Other Parents of Only Children?

[kimcat1]

I just found this thread today and I'm happy I did. I am an only and currently have an only as well. I always said I wanted more than 1 child but after the trouble we had to have one, I think I've changed my mind. My daughter is a blessing and took 4 miscarriages and diagnosing a genetic disorder to have her. Plus I don't know if I could deal with any more stress if I had more children. Thank you all for sharing your stories, it makes me feel that I am not alone and when people say to me "It's about time for another", I can now hold my head up high and say, "No thank you, I'm happy with what I have"

 

[a1tinkfans]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
__________________

We didn't decide, it was decided for us
The focus is always the same, just my ONE
Worrying/Sad about when we (parents) are gone and no siblings
Its is easy with one, as there is no "choice" we just all have favorites and there is no sibling rivalry, etc...
Well as my ONE got older, we no longer can fit 3 in most rides so thats sad to me. When little its easy, but as they get bigger/older it makes it more likely one of us goes it alone, THAT stinks BIG TIME. Usually it is not an option to bring someone along as it is a Big trip (12 days this time/on site/food) so its cost prohibitive.
Fortunately, our ONE has a cousin same age, and they stay together....THIS year, they'll be off to the parks by themselves (the same one we're in, I am still the over protective type, and more than that, we (parents) miss not being together...ya know experiencing it thru their eyes and all, LOL)

 

[ehrn]

I just came from a conference w/ds's(4.5) teacher, he goes 2days a week. She didn't have much positive to say, definitely slanted toward the negative. The biggest issue is socialization--or lack of, she says he likes to play by himself, doesn't like to share or take turns and tattles. Won't make his own cot or dress/undress himself for waterplay...We do make him help around the house, though maybe not as much as we should??? Makes me feel like I'm doing everything wrong. My friend--a teacher w/6kids was more reassuring, but
I guess watching Sponge Bob in our pj's this am was not time well spent, should have been working on word recognition and sharing! Her son is an only child, she didn't seem to have had any problems like that w/her kid...

 

[labdogs42]

I just came from a conference w/ds's(4.5) teacher, he goes 2days a week. She didn't have much positive to say, definitely slanted toward the negative. The biggest issue is socialization--or lack of, she says he likes to play by himself, doesn't like to share or take turns and tattles. Won't make his own cot or dress/undress himself for waterplay...We do make him help around the house, though maybe not as much as we should??? Makes me feel like I'm doing everything wrong. My friend--a teacher w/6kids was more reassuring, but
I guess watching Sponge Bob in our pj's this am was not time well spent, should have been working on word recognition and sharing! Her son is an only child, she didn't seem to have had any problems like that w/her kid...

Word recognition? nah. Sharing? Maybe. My DS had a really hard time sharing for a while. He's finally getting a little better now (he's also 4.5). I work with him on it during regular daily stuff, not anything special. I try to model sharing as much as possible, too. So, if he asks for a sip of my soda, I say yes, if he asks for a bit of my sandwich, I say yes, etc. Then I might ask for one of his grapes or something and see if he'll share with me.

I think the teacher sounds like a bit of a pill to me. She should be helping to teach your kid these skills, not giving you a hard time about him not having these skills yet. I'd ask her what she suggests for working towards these goals at home. try not to be pissy about it (like I would be! ), but just ask for her thoughts. I'd start asking your DS to pick out his own clothes or dress himself in the mornings or put his pj's on for bed. That will help him get ready to do these things at school.

Good luck! Maybe he'll have a more understanding teacher next year!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

There is no such thing as a 4 year old who LIKES to share. Some tolerate it better than others, but none of them LIKE it!

 

[ehrn]

thanks for the words of encouragement. The teacher is a pill, has been since day one, I think they just didn't hit it off well, but I specifically stuck w/her because I knew Q isn't always going to be surrounded by teachers/people who think he's as awesome and we do--and his first babysitter thinks he is just great so filled my head w/excessive pride. She will be his teacher again next year though I have considered switching him and we did talk about it. Mostly I wanted to give her the opportunity to get rid of him if she wanted, but she thinks the consistency of being in the same class will be good for him, their class is losing few kids in the fall and he will be one of the older kids.
I did ask about how to help him at home--she said to try to get him into a playgroup--like I have time for that, but I will try. He does swimming lessons, gymnastics and Sunday School already...of course only SS is social. And do more word recognition things--we do flashcards...she is willing to help but honestly, she's not a certified teacher so she doesn't know it all either...
I def. have a problem w/consistency and routine, I will certainly try harder.
See, parenting one is hard enough!!!! Who wants to multiply these frustrations?

 

[labdogs42]

There is no such thing as a 4 year old who LIKES to share. Some tolerate it better than others, but none of them LIKE it!

Exactly!

As for word recognition, my DS likes the "Meet the Sight Words" DVD's. They seem insanely boring, but he likes to watch them and I think they are more interesting then flash cards.

 

[chellewashere]

Looks like we'll be at Disney with our onlies at the same time! Maybe we'll see you there!

Cool and hey both from PA...are you flying or driving??

 

[labdogs42]

Cool and hey both from PA...are you flying or driving??

flying from ABE. You?

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Exactly!

As for word recognition, my DS likes the "Meet the Sight Words" DVD's. They seem insanely boring, but he likes to watch them and I think they are more interesting then flash cards.

I can't even remember exactly when DS learned to read, but I can promise you it was NOT when he was 4. He knew all of his letters when he was 4, but he wasn't reading until the middle to end of Kindergarten.

I have been a nanny for almost 16 years. Children vary in their strenghts, and some kids are more interested in academic type things than other kids. My current charge turned 3 in January. She LOVES letters and numbers. She asks me to do flash cards with her every day. I have NEVER known a child who likes flash cards. NEVER. She can write her name, and if I spell things for her she can write those words, too. BUT she is the only one I have ever had that is like that. The other kids were more laid back in their pursuit of knowledge, including my own DS.

My advice is to relax and have fun with your child. Talk with him, play with him, point out words you see on signs or packages, read TONS of books to him. He will get there.

Parenting is hard. We all spend a LOT of time second guessing ourselves. But a 4 year old who is "behind" in sight words is not something I would stress over.

 

[chellewashere]

flying from ABE. You?

Driving...should be fun

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

I
My advice is to relax and have fun with your child. Talk with him, play with him, point out words you see on signs or packages, read TONS of books to him. He will get there.

Parenting is hard. We all spend a LOT of time second guessing ourselves. But a 4 year old who is "behind" in sight words is not something I would stress over.

As the mom of an 11 year old who didn't read until 1st grade...and now tests as PHS (post-high school) don't worry! I had every teacher imaginable telling me what a bad parent I was because my son wasn't reading before kindergarten, in kindergarten, at the start of 1st grade...it made me want to scream!

The fact of the matter was that my son just wasn't interested! He loved for me to read to him...and that's something I had done since he was just months old...but I refused to stress because he wasn't reading...even though his teachers all were.

Instead I listened to a child psychologist friend of mine who knew my DS well and who told me not to worry that things would just "click" one day and my DS would take off with reading and writing. She was right!

K

 

[labdogs42]

Driving...should be fun

Let me know how that goes! I keep trying to convince DH to try driving, but he won't go for it! Then Allegiant came out with $69 each way fares and there's mo way we were going to drive then!

 

[chellewashere]

Let me know how that goes! I keep trying to convince DH to try driving, but he won't go for it! Then Allegiant came out with $69 each way fares and there's mo way we were going to drive then!

Yeah I was trying to do that but he says NO...dont know why 2 hours vs. 24 I will take the 2...Urgh Men!!

 

[Stargazer]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
Strange as it sounds, when DD was 5 months old; both DH and I just "felt" that our family was complete


What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
I know DD is only 7, but we have an open-line of communication and closeness that I treasure. Sure, she's growing up and has just recently started sporting the tween-tude, but if she has ?s about things her friends have told her or she doesn't understand something, she never hesitates to ask DH or me to explain it to her.

Also, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I also enjoy that even though she's involved in sports and after-school activities, I've never felt that I was being pulled in too many directions at once.


What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
The constant questions of why we decided to have "only one kid"



What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
I honestly can't say that if we'd decided to have a larger family, that we would've been able to do many of the things that we are able to do with our DD.

It really makes the room situation easier. I have 2 brothers, so when we were traveling, it was always a bit crowded in rooms. I really like being able to stretch out and enjoy personal space.


What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
I can't think of a least favorite right now; the only thing that comes to mind is when DD gets older and wants to go off on her own, she wouldn't have a sibling to pair up with, but when we come to that stage, I'm sure she'll invite one of her friends to come.

 

[Ronni]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
I was overwhelmed when I had Aidan. He's a good kid and was a good baby, but I was overwhelmed. My husband at the time didn't do much to help when Aidan was an infant, I didn't drive, and I got pretty burnt out. I knew that another one would make me lose it. Also, the first part of my pregnancy was pretty awful with all the sickness and being tired. I never want to deal with that again! Then I had some complications during labor which resulted in an emergency c-section. I think I had a pretty good one as far as c-sections go, but I missed out on the first whole day of Aidan's life because I was knocked out with painkillers.

What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
Only one kid to buy things for, put through college, etc. He can get all the attention. Only one child to worry about. I can give him more because I can afford one as opposed to two or more. He can play by himself most of the time. His imagination is outstanding.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
He doesn't have siblings to play with, so he looks to me to be his play buddy. He always needs validation. He asks for a little sister a lot.

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
Only one child to keep track of!

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
N/A

 

[ehrn]

Ronni, I love that picture! Was that your idea or a photopass photog's?

I've been so reassured and encouraged by this thread. I've been down about not being able to have another child that I have totally overlooked some of the really neat things about being a family of 3. Even though Q did ask for a baby sister the other day, I still say he has no idea what he's asking for, can't trade one in for a puppy when she's not everything he hoped her to be, lol.
I was thinking about the selfish thing--my sil has 4 and she always complains about how nobody helps w/them--HELLO?? Don't have 4 if you aren't prepared to care for them w/no help! To me, that is very selfish!!! My other sil always wanted a lot of kids, had 1, got cancer, hasn't been able to have more despite many fertility treatments, adopted one from Haitii and wants to adopt 2 more but isn't sure from where--but her bio son has some problems, she doesn't work so she can homeschool and her husband brings home a salary which puts them right around the poverty line. Her parents help them out a lot financially, which I think is pretty wacky when you are turning 40!!!! That is very SELFISH! I have one child, I still work because we just can't swing a very average existence in NJ w/o it--we have 2 older, economical cars and a very modest house...but it's what we can swing w/o any help from anyone. And OF COURSE they all give us flack for Disney trips but I guess we all sit in judgment over each other for something.
I think it's really great when people know their limits and work within them! I want another kid but I am learning that it won't be the end of the world if it doesn't happen, I have the child God meant for me to have and I am truly thankful for him! What's been missing for me has been friends w/onlies, and being around people who accept and EMBRACE having one child.
Again there are no guarantees, I know a woman who lost her husband and 2 kids in an accident w/a drunk driver, so all these people who plan for the future--well, I hope their futures are protected...but I have learned in my own life that nothing I plan for really seems to go my way...
But on to Disney--what have your preschooler's thought of Fantasmic? I'm not sure how ds4.5 will like it, don't want to spend an hour in line for it if we'll just have to make a quick exit?!

 

[ehrn]

If anyone is interested...After Aug 1, if you buy a 2010 season pass, you get to go for the rest of 2009. I'm thinking about it, trick-or-treating was fun and at the end of the season they have a couple bring-a-friend days so we can bring grandparents or friends...

 

[Befferk]

My DD is only 2 but I am seriously considering having her as an only. (so this thread is helping me out immensly). I think one of the reasons that I WOULD have another is so she can have a sibling when she is older. In particular, I think about us getting old and having her have ALL the responsiblity of us on her shoulders (and noone to share that with). How has everyone else handled this? For those that are only's - how do you feel about that?

I haven't read all the posts but I wanted to respond to this. I have 2 brothers. My husband has a sister and 2 brothers. When our parents are older, ALL of the responsibility will be on DH and I. Just because we have siblings does not mean that any of them are resposible enough (including financially) to ever help us take care of our parents. Also, I don't feel anyone should have another child so that their 1st child will have a sibling. Just because they have a sibling does not mean they will be close or even get along as adults. Having siblings does not guarantee help. I have seen it so much. Just my 2 cents!

 

[NattysMom]

I always thought I would have two. But I can honestly say that I love having an only child. Natalie just turned 5. She is extremely social, loves school, loves meeting new kids and making friends but is also very good with adults and being independent.
I don't know if this makes any sense but it seems like she's not as swayed by peer pressure because she's an only. Yesterday she was at a pool party and a lot of the kids were going to play miniature golf but she decided that she really wanted to keep swimming even if it meant she'd be alone. I was proud of her because she knew what she wanted to do and was self aware enough to do it.
She's got a fantastic vocabulary and is just an all around neat kid.