Other Parents of Only Children?

[RMulieri]

For all you readers of Parents magazine..There is a great article this month about being the parents of an only( granted it is written by someone who chose to only have one) but it still nice to see that others feel the same.

 

[wifisker]

Hello. I'm also a mom to an only - though not entirely by choice. I divorced when DD was just over 2. She'll be 5 this fall and we're excitedly planning our first ever trip to WDW.

I think there have definitely been pros and cons. I'm from a big family myself so I always just kind of assumed she'd have a sibling or two. But, now that I've gotten used to only having her, I kind of like it. There are days when she wants me to entertain her and play more than I have time for or can keep up with and I do think she'd have more fun with a sibling when we go to the pool or vacations. BUT we try to do things with friends a lot so she's very social.

Fortunately, I've never really had anyone make rude comments about me being selfish. I wonder if that would have been different if I was still married and with an only child. (?)

I'm a little concerned about how we'll do on our WDW trip in October since I don't know if we'll mostly be able to go on all the rides together. (I'm okay with skipping the scary ones or rides for bigger kids/adults but not sure if I can go on all the smaller kids rides with DD.)

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

WELCOME to all of you!!!

wifisker, there shouldn't be anything you can't ride along with your DD. Nothing at WDW is really child-sized, even if it is a ride targeted for young children.

 

[chellewashere]

Me too!! I have a DD who is 3 1/2 right now. We paid alot of money to be able to have her and did think about doing it again (which would have only been about 1/3 of the cost) but decided there was no way we wanted to. With the cost of doing anything now days we can only basically afford one
I must admit I feel a slight tinge of guilt when she has noone to blame things on. She blames things on our dogs alot and once while she was being potty trained she peed on the floor and blamed that on a piece of paper
She is a well rounded, compassionate, loving and caring little toddler. She has a fantastic imagination and can entertain herself for long periods of time, so she doesnt need a brother or sister to keep her amused.
And as for folks saying Im selfish...lets just say that is only one of a long LONG list of problems I have with my inlaws

 

[DisneyDizzy]

Me too!! I have a DD who is 3 1/2 right now. We paid alot of money to be able to have her and did think about doing it again (which would have only been about 1/3 of the cost) but decided there was no way we wanted to. With the cost of doing anything now days we can only basically afford one
I must admit I feel a slight tinge of guilt when she has noone to blame things on. She blames things on our dogs alot and once while she was being potty trained she peed on the floor and blamed that on a piece of paper
She is a well rounded, compassionate, loving and caring little toddler. She has a fantastic imagination and can entertain herself for long periods of time, so she doesnt need a brother or sister to keep her amused.
And as for folks saying Im selfish...lets just say that is only one of a long LONG list of problems I have with my inlaws

My son blames things on our dog ALL THE TIME! It's funny that he can be 7 and still be blaming things on the dog.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

I'm a little concerned about how we'll do on our WDW trip in October since I don't know if we'll mostly be able to go on all the rides together. (I'm okay with skipping the scary ones or rides for bigger kids/adults but not sure if I can go on all the smaller kids rides with DD.)

You will do fine on your trip to WDW. DD and I have been going together since she was 4. I have been able to do all the rides with her without any problems at all. There has never been a situation, at WDW, where I have sent her on a ride without me. We are always together.

We just went in May and she rode Tower of Terror for the first time (looks like it will be the only time too, lol). It has been neat to see her grow and expand her world especially on our WDW trips.

 

[labdogs42]

Me too!! I have a DD who is 3 1/2 right now. We paid alot of money to be able to have her and did think about doing it again (which would have only been about 1/3 of the cost) but decided there was no way we wanted to. With the cost of doing anything now days we can only basically afford one

Looks like we'll be at Disney with our onlies at the same time! Maybe we'll see you there!

 

[suzydisney971]

I'm an only and love it. As a child, I would just play with my imaginary friends and I think I was more creative than I am now since I had to play by myself. During the summer, two of my cousins would come over every day (my grandmother watched all three of us) and I would play with them and it was great when they went home. I didn't have to share with anyone and my parents were able to give me what I wanted (within reason of course) and I'm definitely not a spoiled brat. I appreciated every thing my parents provided for me. Now I'm the mother of an only and I'm very happy. My son was born 3 months premature and had to spend those 3 months in the NICU last summer. I ended up having preclympsia (sp?) and had to have an emergency C-section. Due to my age (38) and possibly having another premature child, I'm not taking that risk again. If my husband insisted on having another, I would not deny him but he's happy that he has his son so he's ok with just having the one.

The best thing of having an only is that I can concentrate on just him and not have to divide my time between children and be able to afford more expensive things since I only have to buy one of instead of 2.

The worst thing about being an only is that he is very attached to us (he's 14 mos old) and needs someone to be near him at all times. Hopefully it's just a phase lol

My family keeps asking us when we will have another or that we need to have another and I just tell them the same reason as above, due to health issues there is no way I'm having another. I could never spend all of my time at the hospital and take care of a toddler at the same time or even be on bed rest. It's not feasible and if that makes me selfish then so be it. I am being selfish for the sake of my child by being to give him everything he could want and hopefully when he gets older, he'll have more of a head start into the real world then if he had to share everything with a sibling. Having a sibling does not guarantee a close knit family or that they will get along when they are older.

 

[mejkjj97]

SWEET! That is great to hear. Every day I am happier and happier with just one. Now if I can just convince Dh to get the big V...(he's just afraid of the procedure, he doesn't want more kids!)

My DH and I were planning on one and only one after horrible difficulties with a miscarriage. But surprise we are expecting number 2 even though we were faithful with birth control!
We are excited about having another but were completely caught off guard.

 

[MrsJD]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
I think we always planned to have just one. But when fertility issues came up and we then adopted, we pretty much knew that it was just one for us. We had a wonderful adoption experience, but it's still hard to do. So just one for us!!


What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
That we are super close and she doesn't have to share mom and dad. Plus it's easier to get a sitter and also to take her places.

What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
People constantly asking "when are you getting another one?"...as if kids just drop out of the sky? As if it's just so easy for everyone?

What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
probbaly the same as parents with more than one...just being a kid with her and enjoying watching her take it all in.

What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child?
Nothing! It's awesome!
__________________

 

[autumnsmommy]

My son blames things on our dog ALL THE TIME! It's funny that he can be 7 and still be blaming things on the dog.

My DD used to blame things on the cats

 

[palavra]

We are parents of an only child. Our daughter will be seven next month. We didn't plan on having an only, but i was already 36 when our daughter was born. Two miscarriages later, we figured that she was meant to be an only child.

What I enjoy about having an only child is being able to share special experiences with her, like our upcoming Disney trip. With only one, we can allow her to do a few extras that we might not have money for otherwise.

 

[ehrn]

you guys are awesome! I may very well have an only--but not by choice or lack of trying. I have been making myself crazy! If not for planning frequent Disney trips, I think I really would go nuts.
Took us 5yrs for ds4.5 w/o any intervention. After he turned 1 we started trying and a year ago started looking into IVF--the first time I got pregnant w/twins but miscarried, second time didn't work at all. I want to try one more time but that is IT. I can't take it anymore. As much as I want another child, I will admit to some ambivalence about it. I used to be a psych nurse and saw some adoption situations gone way wrong, so I just don't think I could do that---but adoption is an awesome choice for all who choose it!
I also had post partum issues--nothing major but enough to wish I could have another baby and possibly ENJOY the newborn stage this time!
There are some things I find hard to reconcile--children are a blessing--does that mean that God is blessing my friend w/6 more than me? Like, am I not worthy? I know, crazy thinking but I'm being honest here.
As far as selfish--A selfish person will still be selfish no matter how many kids they have. I kind of think my friend who just had #6 is selfish--she puts a lot of responsibility on her other kids--one mom can't do it all for 6 kids...but it works for them. I still could have the last laugh, 6 sweet little babies will be teenagers one day--one is already and while she's a great kid--she's moody and it drives her parents insane! I always think of the movie Raising Arizona where the one fam keeps having kids because "Dot says this one's too big to cuddle."
DH is one of 4--he always said he wished he was an only child. Not too much contact w/his sibs now, it seems any we do have is obligatory. I have one brother a year younger. I love him dearly but we really don't have much in common so it's not like we are buddies--in fact, he can be quite annoying. My mom has 2 brothers and a sister and for various reasons has very little relationship w/them--which breaks her heart, honestly. To me, not having a big family(we aren't close w/many cousins and don't have too many anyway) means not being obligated to a bunch of stuff we wouldn't want to do, we can be with good friends who are LIKE family.
I am a hospice nurse, I see lots and lots of those situations we all worry about. Honestly, there is no guarantee and I have seen large families come together and be supportive and loving, I have seen some come in w/10 different opinions and just make the situation harder, I have seen the burden fall to one while everyone else barks orders from afar if they even bother at all. I have seen some incredibly loving only children not only be there emotionally during the hard times, but after it's over--move on and have a good life. I so agree w/the only child poster who advocates for getting your ducks in a row--but that's true for all of us.
We are kind of "hermit-y" too!! So we need to come out of our shells more and make some closer friends, to feather our nest in other ways, so to speak.
I'm out of room but have more to say!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

What makes me nuts is when I tell people one of the reasons we only have one is because we can afford one, and they reply that if we changed our lifestyle (clipped coupons, sent ds to public school, didn't vacation) we could have as many as we wanted. Well, we like our lifestyle! If we wanted to change it, we would!

We were also older when we started. I don't want to be worried about paying for college when I should be getting ready to retire. I guess that might seem selfish, to me it seems like good planning.

I also think the older my child gets (11 now), the more happy I am he's an only. I am the only female in the house (even the cats are boys), and I like being the Queen!

It is interesting to me how people feel obligated to criticize you if in their opinion you have too few children (1 or less), or too many (whatever that is for them). From some other threads, I know families of 5 or more get funny looks, too. What a personal choice to comment on!

Maria

 

[Worfiedoodles]

Gotta post again, that 2,66* number is creeping me out! Yes, I am a wee bit superstitious, and I don't like Nero's number!

 

[labdogs42]

It is interesting to me how people feel obligated to criticize you if in their opinion you have too few children (1 or less), or too many (whatever that is for them). From some other threads, I know families of 5 or more get funny looks, too. What a personal choice to comment on!

Maria

It does seem like unless you have exactly 2 kids, you get flak. Luckily, I have friends with onlies, and up to seven kids, so I'm in good company!

 

[ehrn]

When did you decide to be the parent of an only child?
It seems to have been decided for me, though it may still happen that we have another. When I am 40--in 1/11, whatever it is then is how it will stay!! DH is one of 4, always wanted to be the only child and is not unhappy at all about it.
What is your favorite thing about being the parent of an only child?
He's still pretty portable, so we can pick up and go, I love that!! I love everything about being his mom, motherhood has challenged me more than anything, but also been the greatest gift. I work outside the home in a very stressful job--also not by choice but whatever...one is still a lot of work but manageable. My parents spend a lot of quality time w/him which I don't think would happen w/more than one as they are getting older. If we had another at this point they would be in such different stages, that would be hard, and they wouldn't be playmates though they still might be close as they get older...
What is the hardest things about being the parent of an only child?
Having a lot of fertile friends. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't WANT another, but I do. I pray that I either get to have another or my desire goes away so that I can stand strong in the midst of all these pregos, LOL! Quinn is really social and extroverted and I am to a point, but not as much, I try to give him a lot of social opportunities but when I am not working I like to keep a low profile. I am not very organized and I think having more kids can make you more organized out of necessity. We just do our own thing--like right now we are watching cartoons in bed and eating rice krispies. He asks for a baby brother or sister a lot, but he also asks for a pet dolphin. I am open to a puppy if we don't have another, but not yet. He has no idea what having another would mean for our family and how much it would change his life, so I don't really let it bother me. I used to get asked ALL the time about having another, then I had a miscarriage and I seriously have not heard another word about it! Quinn sometimes isn't good at sharing--per his teacher, I think she's really hard on him which surprises me because she has an only child--a boy, I thought she'd be more understanding but whatever.
What is your favorite thing about Disney with an only child? Definitely being able to go more often!! This will be his 7th trip I think--not too shabby but it would not be possible w/more children. We probably have taken more flack for all the Disney trips than for not giving Quinn a sibling!!! We kind of have it to a science--what we need, how to navigate the airport, the stroller, the potty, the things that are scary, etc. Of course, it is only getting to be more fun the older he gets!
What is your least favorite thing about Disney with an only child? seeing families of 4 and wishing that was us. Pretty soon it will be the "do we take him out of school" dilemma. Very few least favorite things... Last yr we went w/his cousin and it was fun for him.

 

[ehrn]

labdogs42: i heard them read your email on wdwtoday recently!!! i want more freebies too! it's the least they can for all the money we give them!!

anybody going to Magic Meets??? it will be our first time, can't wait, leaving ds w/Grandy&Grandpa.

 

[ehrn]

Gotta post again, that 2,66* number is creeping me out! Yes, I am a wee bit superstitious, and I don't like Nero's number!

My mom is like that too! We were in McD's once and she flipped out about the price coming to all 6's. The cashier gave her an extra penny back to "break the spell". She's not usually like that, it was funny.
But who am I to talk when I just HAD to get to post 300 by sending this!

 

[jodifla]

I am an only child with an only child.

Overall, I liked being an only child. I think it was the best thing for my family....finances would have been way too stretched with another child, and despite what anyone says, MONEY IS IMPORTANT! Not the be all end all, but important.

I like having an only child. We can devote more of our resources to him. If I'd had him at 36 instead of 40, I may have tried for a second child. But it didn't work out that way, so this is meant to be.

It's a myth that if you have siblings, life will be great and you'll have lifelong soul mates. I know plenty of people who barely speak to their siblings.