"Open Casket" when it should have been "Closed Casket"

[sailorstitch]

To add to the zombie thread, because... tis the season.

When I was 17 on of my best friends was killed in a car crash. Her dad was driving drunk , ran a red light and turned in front of a semi truck! The truck hit the passenger side where my friend was sitting. She had an open casket funeral. She looked fine. I believe all her injuries were internal. I certainly didn't see any signs of trauma.

My dad passed away last Nov from Parkinson's. When the nursing home called us to let us know that he had passed, they asked if mom and I wanted to come see him. Mom went, I declined. I didn't want to see him again until the funeral home had made him presentable. It just wasn't a memory that I wanted to have. It was hard enough seeing him the day before. And not just because he was suffering. He just wasn't pleasant to look at. Sorry, dad, I'll wait until you're all prettied up.

Open casket funerals have never bothered me. We had a lot of elderly family members and friends die when I was young. They all died of natural causes/old age. They all had open casket funerals. My parents always took me along with them. Seeing a body in the casket was never traumatic for me. It was just normal. I didn't go to my first closed casket funeral until I was in middle school. THEN I started asking questions. "Why's the casket closed?" "Why can't I see the body?"

For me, I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread out in WDW! No joke, that's what I want.

sailorstitch

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

^^^^^I've also asked my family to spread my ashes at WDW. When we go in Feb, I will show them exactly where.

 

[MIGrandma]

I started reading this thread, since I just spent an hour at the funeral home a few days ago updating my Mom's pre-paid funeral. Then when I saw C.Ann and DawnCT had posted I knew it was old so checked the date. But it's still relevant, so I'll answer the question. No, I've never seen anyone in an open casket when it should have been a closed one.

The older I get the less I want to deal with funerals. This is one "tradition" I'd like to see go away. I much prefer going to a memorial service, a month or two (or more) after someone has passed away. There is no casket involved, people are either over their grieving or at least in a lesser stage of it and a memorial is more about the memories of the person, people sharing stories, laughter and maybe a few tears but it just isn't as somber and morbid as a funeral is, to me anyway.

I grew up attending funerals, I was never sheltered from them as a child. So I have seen a lot of people in caskets, and it never bothered me unless it was a very close loved one like my grandparents, and most recently (almost 8 years ago) my Dad. I did not want to go up to the casket and I did avoid it during the visitations, but at the funeral my Mom urged me to go up so I did, for her. I wish I wouldn't have. Seeing my Dad in the casket is my last memory of him, one I wish I didn't have. I would have preferred remembering him alive.

My parents pre-paid for their funerals several years ago, and now my Mom is living in a nursing facility so I did go last week to update her plans. I spent more on a nicer casket(paid for flowers, etc.) and I'm sure I will see her in it, even though I really wouldn't want to. I know she would want me to. I would prefer to have a memorial service for her at a later date, but she wants a funeral so that is what she will get. I will honor her wishes, but I don't have to like them.

 

[loveshak22]

How many times is this thread going to get dug up?

Are the zombie threads because of the new highlights of threads at the bottom of the page? I feel like since they added that feature I'm always clicking on old or closed threads - so annoying!!

 

[ronandannette]

Are the zombie threads because of the new highlights of threads at the bottom of the page? I feel like since they added that feature I'm always clicking on old or closed threads - so annoying!!

It doesn't have to be annoying - if you're interested in the topic, post away! There's nothing particularly time-sensitive about this one. Comments made today are as relevant as those when the thread was originally started.

 

[loveshak22]

It doesn't have to be annoying - if you're interested in the topic, post away! There's nothing particularly time-sensitive about this one. Comments made today are as relevant as those when the thread was originally started.

True but the closed threads are a little annoying when I want to comment after reading several pages and then realize it's closed. And for the old ones, you can still comment but I'm guessing many of the people you're responding too may not always be around.

But, the topics must be interesting enough that I keep clicking on them LOL!

 

[doodle-Bug-02]

I've hear that back in the olden days, they would put a bell on a rope with the end of the rope going doen into the coffin. It was actually someone's job to watch the grave yard and if the bell rang, to unbury the bell ringer. Has anyone ever heard that before?

they are called dead ringers

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

OOOOO A zombie thread.

6 out of 10 zombies said that no way there should be a closed casket.
4 out of 10 added that there really shouldn't be any casket. Save the expense and let the Zombie funeral home take care of the body arrangements.
A couple of them asked us if we had anyone they could dispose of for us. We got out of there and ended the survey.

 

[marthachick]

I started reading at the beginning and noticed it was a Zombie thread. But it’s still relevant. To answer OPs question, no I have never been to a funeral where open casket should have been closed.

 

[L&Lfan]

I would assume most funeral directors would talk a family out of having an open casket if it wouldn’t be appropriate. I’ve been to lots of funerals and have never experienced an open casket that should have been closed.

 

[minniecarousel]

I just don’t “get” open caskets. Is it a cultural thing or what? Who wants to see a dead body. I have hated every open casket funeral I’ve attended.

(Well, dang.....a zombie thread. I usually notice and don’t post on a zombie thread!)

 

[aprilchem]

I choose not to attend funerals unless I have no choice. The last one I was at was DH's aunt and it was closed. His mom was the last open casket I was at.

I want no service, no embalming and no visitatioin. I want to be cremated as quick as possible. Please, just honor my wishes and I will be happy. I have told my family to have a nice vacation with the funds which would have been used for the above.

I guess I have a weird sense of death. I am not religious and even though I have a lot of experience with several different religions through friends and family I don't wish to have my death dealt with in that way. If feels phoney to me. See, weird, I know.

I feel also it is up to each family to do what feels right for them. It is never easy and if each of us decides what we would like for ourselves and makes our family aware it could make it a lot easier. My MIL had a planned service and it went very smoothly. I hope mine does also.

I don't think you're alone. My DH told me he wants no funeral and no memorial. Just a party a few years after his death. He told me if I don't honor his wishes he will come back and haunt me!

 

[ronandannette]

I just don’t “get” open caskets. Is it a cultural thing or what? Who wants to see a dead body. I have hated every open casket funeral I’ve attended.

(Well, dang.....a zombie thread. I usually notice and don’t post on a zombie thread!)

Yes it’s a cultural thing, but one widely practised across practically every culture for millennia. It’s really only in North America over the last generation or so that there has developed such an aversion to funerary rites of all kinds. It would be unthinkable in many parts of the world to have a final disposition handled quickly and anonymously without ceremonial memorialization of any kind.

 

[Dan Murphy]

they are called dead ringers

Welcome to the dis, db2

 

[L&Lfan]

Yes it’s a cultural thing, but one widely practised across practically every culture for millennia. It’s really only in North America over the last generation or so that there has developed such an aversion to funerary rites of all kinds. It would be unthinkable in many parts of the world to have a final disposition handled quickly and anonymously without ceremonial memorialization of any kind.

I have recently arrived friends from India and Nigeria and they were quite surprised at how brief American funeral services are, especially at funeral homes where there’s no religious component. Sometimes the “service “ ( I’m not talking about a viewing or receiving line) is 10 minutes tops. That shocks them. I tell them many Americans today are not religious and have nebulous views of whether an “afterlife “ exists, and if they do believe, they’re unsure of what it exactly consists of.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

When I was a sr in high school a friend of mine was shot in the head at the tire store he worked at. He was robbed by a former co-worker and killed. It was one of the saddest funerals I have ever been to. They had an open casket when they probably should not have due to his misshapen head and bloating. I will never forget it. I get why people do it - I mean you don't want to let that person go and no matter how they look they still belong to you and you want to hold onto them. I am a parent and I can see if it were my child, no matter how terrible they looked, I would think I would want it open as well. I will never be able to see them again and I am not seeing what you are seeing. I am seeing them being born, and learning to walk and riding their bike for the first time and every memory I hold close.