OMG - That Duggar woman is pregnant again

[rt2dz]

I bolded. Look, my kids help out at home also. We are a family and we work together. I would venture to guess that most families are the same way. The issue -for me anyway- is that it is more than just household chores or the watching a sibling while Mommy showers stuff. The "buddy" assumes most of the care for the child. That "buddy" is a child. Not a Nanny or Babysitter or hired help if you will. I feel sad that a child has to have so much responsibility. That I think is pretty much what I mean by it.

That is your OPINION. That is my whole point. You don't know if that is true 24/7. Yes, they schedule in alone time with the kids. What a great idea! I have three and I don't think my middle one has ever gotten alone time with me once I had #3--only a little over a year later. There is always a sibling with him. My older one, being 3 years older, has more needs with homework and activities. My youngest is still only 2 years old and is quite the pistol. My youngest only has me alone when the other two are in school at the same time.

I never meant to imply that you, or anyone, do not have your children help out at home. But really, my best friend in high school did her entire families laundry. She was her mom's only child (her biological dad decided if her mother wouldn't be married to him then he wanted nothing to do with her), so it was only 3 people (her, her mom, and her step dad), but she still did all the laundry without help. She also cooked dinner 5 nights a week because her parents did not get home from work until closer to 7 PM. She also vacuumed the entire house every day and cleaned the kitchen every day. If we wanted to do something, I went over there and helped her. It had been that way since she was 10. Same thing. I wouldn't call her parents rotten parents. They were there when it counted. My mother also had a friend growing up like that. Being responsible for the house is hardly child abuse, or a new theory.

Look, I have 7yo in first grade. He is responsible for getting himself up in the morning and making his own breakfast. He then dresses himself and brushes his own teeth. Even my 4yo picks out his own clothes and dresses himself. My two year old pretty much dresses himself, still needs some help. Most kids are sleeping through the night at 1, if not sooner. How long do you really think these kids are handling these tasks? How long do any of these tasks even take? In our family, it's about 20-30 minutes. What a horribly enslaved day!

We are obviously going to have to agree to disagree. I just think it is sickening that people who have never had any real contact with someone would be that judgmental. Especially when they are handling their situation well. Yes, they are probably making money by allowing someone to chronicle their lives on TV, but is that a crime? It beats the heck out having to work the graveyard shift at some gas station. Who cares how they pay their bills as long as it is legal and their bills are paid by them.

 

[momto2girls]

I'm always amazed at the animosity toward the Duggars. My lifestyle is nothing like theirs. I only have two children and although I consider myself a Christian, I don't go to church on a regular basis. So, it isn't that I identify with them or their lifestyle. However, I do really respect their choices and think that they have a wonderful family. The children seem to be happy and well-loved. I expect that their children will turn out much better than the average American. They are not on public assistance. So, it is all good with me.

 

[rt2dz]

I am sure that all of us make risky choices at some point in our lives. That is what makes us human. However, if you are told that you need to change or you will die wouldn't you change? If not then I would think the same of you that I think of someone who has been told that having a child is a severe health risk for them.

There are lots of people who have kids despite the risks. They weigh the risks and decide it's acceptable. Drs. aren't always right and sometimes they are more afraid of the possible lawsuits.

A good friend of mine had severe problems getting pregnant and staying pregnant, but it was important to her. She did it once and survived. She decided she would do it twice. And she survived again, but was told that another would probably have serious consequences. With all her problems, she was doubly surprised to find herself pregnant a third time. Her OBGYN wouldn't treat her. The specialist recommended termination, but would treat her. She and the baby survived. Granted, she did have her tubes tied, but she felt 3 was good enough. "That Duggar Woman" obviously feels differently about the size of her family.

My mother risked her life intentionally to have another child, twice. She survived and so did my little brother and I.

My neighbor risked her life to have kids, too. Three pregnancies resulting in 4 kids.

It's not uncommon. It depends on your desire to have that child yourself. You just would make another choice, and so would I, but I don't judge others for their choices. I don't know what motivates them or the full story, and I don't pretend to.

 

[RMulieri]

I think we all need to stop criticizing each others family styles and parenting choices.There are many different family styles, parenting styles etc.No one is right, No one is wrong.just because you don't agree with it doesn't make it wrong.It is personal choice.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

RT2DZ- You make some very good points. I agree with you on a lot of it. It is true that it is not all black and white and there is a lot of gray area in there. I am not angered by these people but I do not agree with some of their philosophies based on what they have put out there for people to read about. No different I suppose then someone not agreeing with mine or yours.

 

[runwad]

I thought I remembered that the oldest son had some kind of website, internet business but I can't remember what...but seems it was discussed on here before because there were some grammatical errors on it so people where having a field day with it.

 

[DevilDuckie]

What I don't get is why people are saying the buddy system is so wrong. It used to be very typical that the kids did a huge portion of the chores. I don't have one child care for another child, but they do help out in the house. Just because I don't do something doesn't make it wrong for someone else too. Another poster said it, and I think I did too (sometimes I just decide not to post my thoughts, so it might have been a scratched post), parenting doesn't happen in the mechanics. There are tons of kids who are cared for by nannies rather than the parents. Are they awful parents? Be careful what you say; I'm sure there are a lot of those parents on the DIS who might actually be able to defend themselves.

At the point at which you have so many children that you have to assign permanent buddies I think you've gone too far. At some point you cross a line between the older siblings helping out and them being press ganged into raising the little ones instead of their mother. There's a point at which the older children are going to miss out on their own lives because they are required to be on hand to do many of the tasks that the parents simply don't have time for.

Here's a couple reasonable litmus tests:

Do the older children get weekly time off to do their own thing?
Are they given the option of getting a part time job to save for a car or college?
Do they get to join school teams and take on extracurricular activities? How many of them take karate or ballet or piano?

None of that is excessive or indulgent- those are standard things that kids do and ought to be encouraged in. I'm not saying big kids should never be required to help out but it shouldn't be their whole world. And while yes, there are kids who have been shoved off on nannies, at least they generally get some personal activities and hobbies.

Oh- and how many days a week does each and every one of those children get a couple minutes of one on one time with mom? How many days a week does she fail to look each one in the eye *individually* and say, "Hey (name), I love you"? Because I don't care how many kids you have, if you can't manage that much, you're doin' it wrong.

 

[rt2dz]

Oh, never mind. It's self explanatory.

 

[pweyl36]

This is a relatively new concept. Kids have always helped raise younger kids. It doesn't hurt children to have responsibilities. I'd rather see this type of family than one that puts all of their attention, time and effort into helicoptering one.

While I wouldn't choose this life, the kids seem happy enough. Only time will tell what they all will think 20 years from now.

Im with you

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'd rather see this type of family than one that puts all of their attention, time and effort into helicoptering one.

I hadn't noticed this until it was quoted in the post above, but isn't this passing judgment on those of us who only have one? Apparently the type of parenting isn't what's most important, but the number of children.

 

[disfan07]

ok...so this is my 2 cents on this subject....

1)how do you know that they dont get government assistance or anything like that? I dont care if they said they dont....do you really think they would admit to it if they were? Im not saying they do, Im not saying they dont but that is a very weak argument when saing how well they take care of their family.

2)the buddy system-----ok....i have no problem with kids having chores adn helping around the house...ive done it since i was 6 so i dont see that as unusual....BUT...i still had a life outside of the house and chores....i played sports, went to friend shouse...etc.....kids should help in th ehouse...but only to an extent....IMHO, they should not have to do laundry everyday for 19 ppl....or cooking everyday for 19 ppl....thats just crazy...if the parents wanted to have ths many kids, than they should take care of them...not just pass all the responsibility onto the older kids..there is a line when it comes to chores for kids an di think they have passed it big time

3)their schedule----- we have seen the schedule!!!! THEY showed us the schedule!!! what i got fmor the schedule was that they get up, take care of themselves adn their "buddy" and than they have their other chores, school, music lessons adn than more chores...what im saying is....that from the schedule, it seems like the kids dont really get to do anythign outside of the house without the family.....they need to learn independence and go places wihtout the parents alwasy being there

4) someone sadi that they are well rounded----okay...personally, i dont think they are....i think they need to go out of their "comfort zone" of what they know and without their parent to really be well rounded.....they need to experience things form themselves

did anyone see the reaction of many fo the older kids whe they announced that they were having #18?????many of them looked very unhappy....they really need ot think of what is best for the kids that they already have b/c they are streched so thin already....they really just need to enjoy the kids they have instead of popping one out like every 18 months

but..this is JMO...to each their own....whatever we say, is not going ot have any affect on what they do so we all know hat she is going to keep having kids no matter what until she cant have anymore.....im going with they'll probably end up with more than 20 kids

 

[jennifer293]

I think it is ridiculous and all for show. Poor man..I bet the only time he gets to have sex is to knock mom up for the next show. I wonder if everytime they do a new show about them if they get any monies from it??? Maybe that is what keeps them from getting government assistance these days?? (It's a thought).I can see it now...Mom is looking at the checkbook and says " Dad it is time to have another baby the $$ is getting low"..

I mostly feel sorry for the older kids. They should not have to raise all of the little ones because mom and dad cannot be responsible.

 

[mpls_mm]

They actually own rental properties and started out by living in a tiny house while they rented out another tiny one and slowly added more and more. he is actually a very good businessman and is respected in town as a successful businessman. They own several properties and businesses, there is no way they would qualify for public assistance but even if they did the world is full of busybodies as we can see on this thread and I have a feeling if she ever whipped out a public assistance check or visited a welfare office people and tabloids would be all over her, the story would beat her home. I don't care if you are on TV or not, if you own your own business and make your own way and are successful, there are people waiting to tear you down. It is much easier to mire yourself in negativity and blame everyone else for getting a break before you than taking charge of your own destiny and making your own way in life.

 

[Karlzmom]

I think there is a huge difference between family size and 50 year old men having sex with 14 year old girls. There are no laws saying what type of playdates your kids should have, but every state has laws against statutory rape and multiple spouses. The TX incident had nothing to do with their clothes and hair, but the in-breeding (another 50 state law broken), the physical abuse, and girls (sometimes being forced) having sex below the age of consent.

Getting ready to duck the flames....I have to put my 2 cents in on this part. 1st "age of consent" where? Vermont, where you can marry at 13 with parental permission? 14? 16, now, in Texas, changed on the motion of the state legislator who represents the district that the FLDS moved into, seemingly in direct response to the FLDS (somehow 14 was fine until they showed up). Try a web search on the age of consent across the country...its quite an eye opener.

I am not a proponent of polygamy, but as someone who works in the criminal justice system and sees the day in & out parade of "Baby's Mamas", where the same "daddy" shows up for his booty-call at his girls' houses on his route, and no one bats an eye, I think its refreshing that there is at least some commitment involved. Funny, eh? Sleep around all you want, we call it being in charge of our sexuality and liberated. Sleep with one guy who has other partners, we may feel sorry for you (foolish for him to play the field and not you), but make a private commitment (they aren't asking for the state to recognize their marriages) and BAM! You're a freak!

I question the motive of the person who "escaped." We have seen multiple persons on this board go hard after the Duggars for having their 15mins of fame.....do we really think its impossible for anyone to try to cash in on proclaiming the horrors of compound life? I don't know what really goes on there, and anyone who is honest if forced to say they don't either. We have 2 versions, and both should be given weight based on the interests involved...including the celebrity that comes from being an "escapee"....if you can't think for yourself, are completely brainwashed into subservience, and forceably held against your will (which seems contrary to brainwashed obedience, but ok....) then how did the ones left accomplish it? Did the brainwashing not work on them? Are they somehow able to resist the generally irresistible pull of the Borg? If one can resist, then why can't others? Or is it that some choose NOT to resist? Are we continually told that women have choices? whether or not to marry, to have children or not, to work outside the home or not, etc, etc, etc. If feminism means anything its that individuals get to pick for themselves....they may not agree with anothers' choice and someone else may not pick the life they have chosen....isn't freedom a great thing?

Also, I seriously question how all kids were able to be seized under the warrant granted based on a phone call that outlines a particular possible criminal act. Seems a bit overbroad. Additionally, in view of all the lovely, salacious details that the local CPS and TX law enforcement were itching to release, I have to think that if anything concrete had shown up, we'd all know about it. Instead, we get partial information without context. "X number of minors are pregnant." Do they mean below age of consent? Or are they referring to under 18? Makes a bit of a difference, eh? (playing devil's advocate) 16-18 year olds are not prohibited from marrying, so why can't they have sex? If being pregnant under the age of 18 is per se abusive and indicative of child endangerment, then when can we expect the high schools throughout TX to be raided to protect the hundreds of pregnant teens that live in families that don't dress like its 1880?

 

[meandtheguys2]

I hadn't noticed this until it was quoted in the post above, but isn't this passing judgment on those of us who only have one? Apparently the type of parenting isn't what's most important, but the number of children.

Sorry, should have highlighted the "helicoptering." Nothing against single children. Contrasting numbers. Poor word choice.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I just went and looked at those photos. The thing that seemed sad to me was that it was always one of the girls holding the baby. Not that I have a problem with kids helping with her, but that my joy in babies was holding them as much as possible. I miss that so much.

Per the toilet, I would assume there are two sizes, because it is assumed that there will always be little ones in the house. Our YMCA has both, for that reason.

The CPD thing is ridiculous. Where some people come up with these ideas is beyond me. Unless I jumped threads with that one!

 

[daveswife]

I thought I remembered that the oldest son had some kind of website, internet business but I can't remember what...but seems it was discussed on here before because there were some grammatical errors on it so people where having a field day with it.

I believe the oldest is taking college courses online.

 

[jennifer293]

Here are some Duggar facts:

Michelle’s been pregnant for 135 months of her life.

Average number of months between Duggar births is 18.

Estimated number of Duggar diapers to date is 90,000.

The Duggars do approximately 200 loads of laundry each month.

The Duggars feed their entire brood for less than $2,000 per month.

The only person in the Duggar family whose name doesn’t start with "J" is Mom — Michelle.

Every Duggar child learns to play both violin and piano.

The family organizes their household chores by assigning "jurisdictions," so everyone knows exactly what their daily responsibilities are.

The Duggars estimate all the family members combined have worked approximately 39,000 total hours building their new house.

The Duggars are debt free.

 

[mpls_mm]

Looks like

Getting ready to duck the flames....I have to put my 2 cents in on this part. 1st "age of consent" where? Vermont, where you can marry at 13 with parental permission? 14? 16, now, in Texas, changed on the motion of the state legislator who represents the district that the FLDS moved into, seemingly in direct response to the FLDS (somehow 14 was fine until they showed up). Try a web search on the age of consent across the country...its quite an eye opener.

I am not a proponent of polygamy, but as someone who works in the criminal justice system and sees the day in & out parade of "Baby's Mamas", where the same "daddy" shows up for his booty-call at his girls' houses on his route, and no one bats an eye, I think its refreshing that there is at least some commitment involved. Funny, eh? Sleep around all you want, we call it being in charge of our sexuality and liberated. Sleep with one guy who has other partners, we may feel sorry for you (foolish for him to play the field and not you), but make a private commitment (they aren't asking for the state to recognize their marriages) and BAM! You're a freak!

I question the motive of the person who "escaped." We have seen multiple persons on this board go hard after the Duggars for having their 15mins of fame.....do we really think its impossible for anyone to try to cash in on proclaiming the horrors of compound life? I don't know what really goes on there, and anyone who is honest if forced to say they don't either. We have 2 versions, and both should be given weight based on the interests involved...including the celebrity that comes from being an "escapee"....if you can't think for yourself, are completely brainwashed into subservience, and forceably held against your will (which seems contrary to brainwashed obedience, but ok....) then how did the ones left accomplish it? Did the brainwashing not work on them? Are they somehow able to resist the generally irresistible pull of the Borg? If one can resist, then why can't others? Or is it that some choose NOT to resist? Are we continually told that women have choices? whether or not to marry, to have children or not, to work outside the home or not, etc, etc, etc. If feminism means anything its that individuals get to pick for themselves....they may not agree with anothers' choice and someone else may not pick the life they have chosen....isn't freedom a great thing?

Also, I seriously question how all kids were able to be seized under the warrant granted based on a phone call that outlines a particular possible criminal act. Seems a bit overbroad. Additionally, in view of all the lovely, salacious details that the local CPS and TX law enforcement were itching to release, I have to think that if anything concrete had shown up, we'd all know about it. Instead, we get partial information without context. "X number of minors are pregnant." Do they mean below age of consent? Or are they referring to under 18? Makes a bit of a difference, eh? (playing devil's advocate) 16-18 year olds are not prohibited from marrying, so why can't they have sex? If being pregnant under the age of 18 is per se abusive and indicative of child endangerment, then when can we expect the high schools throughout TX to be raided to protect the hundreds of pregnant teens that live in families that don't dress like its 1880?

 

[meandtheguys2]

Looks like

LOL, it does seem a bit OT...Lord knows we can argue enough with just the Duggar info...