Wedding invitation snub

[AustinTink]

I can understand why you'd be confused and perhaps a little hurt. Since the wedding invitations went out already, I don't see the harm in reaching out and letting them know you didn't receive an invitation. I'm not really the confrontational type, so I'd ask just to make sure that there was no misunderstanding.

I'm not sure where you go from here. They must have known that you would be hurt. On the other hand, if your nephew's fiancee's family is footing the bill they may have given the groom a certain number of invites. Still, you're the mother of the groom's sister. I'm sorry.



I'm in the "not childish reaction camp."

I'm focusing on the bolded. That's what I've been telling myself. Thanks for the kind words.

 

[penn19]

I think rightfully so, you should be upset. Not saying there is, but is there any sort of backstory? Anything that has happened in recent years in your family that would cause this? NOT that you owe any of us an explanation. Just wondering.

 

[Kitty 34]

Thank you. I have honestly been in tears continuously since I found out.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

 

[Wendy31]

I have one aunt who was invited. She told me to call her on it. So, i texted and asked when the wedding was going to be so I could add it to my summer calendar. She responded that all the invitations went out in February. That was it.

Your sibling (the groom's mother) replied that the invitations went out in February w/ no other explanation added to the text?

W/o knowing your family, I would probably assume one of the following:

1. This one sibling is upset w/ you & your other siblings for some reason over something.

2. Since the bride's family is paying, perhaps, the groom's family were only allowed a certain number of invitations & your sibling is not able to invite everyone that they'd like to invite & had to very selectively choose whom they were going to invite from your side. So maybe she's upset herself about the situation & doesn't know what to say or how to explain.

3. Even though the bride's family is wealthy, they are possibly limiting the guest list on both sides, &, for whatever reason, only the one sibling was invited. And, again, the groom's mother either didn't know what to say when you texted or felt that she didn't need to say anything & was maybe aggravated that you asked.

In answer to your original question, for me, whether or not I'm upset over not being invited usually depends. Most of the time, I'm happy to not have the obligation. However, I may feel upset and/or hurt depending on who else was invited to the event. In a event such as a family wedding, if I were not invited & other family members on the same "tier" as I were invited, I'd probably be hurt - like if other aunts & uncles were invited, but I wasn't or if the other cousins were invited, but I wasn't.

So, in your situation, I'd probably be upset too. And though no one really is "owed" an explanation, I feel the kind & gracious thing would be for the groom's mother to have maybe explained the reasoning.

In a family wedding where some family members were invited but not all, I would think there'd be some explanation. Are the children of the sibling who was invited maybe in the wedding? Is there a different relationship w/ this sibling than there is w/ you & other siblings?

 

[AustinTink]

I think rightfully so, you should be upset. Not saying there is, but is there any sort of backstory? Anything that has happened in recent years in your family that would cause this? NOT that you owe any of us an explanation. Just wondering.

My sister has always been erratic and suffers from depression. But, everyone in my family has always counted on me to keep her tethered so to speak. I have always been her person. At least I thought I was. My other siblings were not surprised by their snub, but they all assumed i would be invited without question.

 

[AustinTink]

Is there a different relationship w/ this sibling than there is w/ you & other siblings?

This sibling lives in the same city as my sister. He helps her out almost daily because her husband lives in another city. My sister and brother do have a special bond this is true.

 

[sk!mom]

Wow! I’m sorry. Yes, in this situation, I would be very hurt.

Given what you have said about your sister having depression and needing “Tethering” and the fact that you are the groom’s godmother, I would contact him directly and not via text. The best would be to schedule a lunch date and simply ask what is going on in your relationship that would have you left out. Not in an accusing way but in a genuine, “I love you, we have been close, please tell me what has happened so that we can mend this.”

It seems super weird to leave out local family who see each other often without some contributing factor and I would want to know what it was.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My nephews wedding? I can’t insgine this happening in my family. Yup i would feel some kind of way. In my family nieces and nephews are very close. I’m close with my brother so i would straight up ask them.

I’m also the kind of person that would never throw a party and invite everyone i felt should be there. I would rather elope than offend a big portion of my family.

 

[AustinTink]

Wow! I’m sorry. Yes, in this situation, I would be very hurt.

Given what you have said about your sister having depression and needing “Tethering” and the fact that you are the groom’s godmother, I would contact him directly and not via text. The best would be to schedule a lunch date and simply ask what is going on in your relationship that would have you left out. Not in an accusing way but in a genuine, “I love you, we have been close, please tell me what has happened so that we can mend this.”

It seems super weird to leave out local family who see each other often without some contributing factor and I would want to know what it was.

I agree. I just don't want to make him feel badly. That's why I hesitate to contact him

 

[AustinTink]

My nephews wedding? I can’t insgine this happening in my family. Yup i would feel some kind of way. In my family nieces and nephews are very close. I’m close with my brother so i would straight up ask them.

I’m also the kind of person that would never throw a party and invite everyone i felt should be there. I would rather elope than offend a big portion of my family.

I agree with you on all counts. We will pay whatever we have to when the time comes to have all the aunts, uncles and cousins at my son's wedding. My son loves his cousons dearly, especially the groom. I haven't told him yet. He will we devastated.

 

[ANforever1030]

From the perspective of a recent groom -- including everyone important to all parties isn't always possible. I come from a large family (seven aunts and one uncle and around fifty cousins), but my wife's family is considerably smaller. When we began writing out our invitation lists, my family doubled the list of other friends and family. We knew immediately that our venue couldn't hold everyone so we made a decision that only friends and family that both parties previously met were invited.

It was my second marriage, and I hope that helped lessen the feeling of hurt my family might feel. However, because of the rule we set, we only invited one aunt's family.

I hope that you can reach out to your nephew and better understand the reason behind his and his fiance's decision.

 

[Allison]

You should talk to your nephew so at least you have some understanding of the situation.

 

[AustinTink]

From the perspective of a recent groom -- including everyone important to all parties isn't always possible. I come from a large family (seven aunts and one uncle and around fifty cousins), but my wife's family is considerably smaller. When we began writing out our invitation lists, my family doubled the list of other friends and family. We knew immediately that our venue couldn't hold everyone so we made a decision that only friends and family that both parties previously met were invited.

It was my second marriage, and I hope that helped lessen the feeling of hurt my family might feel. However, because of the rule we set, we only invited one aunt's family.

I hope that you can reach out to your nephew and better understand the reason behind his and his fiance's decision.

Thank you for this perspective. It sounds similar. There are 7 siblings including the groom's mother. Plus 2 uncles on my brother-in-law's side. The bride is an only child and her parents don't have living siblings. The bride and groom are in their early 30's. I'm sure they have a large friend group that they could not exclude.

I don't feel comfortable reaching out to my nephew about this. Because regardless of anything I love him dearly and I don't want to stress him out before the biggest day of his life. I can't do that to him. I already found their registry online and I will send a gift after the wedding with my best wishes.

 

[AustinTink]

You should talk to your nephew so at least you have some understanding of the situation.

I just don't want to add any stress to his situation. I just can't do it.

 

[sk!mom]

I agree. I just don't want to make him feel badly. That's why I hesitate to contact him

I just don't want to add any stress to his situation. I just can't do it.

But if you don't ask, your relationship will always be weird. It honestly could just be that his side is too large to include. If that's the case, you just reassure that you understand a large family can be overwhelming, send a nice gift, and move on. You need to ask though.

 

[scrapquitler]

I just don't want to add any stress to his situation. I just can't do it.

But what if you don't ask and then later find out that they DID invite you but the invitation was lost in the mail? Wouldn't that be worse?

 

[Kellykins1218]

Nope, sorry, I would totally take this one personally. Oh, and I wouldn't be sending a nice gift...or any gift.

 

[AustinTink]

But if you don't ask, your relationship will always be weird. It honestly could just be that his side is too large to include. If that's the case, you just reassure that you understand a large family can be overwhelming, send a nice gift, and move on. You need to ask though.

I honestly feel like it's going to weird from now on anyway. I don't know if calling him will make it better or worse. I will send a gift and my heartfelt love and best wishes.

 

[AustinTink]

Nope, sorry, I would totally take this one personally. Oh, and I wouldn't be sending a nice gift...or any gift.

My husband said no gift also.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I also wouldn’t send a gift. But i don’t send gifts for parties I’m not invited to or don’t attend.