Wedding invitation snub

[ronandannette]

@AustinTink - you mentioned sending a single text and getting a very nonchalant response. If I were you I just wouldn't let it lie there, especially if I was so consumed by it I was weeping. Get your sister on the phone and ASK HER why it's gone this way. You don't need to do it in a dramatic or accusatory way; as some have suggested she may have had no choice whatsoever. Talk it through. Even if you don't like the answers, at least you will then be able to forgive it and move forward. You don't sound at peace at all and it's this kind of thing that can really fester if you let it.

 

[AustinTink]

@AustinTink - you mentioned sending a single text and getting a very nonchalant response. If I were you I just wouldn't let it lie there, especially if I was so consumed by it I was weeping. Get your sister on the phone and ASK HER why it's gone this way. You don't need to do it in a dramatic or accusatory way; as some have suggested she may have had no choice whatsoever. Talk it through. Even if you don't like the answers, at least you will then be able to forgive it and move forward. You don't sound at peace at all and it's this kind of thing that can really fester if you let it.

I would if it were any other person. My whole family has always walked on eggshells around my sister. No one ever wants to rile her up. Usually when she is hurtful, we just let it go and act like nothing ever happened the next time we are together. It's totally unhealthy, but the only way to deal with her. She is a very fragile person.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Maybe the sister was in charge of mailing the invitations and pulled some out. The nephew might not even know you've been left out.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I would have my feelings hurt.

 

[kimblebee]

I would if it were any other person. My whole family has always walked on eggshells around my sister. No one ever wants to rile her up. Usually when she is hurtful, we just let it go and act like nothing ever happened the next time we are together. It's totally unhealthy, but the only way to deal with her. She is a very fragile person.

I’m with the pp who said what if you’re invitation got lost, you don’t go, and then SHE’s all mad that you didn’t even show up to her sons wedding.

The situation won’t get resolved until you reach out to your sister. Time to stomp all over those eggshells.

 

[scrapquitler]

I’m with the pp who said what if you’re invitation got lost, you don’t go, and then SHE’s all mad that you didn’t even show up to her sons wedding.

The situation won’t get resolved until you reach out to your sister. Time to stomp all over those eggshells.

Or better yet ask the groom directly. It's always better to ask directly and know the answer than to harbor resentment when you don't really know for sure if/why you were slighted.

 

[AustinTink]

Now my aunt says she won't go without me. It will just be my brother and his family attending.

 

[ronandannette]

I would if it were any other person. My whole family has always walked on eggshells around my sister. No one ever wants to rile her up. Usually when she is hurtful, we just let it go and act like nothing ever happened the next time we are together. It's totally unhealthy, but the only way to deal with her. She is a very fragile person.

Well then, I guess I'd suggest you get on with "letting it go". I don't believe it's the best way to handle it, but you know your family better than I do. Please, please don't let this ruin the relationships of potentially two generations of your family. That would be such a shame - better you "deal" with your fragile sister if that's what it takes. I wish you all well.

 

[AustinTink]

Or better yet ask the groom directly. It's always better to ask directly and know the answer than to harbor resentment when you don't really know for sure if/why you were slighted.

I just don't want to be the jerk that "confronted" the groom. I know it will go over that way, even if i approach it gently.

 

[AustinTink]

Well then, I guess I'd suggest you get on with "letting it go". I don't believe it's the best way to handle it, but you know your family better than I do. Please, please don't let this ruin the relationships of potentially two generations of your family. That would be such a shame - better you "deal" with your fragile sister if that's what it takes. I wish you all well.

This is what my family has said. My oldest brother said, "it takes a lot more than that to offend me" and just brushed it off. He was happy he didn't have to buy a gift. He says I need to do the same thing and forget about it.

 

[FINFAN]

I honestly feel like it's going to weird from now on anyway. I don't know if calling him will make it better or worse. I will send a gift and my heartfelt love and best wishes.

hugs for the upsetting situation..and the only thing I have to offer is calling your nephew and as his Godmother offering to take him to lunch,( hit a movie or grab a drink..whatever is more laid back typical for you both) to celebrate his marriage. Leave it up to him if he would like to include his bride. It would be nice if it were just the 2 of you tho, a special afternoon. If he feels awkward about it, then retreat and just accept that his wedding is one day, but your relationship with him will have many more and try to focus on that.
I was left out of a wedding invite that was a bit of an eye opener for me~but it was a friend, not family.My friend's DD was getting married and our kids grew up together, shared birthday parties, sweet 16 party, Homecomings, Prom etc. It was awkward when the other friends who had been invited asked what I was getting for a gift, want to make an afternoon of it and go dress shopping etc . When I said I hadn't been invited they didn't know why and I never did find out why. Even MORE awkward was a mutual friend coming into town after the wedding asking the friend who didn't invite me , myself and her all to lunch together and my friend brought the wedding pictures. THAT was a fun lunch. I did send a gift, but never did get a thank you.
Go with your heart and let the relationship you have with your Godson guide you.

 

[Allison]

Sorry, but everybody sticking their head in the sand and not being willing to communicate won't help anything. He is a grown man in his 30s. Asking him a question won't be the end of the world to him.

 

[sk!mom]

Now my aunt says she won't go without me. It will just be my brother and his family attending.

This is what my family has said. My oldest brother said, "it takes a lot more than that to offend me" and just brushed it off. He was happy he didn't have to buy a gift. He says I need to do the same thing and forget about it.

See everyone is talking about it and drama is starting. Go to the source (groom) and just ask. The talking and drama is happening anyway.

 

[AustinTink]

See everyone is talking about it and drama is starting. Go to the source (groom) and just ask. The talking and drama is happening anyway.

True, everyone is talking. We were just all so confused we called each other to see if we were all uninvited. Nobody else wants to talk to the groom or the mother of the groom about it. They told me to drop it.

 

[luvsJack]

I agree, go to the source. Just ask him when the wedding is and see where the conversation takes you. I don’t understand why your sister wouldn’t give you an answer if there was a reasonable answer.

I don’t do well walking on egg shells lol so I probably would have pressed the sister for more of an answer.

 

[AustinTink]

I agree, go to the source. Just ask him when the wedding is and see where the conversation takes you. I don’t understand why your sister wouldn’t give you an answer if there was a reasonable answer.

I don’t do well walking on egg shells lol so I probably would have pressed the sister for more of an answer.

I wish I had pressed her. I couldn't believe the non-answer I received.

 

[AustinTink]

Maybe this should not have been a total surprise. A year ago there was a death in the immediate family. No one in my sister's branch of the family tree showed up to the funeral. The rest of us were all there. It was the tragic death of a life that was taken far too soon, and none of them showed up. Maybe they have been telling us something for a while now and we didn't want to see it. Could be they are exiting the family bit by bit. They don't feel for us the way we feel for them.

 

[Skywalker]

My husband said no gift also.

I agree with your husband. They are the ones that decided they didn't want you to be part of this celebration, so don't be part of it. Period. Sure, some part of me would think about being the better person here and sending a gift. But honestly? That isn't being the better person in this situation that is just being a sucker.

Now my aunt says she won't go without me. It will just be my brother and his family attending.

But I disagree with this. I hope you would encourage your aunt to go the wedding! THAT is being manipulative and ridiculous and would only escalate the whole drama.

 

[AustinTink]

But I disagree with this. I hope you would encourage your aunt to go the wedding! THAT is being manipulative and ridiculous and would only escalate the whole drama.

She is in her 80's and legally blind. I am always her official escort at any sort of family function. I take her around by the arm and generally take care of her the whole evening. She feels like she can't manage it alone. She doesn't have any children of her own so I take care of her as much as possible.

 

[Allison]

They don't feel for us the way we feel for them.

This is what happens when you don't communicate. You start making up your own truths.

The avoidance game isn't healthy.