]

Time has run out for a family vacation. My kids will grow up and leave home and may not want to go on a trip with me. I probably wouldn't be able to afford trips in the distant future that would have to include the kids' SOs or spouses or even their own kids. I won't ever be able to give my kids a decent vacation.

I hope that when your kids get older, get married and have kids, they all get together and bring you on a great vacation with everyone, without you feeling the need that you owe them. I would hope that you take it with open arms and not do what you did here. Just take it!

 

[Dadof3inNH]

So when your 16 year old goes to the military, you would never plan anything with the remaining kids?

I have a friend that has taken each of her kids on trips separately. It’s the only way she could afford it and the kids love having one on one time with mom. It’s not a bad thing.

Disney isn’t the only fun vacation out there. Many many children grow up without it and still have fond memories of their childhood.

Figure out things you can afford. State parks can be wonderful. Swimming, fishing and staying in a cabin or camping. Relaxing!

Look around you for what you can do instead of only at things you can’t do.

Also have you thought of trying to improve your situation? A new career? Welding takes a few months to learn and they make $26 an hour here! I mean I don’t know what you do but your financial situation seems to have you very depressed. Perhaps trying to improve it will let you see the light at the end of your tunnel.

I even get bored with camping, state parks, and fishing. There are times I wish I could just take my kids to a resort and have others wait on us. I would love a vacation where I didn't have to pitch a damn tent or go days without bathing. Honestly, my kids have never even been to an amusement park or a fancy hotel.

I wouldn't do one on one trips with my younger two kids because I wouldn't want to make my oldest feel bad.