My Dream wedding crushed...some advice please

[Cosi Bella]

I really could use some advice!

My fiance's brother got married in Disney World almost three years ago, and as most of you probably know, the wedding was so beautiful and so much fun! The family still talks about various things we did during that week. Six months prior to their wedding, and before I started dating my fiance, I went to Disney World for the first time and fell in love! Everything was so magical and wonderful. I wanted to live and breathe Disney after that; I wanted to get married there, I wanted to honeymoon there, I wanted to go for the Holiday season to see it decorated...

You can see how ironic it was that I met my fiance and then went to his brothers wedding in Disney. It was amazing and it made me want to get married there even more. And then I thought to myself, "With my luck I'll marry him, and we wont be able to get married in Disney World because his brother did it first."

Well, here we are... engaged, and all I can think about is having my own Disney Wedding. Here's where the problem comes in. My fiance casually mentioned that we were thinking about doing our own wedding in Disney, and his mother didn't seem too excited, as his side of the family has been there many times, and has already done a Disney wedding. Her response was "That has already been done. You guys should do something else." His brother replied with "That's not really your thing"

We are planning on sitting down with his parents very soon to discuss this because this has been my dream for a while now, and I want them to know how important it would be to me, to be able to have a wedding in Disney World too. But a huge part of me feels awkward to be "copying them" I wish that his brother had embraced the idea from the beginning, but he didn't and I think that's where part of my reservations are coming from. I don't want to make him or his wife feel bad that we are taking their idea, and making their day any less special...

With that being said, my entire family has been pushing me to do what I want. They say it is my wedding, and I should do what makes me happy...they had their day, and now its my day and it wont take away from their experience at all. I agree with that, but I can't shake this feeling that makes me feel weird and uncomfortable because his brother already did it, and it was something really new and unique and special for them. I dont want to take that away from them...

Am I just being silly feeling this way? I've read other threads from people with similar problems, and everyones advice is we'll just regret it for the rest of our lives if we do something we don't really want to. but how can I get what I want, and not hurt their feelings too? I am really upset because I am supposed to be happy and excited to plan my wedding, and i feel neither of those things. You're advice is really truly appreciated!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

IMO

do the wedding that YOU & DF want !!!

if you want a disney wedding, plan one!!!
& so what if someone in the family had one...that doesnt mean that it can never be done again..thats not right or fair

if i would have based my wedding on everyones personal opinions, beliefs, comments & suggestions...i would have had a wedding I hated !!

so i think you should go for it!!!!
& i hope you get your dream wedding

 

[irisbud]

First,

Now, I think that your family is right and it IS your wedding. If your fiance is one borard with you and he wants to do a WDW wedding as well (whatever the reason, whether he actually wants it or he simply wants to make you happy) then you should do it! I agree that you will regret not doing it if it is what you TRULY want, and it sounds as though it is.

I don't think that having your wedding at Disney means that you have to have the same wedding that his brother had in any way. There are so many options. Are you planning for a Wishes wedding or an escape wedding? With either package there are options, but with the Wishes there are tons of different venues to make your wedding day unique and very different from that of his brother.

I know that Caryn (caryndisneydiva) and Lindsey (lindsey22) and sisters and both did/are doing Disney weddings, less than 18 months apart. But it looks as though weddings will be very different and reflect their differences, making them unique experiences for their guests.

Finally, I know this can be an awkward question, but if your fiancess family is not paying for the wedding then they should have little say in where the wedding is held. I know no one wants to deliberatly cause strife but you must do what makes you happy.

Best of luck!

 

[Lindsay22]

Do what you want!!!!!!! My sister (Caryndisneydiva) had a Disney wedding in Jan of 2008. My DF and I are having one in April of 2009. The great thing about a Disney wedding is that you can customize it to what YOU want. My sister had a morning wedding at BW and then went to LSS. We are having an evening wedding at WP and then a reception in France. Same place, totally different.
And as for people saying that it's "totally not you". How do they know?!?!
I think you need to put on Caryn's and have the wedding you have dreamed of!

 

[Lindsay22]

First,
I know that Caryn (caryndisneydiva) and Lindsey (lindsey22) and sisters and both did/are doing Disney weddings, less than 18 months apart. But it looks as though weddings will be very different and reflect their differences, making them unique experiences for their guests.
Best of luck!

Totally didn't see this when I posted! That's us!

 

[lov2b@disney]

Do what makes the two of you happy! It is your day! Disney has so many options- you will be able to have your wedding -be yours-something completely different than your FBIL.

Good luck

 

[dalepool]

What a nice family, they are gving you the go ahead for the TRADITION of a WDW WEDDING to begin .

Your wedding will not be a duplicate of the other one. I wonder if the future brother-in -law had a church ceremony if the the future in laws would have said, "BEEN THERE DONE THAT". See how silly they are being.

Now GO PLAN and have a wonderful WDW wedding.

 

[PixyDusted]

I agree with what everyone's said!

You need to do what YOU want to do. If they don't want you to have a Disney wedding of your dreams that's because they're being selfish - THEY have been there for a Disney wedding and want to experience something else...but I say [bleep] them! It's YOUR BIG DAY. Not theirs.

Little do they know how different one Disney wedding can be from the next! Don't they think YOU want a unique Disney wedding too!?

I'm excited for you to plan your Disney wedding and to hear about how you will be doing things differently to make it unique to you and your fiance!

YOU GO GIRL!

 

[tink774]

I'm actually shocked that his family would act that way. It seems like you're not reacting too angrily though, and I applaud you. I would've been furious!

I agree with previous advice, definitely have the wedding that you've been wanting and dreaming about! I'm sure that your wedding will be just as unique and catered to your personalities as your DF's brother's wedding was. Have you thought about possible locations for your ceremony or reception?

Good luck with talking to them, I hope it all works out! You and your DF deserve to have the wedding that you want! And hope to see your PJ on the boards when you get to start planning.

 

[misscmac]

Your wedding will not be a duplicate of the other one. I wonder if the future brother-in -law had a church ceremony if the the future in laws would have said, "BEEN THERE DONE THAT". See how silly they are being.
.

Very good point!

I am not getting married in Disney ( ) but from what I have seen, there are so many venues and options that your wedding bound to be different than your In-Laws!

I would say that if it is your dream, go for it. Their family clearly had a good time at BILs wedding, and I'm sure they will at yours too

 

[lurkyloo]

Just want to add my two cents: It's ridiculous that most people think there is one kind of Disney wedding and they are all the same. That's like saying "You can't get married in New York City because your brother got married in New York City and we've been there, done that"!

You could pick two weddings of girls on these boards and compare how different they are. Then take two traditional church + hotel ballroom weddings done on opposite sides of the country and they'd be identical!

If you're really worried about offending his brother and your FSIL, sit down with them and explain what you've told us - that you already had your heart set on a DFTW before you met him, that you're not copying them, etc. It'll be OK!

 

[Cosi Bella]

Thank you, everyone, for the words of encouragement! I really appreciate it, and am relieved to hear so many of you being for this idea!

irisbud: We are thinking of a wishes wedding, and I have been looking into all the different options available. You are right, there are sooooo many ways in which our wedding can be different from his brothers. They did a WP ceremony in the morning followed by the Grand Floridian reception. Very traditional styled. It was beautiful.

Personally, I like the boardwalk resort, and would want the reception to be there. We haven't decided on the ceremony location yet.

Lindsay and Caryn, I'm soooo glad to hear that siblings are not only both having their own weddings in Disney, but that you guys are actually alright with it! It gives me hope, and I really applaud you guys for thinking of one another's feelings and being so respectful of each other!

tink: at first I was really upset to hear what they initially had to say. I have been trying to keep a level head about it though. They may not realize that I am a big fan of disney world, and that may be why his brother said that. His brother is **obsessed** with disney world, so when anyone in his family thinks of disney, they think of him... not me. But that doesn't mean I can't have the same dream, right!?!? I'm hoping that when I explain to them how much of a dream this is for me, they will be happy about it. I'm just nervous because his family always reacts the opposite of what I want/expect... We have been toying with the idea of doing a 3 night DCL wedding for the actual ceremony and then when we get back to land, having a nice reception in WDW at either the Boardwalk or Yacht club resorts as they are very pretty... I think that makes it a much different wedding from his brothers, as I mentioned before that they did the ceremony in the wedding pavillion and then a reception at the GF.

pixydusted, thank you and I'm excited to start planning my WDW wedding too. Ultimately, I think I can safely say that if this is something we really want (and it really truely is), we'll get it... its just keeping his brother's and sister-in-law's feelings in mind and getting them on-board that will be the struggle!

 

[BaBeeCee14]

I agree with everyone else. You should have the wedding you have always dreamed of. So what if your DF's brother had a Disney wedding - now its your turn. As long as it's what you and your DF want, thats all that matters. You don't want to end up having a wedding somewhere else and then regretting it and wish you had it at WDW. This is your day and its going to be something you will remember forever. Good luck

 

[pink_tink8i8]

Don't let what they say bring down your dream! Go for it anyway, I've never seen two disney weddings that were alike anyway. I'm sure yours will be different. Nevermind what they say if it is that important to you.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Isn't that kinda like saying that since I had a Disney wedding, that no one else can have one because it has already been done?

Maybe your future mother-in-law secretly hated the wedding being at Disney World and this is how she shows her anger?

Just try to get the brother and his wife on your side. Tell him he''ll have another excuse to go to WDW and you need help getting his mom on board.

 

[caryndisneydiva]

not only are we alright with it, we're THRILLED! i'm excited for lindsay's wedding because i'll get to experience things with hers that i didn't with mine (gf pics, desert party, desert food, jazz trio etc).

 

[ahutton]

DH's family was not at all supportive of our Disney wedding. Nothing we discussed could convince them it was the right thing for us, but in the end DH and I decided our wedding was for us, and had it there. They did come, and I think they even had fun. Really, I was so swept up in our happiness that I didn't pay much attention and I refused to let it bother me.

Just have a good conversation with your DH first, and decide what the two of you want, and if WDW is it, then go for it. No matter what the family thinks.

 

[Nicola2010]

Ok firstly i'm gutted as everyone on here has said EVERYTHING that i wanted to say but i'm gonna have my moment of sounding wise anyway

1. I completely 100% agree with your family! They had their day and should not be putting a downer on yours.

2. "That's been done before" is a totally pointless and stupid comment! If you chose to get married in a church like 90% of couples over the world, would she still say that?

3. If your BIL is such a huge disney fan as he proclaims to be then he should be ecstatic that this gives him another reason to spend time at the best place on earth.

4. I can't see any reason as to why you are spending so much time considering their feelings when they do not appear to be thinking about what is best for you and your DF. Honestly, you are sweet to care but please don't waste your energy on it. You have to do what makes you happy as a couple. This is YOUR day and will be the only wedding day you're gonna get so you have to have what you want... if your BIL loves disney that much he should understand that there is more than enough magic to go round and it won't take anything away from their day as they will be special for different reasons (and everyone feels their wedding day is the best wedding of all time, so no offence but you probably won't change their minds on that and you will feel that your's is the best but you can only feel that way if you have what you want)

5. If you and DF are paying for the wedding then it is totally up to you and your choice should be respected and it should be just as exciting for your DF's mum as it was when her first child announced he was getting married.

6. You can have a completely different wedding to what theyve attended before but even if you didnt so what? the importance is that you want to and are going to get married, that's the most magical thing, not the venue in which the union is taking place (although i've gotta admit if the union is taking place at disney then it's gonna rock! ), they shouldnt be losing sight of that.

Ok well i think ive repeated what everyone else has said but they were my true feelings that i got whilst reading your post and i just had to reitterate that i completely agree with everyone on here (hmm it seems us DIS brides are very wise indeed and not the least bit biased )

HTH and good luck

 

[dakcp2001]

Dalepool said it! Start a Disney Wedding TRADITION! What a great idea!!!

This is your day, and you should ahve what you want! Dont let the grumps rain on your parade! ANd the ones who went before will def be looking forward to another!

 

[mermaidbride1108]

I agree with everyone, have the wedding you want!