Wedding invitation snub

[piccolopat]

It's something that really is bothering you and the only way you will understand why you were snubbed is if you simply ask your nephew. I know you don't want to cause him any stress but he owes you an explanation. Go to lunch with him as a PP suggested and let him know you were surprised not to be included but that you are happy for him nevertheless. Your sister doesn't need to be a part of this since she isn't the one getting married. Good luck!

 

[Skywalker]

She is in her 80's and legally blind. I am always her official escort at any sort of family function. I take her around by the arm and generally take care of her the whole evening. She feels like she can't manage it alone. She doesn't have any children of her own so I take care of her as much as possible.

Okay you said "Now my aunt says she won't go without me" without giving any context the first time. If she can't go without you I guess that it was always a given that she wouldn't go - you posted as if it was news lol

 

[AustinTink]

Okay you said "Now my aunt says she won't go without me" without giving any context the first time. If she can't go without you I guess that it was always a given that she wouldn't go - you posted as if it was news lol

Yeah, it's a little of both. She's super salty about the whole thing and she also doesn't want to go with out me for physical reasons. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[anniemae]

I would be very hurt. I can't imagine not being invited to my nephews wedding. Personally, I would reach out to your nephew if you are close to him.

I would not send a gift, that would make him feel bad and kind of rub salt in the wounds of a situation that may have been out of his control. You were not invited, no need to send a gift.

 

[dish rag]

I would be very hurt. I can't imagine not being invited to my nephews wedding. Personally, I would reach out to your nephew if you are close to him.

I would not send a gift, that would make him feel bad and kind of rub salt in the wounds of a situation that may have been out of his control. You were not invited, no need to send a gift.

I would send a nice gift and card. Do the right thing. Works wonders has been my experience.

 

[anniemae]

I would send a nice gift and card. Do the right thing. Works wonders has been my experience.

Mine too. I feel like the right thing is not to send a gift. Not to be catty, but just to keep the peace. If I snubbed a family member due to my spouses family setting the rules about who could and could not be invited, if that is indeed what happened, I would feel like dirt if that person sent a nice gift. It's a little awkward and puts the nephew in a strange situation. "Thanks for the beautiful gift even though I did not include you in one of the most important days of our lives.

I find honesty works best. I find going to the source and dealing with the situation head on instead of talking to other people and dealing with speculation and heresy is best in these delicate family situations.

 

[penn19]

I would if it were any other person. My whole family has always walked on eggshells around my sister. No one ever wants to rile her up. Usually when she is hurtful, we just let it go and act like nothing ever happened the next time we are together. It's totally unhealthy, but the only way to deal with her. She is a very fragile person.

Do you talk to her on a regular basis? Like if you never talk to her I can see maybe not saying anything. But if you talk to her weekly/monthly maybe it won’t be so awkward.

 

[AustinTink]

Do you talk to her on a regular basis? Like if you never talk to her I can see maybe not saying anything. But if you talk to her weekly/monthly maybe it won’t be so awkward.

Yes, we talk all the time. Before I found out about the invitations, I had just talked to her her two days prior. She didn't give any indication that anything was off.

 

[ronandannette]

It's something that really is bothering you and the only way you will understand why you were snubbed is if you simply ask your nephew. I know you don't want to cause him any stress but he owes you an explanation. Go to lunch with him as a PP suggested and let him know you were surprised not to be included but that you are happy for him nevertheless. Your sister doesn't need to be a part of this since she isn't the one getting married. Good luck!

Very straightforward - I like it.

 

[kaytieeldr]

But what if you don't ask and then later find out that they DID invite you but the invitation was lost in the mail? Wouldn't that be worse?

One invitation, okay. But five? No.

The invitations went out in February for a summer wedding? Why??

 

[AustinTink]

The invitations went out in February for a summer wedding? Why??

That's what I said, but no one asked me.

 

[Planogirl]

You really should consider asking your nephew about this. If it seems too hard right now then you could wait until after the wedding. These situations tend to fester and just get worse.

 

[AustinTink]

You really should consider asking your nephew about this. If it seems too hard right now then you could wait until after the wedding. These situations tend to fester and just get worse.

Yes, if I do bring it up with him, it will definitely be after the wedding.

 

[Lori74]

If you're his godmother shouldn't you be offering spiritual guidance? Isn't that what a godparent does? You should meet with him at the very least to help guide and council him in this huge milestone. When you do council, you need to say, 'since I wont be there, I want to talk to you about this...'

 

[DisneyHardin]

I agree with the posters above that you should not send a gift. How would you even know when to send it since they won't tell you the date of the wedding?

 

[tzolkin]

I really feel like an explanation would be expected in this situation. I could understand this behavior if they were estranged or had some major recent conflict, but otherwise it just doesn’t seem like something family would do for absolutely no reason.

I have no problem not being invited to a family member’s wedding, but this just seems odd. In our family, it would be the norm to preemptively tell certain people before the invitations went out why they should not be expecting one: the venue only accommodates 100 people, the budget is extremely limited, the bride’s family is organizing and they gave us a limited number of seats, your ex-husband and children specifically requested that you not be there, whatever, but say something.

The text response from the sister is so vague and bizarre. I would have responded immediately had it been one of my siblings. “The invitations went out in February”— so does that mean I’m not invited, did mine get lost in the mail, what’s up? Again, I would be fine either way, but I would expect a clear and direct answer.


Completely opposite wedding conflict... I was confronted on Christmas because I DID invite someone to my wedding. Yes, it was awkward and irritating that this person questioned my motives repeatedly, but it was better than having an argument right at/around the time of the wedding or having it discussed and debated without my input over the 6+months leading up to the wedding.

 

[Nancyg56]

If you're his godmother shouldn't you be offering spiritual guidance? Isn't that what a godparent does? You should meet with him at the very least to help guide and council him in this huge milestone. When you do council, you need to say, 'since I wont be there, I want to talk to you about this...'

Godparents have different roles in families, depending on how religeous the family actually is. I am a Godmother, and have fostered a very special relationship with my Godchild, however I have never been called upon to give her spiritual advice.

OP- I was my Mom's +1 at functions. She could nto drive long distances, and would never have attended weddings alone at her age. If she was not given the opportunity to bring a guest she declined the invitation. One time someone questioned why she declined and she was honest. She told that person that she respected that she was not invited to bring a guest, but that she would have hoped that this person understood that her age and health was such that she never culd have attended their special event alone. She did refrain from mentioning that they had invited all of the singles who were younger to bring guests, but that they placed no thought into the older people whose health had declined. As her daughter I was a little offended that some people had so little understanding of the circumstances of those elders who had supported them in so many ways for so many years, yet woudl have preferred to chew glass and die before they "insulted" the singles by not adding "and guest" to their invitation.

 

[nkereina]

Was it an invitation that went out or a "save the date"? We sent our save the date cards in March for our August wedding, but the formal invitation went out much closer to the actual wedding date. There were some people we decided to invite after the save the date cards went out, so they never got a save the date.

I also would not send a gift if I was not invited. I'd only send a gift if I was invited but could not attend.

And I agree with PP - the bright side is you are free of that obligation at least! No need to save the date, worry about what to wear, getting a gift, and sitting through mediocre food and cheesy wedding traditions. LOL!

 

[sk!mom]

Yes, if I do bring it up with him, it will definitely be after the wedding.

I think that is a terrible idea. Discussing and clearing up the relationship now, if possible, makes sense. Waiting until after the wedding is really passive aggressive, "Let me bring up this slight now that you can do very little to rectify it."

I do wonder how close you are to your Godson/nephew. You mention your closeness to your sister but have you maintained a relationship with your now adult nephew? You mention his childhood years but if you haven't built a strong adult relationship, he might not feel the need to invite you. Your reluctance to meet with him and ask a simple question to clear things up speaks to a relationship that isn't very close. In this situation, I would have no problem speaking to those that I'm close to but would be possibly hurt yet silent with those that I'm less close to.

Was it an invitation that went out or a "save the date"? We sent our save the date cards in March for our August wedding, but the formal invitation went out much closer to the actual wedding date. There were some people we decided to invite after the save the date cards went out, so they never got a save the date.

I also would not send a gift if I was not invited. I'd only send a gift if I was invited but could not attend.

And I agree with PP - the bright side is you are free of that obligation at least! No need to save the date, worry about what to wear, getting a gift, and sitting through mediocre food and cheesy wedding traditions. LOL!

I also would not send a gift. A gift is sent when one is invited yet declines.

 

[FINFAN]

OP, if the reception cost is the reason for the omission of invites *technically* you used to be allowed to still attend the ceremony if it is in a church. I have done that but it was after speaking to the bride. This was a different wedding situation as I was in no way expecting an invite but adored the girl getting married and honestly just wanted to wish them well. (neighbors of my parents and we watched her grow up, always friendly with them) The bride and groom had zero problem with it , and actually were happy for anyone who wanted to attend the ceremony but again there we no expectations on any of our parts about my family being invited so no awkwardness in departing the church and not attending.I did tell them I would arrive close to the ceremony and sit in the back as to not take up space of an actual "invitee" lol~ I bet a lot of people would like to do that, many who legit want to witness the ceremony but perhaps cannot afford a $300 check after. If you do talk with your Nephew and he expresses wishing it could have worked out to invite you, maybe ask if he is OK with you being at the ceremony? No hard feelings, no expectations, just actually being there to share what the day is actually about. If you get the vibe his Fiance' is calling the shots, you probably need to take the high road and it will all get better over time.