OT: taking a 9yr old boy to a girls bathroom

[letthewookiewin]

I am taking my DS9 to his first concert this Saturday. We are going to see Styx, Foreigner, and Def Leppard. It will just be the two of us. I know sometime during it, he will need to go to the bathroom. I don't feel confortable letting him go to the boys alone, because he will be with strange men that have been drinking. He comes up to my shoulders and I am 5'5", so I don't know if he is too big to go to the girls bathroom with me.
Am I just being over protective? Should I let him go to the boys bathroom, and then if I need to go make him wait outside the girls bathroom for me? I didn't think about this when I purchased the tickets, but since we are going this Saturday, I am really starting to freak over it.
Thanks for any and all advice.

 

[WildGrits]

If you don't feel safe going to the men's room alone, then don't worry about bringing him in the girls room. Go with your gut.

It wouldn't bother me as a restroom user to see an accompanied minor boy in there.

 

[karliebug]

I think that if he's that big he should be able to use the restroom by himself. I would wait right outside the door for him.

 

[trulygoofy]

I would normally say to stand outside of the men's room for him, but not at a concert. I would take a 9 YO in the women's restroom in that situation. I also think it should be more about age than about size.

 

[hebbynan]

My son is 7 1/2 and he is very tall! I understand where you are coming from. Most places like the mall and such, I'll wait for him outside the mens room and then make him wait outside for me. However in the case of the concert......TAKE HIM IN WITH YOU!!!! That is just way too many bad things that could happen in that kind of situation. I mean, you want to give people the benefit of the doubt and think that the world is a safe place, but lets face it.......beer, tons of people, loud music....that's just too many things that could go wrong. I don't think that any mother using the bathrooms would mind. And those that would....too bad! It's your child and you need to do what you can to keep them safe. Just have him stand and face a corner near the hand dryers or something....anywhere you can see or hear him. That's what I do at places like that.

Oh, and don't forget to HAVE FUN!!

 

[DisneyPhD]

If you don't feel safe going to the men's room alone, then don't worry about bringing him in the girls room. Go with your gut.

It wouldn't bother me as a restroom user to see an accompanied minor boy in there.

It would bother me. I am 5 foot tall and he sounds taller then me. If you aren't feeling that your child is so safe, think about how some women might feel with a tall boy in the rest room.

Still a hard rock concert is a different animal so to speak, I could understand you not being comfortable with him being in the men's alone. The question really is how does he feel about it? Most 9 year old boys I know would rather crawl under a rock then have to go to the bathroom with their mom.

I tend to lean towards the side that if they are old enough to go to an adult concert, they should be old enough to use the restroom with out a chaperone.

I would be standing outside the door with a stop watch on. You have 90 seconds to get in, pee and get out.

What about the kid having his own cell phone to bring with him in case you get separated?

 

[Frantasmic]

My 6 year old son sometimes still goes to the restroom with my wife, if I'm not around. Otherwise, I take him.

I'd say 7-8 is the limit though. In that situation, I'd do my level best to make sure he doesn't need to use a stall at the concert, if you know what I mean. Urge him to use the home restroom and urge him for stall purposes at home. Then, send him in the restroom and tell him to only use the urinal at the concert. In busy events, guys do their business there and get out.

Your longer concern is him waiting for you outside the ladies restroom. That's where I get more antsy about my son, if he doesn't have to go and insists on waiting outside. Usually, I make him wait for me where I can see him.

I would imagine that most women would be a bit upset with that old of a male child in the restroom with them. Yes, mothers of sons would understand, but with that concert, fans are going to be a bit older and probably believe that children of that age are too old to be in the restroom with them.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I would imagine that most women would be a bit upset with that old of a male child in the restroom with them. Yes, mothers of sons would understand, but with that concert, fans are going to be a bit older and probably believe that children of that age are too old to be in the restroom with them.

I'm sorry but to me this statement is ridiculous. I've taken my 9 yo DS in womans bathrooms when I didn't feel comfortable letting him go alone and not one woman has ever even given me a 2nd look.

Go with your gut and not with a bunch of total strangers on a message board who doesn't know you or your kid. Its your child, do what you feel is safe.

Just to warn you, there was a thread on here some time ago that got pretty nasty and locked. I was called a "helicopter parent". But IMOP, all places are supposed to have family bathrooms and if they don't I will continue to take my DS with me when I don't feel comfortable letting him go alone. He goes to the mens room 99% of the time, but if it were me this would be the 1 % he would be going with me.

 

[Minnie_me]

I would definitely NOT let him use the men's room at a rock concert. Take him into the ladies room with you. Don't let him go into the ladies room alone - - I could see how that would freak some women out.

Talk to him about how his presence may make some women uncomfortable. Tell him that he needs to avoid "exploring" or lingering (as 9-year olds tend to do). Get him in and out quickly. Maybe even use hand sanitizer OUTSIDE of the bathroom instead of washing at the sink.

 

[ujpest_doza]

Use the disabled toilet instead.

You can wait outside and there won't be anyone else in there with him.

 

[teresajoy]

I would NOT let him use the men's room alone! Take him with you, don't let that child out of your site (even if you can only see his shoes in the next stall!) Too many things can and do happen to children. Your peace of mind and your child's safety is WAY more important than making a few women you will probably never see again in your life feel uncomfortable.

 

[Frantasmic]

I'm sorry but to me this statement is ridiculous. I've taken my 9 yo DS in womans bathrooms when I didn't feel comfortable letting him go alone and not one woman has ever even given me a 2nd look.

Maybe it's a regional thing then. I'd say, as I pointed out in my response, that you will get different replies based on the women involved.

I'd say many 18-23 year old single women and 45 year old + women would state that they feel uncomfortable. Most mothers would probably say that it doesn't bother them.

 

[AprilFool]

I do feel he is too old to be in the girls washroom. I think you should find a disabled or family washroom if they have any. Another suggestion is to find a security guard and ask him to accompany your child into the washroom. They are there for your protection right? Just explain that you do not feel safe with him going in alone.

 

[letthewookiewin]

Normally, he goes to the bathroom by himself when in public. I give him a time limit and if he goes over it, I crack open the door and check on him. I have no problem walking into a men's bathroom if he takes too long. I know he could be in and out of a men's bathroom quickly, but if I have to go to the bathroom it won't be a 90 second thing.
He is also a very sensitive and shy child, and don’t think that with it being his first concert that he would feel confortable waiting for me outside the bathroom.
I found the number to the place the concert is going to be, and they do not have seperate family or handicap bathrooms. The person I talked to said just to take him into the bathroom with me. They would rather have him in their with me than an unsupervised 9 year old waiting for his mom outside the bathroom.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Maybe it's a regional thing then. I'd say, as I pointed out in my response, that you will get different replies based on the women involved.

I'd say many 18-23 year old single women and 45 year old + women would state that they feel uncomfortable. Most mothers would probably say that it doesn't bother them.

Are you a man? Sorry but how then do you know how most woman feel?

I'm not keeping you from voicing your views,It may be good to see how a man feels on this subject but as a man ( I may even be wrong here, but from the last post, sounded like you were) how do you know what woman of certain age groups feel?

 

[grlpwrd]

Normally, he goes to the bathroom by himself when in public. I give him a time limit and if he goes over it, I crack open the door and check on him. I have no problem walking into a men's bathroom if he takes too long. I know he could be in and out of a men's bathroom quickly, but if I have to go to the bathroom it won't be a 90 second thing.
He is also a very sensitive and shy child, and don’t think that with it being his first concert that he would feel confortable waiting for me outside the bathroom.
I found the number to the place the concert is going to be, and they do not have seperate family or handicap bathrooms. The person I talked to said just to take him into the bathroom with me. They would rather have him in their with me than an unsupervised 9 year old waiting for his mom outside the bathroom.

Because it's an adult venue (with Styx, Foreigner, and Def Leppard, right?), I would take him in with you.

Sending him alone to the men's bathroom is like sending in a lamb into a lion's den.

 

[mdinecola]

a few years back a mother here let her child go into a department store restroom alone (about this age) and he was assaulted. I say take him with you. As a mother of two boys myself, I know where you are coming from. At 9 years old, he is still a child with a child's mind and could likely care less about "looking" at anyone. I explained to my son (8) that there are men who wait it restrooms for little children, to hurt them and, even though he is sometimes embarrassed, the best thing is to have him with me. When the boys are both with me, I will let them go into the mens room together if it is not crowded and I stand at the door and keep a dialogue with them ( are you done? dont forget to wash your hands... come on, you are taking a while, etc) When it comes to your child's safety, in this world you can't worry about what others think. If something happened to your boy, those same people would criticize you for letting him go alone. I could understand the criticism if he was 15, but he's 9 for Christ's sake!

 

[Gillian]

I tend to agree with the (male) poster who said most moms of younger kids would not mind, while single women or older women might have a problem. It doesn't take a genius or a woman to figure that out.

I would take him with me. What is he going to see anyway? Unless you let him look in the doors, there is nothing to see in a concert bathroom except lots of stalls and a bunch of women washing their hands (hopefully) and putting on makeup.

 

[SplashMtnCrew]

The height of a child does not matter. You said he is 9, therefore, he has the mind of a 9 yr old, which makes him a child. You are the one responsible for the safety of your DS, what others may think is not important, they are not responsible for him. Take him with you. My DS is 11 and he goes with me WHENEVER my DH is not around. I dare anyone to say something to me when he must use the ladies room. If other people don't like it, they can join me in the quest of making all public places have family restrooms Then everyone will be happy, until then, take him with you until you are certain he can manage on his own with self defense! My DH and DF have both been, how shall I say....'approached by men' in the men's bathroom, it's not a safe place. This is an adult event you are taking him to, so be alert.

 

[eh24fan]

I'd take him in the bathroom with me in a heartbeat. Call me what you want, but I will take my son in with me until I decide he is ok in the men's room alone. And I don't know when that will be. A few months ago a 17yr old mentally delayed boy was sexually assaulted in a dept. store bathroom. He came out and told his mother about it as they were leaving the store. So yeah, my kid will go in there with me until I decide he won't. If people don't like it, too bad.