I was yelled at after Finding Nemo - was I wrong?

[stazmatic]

We were at AK on Tuesday and it was pretty hot and muggy. DD4 has a moderate case of asthma and it she was getting over a cold. I have been treating her with an inhaler and her nebulizer through out the trip. We played in the Boneyard around 10am before it got too hot. Then went to see the first Finding Nemo show. We sat in the back and to the side to try to be away from everyone in case her asthma started acting up.

So, of course, her asthma started acting up. I gave her the inhaler but it wasn't really helping. You can only give one dose of an inhaler every 2 hours. She sat on my lap and coughed/wheezed throughout the show. She wasn't loud, but it was noticeable.

After the show was over an older lady turned around and said, "I hate to say this, but you should have removed her from the show so she wasn't disrupting everyone."

As my mouth fell open I explained that she had asthma, there was nothing else I could do to make her stop coughing, and there were plenty of open seats she could have moved to. I wanted to keep her inside to help her breathing and get out of the sun.

Her husband then jumped in to tell me I should get her medical attention and if she can't stop coughing I should be calling 911 not sitting through a show. He raised 5 kids and he knows what he is talking about. He kept going on about what a bad mother I was.

It got so bad I started to cry and everyone around us was jumping in the conversation. Not only couldn't I make my daughter feel better, but I was getting yelled at by strangers.

So I ask the Disers - what would you have done?

 

[babyrich]

I would have told them to go "scratch" themselves.

 

[Mrs D]

We were at AK on Tuesday and it was pretty hot and muggy. DD4 has a moderate case of asthma and it she was getting over a cold. I have been treating her with an inhaler and her nebulizer through out the trip. We played in the Boneyard around 10am before it got too hot. Then went to see the first Finding Nemo show. We sat in the back and to the side to try to be away from everyone in case her asthma started acting up.

So, of course, her asthma started acting up. I gave her the inhaler but it wasn't really helping. You can only give one dose of an inhaler every 2 hours. She sat on my lap and coughed/wheezed throughout the show. She wasn't loud, but it was noticeable.

After the show was over an older lady turned around and said, "I hate to say this, but you should have removed her from the show so she wasn't disrupting everyone."

As my mouth fell open I explained that she had asthma, there was nothing else I could do to make her stop coughing, and there were plenty of open seats she could have moved to. I wanted to keep her inside to help her breathing and get out of the sun.

Her husband then jumped in to tell me I should get her medical attention and if she can't stop coughing I should be calling 911 not sitting through a show. He raised 5 kids and he knows what he is talking about. He kept going on about what a bad mother I was.

It got so bad I started to cry and everyone around us was jumping in the conversation. Not only couldn't I make my daughter feel better, but I was getting yelled at by strangers.

So I ask the Disers - what would you have done?

Ok, while I do not have a a child with nor have asthma myself, I think there's nothing you can do right? I mean, it's not like she's sick it's just the effect of the condition. You were very polite for not telling them to MYOf'nB!

My son had a cold this winter then the cough hung on for OVER a month. He wasn't sick, I took him to the DR twice and was told he was fine to go to school even though he was barking like a seal! If I had been in your shoes I would have been a little hot under the collar!

You didn't do anything wrong and know your child best. Some people feel they need to police the world. Try to forget it and I hope you had a good trip.

 

[grafxgirl]

My son has asthma and has the same coughing issue. I know that sometimes the meds don't work right away, and you just have to wait it out. I think you did what you could, and you have dealt with the asthma long enough to know if your child is in an emergency situation or not. I would not have been so polite. I would have used some very un-Disney words to those people.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

That's ridiculous! I see it as a disability of sorts. If she had been in a wheelchair with a trach or breathing tube and making the same noise, would they have felt the need to put in their two cents? I think not. Shame on them.
As long as she is not sick, then the coughing, breathing and wheezing are not something that should keep her from enjoying Disney World.

On the other hand...you know, because there is always another hand LOL...if she had been miserable in the morning and you suspected she wasn't going to do well that particular day in the heat and sun, I would have kept her at the hotel to swim and have a relax day, but you are her mother, and only you know what was best for her at the time...and it's not like Disney trips are often and you have days and days to have your children experience the magic of it all.
It was still no cause *at all* for people to harass you like that, especially in front of your daughter. So sad.

 

[Z'sMom]

"You were very polite for not telling them to MYOf'nB!"
to this!

I agree that you were very polite! My 5 year old went through the nebulizer treatment and inhaler phase when he was 3...and I had people look at me like I was the worst mother in the world for having him in the store! They haven't been there, they don't know the situation and I applaud you for being a good mother and for being able to keep your cool...I wasn't always so polite !

 

[grafxgirl]

Ok, while I do not have a a child with nor have asthma myself, I think there's nothing you can do right? I mean, it's not like she's sick it's just the effect of the condition. You were very polite for not telling them to MYOf'nB!

My son had a cold this winter then the cough hung on for OVER a month. He wasn't sick, I took him to the DR twice and was told he was fine to go to school even though he was barking like a seal! If I had been in your shoes I would have been a little hot under the collar!

You didn't do anything wrong and know your child best. Some people feel they need to police the world. Try to forget it and I hope you had a good trip.

That barking noise is caused from a cough called Croup caused by swelling around the vocal cords. My son gets it every year. This year he has had it so bad that he went into respiratory distress, couldn't breath, and ended up in the ER then admitted to the hospital for a few days. He was on oxygen for about 12 hours and treated with steroids. It is contagious even if the other children don't develop the barking cough, they may develop a regular sore throat and cough.

 

[charming]

I am so sorry for you and your daughter. I think it is so sad that if they had all that to say that not one of them could see if your poor daughter needed any help. Shame on them. And what kinda people yell at a mother in front of her child. Im mad for you, but here is a hug. Take care of your daughter and you and let mean people keep talking it show there true colors. Hope you had a great trip anyways.

 

[02AggieGirl]

Sorry they treated you that way. There is no excuse for that. Also sorry that your DD was struggling with asthma.

 

[dizneechic]

Honestly I think the woman should have kept her mouth to herself or if she found you *that* disruptive should have alerted a CM so they could assess the situation and resolved it if need be in a more appropriate manner. No way should one guest approach another in a offensive manner unless the safety of another person is involved.

That said, if there was a family with a screaming infant/child I would hope they would step out of the show for the sake of the other guests. If the infant/child was able to be calmed within a reasonable time frame though I would never expect them to leave, but going on through the majority of the show would not be appropriate. If there was a guest with a disability who was overly loud I would also hope their companions could assess if it's an environment that is appropriate to remain in at that moment in time. We all have our moments, both good and bad and sometimes our moments don't fit perfectly with Disney schedules but we do all need to be mindful of other guests and their experiences as well.

Do I think the other guest was right? Absolutely not. But I do think common courtesy goes a long way and we all have our thresholds of where the line gets crossed.

 

[Carnie]

Really?

Your daughter was coughing loudly during a live theatrical performance and you don't understand how people could be bothered by the noise?

My child has cold triggered asthma, and we've done the nebulizer/puffer thing for 4 years now. I know that cough.

The right thing to do was find a cool place to let her work through the attack that wasn't in the middle of a live show. There are a million other indoor places you could have gone, and gone back to the show after you got her breathing right. Baby Care, First Aid, even a restaurant.

So yes, you were wrong. Your daughter does not have a disability that compares to a child with a trach or breathing tube. That's not a valid comparison.

You are not a bad mom. You did not show good judgement during the situation.

 

[momx2]

I guess I disagree with most here. My DD does have asthma, controlled now at the age 13, but still has it. While I think that the others were very rude to you and I would have never said those things, I would have thought some of them. I would have taken my child out if she was coughing to the point that it was obvious that others were disturbed. I always took my sick or crying children out of shows or other activities such as this. You are ruining the experience they have paid for.

Sorry your DD is having such a hard time and I hope she gets her asthma controlled. Hopefully, she is seeing a specialist, not just a peditrician. Good luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

Really?

Your daughter was coughing loudly during a live theatrical performance and you don't understand how people could be bothered by the noise?

My child has cold triggered asthma, and we've done the nebulizer/puffer thing for 4 years now. I know that cough.

The right thing to do was find a cool place to let her work through the attack that wasn't in the middle of a live show. There are a million other indoor places you could have gone, and gone back to the show after you got her breathing right. Baby Care, First Aid, even a restaurant.

So yes, you were wrong. Your daughter does not have a disability that compares to a child with a trach or breathing tube. That's not a valid comparison.

You are not a bad mom. You did not show good judgement during the situation.

My twins have allergy/viral induced asthma as well (I do think dd8 grew out of it, but everytime I think one of them has, it bites me in the butt), and I would've removed my child, even though it wasn't her fault, and she wasn't causing physical harm to others. And I've used the inhaler more than every 2hours, especially in emergency situations. Heck, I've given 3 - 4 back to back breathing treatments (before heading to the ER). I'm lucky - I deal with this probably for a few days every other month or so - but mine go downhill very quickly (I always have orapred in the house).

 

[juliebean]

I tend to agree that a child - for whatever reason - if they are coughing/crying/screaming, should be taken out of a performance. Was it nice of the lady to decide to tell you that? No.

But, in that situation where coughing would disrupt several rows in front and behind, I might have said something too. I have asthma, its a bummer - hope your daughter's finds something that provides relief!

 

[Leajess99]

My twins have allergy/viral induced asthma as well (I do think dd8 grew out of it, but everytime I think one of them has, it bites me in the butt), and I would've removed my child, even though it wasn't her fault, and she wasn't causing physical harm to others. And I've used the inhaler more than every 2hours, especially in emergency situations. Heck, I've given 3 - 4 back to back breathing treatments (before heading to the ER). I'm lucky - I deal with this probably for a few days every other month or so - but mine go downhill very quickly (I always have orapred in the house).

Thanks because I was starting to think that I was doing something wrong with my dd. 3 of her doctors have all said to use her rescue inhaler as needed. She has had it at the start of a soccer game, about 15 to 20 minutes later and after her soccer game before.

OP - I do not think you are a bad parent but I would have removed the child from the theater. Also, coke is a good thing to try when having an attack as it can open the lungs. If that and the inhaler don't help than it is time to seek treatment and not wait for her to "work through it". Asthma can turn bad quick.

Another question, is your daughter on a daily inhaler/nebulizer treatment like Pulmicort or advair?? If she is not than it may be something to talk to your doctor about. Also Singulair is used for asthma.

One final thing, I am not sure of your DD's age but does she have a nebulizer as well?? If the inhaler is not helping than you may want to go to the nebulizer. I know when my daughter gets really bad the inhaler does not seem to get enough in her lungs like the nebulizer does. A spacer on her inhaler helps more than without it also.

I hope she is feeling better. Asthma is scary.

Also, a child really doesn't grow out of asthma, it goes into remission and sometimes when it comes out of remission it is more severe. We had a local student lose his life earlier this school year to asthma that came out of remission and they could not get it controlled. Very sad and it really reminds you to check and make sure they have their inhalers just incase.

 

[disneyandme]

2 asthmatic children here-- Yes, I agree the other people were out of line in the manner in which they spoke to you: however, they may have been correct in wondering why you didn't leave since her cough was constant throughout the show. If you noticed that it wasn't stopping, then the other people around you noticed. I agree with the other posts that it is like a crying/fussing infant--- if you can't calm him/her down ina few moments, or in their cse, they cough doesn't subside in a few minutes, it's time to leave--- or move to an empty section if one is available.

 

[wasnotafan]

So I ask the Disers - what would you have done?

What I would have done,
a) in your case - what you did. Sorry you were treated poorly for doing the right thing.
b) to the strangers - would not have been appropriate in the presence of children.

 

[Marionnette]

We were at AK on Tuesday and it was pretty hot and muggy. DD4 has a moderate case of asthma and it she was getting over a cold. I have been treating her with an inhaler and her nebulizer through out the trip. We played in the Boneyard around 10am before it got too hot. Then went to see the first Finding Nemo show. We sat in the back and to the side to try to be away from everyone in case her asthma started acting up.

So, of course, her asthma started acting up. I gave her the inhaler but it wasn't really helping. You can only give one dose of an inhaler every 2 hours. She sat on my lap and coughed/wheezed throughout the show. She wasn't loud, but it was noticeable.

After the show was over an older lady turned around and said, "I hate to say this, but you should have removed her from the show so she wasn't disrupting everyone."

As my mouth fell open I explained that she had asthma, there was nothing else I could do to make her stop coughing, and there were plenty of open seats she could have moved to. I wanted to keep her inside to help her breathing and get out of the sun.

Her husband then jumped in to tell me I should get her medical attention and if she can't stop coughing I should be calling 911 not sitting through a show. He raised 5 kids and he knows what he is talking about. He kept going on about what a bad mother I was.

It got so bad I started to cry and everyone around us was jumping in the conversation. Not only couldn't I make my daughter feel better, but I was getting yelled at by strangers.

So I ask the Disers - what would you have done?

I don't think that you're a bad mother. And the older woman was rude if she yelled at you. I cannot imagine a whole crowd also thinking that it was their business to chime in as well. Don't people have anything better to do while they're on vacation?

BUT (and this is a BIG "but") you were wrong to subject others to the distraction of your child's coughing and wheezing during the performance. And it's also wrong to think that someone else should get up and move from their seat because you are doing something that is disturbing them.

The appropriate thing for you to have done would have been to leave the theater with your daughter so that you could attend to her without ruining the experience for those around you.

Not much that you can do about it now. But something to keep in mind for the future. I hope your daughter feels better and you can enjoy the rest of your vacation.

 

[disykat]

I have cough varient asthma. Since you asked, IMO you should have left.

 

[Allison]

I would have left.