Would you leave your child overnight to get a tattoo?

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

70 hours between 2 people isnt much
DH-40
OP-30


But I'm glad the little girl has the daycare staff to look out for her during all her waking hours

BTW-I can only imagine a high earning Mother(like a Doctor or attorney)-making 6 figures and working mega hours being able to justify $30k a year for child care-otherwise it really doesnt pay to work a normal $50-60k a year job for the Mother

No need for u to be confused. As I clearly stated, I do not have a problem with working mothers, nor do I personally think that is a lot of hours to work. I was simply pointing out the inconsistencies in the OP's statements and the judgement that their in-laws are away from their kids. Please read it again bc I only pointed out that per OP'S own statements, she is away from her daughter quite a bit as well, and how does that make her better than someone else? My point is....don't judge someone for being away from their kids if You are also away from your kid for roughly the same time period, if not more. And...in response to her next post, don't judge someone who goes on facebook to talk about their family when you go on the Disboards and do the same thing to the billionth degree.

I choose to be home with my kids, but that choice is not for everyone, and not right for everyone. After the shooting incident in our area, I was glad to have my children home. But again, it doesn't work for everyone, and I don't look down on people who choose a different path than me. I've had my kids in regular school before so I am not against it. I do work a little. I teach karate part time and have worked full time before. There was a time when I was a single mom working 60 hours a week while my mom took care of my son. Again, I don't see a problem with working moms. I run a side business with my kids to fund our Disney trips. So, no I don't judge people who work. You have to do what is best for your family. My point is not to judge others who do things differently than u do bc maybe they feel like they are doing what works and what is best for their family even if isn't what works for yours. And certainly don't blast them publicly on a Disney forum.

 

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

duplicate post

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

No need for u to be confused. As I clearly stated, I do not have a problem with working mothers, nor do I personally think that is a lot of hours to work. I was simply pointing out the inconsistencies in the OP's statements and the judgement that their in-laws are away from their kids. Please read it again bc I only pointed out that per OP'S own statements, she is away from her daughter quite a bit as well, and how does that make her better than someone else? My point is....don't judge someone for being away from their kids if You are also away from your kid for roughly the same time period, if not more. And...in response to her next post, don't judge someone who goes on facebook to talk about their family when you go on the Disboards and do the same thing to the billionth degree.

I choose to be home with my kids, but that choice is not for everyone, and not right for everyone. After the shooting incident in our area, I was glad to have my children home. But again, it doesn't work for everyone, and I don't look down on people who choose a different path than me. I've had my kids in regular school before so I am not against it. I do work a little. I teach karate part time and have worked full time before. There was a time when I was a single mom working 60 hours a week while my mom took care of my son. Again, I don't see a problem with working moms. I run a side business with my kids to fund our Disney trips. So, no I don't judge people who work. You have to do what is best for your family. My point is not to judge others who do things differently than u do bc maybe they feel like they are doing what works and what is best for their family even if isn't what works for yours. And certainly don't blast them publicly on a Disney forum.

I'll take the bait: Because I'm working not going out and partying. There is a difference between those two actions. ONE is to provide for my family and myself. The other is not. Her complaints of never having money and that they can't afford things become ridiculous when she is spending money going out and not working full time. If you can't afford to get your children new clothing should you really be spending $250 on a tattoo?

As for the Facebook comment:I'm not judging where SIL has placed her statement, I'm judging the statement itself. Please reread.

 

[laughinplace199]

I'll take the bait: Because I'm working not going out and partying. There is a difference between those two actions. ONE is to provide for my family and myself. The other is not. Her complaints of never having money and that they can't afford things become ridiculous when she is spending money going out and not working full time. If you can't afford to get your children new clothing should you really be spending $250 on a tattoo?

As for the Facebook comment:I'm not judging where SIL has placed her statement, I'm judging the statement itself. Please reread.

Right, but simply by being FB friends with her, you are subjecting yourself to the statements she makes. Why? You clearly don't like her, so you're probably not going to like or agree with her statements. What is the benefit of having her as a FB "friend"?

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Right, but simply by being FB friends with her, you are subjecting yourself to the statements she makes. Why? You clearly don't like her, so you're probably not going to like or agree with her statements. What is the benefit of having her as a FB "friend"?

NONE! I did unfriend her for a while but she found out and told MIL who then asked me and I lied to save face and refireind her.

UGH! I should just unfriend her again. You're right. Deal with whatever comes from it.

 

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

I'll take the bait: Because I'm working not going out and partying. There is a difference between those two actions. ONE is to provide for my family and myself. The other is not. Her complaints of never having money and that they can't afford things become ridiculous when she is spending money going out and not working full time. If you can't afford to get your children new clothing should you really be spending $250 on a tattoo?

As for the Facebook comment:I'm not judging where SIL has placed her statement, I'm judging the statement itself. Please reread.

Oh honey. There's no need to bait you. You sort of set yourself up for this. Honestly, complaints about money shouldn't be your concern. Where their money goes shouldn't be your concern. Hubby and I went on a couple's retreat where our children were in the care of my parents (granted, my parents are kind and loving, and are never inappropriate), and guess what we decided to do? Get tattoos!!! Does that make us bad parents? No. I'm not saying that they are good parents, b/c who really knows? I'm sure their kids love them deeply. They certainly have a different parenting style, but not everyone can do things the way you think is right. I probably wouldn't agree with a lot of your parenting choices, but I would never say you are a bad parent b/c you choose a different way of doing things. You do what is right for your family. I've seen other posts from you and you do things differently than I do for sure. And that's ok.

It is immature to blast family in a public forum. I have a feeling that since you are worried about "saving face" and willing to lie to do so, that you are hiding behind your screen name and would never actually say these things to the people in question. I think at this point it might be time to consider counseling for all the hatred you are feeling. It is never a good thing to live with hate in your life. That's the funny thing about hate. It eats away at the person doing the hating. It doesn't affect the object of hatred. Maybe it's time to mend a broken relationship. Or do they even know it is broken?

 

[Glennie5]

I don't think un friending her on facebook is going to change anything, you are still going to find a way to insert yourself into her personal business. I do understand that you have a difficult time understanding your in laws, not everyone get's along with their in laws. Your feelings towards them are borderline hatefull . Can't you just let them live their lives they way they want to and you live yours the way you want to. You are judgemental and I don't wonder that they feel the same way about you that you feel about them. It seems to me that your MIL and FIL spend a lot of time with niece and nephew, did you ever consider that maybe they enjoy spending time with them, maybe they don't spend as much time with your DD because they don't want to deal with you. I am pretty sure that they have picked up on how you feel about them, heck we all figured it out after one post! You need to mind your own business when it come to your in laws - it is their life to live not yours!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I don't think un friending her on facebook is going to change anything, you are still going to find a way to insert yourself into her personal business. I do understand that you have a difficult time understanding your in laws, not everyone get's along with their in laws. Your feelings towards them are borderline hatefull . Can't you just let them live their lives they way they want to and you live yours the way you want to. You are judgemental and I don't wonder that they feel the same way about you that you feel about them. It seems to me that your MIL and FIL spend a lot of time with niece and nephew, did you ever consider that maybe they enjoy spending time with them, maybe they don't spend as much time with your DD because they don't want to deal with you. I am pretty sure that they have picked up on how you feel about them, heck we all figured it out after one post! You need to mind your own business when it come to your in laws - it is their life to live not yours!

I don't disagree but when FIL is constantly coming about how he never has alone time with his wife to DH, then it is my problem because I have to hear about it. I don't insert myself into their lives. They impact mine.

 

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

I don't disagree but when FIL is constantly coming about how he never has alone time with his wife to DH, then it is my problem because I have to hear about it. I don't insert myself into their lives. They impact mine.

Really, it's your husband's problem then. You don't have to listen to it. Some people seem to thrive on misery, and misery loves company...thus the whole point of this thread (also, it serves the function of keeping us all entertained. ) I mentioned before that my in-laws suck too, but I don't get involved. My hubby talks to them on the phone as I feel he should keep a relationship with them. My MIL is the kind of person that gives nasty digs all the time, and everyone I know who has met her asks me if she is crazy. However, I reached a point in my life where I realized I didn't have to deal with that kind of influence in my life if I didn't want to. So I don't. My breaking point was when she called my daughter stupid. I don't call my daughter stupid, so no one else has the right to. Especially since she's pretty darn smart. If hubby wants to invite them over, they are welcome. He just needs to give me time to prepare myself to take a beating and to be able to handle it with grace and dignity. I no longer go out of my way to be involved with them. I certainly don't have my MIL as a friend on facebook. That would just invite criticism into my life. I don't need or deserve that, so I just don't do it. You have that choice too whether you think you do or not. I suspect you enjoy the drama. That comes across loud and clear in your posts.

Ain't no party like a Dis party.

 

[Nancyg56]

I don't disagree but when FIL is constantly coming about how he never has alone time with his wife to DH, then it is my problem because I have to hear about it. I don't insert myself into their lives. They impact mine.

The impact they have on you is exaggerated because of the was you allow them to impact you. If the IL's complain to your DH then you need to stay out of it. If they complain to you you need to say that you don't know what to say. If SIS Il complains about money you say "I don't know what to say." MIL tells you that SIL spend money foolishly you say "I don't know what yo say." MIL tells you that you should not unfriend SIL you simply say that you don't like knowing so much about their private lives.

Honestly, you make their issues your own. You can not change how people behave, you cannot change how they parent, you cannot change how they spend time with family. You can change your reaction to all things you do not agree with.

Right now you have decided to be a part of the drama so if course they affect you. You are actually ratcheting it up. I know what I am talking about. My DH has a few drama queens in his family too. They are his family so I refuse to say anything negative about them. I refuse to be drawn into their problems and I never discuss any one of them with another. I have actually told his mother and his sister that I never get involved with anything that does not involve me and therefore will not discuss whatever with them. Eventually folks stop trying to get you to step into their messes. Until you decide to let them live their lives you are going to constantly be swimming in their pool...............which you really seem to need to do.

 

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

The impact they have on you is exaggerated because of the was you allow them to impact you. If the IL's complain to your DH then you need to stay out of it. If they complain to you you need to say that you don't know what to say. If SIS Il complains about money you say "I don't know what to say." MIL tells you that SIL spend money foolishly you say "I don't know what yo say." MIL tells you that you should not unfriend SIL you simply say that you don't like knowing so much about their private lives.

Honestly, you make their issues your own. You can not change how people behave, you cannot change how they parent, you cannot change how they spend time with family. You can change your reaction to all things you do not agree with.

Right now you have decided to be a part of the drama so if course they affect you. You are actually ratcheting it up. I know what I am talking about. My DH has a few drama queens in his family too. They are his family so I refuse to say anything negative about them. I refuse to be drawn into their problems and I never discuss any one of them with another. I have actually told his mother and his sister that I never get involved with anything that does not involve me and therefore will not discuss whatever with them. Eventually folks stop trying to get you to step into their messes. Until you decide to let them live their lives you are going to constantly be swimming in their pool...............which you really seem to need to do.

Tru dat.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

So after reading this trainwreck, I see that the op has issues with her sil and bil because they are lousy parents, always shunt the kids off on the inlaws, are bad with money, etc.

Then I see that the op thinks this is all her business because it affects her life. Because she doesn't want her dd there when "those kids" are there. Oh, wait, no, she is venting out of concern for those kids. No, wait, its because her fil complains to her dh about it and it affects her life that way. Or maybe the op just wants the drama and to appear superior to her crappy inlaws.

Somehow, I think its that last thing.

 

[Monkeyfeet]

If deleting someone on FB may cause problems then just restrict your info from them and unsubscribe from their updates. That way you are still friends but you do not see each other's info

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I'll take the bait: Because I'm working not going out and partying. There is a difference between those two actions. ONE is to provide for my family and myself. The other is not. Her complaints of never having money and that they can't afford things become ridiculous when she is spending money going out and not working full time. If you can't afford to get your children new clothing should you really be spending $250 on a tattoo?

As for the Facebook comment:I'm not judging where SIL has placed her statement, I'm judging the statement itself. Please reread.

Only to you. Kids have no idea what the difference is. All they know is that mom and dad are not around and they are stuck in a daycare all day every day.

 

[angierae]

I have Drama Llamas in my family, too. When they try to vent to me about something in their life that's none of my business and I have no control over, I say, "There's nothing I can do, and I don't want to be involved in your drama."

And part of life is growing up with cousins. I'm sorry that your daughter isn't around hers because you don't like their parents. Not all of my cousins were nice to me growing up, but learning how to deal with difficult people is an important life skill.

 

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

I have Drama Llamas in my family, too. When they try to vent to me about something in their life that's none of my business and I have no control over, I say, "There's nothing I can do, and I don't want to be involved in your drama."

And part of life is growing up with cousins. I'm sorry that your daughter isn't around hers because you don't like their parents. Not all of my cousins were nice to me growing up, but learning how to deal with difficult people is an important life skill.

Totally AGREE. Cousins are awesome. They were some of my best friends growing up. I would be afraid of raising a spoiled, entitled little princess without exposing her to those life skills.

 

[Glennie5]

What I find kind of funny about OP is in another thread the OP started she was upset that in Nov.2011 the same MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL, nephew and niece wouldn't go to Disney with them.

 

[mrferret]

O M G
I finally made it to the end of this thread and all i can say is that it has been like watching Jeremy Kyle (Dr Phil for some) with the sound off and subtitles on...
Also to the OP you keep harping on about your SIL/BIL and their lack of education values.... you should really re-read your posts and spot the amount of spelling/grammar issues ( maybe you need to spend some of that $30 k on night school)

 

[badblackpug]

LOL I made it to the end too, WOW!

To answer the original question, no, I wouldn't leave my kid over night to get a tattoo. ... but... that is only because I wouldn't get a tattoo. I do not consider an ear infection "severely sick."

Now let me get on to the rest:

OP, you never did answer the question, which was posed multiple times, what is it that you do that makes you a mandated reporter? I am a mandated reporter (I am a nurse) There is no regulation that states that you have to report someone that is yelling at their child in a store, if there were, I would be reporting myself on a weekly basis. If you are truly a mandated reporter, I think that your employer needs to go back and review what that entails.

I also don't understand why, if your in-laws are the horrible people you describe, why you even deal with them. I would write such negative people out of my life. I wouldn't care how much they cried or complained, if they were that negative an influence on my child, my child would have zero exposure to them, or if they caused such negativity in my life, they would not be in my life. ... and since your husband "hates" them, too, it will be an easy break to make. Please remember, though, every time you criticize your husbands family, you criticize him, and half of everything your own child is.

It is not for you to decide how someone else's children should be raised. I get that you don't agree with some of the choices that your in-laws have made, but doing things differently does not make them neglectful or abusive. As a mandated reporter you should know that all the things that you complain about are not actual abuse or neglect, but just a difference in parenting styles.

As others have pointed out, I do believe that there is more of a feeling of jealousy here than you care to admit. I get the feeling that you think that your child should be more revered or treated more specially since you and your husband did not have her outside of wedlock. The truth of the matter is that your child does not have the closeness with her grandparents that your in-laws kids do because of you and your feelings. You really don't have anyone to blame but yourself for that one. I am not saying it is a bad thing, considering the way you describe them, but you can't have it both ways. You can't think that they are terrible people who can't be trusted with your child, then expect them to be a integral part of her life. While you may not voice these exact opinions to them, I am sure that your feelings come across loud and clear in the way you deal with them.

...and I am absolutely sure that there is someone laughing all the way to the bank to cash your $2500.00 a month check for "preschool." ...and I am absolutely sure that they are marketing it as an educational program, but bragging that you spend $30,000 a year on a 2 year old's education doesn't make you look like a better mom, it makes you look kind of foolish. I have a 2 year old in daycare and a 4 year old in preschool, and I live in a high cost of living area and I don't pay that much for the 2 of them. ...and having a 2 year old, I doubt he would gain much from that type of structured environment. In this area no-one takes children in a pre-school program until they are 3, but again, I am sure that if you are willing to pay that kind of cash, they will gladly take it and call it "school."

...and 3 year olds hit. It is actually a normal part of development. I am not saying they all hit, but some certainly do. My older 2 were not hitters, with my younger 2 some days it's like baby death match around here. The point is that you correct them. My now 4 year old "uses her words" at school, but she still doesn't hesitate to slug her siblings.

 

[Blackbeltdisneygirl]

LOL I made it to the end too, WOW!

To answer the original question, no, I wouldn't leave my kid over night to get a tattoo. ... but... that is only because I wouldn't get a tattoo. I do not consider an ear infection "severely sick."

Now let me get on to the rest:

OP, you never did answer the question, which was posed multiple times, what is it that you do that makes you a mandated reporter? I am a mandated reporter (I am a nurse) There is no regulation that states that you have to report someone that is yelling at their child in a store, if there were, I would be reporting myself on a weekly basis. If you are truly a mandated reporter, I think that your employer needs to go back and review what that entails.

I also don't understand why, if your in-laws are the horrible people you describe, why you even deal with them. I would write such negative people out of my life. I wouldn't care how much they cried or complained, if they were that negative an influence on my child, my child would have zero exposure to them, or if they caused such negativity in my life, they would not be in my life. ... and since your husband "hates" them, too, it will be an easy break to make. Please remember, though, every time you criticize your husbands family, you criticize him, and half of everything your own child is.

It is not for you to decide how someone else's children should be raised. I get that you don't agree with some of the choices that your in-laws have made, but doing things differently does not make them neglectful or abusive. As a mandated reporter you should know that all the things that you complain about are not actual abuse or neglect, but just a difference in parenting styles.

As others have pointed out, I do believe that there is more of a feeling of jealousy here than you care to admit. I get the feeling that you think that your child should be more revered or treated more specially since you and your husband did not have her outside of wedlock. The truth of the matter is that your child does not have the closeness with her grandparents that your in-laws kids do because of you and your feelings. You really don't have anyone to blame but yourself for that one. I am not saying it is a bad thing, considering the way you describe them, but you can't have it both ways. You can't think that they are terrible people who can't be trusted with your child, then expect them to be a integral part of her life. While you may not voice these exact opinions to them, I am sure that your feelings come across loud and clear in the way you deal with them.

...and I am absolutely sure that there is someone laughing all the way to the bank to cash your $2500.00 a month check for "preschool." ...and I am absolutely sure that they are marketing it as an educational program, but bragging that you spend $30,000 a year on a 2 year old's education doesn't make you look like a better mom, it makes you look kind of foolish. I have a 2 year old in daycare and a 4 year old in preschool, and I live in a high cost of living area and I don't pay that much for the 2 of them. ...and having a 2 year old, I doubt he would gain much from that type of structured environment. In this area no-one takes children in a pre-school program until they are 3, but again, I am sure that if you are willing to pay that kind of cash, they will gladly take it and call it "school."

...and 3 year olds hit. It is actually a normal part of development. I am not saying they all hit, but some certainly do. My older 2 were not hitters, with my younger 2 some days it's like baby death match around here. The point is that you correct them. My now 4 year old "uses her words" at school, but she still doesn't hesitate to slug her siblings.

All great points.