Parents of son's friend invitied him on a Disney trip for spring break next year

[ashley0139]

Oh, for Pete's sake people - they're offering to take the kid to a theme park; it's not like the Dad is denying him a life-saving organ transplant or something. Many, probably most, kids don't ever make it to Disney World and they go on to live happy, productive lives. I didn't - although I had the best parents in the world. I'm happy to be able to take my own DS and vacations are important to us, but they sure wouldn't be at the expense of everyday necessities or future education.

That said, @Dadof3inNH , we have taken friends of our son's with us as guests several times. It was always as a poster has previously mentioned - we thought our only child would have more fun with a companion. It wasn't a pity gesture and certainly not charity. We just felt it was proper etiquette to pay for the guest we invited. It's probably far less about doing something for your son than doing something for their own.

I do think though that you are just not OK with this situation and you don't have to be. Although I don't exactly share your sentiments, I don't think you need to defend them here. Just say no - your kid will get over it. I hope you do get to spend some good times enjoying yourselves as a family - it doesn't have to be a trip to Disney to do that.

Oh please, no one is treating this like it's an organ transplant. But the kid has an opportunity he wouldn't normally get and the only thing standing in the way is dad's pride. Frankly, it doesn't seem like there's a legitimate reason for the kid not to go except that it makes dad feel bad.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

You’d be shocked how different kids feel. When I was young I lived in a nice house four floors and we were pretty well off. My group of friends I chose lived in a trailer park. I never once thought about it and I loved being in their homes. My sons one friend lives in a mansion. And we live in a townhouse. His friend loves coming over here. They have so much fun!

Life is about way more than dollar signs and who has what. The lesson to be learned here is it doesn’t matter what you have. Everyone should be treated equally and with respect. Whether they are well off or not you shouldn’t think badly about them.

Maybe, you didn't look down on your friends' homes, but I'm sure others would look down on other people's homes. I don't want my son's friend to see all the things in my home that need to be repaired or remodeled and. My son has his own room because he's the only boy, but it's the smallest room of the house. I can't imagine his friend finding that fun.

 

[ashley0139]

Maybe, you didn't look down on your friends' homes, but I'm sure others would look down on other people's homes. I don't want my son's friend to see all the things in my home that need to be repaired or remodeled and. My son has his own room because he's the only boy, but it's the smallest room of the house. I can't imagine his friend finding that fun.

Have you considered therapy? I don't mean this in a mean way, but it sounds like you could use it. Perhaps there is somewhere in your area that offers a sliding scale payment system. I'm not sure why you think the boy would care what size your kid's room is and you seem to be fixating on that kind of thing.

 

[luvsJack]

Look I'm trying my absolute best for my kids and I already feel like a big failure.

Listen, OP, I was the parent that took another child on vacation with us. Dd’s friend was the Dd of a single, struggling mom. We took her on several vacations. I knew her mom couldn’t turn around and take Dd and it was ok. We never thought about it. She was a companion for Dd and we enjoyed having her. I am so glad her mom didn’t think of it as charity because now the two young adult women have great memories of their vacations together.

As for only one kid getting to go, well I can’t really say how I would feel about that one. But if this child goes with friends and your oldest is 16, would be ever be possible to plan a trip for just you and the youngest?

 

[kimblebee]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. I'm a single father of three kids and my middle child who is 13 got invited on a trip with friends. I'm undecided on whether to let him go as I don't want to accept such an extravagant gift from non-relatives that we can't pay back in any equal way. My wife passed away two years ago and it's been hard and I don't like taking help all the time unless for necessities. This past year I've done well financially as I've had a raise and a promotion. But, I can't afford to take my kids on trips and when my wife was alive we couldn't afford it as she was disabled due to a stroke that she suffered after our youngest was born. Growing up myself my family never did any trips and the first time I ever rode in plane was when I was 35 and that was the only time since then.

I've looked at Disney hotel sites and various blogs and see that Disney parks are very expensive and I'm now hesitant to allow my son to go. Like I said before, we can't pay this family back in any way. I feel like a failure that I can't give my kids extra. I'm looking for any advice on how I can pay the family back in some way or if my son can work for the trip. But, I also might not allow my son to go because it's too expensive for another family to pay for him. I'm very torn on this.

Three pages and not one quote of the OP?

tsk, tsk, tsk

 

[Dadof3inNH]

That is absolutely an assumption and not necessarily true. A camping trip (even in the backyard) can be lots of fun for a kid when it's with a friend. Cooking potatoes over a fire, popping homemade popcorn, telling ghost stories- those make great memories.

Bottom line: you're making this about you, when it really should be about your son.

Let him have a great trip. He's been through so much with the loss of his mother. Let him forget his cares for a while. That will be good for him. It helps a child to know there is more to life than pain, self-denial and sacrifice.

You frankly sound very depressed (understandably). Don't make your son feel the same way. Let him have some joy. Doing so will not make him love you any less. On the contrary, he'll appreciate you for it.

They are 13 and are too old to find backyard camping fun. The friend has never been camping or fishing.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Say no.

Never mind how YOU feel.

How are your other kids going to feel when your middle child gets to go and they don't?

If the other family can't take them all, then none can go. If they're aware of your situation, it's pretty crappy of them to only invite ONE child.

As they grow up, the kids will end up with different opportunities.

We were poor when I was a kid. My parents couldn't afford much at all. When I got into elementary school, I took advantage of every opportunity I could. I was in girl scouts and spelling bees and clubs, etc. I worked my tail off and earned school sponsored trips to fun places as rewards. I went to a now-defunct theme park called Opryland every year with my scout troop, using our cookie sale profits. My brothers didn't get the same opportunities. I don't think either of them ever went to that amusement park. My younger brother was able to take advantage of a free week at space camp in the 5th grade, where I never had that chance ( and would have loved it).

I am so glad my parents never told us we couldn't do something just because the others couldn't also do it, as all 3 of us would have missed valuable experiences. When you are a kid without much excitement in your life, those extra opportunities are like gold.

 

[gwynne]

Maybe, you didn't look down on your friends' homes, but I'm sure others would look down on other people's homes. I don't want my son's friend to see all the things in my home that need to be repaired or remodeled and. My son has his own room because he's the only boy, but it's the smallest room of the house. I can't imagine his friend finding that fun.

i think when your son's friend visits it will be to spend time with your son. Pop some popcorn and let them have fun.

 

[ronandannette]

Oh please, no one is treating this like it's an organ transplant. But the kid has an opportunity he wouldn't normally get and the only thing standing in the way is dad's pride. Frankly, it doesn't seem like there's a legitimate reason for the kid not to go except that it makes dad feel bad.

Honestly, I'm not sure this is even real, or why the OP posted it here, but there certainly have been several instances of posters implying this is such an "important" opportunity. In the big scheme, it's not. It's really not. And we don't know for sure if the kid himself even really cares. Not all 13 y.o. boys are Disneyphiles...

 

[Shanti]

They are 13 and are too old to find backyard camping fun. The friend has never been camping or fishing.

That is not too old to find that fun. My son is 13 and would enjoy it. The fact that the friend has never been would make it even more special for him. A first time fishing trip could be very special for that child.

 

[ShayBells]

At first I thought you wanted us to help make you feel better about letting your son go. But that’s obviously not the case. If your so set on “no” then why did you come to a Disney forum and create a name just to ask this question? What was the point?

 

[Shanti]

Honestly, I'm not sure this is even real, or why the OP posted it here, but there certainly has been several instances of posters implying this is such an "important" opportunity. In the big scheme, it's not. It's really not.

If your parent refused to allow you to go to a special trip or party with a friend, for no reason other than their own self-absorbed pride, that absolutely would be important to you.

Just like your husband or wife refusing to hug or kiss you before leaving for work would be important to you if that were to happen.

There are plenty of important things in life that are not a matter of life and death.

 

[Dadof3inNH]

Have you considered therapy? I don't mean this in a mean way, but it sounds like you could use it. Perhaps there is somewhere in your area that offers a sliding scale payment system. I'm not sure why you think the boy would care what size your kid's room is and you seem to be fixating on that kind of thing.

No I haven't considered therapy. I do my best to power through my tragedies and hard times. I don't take help and I won't waste insurance or money on therapy. Trust me my oldest has had friends who made fun of her room that she shares with her youger sister and that's why I don't like having my kids' friends over.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

That is not too old to find that fun. My son is 13 and would enjoy it. The fact that the friend has never been would make it even more special for him. A first time fishing trip could be very special for that child.

When I was about 13 my friends and I would have sleepovers and would be determined we were going to camp in the backyard. We'd get all settled in after a fun night of campfire and smores, then start telling ghost stories or playing Ouija board. We'd all hold hands and rush back inside not long after midnight. Happened every time but we had so much fun.

 

[ashley0139]

No I haven't considered therapy. I do my best to power through my tragedies and hard times. I don't take help and I won't waste insurance or money on therapy. Trust me my oldest has had friends who made fun of her room that she shares with her youger sister and that's why I don't like having my kids' friends over.

That's too bad. It would help you, which would in turn help your kids a lot.

It seems like there's nothing anyone can say that will change your mind, so you might as well do what you're going to do.

 

[ronandannette]

If your parent refused to allow you to go to a special trip or party with a friend, for no reasons other than their own pride, that absolutely would be meaningful to you.

Just like your husband or wife refusing to kiss you before leaving for work would have a lot of meaning to you if that were to happen.

There are plenty of meaningful things in life that are not a matter of life and death.

As to the bolded, I have absolutely no clue what you're trying to say there.

When I was a kid my parents allowed or disallowed all sorts of things for any reason they chose. They were in charge. I may not have liked it in the moment, but I certainly didn't grow up resenting them. This is hardly a "scarred for life" type of scenario.

 

[luvsJack]

They are 13 and are too old to find backyard camping fun. The friend has never been camping or fishing.

No they aren’t! My sons used to love having friends over for backyard at that age. Camping and fishing was what they and their friends did so many weekends.

And kids don’t care about what a house looks like or what needs fixing. Theyvlike to be at a home where there is love and laughter. Don’t worry about the rest.

 

[Shanti]

As to the bolded, I have absolutely no clue what you're trying to say there.

When I was a kid my parents allowed or disallowed all sorts of things for any reason they chose. They were in charge. I may not have liked it in the moment, but I certainly didn't grow up resenting them. This is hardly a "scarred for life" type of scenario.

It's about the emotional impact of our loved ones choices. They can hurt us, and they do matter.

This is a child who just lost a parent, and is getting an opportunity for a trip that he may never have again until adulthood. A trip that might help him get out of the shadow of his father's depression for a while. I think it would be valuable for the child and is worth arguing about.

No one is saying the child would die without it. That's exaggeration.

 

[ronandannette]

That's too bad. It would help you, which would in turn help your kids a lot.

It seems like there's nothing anyone can say that will change your mind, so you might as well do what you're going to do.

With each successive post the OP makes, it's starting to feel a little more surreal.

 

[ShayBells]

With each successive post the OP makes, it's starting to feel a little more surreal.

I agree. I’d believe it more if it wasn’t a profile created today or if he was a little more agreeable.