Parents of son's friend invitied him on a Disney trip for spring break next year

[Dadof3inNH]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'm a single father of three kids and my middle child who is 13 got invited on a trip with friends. I'm undecided on whether to let him go as I don't want to accept such an extravagant gift from non-relatives that we can't pay back in any equal way. My wife passed away two years ago and it's been hard and I don't like taking help all the time unless for necessities. This past year I've done well financially as I've had a raise and a promotion. But, I can't afford to take my kids on trips and when my wife was alive we couldn't afford it as she was disabled due to a stroke that she suffered after our youngest was born. Growing up myself my family never did any trips and the first time I ever rode in plane was when I was 35 and that was the only time since then.

I've looked at Disney hotel sites and various blogs and see that Disney parks are very expensive and I'm now hesitant to allow my son to go. Like I said before, we can't pay this family back in any way. I feel like a failure that I can't give my kids extra. I'm looking for any advice on how I can pay the family back in some way or if my son can work for the trip. But, I also might not allow my son to go because it's too expensive for another family to pay for him. I'm very torn on this.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Learning to accept gifts can be difficult yet still is a growing experience.
As long as you trust the child's parents to have a sense of parenting similar to your own, let him go.

Give the parents a gift card or cash equal to an amount you feel comfortable with as a meal for them on the trip or load them up with a snack box that will ease their finances and show your appreciation.

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

I think you're inbetween a rock and a hard place here... I would be concerned about accepting that much generosity, but also about your child feeling bad that your family can't affford to vacation like the friend's family can. I also wouldn't want only one of my kids to go to Disney... for us it's a family trip, all go or none.

But I would imagine your son would be heartbroken if you say no, and I do think Disney is something a child should experience if possible.

Have you ever thought about planning the cheapest possible trip and saving for a few years to take your family to Disney? If you stay at a value resort, maybe catch free dining, drive there... it will still be expensive but maybe you could make it work.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

Learning to accept gifts can be difficult yet still is a growing experience.
As long as you trust the child's parents to have a sense of parenting similar to your own, let him go.

Give the parents a gift card or cash equal to an amount you feel comfortable with as a meal for them on the trip or load them up with a snack box that will ease their finances and show your appreciation.

Giving them a gift card, cash, or snack box still wouldn't be enough for me to not feel comfortable. I try not to take help unless it's needed and I don't like to get material gifts for my kids especially if I can't provide it myself. I really don't know the other parents all that well. From what I can tell, we don't have a similar background. They are well off and I don't make a whole lot of money. They give their son a lot of expensive gifts and I can't give my son similar things. I just don't feel comfortable with them and I don't see how other people want to take their children's friends on trips. I feel they are boundaries in life and I don't even like my kids to have friends over constantly.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

I think you're inbetween a rock and a hard place here... I would be concerned about accepting that much generosity, but also about your child feeling bad that your family can't affford to vacation like the friend's family can. I also wouldn't want only one of my kids to go to Disney... for us it's a family trip, all go or none.

But I would imagine your son would be heartbroken if you say no, and I do think Disney is something a child should experience if possible.

Have you ever thought about planning the cheapest possible trip and saving for a few years to take your family to Disney? If you stay at a value resort, maybe catch free dining, drive there... it will still be expensive but maybe you could make it work.

It's not possible for us to save for a trip. I'm trying to put money aside for college or trade school for my kids. My oldest is 16 and plans to join the Air Force or another military branch(if the AF doesn't take her). I'm focusing more on saving for my 13 year old and my 9 year old. We're in New Hampshire and it's difficult to drive to places like Florida or California. Traveling will never really be a possibility for my family and I hate that my family never had a vacation when my wife was alive. It tears me up when I see pictures of families on trips and I admit I get very envious because my wife never had those experiences and my kids won't either.

 

[ashley0139]

Don't deprive your kid of an experience he wouldn't otherwise get to have because of your pride. That's not being a good parent. Lots of families take kids' friends on trips. It makes a better experience for both the kids and the parents. I mean, of course you should feel comfortable with the parents in terms of safety. So talk to them and get to know them. But I'm not seeing a lot of reasons for him not to go.

 

[Mortlives]

When DS was younger we took him and a friend to Universal. We never expected anything from DS' friend's parents. DS is an only child, so we were just grateful to give him company his own age for a change. Try and think of that as reciprocity. They aren't offering to help you, and I think that's the part you''re having trouble. with. This isn't charity, and I think it would do your boy the world of good.

 

[Disney_Alli]

Sounds like you're all set to say no which is 100% your right but I think saying that you don't think they have the same values as you just because they are well off or give their son gifts is unfair to them in my opinion. I had a friend in high school who went on many family vacations with us - including WDW for 10 days and 13 nights in Hawaii - and I know it was a fantastic experience for all of us as it was something her parents couldn't give her. I'd try and get to know the parents better and see how you feel closer to the date. But I agree with the above - please don't let pride stand in the way of your son having this amazing experience!

 

[Dadof3inNH]

When DS was younger we took him and a friend to Universal. We never expected anything from DS' friend's parents. DS is an only child, so we were just grateful to give him company his own age for a change. Try and think of that as reciprocity. They aren't offering to help you, and I think that's the part you''re having trouble. with. This isn't charity, and I think it would do your boy the world of good.

It's hard to not look at it as charity. The parents told me that a part of the reason they wanted to invite my boy was because they know that I don't have have money for traveling.

 

[jdb in AZ]

The family that wants to take your kid to WDW -- how many kids do they have? If they have just one kid, taking a friend along gives their kid someone to "hang out" with, and actually helps out the parents.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

Sounds like you're all set to say no which is 100% your right but I think saying that you don't think they have the same values as you just because they are well off or give their son gifts is unfair to them in my opinion. I had a friend in high school who went on many family vacations with us - including WDW for 10 days and 13 nights in Hawaii - and I know it was a fantastic experience for all of us as it was something her parents couldn't give her. I'd try and get to know the parents better and see how you feel closer to the date. But I agree with the above - please don't let pride stand in the way of your son having this amazing experience!

This is the sort of attitude that I don't like. I don't like being made to feel guilty and depressed because I can't give my kids certain things. Maybe, your friends' parents felt like crap knowing that someone was able to give their child good experiences. I want my son to learn to live within means and not to take luxury gifts from other people.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

The family that wants to take your kid to WDW -- how many kids do they have? If they have just one kid, taking a friend along gives their kid someone to "hang out" with, and actually helps out the parents.

They have a daughter who is a year older than their son.

 

[Disney_Alli]

This is the sort of attitude that I don't like. I don't like being made to feel guilty and depressed because I can't give my kids certain things. Maybe, your friends' parents felt like crap knowing that someone was able to give their child good experiences. I want my son to learn to live within means and not to take luxury gifts from other people.

I'm sorry you took it that way. I know the parents of my friends well and they were happy for their children.

 

[ashley0139]

This is the sort of attitude that I don't like. I don't like being made to feel guilty and depressed because I can't give my kids certain things. Maybe, your friends' parents felt like crap knowing that someone was able to give their child good experiences. I want my son to learn to live within means and not to take luxury gifts from other people.

This is all about your personal hangups. Don't deprive a 13 year old of this experience because of complicated adult feelings. Your pride is standing in the way. Instead of thinking about how you feel, think about your son getting to have an awesome opportunity. Going on one trip with a friend does not mean he won't learn to live within his means or be a good person.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

This is all about your personal hangups. Don't deprive a 13 year old of this experience because of complicated adult feelings. Your pride is standing in the way. Instead of thinking about how you feel, think about your son getting to have an awesome opportunity. Going on one trip with a friend does not mean he won't learn to live within his means or be a good person.

My son and I can't pay back the family with somethin of equal value.

 

[amcnj]

They may also be taking your child for the benefit of their own child, so they have someone to hang with on vacation. Anytime we took someone outside of our family with us anywhere, I never expected anything back in return. It was our choice to do so.

 

[ashley0139]

My son and I can't pay back the family with somethin of equal value.

So? Doesn't sound like they want nor expect anything of the sort. Sounds like they want your son to have a good time with his friend. Leave your pride out of it.

 

[Shanti]

This is the sort of attitude that I don't like. I don't like being made to feel guilty and depressed because I can't give my kids certain things. Maybe, your friends' parents felt like crap knowing that someone was able to give their child good experiences. I want my son to learn to live within means and not to take luxury gifts from other people.

The only thing to possibly feel guilty about would be depriving your child of this special experience. Let him go.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Giving them a gift card, cash, or snack box still wouldn't be enough for me to not feel comfortable. I try not to take help unless it's needed and I don't like to get material gifts for my kids especially if I can't provide it myself. I really don't know the other parents all that well. From what I can tell, we don't have a similar background. They are well off and I don't make a whole lot of money. They give their son a lot of expensive gifts and I can't give my son similar things. I just don't feel comfortable with them and I don't see how other people want to take their children's friends on trips. I feel they are boundaries in life and I don't even like my kids to have friends over constantly.

From my prespective I could debate your other responses but since you neither know the parents that well or their parenting methods I wouldn't let my children go with them; the fundamentals of association are missing.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

I'm sorry you took it that way. I know the parents of my friends well and they were happy for their children.

They might have secretly felt bad and I don't like being beholden to other people. It's bad enough when I had to take help from assistant offices and my church when my wife was dying. I don't think you have ever been in the situation in which you have to take shamefully take help from other people.