Skimpy Teen Clothing: Opinions?

[HGD24]

My nieces and nephews are not much younger than I am and when they are with me, they know the drill - "my house, my rules". The same applies for my car. If I'm taking you somewhere, I'm responsible for you, therefore, my rules apply. If the co-worker would not let her DD dress that way, she had every right to take the friend aside and ask her to change in order to go on the shopping trip.

 

[Disneygirl26]

Okay then - today dd12 is wearing what I consider short-shorts (ie - wouldn't pass the JH fingertip test). She's thin, they're not too tight, and I think they look cute. If she came home to change because another parent told her to change, I'd be livid. BTW, both dd12 and dd7 have sweatpants with writing on the butt (nothing like LUCKY or CUTIE) - heck, if they want to wear them, fine - I happen to think everyone's butt's look much bigger in them, but whatever.

Family is different - however, if my sister had an issue with my children's clothing, I would expect her to bring it to my attention, not my children.

I totally agree, my point is you don't force your opinions on other people children, you discuss it with their parents and if the parents see eye to eye than you can discuss it the child. I don't get it's my house my rules or whatever, your rules are for your kids. I would never tell one of my daughters friends to change her clothes because I don't like them or think they're inappropiate, if I felt that the girls clothing was that bad I would got on the phone and talked to the parent and if the parent knew what the child was wearing and was ok with it, I would have said as long as its ok with you and continue to the mall. Its just clothing as long as it not having to do with their personal safety then I would have keep my opinions to myself.

 

[jamieT]

Not at 15....

Mind you, I'm a child of the 60's and remember halters and short shorts from the first time they went around, so I'm probably a bit more liberal than younger moms may be.

My thought is that if the girl had been 11 or 12 I would have simply stated that I was uncomfortable with her clothing and asked her to wear one of my daughter's t-shirts as a cover-up.

15 is a different story. In reality, if the girl is a little slut, she will act that way whether she's in a turtleneck or a halter top. If it is her behavior that's the issue, I would do my best to encourage my daughter to make other friends. If she is a reasonable kid, what is a little skin going to hurt?

My thought is: pick your fights. There are worse things than halters and short-shorts. I'm much more worried about what's going on inside my kids' friends heads and hearts than what they wear on their backs!

The statistics are that one out of four girls will be assaulted. These are the facts. It is also a fact that men/boys are visually stimulated. I am sorry, but we have a right and a duty to protect these girls. Whether they are ours or not. Guess what we live in an age where parents try too hard to be their kids friend. I have discipled teen girls at my church. These girls need someone to care enough to say that is not ok. Plus the OP said the girl is a few sizes bigger than her daughter. She may just be trying to get the attention she thinks she wouldn't get otherwise! We live in a crazy world. Our kids need clear boundries. Sometimes if a child has a wippy mother it can be a friends parent that is a saving grace! I think she did the right thing. It isn't neccesary to demean her or preach at her, but simply saying that is inappropriate and I would be more that happy to let you stop at your house to change so we can still go is completely appropriate. It sent a clear message to her not just for that day, but for future visits. How has she dressed since?

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

IMO the parent had every right to say no to the trip to the mall but had absolutely no right to ask the child to change. The parent should be honest with their own child, but should never had said anything to her friend directly.

 

[HGD24]

I totally agree, my point is you don't force your opinions on other people children, you discuss it with their parents and if the parents see eye to eye than you can discuss it the child. I don't get it's my house my rules or whatever, your rules are for your kids. I would never tell one of my daughters friends to change her clothes because I don't like them or think they're inappropiate, if I felt that the girls clothing was that bad I would got on the phone and talked to the parent and if the parent knew what the child was wearing and was ok with it, I would have said as long as its ok with you and continue to the mall. Its just clothing as long as it not having to do with their personal safety then I would have keep my opinions to myself.

Actually, it could have something to do with her personal safety. As other pp's have said, there are people out there who may see a young girl dressed in skimpy clothing and think that they can say or gesture to that girl because of the way she is dressed. A 15-year old girl is not mentally prepared for those sorts of encounters and could wind up in a awful situation.

 

[jamieT]

That's ridiculous. You could put a girl in a potato sack and dirty old men will stare them down anyway. Woman in burkas are assaulted, visually and physically, everyday.

I am sorry, Do men stare regaurdless of what a girl wears sometimes yes, but if this is how you feel then why not send you kid out with two bandaids and a washcloth and say well these guys are going to look no matter what so why not let them wear what they want? You know why...BECAUSE KIDS MAKE BAD DISCISIONS SOMETIMES AND IT IS OK FOR US TO STEER THEN IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry, but I think it is rediculous to let teenage girls wear tons of makeup, skimpy clothes, go out with no supervision and then send a boy who is older to jail because he has had sex with her. And these parents want to say Oh my baby is only 12 or 14 and he should have known better.... Well guess what YOU as the parent should know better. Don't let your kids dress in teeny tiny clothes and have no supervision and then act shocked when bad things happen to them,. And do girls get raped without wearing skimpy clothes, yes,but why draw attenton to their bodies so early. Why let them be so aware of their power over boys through their body. Come on!

Also people were also saying I would not ever tell someone elses child that they look like a slut. I just wanted to say that is not what she said. She said that is too skimpy to go to the mall, but I would be happy to swing by your house and let you change. Would you want to walk around the mall with someone else's half dressed child with people thinking that is what you were ok with. I know I certainly wouldn't!

I also want to clarify. I do not have a problem with shorts and a t-shirt with a brand across it. But when a girl has those shorts that hardly cover the panties and a tank top where her ****s look like they are going to fall out no that is not ok!

I know we live in a day and age when we don't want ocross any boundries, or have any morals, but come on. There are people preying on our girls. We need to protect them in anyway we can. Do they nee to wear a burka... No, but lets keep them decent and most importantly keep an eye on them! It is our job and i know there isn't a one of us on herer right now that doesn't agree with that or take that seriously!

 

[badblackpug]

Ok, 1st of all, she never told the child "you look like a slut." As a previous poster said it was more about the fit than the style. The girl is a little on the chunky side and the clothes left nothing to the imagination. To be exact the shorts were very low rise and unbuttoned at the top, and there was buttcheek action going on. The halter was short, belly baring. She didn't tell the child point blank "you have to change" if the girls were hanging out at the house, as she has a swimming pool, I don't think it would have been an issue.

I dress my girls more on the conservative side. That is my preference. I have no issue with Victoria's Secret, per se, I buy my girls bras there, because sometimes you can get great sales, but I buy the T-shirt material "triangle bra" in cute colors with matching cotton panties. Underwires are not healthy for growing breast tissue, and no, I don't think any 14 (mine) needs a THONG or a push-up bra. (you gotta learn to love yourself) My 10y (11 in August) is on the chunky side, and I find LTD2 tops to be a bit too fitted for my taste. Again, that is my taste.

I don't think my friend was trying to be mean. She is a pretty liberal person, but I think she felt this was "a bit too much."

My mom used to tell me "If you go out in a policemen's uniform, people will think you are a policemen, if you go out in a tramp's uniform...."

While judging people based on their appearance is wrong, we have to agree it does happen.

 

[vcgirl925]

Oh man is my dd2 going to hate me when she's older. I totally agree that tween and teen clothes (and quite honestly some toddler clothes) are too revealing . I think that your friend had every right to say what she said. She wasn't comfortable bringing a young girl to the mall looking like that. She gave the girl a choice and the girl complied, no harm no foul.

 

[karapp75]

I'm not sure what I would've done. I guess I need to see the outfit in question. However, I tend to be very conservative when it comes to clothes, especially for children. I don't understand why parents let their children go out looking like a trampy 25 year old instead of 15. I agree that places like LMTD2 make clothes too skimpy. My kids are young so I don't have this battle yet, thank goodness!

 

[seashoreCM]

I am sorry, but I think it is rediculous to let teenage girls wear tons of makeup, skimpy clothes, go out with no supervision and then send a boy who is older to jail because he has had sex with her.

If he had looked with his eyes and not with his hands (and parts that should not be named) then he would not have been sent to jail.

Disney hints: http://members.aol.com/ajaynejr/disney.htm

 

[Goobergal99]

My co-worker related and interesting story. She has a 15 year old daughter, Katie. Katie's best friend (same age) is Jenny. My co-worker agreed to take both girls to the mall for some school shopping (Jenny was bringing her own money) Well, Jenny showed up at the house on the day in question in an outfit that was shocking! Tiny, tiny low rise shorts and a tiny halter with no bra. My co-worker has stated that this girls clothes are usually not to her taste, and are usually a little on the trampy side, but this was over the top. She very nicely pulled Jenny to the side and told her that she thought her outfit was too skimpy for the outing and offerred to swing by her house on the way so that she could change. (she couldn't offer to let her borrow her daughter's clothes because Jenny is several sizes larger) Jenny agreed, but of course, the daughter pitched such a fit about being "embarassed" by her mom that they never ended up going.

This, strangely, ended up in a disagreement among the folks that were discussing it. Some saying that she didn't have the right to tell another person's child how to dress, and some (me included) saying that she had the right to say that she wasn't comfortable with the situation and ask the girl to change.

This is a situation I hold dear because I have found that teen and tween clothes have gotten out of hand. My 11 y/o loves Limited Too, but I often find their clothes to be too "grown" for the children to whom they are marketed, and often have to have the "It's not fayerrrrrr, everone else wears them" argument. I do buy clothes from LTD2, but I am very selective and make her try them on 1st.

Opinions?

I really don't think it was any of her business to comment on what the girl was wearing considering she wasn't her mother.... that being said, my kid would not be walking out of the house looking trampy, there are far better ways to express oneself... if she wants to dye her hair purple (as long as it is non permanent) and wear black nailpolish then all power to her, if she wants to walk out wearing skin tight clothing with juicy on the rear well then we will be having some issues ...

on the other hand I wouldn't be commenting on DD's friends clothing either as it is their parents responsibility to decide what they can and cannot wear...

 

[vcgirl925]

I tried to reverse this and think how i would feel if this were my dd and she went to a friends house and her mother told her that she wasn't dressed appropriately and to change or they wouldn't go to the mall that day. At first i thought it would upset me as the mother because i personally would think that i would know what my dd was wearing and that it would be something i approved of. But then who am i to say what is appropriate to wear at her friends house? Or for her friends family? I think their house, their rules. I hope that they were acting in the favor of my childs best interest. So i might be a little offended that they think my childs attire was inappropriate but i would understand that they have different standards in their house and that i need to respect that as well.

I agree that we need to teach our kids that what they wear does get judged. ITA with the pp's "if you wear a policemens uniform they will think you are a policman" theory. What is wrong with teaching our girls (and boys) to present themselves well, to have respect for themselves, and to dress age and body shape appropriate? There is a way to look young, fun, and in style without looking like a tramp. That goes for chunky girls as well.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I am sorry, Do men stare regaurdless of what a girl wears sometimes yes, but if this is how you feel then why not send you kid out with two bandaids and a washcloth and say well these guys are going to look no matter what so why not let them wear what they want? You know why...BECAUSE KIDS MAKE BAD DISCISIONS SOMETIMES AND IT IS OK FOR US TO STEER THEN IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry, but I think it is rediculous to let teenage girls wear tons of makeup, skimpy clothes, go out with no supervision and then send a boy who is older to jail because he has had sex with her. And these parents want to say Oh my baby is only 12 or 14 and he should have known better.... Well guess what YOU as the parent should know better. Don't let your kids dress in teeny tiny clothes and have no supervision and then act shocked when bad things happen to them,. And do girls get raped without wearing skimpy clothes, yes,but why draw attenton to their bodies so early. Why let them be so aware of their power over boys through their body. Come on!

Wow. Teenage girls should not go out without supervision? What in the hell is this, Saudi Arabia?

It's a woman's fault if she gets raped? Then please, Miss Modesty Expert, explain to me why infants are raped and girls under 10 wearing sweats and Little Mermaid sweatshirts and grandmothers and women over 30 for that matter are assaulted?

What about bathing suits? Or do men (and boys) know to turn off their excitement meter when they're at the beach.

The above, if told to my daughter, would infuriate me. People like you - who think it's okay for "boys to be boys" and put all the blame on us girls - make me sick.

So, what do you tell the boys you "disciple" - it's not their fault they have "lust in their loins" - it's the way they're wired and it's the evil woman's fault for causing temptation?

Puhlease.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I just want to add...

The question of style is one that has been fought between parents and teens for decades. This is nothing new. This isn't a new morality or lack thereof.

Does a parent have a right to tell another person's child that their outfit is unacceptable to them? I don't think so. I think the better way to handle the situation would have been to pull one's own child aside and say, "Listen, I'm not crazy about the way Sally is dressed and I am really not comfortable going to the mall with her girls and cootchie hanging out. I suggest you tell her you don't feel like going because I don't want to embarass her or you and I will not bring you."

Teens are human beings - and they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. And one person's idea of style or taste can be vastly different than someone else's style (as is evidenced here).

I prefer other people leave their morality out of my family's life. I'm not saying they should be forced to do something they aren't comfortable with - what I'm saying is that it is the same in reverse.

 

[3girls4me05]

I would not tell someone else's child what she can and can not wear. Not my place at all.

 

[Nie0214]

The above, if told to my daughter, would infuriate me. People like you - who think it's okay for "boys to be boys" and put all the blame on us girls - make me sick.

So, what do you tell the boys you "disciple" - it's not their fault they have "lust in their loins" - it's the way they're wired and it's the evil woman's fault for causing temptation?

Puhlease.

I don't think she said it's only the girl's fault but you can read it whatever way you intend to read it. IMO Parents should steer their kids in what they believe to be the right direction and you CAN discourage negative attention by dressing respectfully. Not all negative attention is in the form of rape.

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow. Teenage girls should not go out without supervision? What in the hell is this, Saudi Arabia?

It's a woman's fault if she gets raped? Then please, Miss Modesty Expert, explain to me why infants are raped and girls under 10 wearing sweats and Little Mermaid sweatshirts and grandmothers and women over 30 for that matter are assaulted?

What about bathing suits? Or do men (and boys) know to turn off their excitement meter when they're at the beach.

The above, if told to my daughter, would infuriate me. People like you - who think it's okay for "boys to be boys" and put all the blame on us girls - make me sick.

So, what do you tell the boys you "disciple" - it's not their fault they have "lust in their loins" - it's the way they're wired and it's the evil woman's fault for causing temptation?

Puhlease.

I can't agree enough - rape is a crime of hate, of violence, and has nothing to do with sexual attraction. I don't care if a girl decides to walk around naked - she still doesn't deserve to be raped. I can't believe in this day and age, someone would blame the girl, believing she was asking for it.

 

[NotUrsula]

Hold on, how did we go from bad taste to aggravated assault? Let's get back on topic, folks, before we get this one locked.

Does a parent have a right to tell another person's child that their outfit is unacceptable to them? I don't think so. I think the better way to handle the situation would have been to pull one's own child aside and say, "Listen, I'm not crazy about the way Sally is dressed and I am really not comfortable going to the mall with her girls and cootchie hanging out. I suggest you tell her you don't feel like going because I don't want to embarass her or you and I will not bring you."

I don't see how that strategy helps either girl. One is supposed to lie because her mother is uncomfortable, while the other gets cheated out of a shopping trip with no clue how she offended? Five will get you ten that the daughter in question doesn't lie the way that you want her to, but says "my Mom cancelled the trip because she doesn't like your clothes." Now you're not just a prude, you're a capricious snob.

Grow some, ladies. As an adult providing an outing to a child, I have the right to impose behavioural conditions, and one of those conditions might be that those who accompany me do not deliberately embarass me in public. I wouldn't put up with my neighbor's child yelling obscenities in a public place while under my supervision, so it stands to reason that I don't have to put up with her "yelling" "Hey, everybody look at my bodacious ta-tas!!" by wearing a too-revealing shirt, either.

Just imagine that this girl is really audibly yelling out the message that her clothing is sending, and I think that you will have a better idea where those of us who would insist on a clothing change are coming from. (Also, if going home to change was an issue, I'd offer to loan her one of my shirts rather than my daughter's, if my daughter's would not fit. Heck, I'd offer her one of DS' or DH's shirts if that would solve the problem.)

And for the record, yes, I think I'm doing your child a kindness, and I really don't care if you don't like it. Feel free to tell her that she can no longer associate with busybodies like me and mine. As an adult, I think that I have a societal responsibility to try to stop any child from walking off a real or figurative cliff, not just my own, and I'm going to keep doing it. The shock of having someone other than your parents call you down about what you are doing is always good for children; it makes them stop and think in a way that advice from parents seldom does.

Oh, and also for the record: I'll do this with boys, too. If their clothing sends a message that is embarassing to me, I'm not taking them out in public. So no exposed boxers on my shopping trips, either.

 

[surfergirl602]

We've made my niece change before we take her out. She can either change and come, or stay home, end of story. They're clothes that look fine when her mom sees her when she initially leaves the house, but the shorts get rolled at the waist to make them shorter, and she ties the t-shirt in a knot in the back so it's tighter and shorter.

If I'm going to be responsible for her when I take her out, I'd like to minimize the chances of her getting harassed by the 16 year old boys!

Exactly. This says it all. YOU are going to be responsible for her, so you have every right to tell her to change what she's wearing. Period, end of story.

 

[surfergirl602]

Wow, that's bold! Where do you live?

We have always had that here as well in NY. It's after 4pm though.