OT: taking a 9yr old boy to a girls bathroom

[Mkrop]

I am a diehard Eagles fan but there is no way in heck, I am sending my child to one of those games. The language, the drugs, the booze, the nakedness. Since I tailgated and had season tickets for years, I KNOW what goes on during football games. It is sad to say but there is no place there for a kid under 10yrs old, except the club and suite tickets with glass partitions and private bathrooms. That is what arena football is for anyway - family friendly and cheaper. My nephews LOVE it.

well Dh is pretty protective of what he sees and does a pretty good job of shielding DS from most of this behavior. Believe me he would not be taking him there if he couldnt avoid certain things. As of now most of the games have been preseason so the crowd is more tame but he has been to preseason and given that DH has ridden the "bus" with the rowdys, he knows exactly how to hide it form DS.

I know plenty of people who take younger kids to the games all the time, season ticket holders. I guess people here would judge them too.

 

[Mkrop]

When people refer to kids "growing up too fast," they aren't, IMO, talking about a child being given the freedom to grow up, but about the overt sexualization that goes on due to peer and media influence. A nine year old dressing like an 18 year old hoochie girl is much different than allowing a nine year old boy act like a nine year old boy. And nine year old boys are risk takers by nature. They can't/shouldn't be protected from all of the possible risks.

This is the first generation to treat their boys like preschoolers, and it isn't helpful or normal. While people are encouraging girls to be independent resourseful beings, boys are being turned into dependent, powerless beings. Reread Farmer Boy, sometime. Past generations treated their children like people. Not like infants. Kids attain meaningful pride in themselves by becoming independent, and gaining control of their own lives. Not self-esteem BS taught in the classrooms.

I am not, btw, talking about little boys, or children of either gender who need additional attention or precautions. I am talking about young men who have the cognitive/emotional ability to make reasonable safe choices. I don't care personally who is in the stall next to me, as long as they spare a square when necessary. And I've dealt with kids with disabilities, and kids that just couldn't be trusted out of my sight. I am talking about the same kids everyone sends off to school every morning without holding their hand, and wiping their butts.

I know you are an expert on this stuff but I can only use my own personal experience and this is NOT the first generation to be treated "in this manner". My DBs 28 and 24 were coming in with either me or my single mom when they were younger, I guess my mom was ahead of her time for once in her life if this is suppose to be a current trend. And this behavior surprise surprsie produced pretty darn good guys.

Let check back in say 25 years and see whose boys are ok and whose arent bc you really have NO idea if your kids will do better in the long run with the decisions you are currently making or not, you can only hope.

 

[PghLybrt]

well Dh is pretty protective of what he sees and does a pretty good job of shielding DS from most of this behavior. Believe me he would not be taking him there if he couldnt avoid certain things. As of now most of the games have been preseason so the crowd is more tame but he has been to preseason and given that DH has ridden the "bus" with the rowdys, he knows exactly how to hide it form DS.

I know plenty of people who take younger kids to the games all the time, season ticket holders. I guess people here would judge them too.

I am not judging someone for taking a child to a game or concert. Again its you life do what you want. What I can’t understand (and nobody seems to be able to answer) is why to parent act so shocked and outraged at what goes on at such places? Seriously it is not about “you “ at all, it truly Is all about me and my selfishness. I do not want to have to act like I am at a church sermon when I am at a rock concert or major NFL game. Seriously its not a Hannah Montana concert. So I am confused, that’s all , I really do not understand it.

All I can do is speak from my viewpoint about what I have witnessed first hand. The people at concerts ,but really NFL games, that give people a hard time and start trouble are those with children in tow. It seems that they get upset about how the crowd acts around their child. So I ask, if you know that is how these places are why bring them?

 

[DisneyPhD]

When people refer to kids "growing up too fast," they aren't, IMO, talking about a child being given the freedom to grow up, but about the overt sexualization that goes on due to peer and media influence. A nine year old dressing like an 18 year old hoochie girl is much different than allowing a nine year old boy act like a nine year old boy. And nine year old boys are risk takers by nature. They can't/shouldn't be protected from all of the possible risks.

This is the first generation to treat their boys like preschoolers, and it isn't helpful or normal. While people are encouraging girls to be independent resourseful beings, boys are being turned into dependent, powerless beings. Reread Farmer Boy, sometime. Past generations treated their children like people. Not like infants. Kids attain meaningful pride in themselves by becoming independent, and gaining control of their own lives. Not self-esteem BS taught in the classrooms.

I am not, btw, talking about little boys, or children of either gender who need additional attention or precautions. I am talking about young men who have the cognitive/emotional ability to make reasonable safe choices. I don't care personally who is in the stall next to me, as long as they spare a square when necessary. And I've dealt with kids with disabilities, and kids that just couldn't be trusted out of my sight. I am talking about the same kids everyone sends off to school every morning without holding their hand, and wiping their butts.

I have pretty much been on the same page as meandtheguys2 this whole thread, but I really have to this makes a lot of sense. I agree.

It really isn't so much that I am offended by 9 year old boys in women's restrooms, as I am bothered they can't be allowed to be 9 year old boys. Even worse when it is 10, 11 and 12 year old boys. I understand the occasional creepy issue (for me it would be highway reststops.) So many people aren't talking about one time things, but consistently brining boys in.

My point with the whole thread is, either the kid is old enough go to such concert, or he isn't. If you aren't old enough to pee alone, you are not old enough for the concert. I am not questioning the mothers judgment in brining him, just that the 2 should go hand in hand.

 

[Mkrop]

I am not judging someone for taking a child to a game or concert. Again its you life do what you want. What I can’t understand (and nobody seems to be able to answer) is why to parent act so shocked and outraged at what goes on at such places? Seriously it is not about “you “ at all, it truly Is all about me and my selfishness. I do not want to have to act like I am at a church sermon when I am at a rock concert or major NFL game. Seriously its not a Hannah Montana concert. So I am confused, that’s all , I really do not understand it.

All I can do is speak from my viewpoint about what I have witnessed first hand. The people at concerts ,but really NFL games, that give people a hard time and start trouble are those with children in tow. It seems that they get upset about how the crowd acts around their child. So I ask, if you know that is how these places are why bring them?

This way OT but no I dont want to be at a church sermon either when I go to a game and I do expect a certain level of partying going on but me as an adult I really dont need to witness all that goes on either. Why do other adults need to act like that, have a beer, have a few, but when you get rip roaring drunk then it gets out of hand for everyone. Why are there some sporting events where people can act like normal, have beers watch games, cheer on their team etc. And then certain ones like NFL games the fans are out of hand. Take my kid out of the equation and I should be able to go the games and feel safe too.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I have pretty much been on the same page as meandtheguys2 this whole thread, but I really have to this makes a lot of sense. I agree.

It really isn't so much that I am offended by 9 year old boys in women's restrooms, as I am bothered they can't be allowed to be 9 year old boys. Even worse when it is 10, 11 and 12 year old boys. I understand the occasional creepy issue (for me it would be highway reststops.) So many people aren't talking about one time things, but consistently brining boys in.

My point with the whole thread is, either the kid is old enough go to such concert, or he isn't. If you aren't old enough to pee alone, you are not old enough for the concert. I am not questioning the mothers judgment in brining him, just that the 2 should go hand in hand.

I personally don't bring my 9 year old into restrooms all the time, just in certain situations, like the one the OP asked about. Almost all arena and stadium bathrooms that I have seen have two exit/entrances (same as many reststops). I feel a child could easily get lost in the hustle of the crowd when exiting the bathroom. I've seen it happen. Heck I've walked out of those restrooms, turned the wrong way and temporarily lost the person I was with.

Gosh, just because someone brings a 9 year old into the bathroom in one certain situation doesn't mean they do that all the time.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I personally don't bring my 9 year old into restrooms all the time, just in certain situations, like the one the OP asked about. Almost all arena and stadium bathrooms that I have seen have two exit/entrances (same as many reststops). I feel a child could easily get lost in the hustle of the crowd when exiting the bathroom. I've seen it happen. Heck I've walked out of those restrooms, turned the wrong way and temporarily lost the person I was with.

Gosh, just because someone brings a 9 year old into the bathroom in one certain situation doesn't mean they do that all the time.

I am not going to single anyone out, but there seems to be a lot of people on this thread saying they would. Do what you are comfortable with, who cares if it is societies norm or not.

 

[3jsmommy]

I have 3 boys 6,4, & 11months...
The mothers w/ girls on this thread who are giving opinions about letting boys be independent & go in the restroom alone cannot really relate IMHO.
There are RARLEY stalls in mens rooms.
There have been posters on here who would be offended if their daughter saw a naked pre-school boy in a locker room, but it is O.K. for my elementary school child to see strange mens private parts behind closed doors!!?? I THINK NOT!!
My sons will not be joining me in the ladies room forever, but for now this is what I feel comfortable with.
My sons are being raised to be independent & I think that the argument saying otherwise is absolutely ridiculous.
I am assuming that the ladies room smells nicer anyway, so why not let him use it while he can.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I Last year at a Pittsburgh Steeler game DS had a bad experience so guess what? When we go to the game on September 16th at Heinz Field, he will be coming to the ladies room. I let him go last year to the mens room and got the crap scared out of me and him.

I'm not too worried about him going to the ladies room because if you've ever been to a Steeler game a 9yo in the ladies room is pretty mild compared to some of the things you see.

QUOTE]

See this is what I do not understand...... If you are taking your child some place that they will see things they shouldn’t then why do it?
A 9 year old should go to their own restroom especially if you feel they are adult enough to take to an adult venue. Personally I do not think A Steelers game or a rock concert falls into a suitable place for children to be, but its not my money or my child so have at it. (And believe me I feel it is never to early to learn to love the Black and Gold )


The part that always gets me is the idea that we must cater to a parent and child at an adult event (Maybe a different thread but ….)

My kids have seen more innappropriate things at the mall then I have seen at any concert that I have attended within the last 10 years. In fact, when my oldest was 3 dh and I went to see Prince. He no longer does dirty stuff and while we were there we kept saying how much ds would have enjoyed the show. Music is a HUGE part of our life (dh and I both majored in it). There were alot of young kids there. Kids see stuff that isn't kid friendly everyday. Even at WDW. Should we never take them anywhere? Every situation is different and every parent must decide for themselves what their comfort level is. My parents were super over protective and I am super independent. So I guess since I don't need therapy to get the mail their choices to "coddle" me were okay. Not flaming but I don;t think not allowing your kid to use a public bathroom alone is going to scar them or make them unable to function in life as some posters had eluded to. JMHO.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am not judging someone for taking a child to a game or concert. Again its you life do what you want. What I can’t understand (and nobody seems to be able to answer) is why to parent act so shocked and outraged at what goes on at such places? Seriously it is not about “you “ at all, it truly Is all about me and my selfishness. I do not want to have to act like I am at a church sermon when I am at a rock concert or major NFL game. Seriously its not a Hannah Montana concert. So I am confused, that’s all , I really do not understand it.

All I can do is speak from my viewpoint about what I have witnessed first hand. The people at concerts ,but really NFL games, that give people a hard time and start trouble are those with children in tow. It seems that they get upset about how the crowd acts around their child. So I ask, if you know that is how these places are why bring them?

Well as a WOMAN who has been going to professional sporting events since I was about 11, I do not want to have to endure disgusting behavior by anyone. Have a few drinks, scream at the game whatever. Pick a fight because you are completely innebriated or scream swear words every 5 seconds and I find your behavior obnoxious and annoying. Doesn't matter if there are kids around. Learn some manners. No it isn't Hannah Montana but it is a public event, not your private party and I should be able to enjoy my day too without your abuse. JMHO.

 

[PghLybrt]

Well as a WOMAN who has been going to professional sporting events since I was about 11, I do not want to have to endure disgusting behavior by anyone. Have a few drinks, scream at the game whatever. Pick a fight because you are completely innebriated or scream swear words every 5 seconds and I find your behavior obnoxious and annoying. Doesn't matter if there are kids around. Learn some manners. No it isn't Hannah Montana but it is a public event, not your private party and I should be able to enjoy my day too without your abuse. JMHO.

Wow what makes youassume I am a man?

 

[crazyme5kids]

I am not going to single anyone out, but there seems to be a lot of people on this thread saying they would. Do what you are comfortable with, who cares if it is societies norm or not.

Understood. Do you still think it is wrong to bring a 9 year old into a womens restroom in certain situations (mine being stadiums/arenas and yours being reststop bathrooms, which would be one of my places too by the way)?

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Wow what makes youassume I am a man?

Not assuming anything, just pointing out my gender as we seem to have alot of Moms commenting on this topic. My Dh would feel the same way. He however does not like sports at all.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Wow what makes youassume I am a man?

Isn't that what this thread has been about? Making assumptions ?

 

[PghLybrt]

Not assuming anything, just pointing out my gender as we seem to have alot of Moms commenting on this topic. My Dh would feel the same way. He however does not like sports at all.

I am a woman, sorry to give a differing opinion while being the same gender.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I am a woman, sorry to give a differing opinion while being the same gender.

No need to be sorry, I am just pointing out that I personally find it disgusting for anyone to act like a drunken, swearing, fighting, rude person at any public event. Heck even if I was at a private party I would find it to be ridiculous. That's just how I feel. I am not uptight and I like to have a good time but I don't need to act in the manner which I stated to do so and I don't really understand those who do. I wasn't trying to say it was a gender issue but this thread was about the horrors of the mens room and little boys in the ladies room. What I was getting at was that I am a woman who does not care if a boy is in the ladies room and I don't think whether or not a child can use a public restroom alone should be factored into deciding of he should see such event. I don't think concerts and sports events are adult only events. You can act any way you see fit. It would not matter to me if you were a man or woman or if I had my kids with me or not. If you were engaging in the behaviors I mentioned I would not be thrilled. On the other hand, if my kids did witness such behavior I would merely point out to them that that is not how we act and so on as I have done at many other situations. I wasn't trying to be offensive by pointing out that I was a woman. On this thread it seems like people are quick to blame everything on Moms, what I was trying to say (although I guess it came out wrong) was that as a woman and not just a Mom I would find that behavior rude. Make sense?

 

[Mkrop]

I wasn't trying to be offensive by pointing out that I was a woman. On this thread it seems like people are quick to blame everything on Moms, what I was trying to say (although I guess it came out wrong) was that as a woman and not just a Mom I would find that behavior rude. Make sense?

I thought you made perfect sense the first time.

 

[disneymom3]

When people refer to kids "growing up too fast," they aren't, IMO, talking about a child being given the freedom to grow up, but about the overt sexualization that goes on due to peer and media influence. A nine year old dressing like an 18 year old hoochie girl is much different than allowing a nine year old boy act like a nine year old boy. And nine year old boys are risk takers by nature. They can't/shouldn't be protected from all of the possible risks.

This is the first generation to treat their boys like preschoolers, and it isn't helpful or normal. While people are encouraging girls to be independent resourseful beings, boys are being turned into dependent, powerless beings. Reread Farmer Boy, sometime. Past generations treated their children like people. Not like infants. Kids attain meaningful pride in themselves by becoming independent, and gaining control of their own lives. Not self-esteem BS taught in the classrooms.

I am not, btw, talking about little boys, or children of either gender who need additional attention or precautions. I am talking about young men who have the cognitive/emotional ability to make reasonable safe choices. I don't care personally who is in the stall next to me, as long as they spare a square when necessary. And I've dealt with kids with disabilities, and kids that just couldn't be trusted out of my sight. I am talking about the same kids everyone sends off to school every morning without holding their hand, and wiping their butts.

As always, Michelle--I love your post! I think we, raising this generation of kids has a skewed view when it comes to responsibilities and education. It is fine to take your kids to a fancy restaurant even if they misbehave, it is fine for them to watch R movies and all kinds of crap and sexual innuendo on TV, it is fire to play violent video games, it is fine to send them off all day to be influenced by other's values, but really giving them expectations that they can live up to is practically unheard of. As far as at a concert, no I would not have my 9yo use the bathroom alone--but that is mainly because he wouldn't be there in the first place.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I thought you made perfect sense the first time.

Thanks!

 

[3jsmommy]

I still think that the Moms posting on here about "kids wiping their own butts" are comparing using the mens room w/ being the same as using the ladies room. It is not the same thing at all. This thread has totally gone off course. I think the OP wanted to know if it was OK for a nine year old to use a ladies room....YES it is perfectly OK & anyone that disagrees is being totally irresponsible in their answer.