I was yelled at after Finding Nemo - was I wrong?

[surfgirl]

So now that we've agreed that she's wrong, no, she's not wrong, the other lady was wrong, no, wait, they were both a little in the wrong...

The next question is - what would you have done differently ? Since you are still there, what will you do differently ?


If she has ongoing asthma, this will probably be a problem in the future... what then ?


You said that it wasn't crowded, yet there was a women directly in front of you and a man diagonal... I guess I would suggest getting up and moving to an unoccupied area. The way sound travels, you are disturbing the people in front of you significantly more than your mom (who barely heard it) 2 seats down.

I know others have said that it is difficult to move once seated -- what is worse ? Disturbing a row full of people for 5 seconds while you excuse yourself or disturbing 3-5 people (all directly in front of you) for the entire show?

so, all-knowing DISboard... how should it be handled "next time" ? (because there WILL BE a next time!)

 

[maxiesmom]

As someone who has asthma I understand wanting to get someplace that is cool, and be able to relax and just breathe. However, if I was someplace where my coughing and wheezing was disturbing to the point that the other people couldn't enjoy the show, then I would have to remove myself.

Even if the coughing is brought on by asthma, and not something such as a cold that is contagious, it can still be disruptive to those around you. You kind of need to be hyper-aware of it, so that you don't disturb others.

I think the first lady had a point. It seems you were not aware of how loud your daughter's cough really was. So now that you do know, hopefully you will be more aware. However, the guy who yelled at you was a total jerk.

And I do think an asthma cough sounds different if you are used to hearing the difference. I was on a disney bus one time where there was a boy who looked to be around 10 hacking his poor self silly. While other people were giving the parents horrified looks, I just looked at the mom and said "Asthma?". She smiled and said yes. Apparently the change in location had set his off. Even though she knew he was not contagious, you can't expect others to know that. And sometimes it is just hard to realize how loud and horrible that cough can be. A little courtesy on both sides is called for.

 

[GinnyEmma]

So now that we've agreed that she's wrong, no, she's not wrong, the other lady was wrong, no, wait, they were both a little in the wrong...

The next question is - what would you have done differently ? Since you are still there, what will you do differently ?


If she has ongoing asthma, this will probably be a problem in the future... what then ?


You said that it wasn't crowded, yet there was a women directly in front of you and a man diagonal... I guess I would suggest getting up and moving to an unoccupied area. The way sound travels, you are disturbing the people in front of you significantly more than your mom (who barely heard it) 2 seats down.

I know others have said that it is difficult to move once seated -- what is worse ? Disturbing a row full of people for 5 seconds while you excuse yourself or disturbing 3-5 people (all directly in front of you) for the entire show?

so, all-knowing DISboard... how should it be handled "next time" ? (because there WILL BE a next time!)

If they were sitting in the handicapped section using the stroller as a wheelchair, the escape would have been easy, if I remember correctly.

 

[livndisney]

Moving at the Finding Nemo show once the performance has started is not particularly easy. The rows are quite long so if you're in the middle of the row, it's impossible to get up without disturbing a good number of other people and trying to negotiate in the dark can be dangerous. Also, the performers are often running up and down the aisles carrying big props. I wouldn't want to take a chance of tripping a performer accidentally in the dark while I looked for another seat.

To the OP--I'm sorry your dd had an asthma attack. My dd and my great nephew both have severe asthma so I'm familiar with that helpless feeling during an attack. However, I do have to agree with the other posters that you should have left the theater but understand that that may have been difficult for you because of the circumstances I listed above. I did see several ushers in the aisles, though, who I'm sure could have assisted with helping to find a quiet place. If several people seated around you felt the need to get involved in the conversation, then I'd guess the noise she was making was particularly disturbing.

As with any live show at WDW, CM's are available to escort you out when you need to leave during a performance. When they see you stand and start moving they come to you to assist.

 

[jaminmd]

She wasn't loud, but it was noticeable.

After the show was over an older lady turned around and said, "I hate to say this, but you should have removed her from the show so she wasn't disrupting everyone."

He kept going on about what a bad mother I was.

It got so bad I started to cry and everyone around us was jumping in the conversation. Not only couldn't I make my daughter feel better, but I was getting yelled at by strangers.

So I ask the Disers - what would you have done?

The first and only complaint was from the older lady directly in front of us and it was AFTER the show. DD4 has a very quiet cough and my mother who was 2 seats down from me could not hear it. Another gentleman diagonal from me said he heard her coughing and was concerned for her but it was not bothering him. After we left the theater another gentleman approached me and apologized on behalf of the "rude stranger" his words not mine and hoped DD felt better.

Two different versions of your story & a little dramatic. You were wrong, you should have removed her.

 

[Mommytwotwins]

I tend to agree that a child - for whatever reason - if they are coughing/crying/screaming, should be taken out of a performance. Was it nice of the lady to decide to tell you that? No.

But, in that situation where coughing would disrupt several rows in front and behind, I might have said something too. I have asthma, its a bummer - hope your daughter's finds something that provides relief!

Ok here's my thing...Why do people,strangers, need to say anything at all!!! I mean if she was right or wrong does not matter at the end of the show when there really isn't anything you can do now anyway. I highly dought that this child made such a scene that the mom did not leave with her but who knows. Would I have been annoyed if I could not hear,maybe, but I would not have yelled at the mom on the way out and told her she was a bad mom. What good does that really do for you. We never know what other peoples situations are and should not judge them, I know it's hard but your on vacation just have a good time and get over it!

 

[Danibelle]

Really?

Your daughter was coughing loudly during a live theatrical performance and you don't understand how people could be bothered by the noise?

My child has cold triggered asthma, and we've done the nebulizer/puffer thing for 4 years now. I know that cough.

The right thing to do was find a cool place to let her work through the attack that wasn't in the middle of a live show. There are a million other indoor places you could have gone, and gone back to the show after you got her breathing right. Baby Care, First Aid, even a restaurant.

So yes, you were wrong. Your daughter does not have a disability that compares to a child with a trach or breathing tube. That's not a valid comparison.

You are not a bad mom. You did not show good judgement during the situation.

I have had the coughing/asthma myself in public and removed myself until I could control the coughing. Loud noises of any sort really disturb not only the guests but also the performers. I think that you should have removed the child. I wouldn't have made a nasty remark, though.

If this was the starting of croup, however, it IS contagious to children and adults.

 

[Mkrop]

Ok here's my thing...Why do people,strangers, need to say anything at all!!! I mean if she was right or wrong does not matter at the end of the show when there really isn't anything you can do now anyway. I highly dought that this child made such a scene that the mom did not leave with her but who knows. Would I have been annoyed if I could not hear,maybe, but I would not have yelled at the mom on the way out and told her she was a bad mom. What good does that really do for you. We never know what other peoples situations are and should not judge them, I know it's hard but your on vacation just have a good time and get over it!

I dont agree with yelling and I dont think she is a bad mom but if we never say anything to anyone, how do we know if we are doing the right or wrong thing.

OP said her only concern was her DD, and while I can certainly understand that to a degree bc my kids are always my main concern but I also can not be so hyperfocused in a nonemergency situation as to not realized how others around me are affected by my actions.

I have sympathy for the OP bc watching our kids deals with asthma stinks, she ASKED if what she did was wrong or right.

 

[Leleluvsdis]

Being inside in the cool air is the best thing you could do. The humidity will only make it worse. Me personally, I would have felt so bad for your little one b/c I know how miserable asthma makes you, and trust me, I'm sure there were plenty of kids yelling and talking, at least there was when we were there last time. There was a say 4 or 5 year old that sat in the section in front of us the whole time, yelling but I want it, i want it... ugh I hope your little one is feeling better. This is a horrible time of year for her I am sure.

 

[surfgirl]

the funniest part of this is the title.... When I saw the title, I assumed that Nemo wanted to stay hidden and you found him and got in trouble!

you know... like when someone else is playing hide and seek and the kids are hiding and you open the closet door and shriek and you're yelled at for exposing their hiding place....



ok, back to your regularly scheduled arguing.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ok here's my thing...Why do people,strangers, need to say anything at all!!! I mean if she was right or wrong does not matter at the end of the show when there really isn't anything you can do now anyway. I highly dought that this child made such a scene that the mom did not leave with her but who knows. Would I have been annoyed if I could not hear,maybe, but I would not have yelled at the mom on the way out and told her she was a bad mom. What good does that really do for you. We never know what other peoples situations are and should not judge them, I know it's hard but your on vacation just have a good time and get over it!

According to the OP, the women didn't yell at the mom on the way out. She turned around, and told the OP that she should've taken the child out. Maybe she didn't want the OP's dd's cough to ruin other people's experiences.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

According to the OP, the women didn't yell at the mom on the way out. She turned around, and told the OP that she should've taken the child out. Maybe she didn't want the OP's dd's cough to ruin other people's experiences.

I have been reading this thread with interest. I firmly believe the OP was wrong and should have removed her child.
I quoted you because I also think that you have a good point and also, maybe the woman had experience with asthma and felt that the OP was more interested in seeing the show than helping her kid who could not breathe. I can't say that I wouldn't have said something to someone doing that either. If the child was coughing and wheezing throughout the show regardless of how soft or loud it was I would have been concerned for the child. Flame away but I probably would have told the mother that she needed to get her child some help.

 

[Ninnygunk]

As a mother of an asthmatic child (and niece) I would've done the same thing. If taking care of your child & tending to her medical needs is wrong - then sign me up! I'll be right there with ya sister! Some people just need to be horsewhipped! Nuf said...........

 

[aprilfoolwed]

Wow - what a hot topic.

I am taking an "exceptional child" class right now to get my teaching certification, and we just covered "Other Health Impairments" this past week.
Asthma was one of our sample OHI. Kids receive special education services for asthma if it affects their education!

MY DD has asthma. We had our first attck in several years last month. No meds in the at the time because it had been years since the last attack. The poor kid was wheezing and coughing for a good week after the inital attack. She was not contagious. She was on an oral steroid, an inhaled steroid and her resue inhaler. Despite being under constant treatment, she coughed and coughed and coughed. Was there anything else I could do? No. She went to school, she did her homework. If we had been at Disney, there is no way we would have stayed in a hotel room for the week.

The family was sitting in the handicapped section - for an obvious reason. Could she have taken her daughter outside? Sure. But would it have helped? Not likely.

What if her child had Tourette Syndrome and had vocal tics throughout the show? Or if her child had some other disability that caused her to make what some people may consider "innappropriate" vocalizations (either due to when they happen or how loud?)? Does that mean they should not be allowed to enjoy the show - ever?

I would put money on the fact that had her child been in a wheelchair with a visible disability, the older couple would not have said a word. "Invisible disabilities" are so hard!

This makes me consider talking to my doctor and getting a note to take on vacation with us. If DD has one of her attacks, then I would have it documneted that she is under a doctor's care, on medication. not negliected and not contagious. But I shouldn't have to do that....

 

[crashbb]

As a mother of an asthmatic child (and niece) I would've done the same thing. If taking care of your child & tending to her medical needs is wrong - then sign me up! I'll be right there with ya sister! Some people just need to be horsewhipped! Nuf said...........

The point is that she wasn't tending to her child's medical needs - she just sat there through the show. Had she been yelled at for getting up with her child and getting medical attention, I'd agree with you, but she wasn't.

There were other places (within that building) that would have kept her daughter out of the sun (and in air conditioning), but she choose to sit through the show, rather than get to one of these areas.

 

[imthatgirl]

Wow - what a hot topic.

I am taking an "exceptional child" class right now to get my teaching certification, and we just covered "Other Health Impairments" this past week.
Asthma was one of our sample OHI. Kids receive special education services for asthma if it affects their education!

MY DD has asthma. We had our first attck in several years last month. No meds in the at the time because it had been years since the last attack. The poor kid was wheezing and coughing for a good week after the inital attack. She was not contagious. She was on an oral steroid, an inhaled steroid and her resue inhaler. Despite being under constant treatment, she coughed and coughed and coughed. Was there anything else I could do? No. She went to school, she did her homework. If we had been at Disney, there is no way we would have stayed in a hotel room for the week.

The family was sitting in the handicapped section - for an obvious reason. Could she have taken her daughter outside? Sure. But would it have helped? Not likely.

What if her child had Tourette Syndrome and had vocal tics throughout the show? Or if her child had some other disability that caused her to make what some people may consider "innappropriate" vocalizations (either due to when they happen or how loud?)? Does that mean they should not be allowed to enjoy the show - ever?

I would put money on the fact that had her child been in a wheelchair with a visible disability, the older couple would not have said a word. "Invisible disabilities" are so hard!

This makes me consider talking to my doctor and getting a note to take on vacation with us. If DD has one of her attacks, then I would have it documneted that she is under a doctor's care, on medication. not negliected and not contagious. But I shouldn't have to do that....

I don't think anyone even hinted at suggesting this child should stay in her resort room. don't be silly. Surely you can see the difference between taking a coughing child on...lets say the Safari...versus having them sit through a live show.

I think it's absurd that you want to compare Tourrettes to someone with asthma. Seriously I'm scratching me head here.

The child have been brought somewhere to cool down and "calm" down. to see if they could get the childs coughing under control. A live show surely wasn;t the place to do that.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Wow - what a hot topic.

I am taking an "exceptional child" class right now to get my teaching certification, and we just covered "Other Health Impairments" this past week.
Asthma was one of our sample OHI. Kids receive special education services for asthma if it affects their education!

MY DD has asthma. We had our first attck in several years last month. No meds in the at the time because it had been years since the last attack. The poor kid was wheezing and coughing for a good week after the inital attack. She was not contagious. She was on an oral steroid, an inhaled steroid and her resue inhaler. Despite being under constant treatment, she coughed and coughed and coughed. Was there anything else I could do? No. She went to school, she did her homework. If we had been at Disney, there is no way we would have stayed in a hotel room for the week.

The family was sitting in the handicapped section - for an obvious reason. Could she have taken her daughter outside? Sure. But would it have helped? Not likely.

What if her child had Tourette Syndrome and had vocal tics throughout the show? Or if her child had some other disability that caused her to make what some people may consider "innappropriate" vocalizations (either due to when they happen or how loud?)? Does that mean they should not be allowed to enjoy the show - ever?

I would put money on the fact that had her child been in a wheelchair with a visible disability, the older couple would not have said a word. "Invisible disabilities" are so hard!

This makes me consider talking to my doctor and getting a note to take on vacation with us. If DD has one of her attacks, then I would have it documneted that she is under a doctor's care, on medication. not negliected and not contagious. But I shouldn't have to do that....

Here is where I disagree with you. I have first hand knowledge of asthma so I am not just going by someone else's word. If your child was still coughing and coughing and coughing then she wasn't under constant care. If the child truly was continuously coughing they would need to be nebulized every 4 hours at the very least. If they are in school that is not happening unless you are going up there to do it every day. While the child is not contagious that is not a good environment for the child to get better. I am not in any way picking on you. I am going by what you posted. I also don't buy into the whole asthma as a disability thing. I have yet to meet someone who is in a constant state of asthma attack. Comparing Asthma to Tourettes is like apples and oranges.

 

[Hannathy]

The family was sitting in the handicapped section - for an obvious reason. Could she have taken her daughter outside? Sure. But would it have helped? Not likely.

What if her child had Tourette Syndrome and had vocal tics throughout the show? Or if her child had some other disability that caused her to make what some people may consider "innappropriate" vocalizations (either due to when they happen or how loud?)? Does that mean they should not be allowed to enjoy the show - ever?

Two things I don't care where she was sitting she should have taken her DD somewhere other that a live performance to deal with her. and it wasn't like she was at the back of the facility just inside stopped to see if she could help her she was sitting watching the show.

Second about the child making inappropriate noises, I'm sorry but if they are loud enough and frequent enough that they prevent the other people from enjoying the show then yes you would have to forgo going to a live performance. Life isn't fair and sometimes we do have to make sacrifices because we or others in our party have a problem. We do have to consider more than just ourselves when we live in a society.

Bottom line if you are disturbing anyone you should try to stop whatever is bothering them and leave if you can't stop it. Be it coughing, crying, talking, flash photography the list goes on.

And her reason to not go to first aid is extremely weak, once you have your child in a setting with tens of thousands of people you can't use the they might be exposed to something card!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I'm not sure I believe that the older people were rude. I think if anything OP was self conscious about her choice already and may be exaggerating a tiny bit, which is common when you feel like someone is judging you.

 

[Mkrop]

As a mother of an asthmatic child (and niece) I would've done the same thing. If taking care of your child & tending to her medical needs is wrong - then sign me up! I'll be right there with ya sister! Some people just need to be horsewhipped! Nuf said...........

AS A MOTHER OF AN ASTHMATIC CHILD too, and many other people who have children who suffer from asthma have pointed out on this thread, she wasnt tending to her needs at that moment, she was watching the show. I have been there at Sci Fi in this situation and we left. IMHO, as a mother of an asthmatic child, she would have been better off finding a different locale. I know my child would be quite anxious if he thought he was bothering anyone, and the anxiety was worse. He was that way on the bus back to the hotel, he got all worked up and starting coughing again bc everyone was looking at him, or so he thought.

And no we did not have to spend our entire vacation in a hotel due to asthma, but taking an afternoon off was what he needed, and we were even able to go back out in the night when the weather cooled.

I dont need to be horsewhipped, thank you very much!